Monday, 31 August 2020

Review: Flash Gordon

Flash Gordon
Cert: 12A / 111 mins / Dir. Mike Hodges / Trailer

In the run-up to 2015's The Force Awakens, I inserted a feature into the seven-question-roundup section of my film reviews. It simply asked 'what's the Star Wars connection?'. It's based on the Six Degrees Of Separation (aka Nick Cage) game of course, where the aim is to link the subject of the review to Star Wars in as few moves as possible.

It breaks down like this: Level 0 is Star Wars itself, there's no further link to be made because we're discussing the Galaxy Far, Far Away to begin with. Level 1 is where the film in question stars someone who's been in Star Wars, usually in front of the camera or microphone, but I also extend this to notable production crew members. Level 2 is where the film stars someone who's worked with someone from Star Wars on a different project.

Flash Gordon: What's the Star Wars connection?

Now for the most part this is very straightforward, and the sheer breadth of casting since 'the Disney era' opened has made it easier still. Even if the cast of a movie doesn't feature someone who's rocked up in the GFFA, there's a good chance they've worked with 'busy actors' Harrison Ford, Liam Neeson or Samuel L. Jackson at some point in the past. It's a rare thing to have to go past Level 2 when looking for a link.

But some movies occasionally have such a strong connection to Star Wars that it's worth highlighting in and of itself, and 1980's Flash Gordon is one such contender. Screening partly as a 40th anniversary celebration and partly as part of the programme of legacy content to get bums back onto cinema seats, it wasn't until the movie began in my local that I realised I'd never actually watched it from start to finish before, having only seen disparate sections on the TV over the years...

But before we get to my reactions to the film itself, let's answer the important question you're all here for: Flash Gordon: what's the Star Wars connection..?

Flash Gordon: Level 2 connections

While they haven't been in Star Wars, the following performers have starred in productions with actors who have (I mean other than this Flash Gordon, of course):

• Sam J. Jones was in Ted with Seth 'voice of Palpatine in Star Wars Detours' McFarlane.

• Melody Anderson was in Firewalker with Ian 'voice of Palpatine in Clone Wars' Abercrombie.

• Richard O'Brien was in The Rocky Horror Picture Show with Tim 'the other voice of Palpatine in Clone Wars' Curry.

• John Hallam was in Dragonslayer with Ian 'the actual Palpatine' McDiarmid.

• Topol was in For Your Eyes Only with Julian 'Veers' Glover.

• Ornella Muti was in Somewhere In The City with Bai 'Breemu' Ling.

• Timothy Dalton was in Hot Fuzz with Simon 'Unkar Plutt' Pegg.

• Peter Wyngarde was in a 1985 episode of Bulman with Don 'Tagge' Henderson.

• Phllip Stone was in Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom with Harrison 'Solo' Ford.

• Suzanne Danielle was in Carry On Emannuelle with Bruce 'Rieekan' Boa.

• Robbie Coltrane was in From Hell with Ralph 'Garmuth' Ineson.

• Peter Duncan was in 1974's Stardust with Richard 'Motti' LeParmentier.

• George Harris was in Layer Cake with Daniel 'duped First Order Stormtrooper' Craig and Tom 'chatty First Order Stormtrooper in elevator' Hardy and Sally 'Naboo citizen' Hawkins.

Flash Gordon: Level 1 connections

Many of these performers are from the same cinematic era as the Original Trilogy so were generally busy around that time, but it's also worth noting that this movie is also a rarity in featuring actors from the Classic, Prequel and Disney-eras of star Wars.

Flash Gordon stars...

• Kenny 'R2-D2' Baker

• William 'Jek Porkins' Hootkins

• Rusty 'Kabe' Goffe

• Derek 'Yavin Temple Guard' Lyons

• Burnell 'Del Goren' Tucker

• Alan 'Bossk' Harris

• John 'Lobot' Hollis

• Mike 'Ugnaught' Edmonds

• Terry 'Wampa' Richards

• John 'Dak Ralter' Morton

• Richard 'Nien Nunb' Bonehill

• Alan 'Stormtrooper' Austen

• Deep 'Droopy McCool' Roy

• Malcolm 'Ewok Warrior' Dixon

• Peter 'Ewok' Burroughs

• Brian 'Boss Nass' Blessed

...and last, but by no means least:
• Max 'Lor San Tekka' Von Sydow


Flash Gordon: The Level 0 connection...
Why yes, Level 0. In a very real sense, Luke Skywalker is Flash Gordon. It's been written about many times over the years - George Lucas originally wanted to make an updated version of the matinee serial he loved as a kid, but couldn't afford the film rights from De Laurentiis. Rather than abandon the idea, George thought 'well okay, I'll make my own version then', and the space opera swashbuckling slowly morphed its way to our screens in 1977 as Star Wars. That determination would turn out to be one of the most inspired decisions Lucas ever made of course, and even though he went above and beyond a love-letter to pulp sci-fi, George has always worn his love for Flash Gordon on his sleeve.

There are stylistic references from the old serials which echo particularly across the Prequel Trilogy, and locations even in the 1980 Flash Gordon movie which are oddly reminiscent of Cloud City and Dagobah*1. But at the heart of it all, Luke Skywalker is Flash Gordon...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh, the film itself is awful, by the way.
Not kitsch, not camp, not ironic, just bad.

Don't @ me.

So, what sort of thing is it similar to?
I never thought I'd type the words "a shit Buck Rogers", but here we are.

Is it worth paying cinema-prices to see?
**looks over spectacles**.

Is it worth hunting out on DVD, Blu-ray or streaming, though?
I'm seriously considering it, just to watch it again and write a more detailed review of what a grade-A travesty the whole thing is..

Is this the best work of the cast or director?
**keeps looking over spectacles**.

Will we disagree about this film in a pub?
That's likely.

Is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?
Which is probably the most amazing thing about the whole film

Yeah but what's the Star Wars connection?
I think we've covered that...

And if I HAD to put a number on it…
No really, this film is fucking dreadful.

*1 Even though The Empire Strikes Back came out in the same year (albeit seven months later), so director Mike Hodges can hardly be said to be ripping things off his competitor and (ironically) inspiration. [ BACK ]

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Friday, 21 August 2020

Review: Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars - Episode V
The Empire Strikes Back

Cert: PG*1 / 122 mins / Dir. Irvin Kershner / Trailer

And so it goes. Weeks turn into months, the lockdown steadily lifts (for now, at any rate) and cinemas begin to staggeringly open their doors once more. As anyone dropping in will be aware, it's been pretty quiet around these parts of late. And not just in writing about movies, but also even watching them to begin with. There are plenty of people who can review what they watch in their living rooms better than I can, so I've used this enforced downtime as just that - downtime*2.

In a bid to lure the punters back and actually have some content, Cineworld has scheduled screenings of the Back To The Future movies, the original Harry Potter saga and Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy. And under any other circumstances, I'd be there for all of those in a heartbeat. Then again, under any other circumstances they wouldn't be on. So. I'm as twitchy as anyone about societal 're-entry' at this point*3, and it was going to take something pretty damned special to get me back down there while the UK's virus-related casualty list continues alarmingly on a daily basis.

Fortunately, Star Wars is pretty damned special.


This year marks the 40th anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back's debut, and since its actual birthday in May was an understandably muted affair, the film is riding the current crest of opportunistic cinematic re-releases. And so it goes. Star Wars was my last theatrical visit before lockdown kicked in, so it seems only fitting that it's what gets me back in the building after five months. But how the hell am I supposed to review a film which has corded its way into my DNA over the last four decades?

It's a masterpiece. Of course it is, that's hardly a new observation. While I don't find The Empire Strikes Back as self-containedly satisfying as A New Hope*4, it's long been established as the most emotionally nuanced movie of the Original Trilogy, with moments of genuine smirk-inducing humour sitting flawlessly beside the tonal (and at some points visual) darkness. Not only is there firm character development throughout for the film's protagonists, but the cast's performances also intuitively indicate the changes which have taken place between, since the Battle of Yavin.


But along with George Lucas' story and Leigh Brackett's and Lawrence Kasdan's screenplay, the lion's share of credit for Empire's successes has to go to director Irvin Kershner. We already know the cast are fantastic by this point, but it's Kersh who really gets the performances out of them. The story moves along at a cracking pace, and rather than have the players increase their own volume to match, we concentrate on their emotional rather than physical reactions. Luke's commitment to becoming an actual Jedi after what could easily have been a near-death hallucination on the plains of Hoth; Han's dedication to keeping his newfound friends/family safe, only planning to leave to confront Jabba when he knows it's best for both him and the Rebellion; Leia's dawning realisation that the things which drive her crazy about Han are an integral part of why she's fallen in love with him; Vader's growing inner-conflict with the knowledge that the son of Anakin Skywalker has become a power in the galaxy, and whether he can (or even should) remain loyal to his dark side pledge now he has something to protect once again.

And all of this manages to clear the hurdle of sequel-itis; The Empire Strikes Back doesn't rehash or reheat ideas from its predecessor, it successfully expands out a story which already had a triumphant ending. It's not a standalone movie of course, and having the big ground battle in the first act combined with the cliffhanger finale creates an unrest which didn't sit well with me when I was younger. But looking back now (at myself as much as at the film), I can see those structural choices are intentional and precisely implemented, and they make this movie the utter joy it is.
The Empire Strikes Back is an unconventional triumph which dares filmmakers to step up to the plate with their own follow-up projects; a challenge that sees them more-than-often coming nowhere near close to matching. And so it goes.


As a nostalgic aside, this has been the first time I've seen Empire in an actual cinema since its 1997 Special Edition run, and Cineworld Didcot joins the Episode V sub-list alongside the Odeon Newcastle, Robins Durham, Dreamland Margate, Carlton Westgate and Horsebridge Whitstable.

What, you mean you don't keep a spreadsheet of these things? Okay, weirdo...

So, what sort of thing is it similar to?
Er... Star Wars?

Is it worth paying cinema-prices to see?
If you can, do.

Is it worth hunting out on DVD, Blu-ray or streaming, though?
Yes, yes and yes.

Is this the best work of the cast or director?
Yes and yes.

Will we disagree about this film in a pub?
That seems unlikely since it's one of the two Star Wars movies that everybody likes.

Is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?
Of course there ruddy well is.

Yeah but what's the Star Wars connection?
Level 0: This is Star Wars.

...but ...if (IF) you wanted to go around the houses with it... The Empire Strikes Back stars Mr Harrison Ford, who was in Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade with Michael Sheard, who also rocked up in The Dirty Dozen: The Next Mission alongside Bruce Boa, who was in Bond-film Octopussy as was Jeremy Bulloch, who also played the same character earlier in For Your Eyes Only next to Julian Glover, who was in Hitler: The Last Ten Days with Alan Harris, who can be seen in Hanover Street which starred... Harrison Ford.

No really, you're welcome.

And if I HAD to put a number on it…

*1 Yes, apparently Empire is a "PG" these days. Er, fair enough..? [ BACK ]

*2 Okay, I've got a podcast now. But it's not 'a lockdown podcast'. Just a podcast which happened to come out during the lockdown. And although listeners could be forgiven for thinking otherwise, my co-host and I were planning, tweaking, tuning this and recording pilots months beforehand. It's not a lockdown podcast. Even though it's getting lost alongside all the ones which are. C'est la vie. Or whatever passes for la vie in the trashfire that is 2020. [ BACK ]

*3 Probably moreso than many, to be fair. Seriously, I was doing hand-gel and avoiding people way before it was mainstream. And yes, I'm going to pull hipster-points on that one. No people = less disease, that's just maths. [ BACK ]

*4 On that subject, Empire's birthday means it's also 40 years since "Star Wars" became subtitled A New Hope, and I do wish the class bores would stop banging on about that as if it's some brand new Disney marketing ploy dreamt up to sell cereal (which, incidentally, Star Wars has been doing for 36 years). See also: the Han/Greedo debacle (23 years) and Jar Jar Binks (21 years). You don't have to like it lads, but you will have to accept that for many people, it's always been like that. The only domestic release of 'Star Wars' without the A New Hope subtitle is on the non-anamorphic bonus discs of the 2006 DVD release. Even your old VHS tapes are proving your ideological purity to be unfounded. There. I said it. [ BACK ]

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Monday, 6 July 2020

Review: Inmate #1 - The Rise Of Danny Trejo

This post originally appeared at

Inmate #1:
The Rise Of Danny Trejo

Cert: 15 / 108 mins / Dir. Brett Harvey / Trailer

Danny Trejo is, somehow, something of an enigma. Instantly recognisable and with a catalogue spanning over three hundred films, he’s become a near-ubiquitous screen presence over the last three decades. Fans of genre cinema will recognise him from Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn, yet he’s also appeared in the family action Spy Kids series, the 2009 buddy-com Fanboys and Laurie Collyer’s addiction-drama Sherrybaby. Some viewers may just know him as That Guy From The Old El Paso Adverts.

Yet for the diversity of his portfolio, the characters played by Danny rarely stray too far from his stock-in-trade: grizzled Mexican hard-men for whom intimidation and violence are a way of life. This is a role which is perfect for him as a performer, and usually works perfectly wherever it’s deployed. It’s common knowledge the actor has a chequered past, but Trejo can’t be too ‘challenging to work with’, or he surely wouldn’t be as busy as he is.


Doing his very best to unravel this mystery is writer/director Brett Harvey with his fourth feature, Inmate #1: The Rise Of Danny Trejo. The 108-minute film charts the life of its subject through carefully paced interviews with the man himself, his children Danny Jr, Danielle and Gilbert, sister Dyhan and a swathe of friends and colleagues including Robert Rodriguez, Michelle Rodriguez and Cheech Marin.

With interwoven clips from five separate, intimate conversations, Brett Harvey has unparalleled access to Trejo and the range of archival family photographs on display demonstrates the seriousness of commitment from both parties. Inmate #1 is beautifully shot and meticulously assembled in both its interviews and interstitial framing (Harvey is also the director of photography here), with a warmth and calm which ultimately reflects where Trejo has found himself.


Danny’s misdemeanours and ensuing prison-time started early and formed a long period of his life; this is reflected in them occupying the first half of the film. The second skims over the highlights of Trejo’s screen career (understandable, given its breadth). Both are handled with equal care and reverence.

In fact, the highly polished presentation of the opening minutes sends the subliminal yet unmistakable message that there will be no unpleasant surprises here. No matter how grim the charted history becomes, there’s the feeling that this is the approved version of events if not quite a sanitised one.

Danny isn’t proud of his past but he’s very upfront about his mistakes, and this works to his credit. Inmate #1 doesn't glorify or excuse his transgressions, but neither does it challenge the viewer’s preconceptions over someone it’s already assured them is A Great Guy. Even in his more candid confessions, Danny seems to be playing the part of Danny Trejo™. He no longer has the need to prove himself, and the anecdotes and reminiscences feel very well-honed.


Brett Harvey is to be commended for the project he’s assembled, although it’s more a cinematic biography than a documentary proper. The storytelling (broad and intricate) comes from its star rather than its director and feels slightly unsatisfying given the actual drama contained within. A detached, objective approach would have made for a more interesting film, but much of its texture would be missing without Danny’s insight.

At the core of his rehabilitation is Trejo’s desire to help people. From his post-prison role as a drug counsellor after completing the 12-Step program, to the community work he still undertakes in his hometown of Pacoima, Los Angeles, to the talks he regularly gives in schools, colleges and prisons, the actor focuses on making the world a better place. Not in an effort to atone for old sins, more because it’s just the right thing to do. This is the aspect of Inmate #1 which shines most brightly, where Trejo’s commentary is the most valuable asset. Whether this should take almost two hours to convey is another matter.

At the end of Inmate #1, the viewer knows more facts about the actor although his enigma remains intact, which feels entirely intentional. Because ultimately, Danny Trejo is an executive producer of this film about Danny Trejo*1, and it shows...

So, what sort of thing is it similar to?
Difficult to say. I always flounder when reviewing and comparing documentaries, and as noted this isn't really a documentary anyway.

Is it worth paying cinema-prices to see?
Let's not go there, right now.

Is it worth hunting out on DVD, Blu-ray or streaming, though?
It is, but probably just as a rental rather than a keeper.

Is this the best work of the cast or director?
I'd be surprised if that were the case.

Will we disagree about this film in a pub?
Entirely possible.

Is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?
There isn't.

Yeah but what's the Star Wars connection?
Level 2: Danny Trejo's in this (no, really), and he was in the underrated Fanboys with Billy Dee 'Lando' Williams, Jaime 'Aurra Sing' King, Carrie 'Leia' Fisher, Kevin 'voice of First Order Stormtrooper' Smith, Ray 'Maul' Park and Peter 'Chewbacca' Mayhew.
It's a good flick, you should watch it. Thank me later.

And if I HAD to put a number on it…

*1 Yeah, you're right, the film's IMDB page doesn't say that Danny Trejo is an exec-producer. But the film itself does:

And yeah, since his son Gilbert Trejo is listed there, I'll accept that the Danny mentioned could well be Danny Trejo Jr. But then, since the film later introduces that son as "Danny Trejo Jr", you'd think an exec-producer credit would do likewise to dispel any ambiguity. Besides, Gilbert isn't listed as exec-producer at IMDB either, so what the fuck is even going on at that page?
[ BACK ]

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Sunday, 5 July 2020

Review: Eurovision Song Contest - The Story Of Fire Saga

Eurovision Song Contest:
The Story Of Fire Saga

Cert: TBC / 123 mins / Dir. David Dobkin / Trailer

We live in interesting times of course*1, and the movie distribution business is in something of a state of flux. Cinema releases are being either delayed or hurried forward to VOD, while streaming platforms find their original content presented to a larger audience than probably imagined during each title's production. Sticking its head above the parapet is David (Wedding Crashers) Dobkin's Eurovision Song Contest: The Story Of Fire Saga, a comedy co-written by Andrew (Saturday Night Live) Steele.

Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams star as Lars Erickssong and Sigrit Ericksdottir. A pair of aspiring, if flawed, musicians from a small fishing community in Iceland, they enter the famed eponymous competition and find themselves at previously unimagined heights when a terrible accident befalls the other competitors. Pierce Brosnan plays Ferrell's gruff father Erick, Dan Stevens appears as the wolfishly flamboyant Russian entrant Alexander Lemtov, with supporting roles from Melissanthi Mahut, Demi Lovato and even Graham Norton, as well as a swathe of cameo appearances from Eurovision stars of recent years.


Let's keep this brief. What should be an kitsch, undemanding, underdog comedy quickly becomes a tactless, lumbering farce played out by a cast who resort to yelling louder the more unfunny the dialogue becomes; a series of badly improvised sketches edited together by someone who spent half of the story-meetings asleep*2. Fans of dodgy accents, dodgy wigs and levels of innuendo that a five year old would find a bit too on-the-nose will find much to enjoy.

The rest of us, meanwhile, have our endurance tested with an 85-minute straight-to-video movie which runs, somehow, at just over two gruelling hours. From a story point of view, this is that episode of Father Ted meets Spinal Tap, but with the charm and wit of neither. In fact, you could just watch those two back to back and save yourself 16 minutes.


As is always the case, I deliberately haven't read much in the way of reaction to this movie prior to watching. But I have heard that the more a viewer enjoys actual Eurovision, the more they'll get out of this. Now I'm not particularly a fan of the annual song competition myself, but I don't dislike it anywhere near as much as I roundly despised The Story Of Fire Saga. Mrs Blackout, however, is a huge fan, and she also struggled with the film. This isn't terrible because of its subject matter; it's terrible because it's just sloppily made.

It isn't a celebration of Eurovision, it's not even a celebration of its own cast. Dan Stevens and Rachel McAdams are better than this. Will Ferrell is not. Because of course he co-wrote it. In fact, this is the mortifying, bellowing, mid-life crisis equivalent of Ben Stiller skateboarding past a volcano*3, like we're getting a glimpse into Will's psyche and it's even more laboured and self-indulgently cack handed than anyone could have imagined. Well now that's out in the world and it can't be denied or un-seen. More's the pity.

Credit where it's due, David Dobkin has delivered precisely what Netflix ordered; a music-based comedy which is perfect for people who like neither music nor comedy.

Will Ferrell is the new Adam Sandler. Fuck this movie.

So, what sort of thing is it similar to?
I have no clue. Seriously.

Is it worth paying cinema-prices to see?
Let's not go there, right now. Literally..

Is it worth hunting out on DVD, Blu-ray or streaming, though?

Is this the best work of the cast or director?

Will we disagree about this film in a pub?

Is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?

Yeah but what's the Star Wars connection?
Level 1: Uncredited Naboo Holy Man turned Jedi Knight is in this.

And if I HAD to put a number on it…*4

*1 It has of course been more than a little quiet round Blackout Towers of late. Since the cinema closed its doors, it's not so much that I've had nothing to watch, more that I've found myself with an absolute dearth of concentration with which to analyse and properly enjoy new content. Working-from-home has meant I haven't suddenly discovered a new burst of downtime (quite the opposite, if anything), and my main source of therapy from the raging trashfire which is 2020 has come in the form of the vintage TV review podcast which I've recorded with my partner in audiophonic crime. And which you should definitely listen to.

But as I look towards my local opening its doors at the end of the month (which is still subject to change of course), I figure I'd better try and get back in the swing of things. So here we are, and what a way to begin... [ BACK ]

*2 And bonus minus-points for the sheer number of conversation scenes where we cut to an angle with the camera behind the actor who's still speaking, while their jaw resolutely fails to move because this was an extended reaction-shot dropped into the edit at the last minute after what one can only assume was "extensive ADR work to try and beef up what passes for a script".
[ BACK ]

*3 And bear in mind I say this as a man in his forties who's currently growing his hair long. [ BACK ]

*4 Because of course I don't "do" zero points, on account of the filmmakers at least having finished a product and got it out there, however dreadful the end result is. And that's sort of a shame as the Eurovision setting would have been perfect for a "nul points" gag, but that would have meant me making a new card-insert just for this review and quite frankly The Story Of Fire Saga isn't worth the effort. Besides, as much as I loathe this, it's still nowhere near as hateful as C.H.i.P.s, and that got 1/7.
[ BACK ]

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.