Review: Blue Beetle

Blue Beetle
Cert: 12A / 127 mins / Dir. Ángel Manuel Soto / Trailer

Next up in DC's pantheon of semi-discarded continuity is Ángel Manuel Soto's treatment of The Hero's Journey, Blue Beetle. Xolo Maridueña comfortably handles the title role as restless law-graduate Jamie Reyes, Bruna Marquezine looks blank a lot as The Girl One and Susan Sarandon is so wooden as the villain she was treated on-set as a fire hazard. The film's branding and colour palette are gorgeous, although that's definitely offset by the pervasive layer of Beige™ emanating from the storyline. Tropes, platitudes and galactic levels of exposition clump along in a solid if basic script - delivered by a spirited cast with almost enough enthusiasm to paper over the cracks. The setup is basically that Peter Parker becomes Robocop with a suit that looks and acts like a pound shop Iron Man. In fact, by the time you factor in the corporate baddie looking to manufacture similar suits for their own capitalist-megalomaniac ends, our hero needing to be morally worthy of his cosmic assistance and his humble suburban family of hidden warriors and socially unconventional tech genii, Blue Beetle soon feels like watching all of the Marvel Phase 1 films at the same time. It never goes so far as to be boring, but little happens of any real interest. On a sincere note, it's genuinely great to see Latino representation on this scale that doesn't get too bogged down in cliché, it's just a shame it's in a movie so utterly featureless. More disposable than anyone at DC originally intended, this will probably be fine for an undemanding audience, although good luck finding one of those over the age of 12 in this day and age...

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: A Bad Moms Christmas

A Bad Moms Christmas
Cert: 15 / 104 mins / Dir. Scott Moore & John Lucas / Trailer



Wow, is it Christmas already? No. No, it isn't. It's the start of November. That an actual Christmas film with actual Christmas actually in the actual title has been released so far away from the event itself suggests - on a very real level - that even Christmas wants nothing to do with this.

I know exactly how Christmas feels.

Now I may not have been the biggest fan of Bad Moms, but I at least saw some merit in the film and appreciated that the three lead performers were far too good to be involved. A little over a year and one shoddy, unasked-for festive sequel later, and I have to admit that maybe they're not. If anything, the largest bone of contention I had with the first one was the saccharine ending in which the cast talked in overly-earnest terms about their own mothers. Well, around 80 minutes of this film undercuts those 10 minutes effortlessly, as The Bad Moms*¹ shriek at Their Bad Moms for almost the entire film, for little-to-no discernible reason until The Crying Bit*². Any good work on the part of either the cast or crew of the previous entry is left out by the bins as our three heroines and their antagonistic parents stumble through the run-time, just verbalising everything which happens in lieu of actual jokes.

Int. Day.
First character falls over.

Second character: Oh my fucking god, you just fell over!
First character: I can't believe I just fell over! Fuck!

Third character holds up something which looks vaguely like a penis, then ad-libs line with the word "penis" in it.
Twice.

And on it strides, for the best part of two hours; a screenplay with nothing to say, determined to say it at the top of its voice. Repeatedly. A Bad Moms Christmas is a hateful, twee, self-congratulatory, feebly manipulative, sanctimonious excuse to cash-in an expired cheque, too lazy to even properly reach for the buttons it knows it should be pushing. It runs like someone's won a bet by piecing together a film from the improvised out-takes that didn't work on set. It's like a first-draft script written by an intern who's heard of festive shoehorn-sequels, but has never seen one, for the kind of audience who can't enjoy themselves unless someone yells in their face every five minutes telling them what a good time they're having.

A Bad Moms Christmas is like a copycat hen party organised by a guest from the first one who blacked out during the second round of drinks but has convinced themselves they had a great time, even they have no idea what they're trying to replicate, and now they keep blankly smiling and trying to flirt even though they're covered in someone else's sick. It is witless, charmless and utterly devoid of merit. Justifying the existence of A Bad Moms Christmas by saying "oh, but the guys get to star in this sort of thing!" is like taking care of your friend who's downed a bottle of vodka by necking a bottle of scotch yourself. It's messy, harmful and demeaning for everyone.

I didn't expect to like this film, but I didn't expect to hate it.

Int. Night.

Christine Baranski Character: Amy, the kids want a great Christmas, you can't just phone it in!
Mila Kunis Character: Mom, I'm not just phoning this in…

And with that, dear reader, any fragile veneer of self-awareness was torn asunder, irreparably rupturing the yuletide goodwill as the howling void burst forth and screamed through the auditorium, shredding what remained of my soul.

Just remember, the word "bad" is in the title. And like everything else here, that's no joke…



The House.



You shouldn't watch this.



I have no idea what it sets out to do and I still say it doesn't.



No.



Well, have a guess…



There isn't.



Level 2: This film's got Susan Sarandon in it, and she performed voice-work in the 'Pickle Rick' episode of Rick and Morty, as did Peter 'Voice of Maul Serafinowicz.




I was prepared to give this a 2/7 on the basis that other people were laughing in the room, but then they sullied Mötley Crüe's name by including them on the soundtrack.
Is this what our lord and saviour Nikki Six died for? (for two minutes)
WELL, IS IT??


*¹ Right, while I'm on though: the idea of the first film being called Bad Moms was that the three central characters were the mothers of children, yeah? Am I remembering that right? Their children were sort of part of the film since the moms in question knew each other from doing the school run and awful meetings with the PTA. At the school. The school where their children go. So why is it that in this film, we see The Mila Kunis Character's kids fairly often, we see The Kathryn Hahn Character's idiot son about twice, and we see The Kristen Bell Character's offspring not once? I know the focus this time is on the generation above The Moms, but did I miss a line of expository dialogue where Kristen Bell says that her child/children (I honestly don't remember, sorry) had been incinerated by a zeppelin crash or abducted by aliens, or something? I honestly don't even remember the situation being mentioned. And at one point, The Kristen Bell Character is in the school making some kind of gingerbread monstrosity, so they're still letting her in there. Answers on a postcard, please… ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Okay seriously, the guy on his own across the aisle from me found this film not only amusing, but fucking hilarious. He guffawed at every snipe, every pratfall and every time one of the characters said "vagina". Every. Time. And y'know what? That's fine. He was getting more of his money's worth than I was. But then in The Crying Bit that takes place in a church at midnight-mass and a tearful Mila Kunis tells Christine Baranski exactly how much she means to her even though they're always fighting - he was still laughing. It appears that this film is successful with people who have recently had some kind of serious cranial trauma, because I can't think of any other reason you'd find that scene funny. Imagine what else is going on in this guy's life that A Bad Moms Christmas is a good time by comparison… ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Robot and Frank

Robot and Frank
Cert: 12 / 89 mins / Dir. Jake Schreier



What an absolute gem! Despite it being rooted firmly in indie film territory, it's very light on kookiness. The futuristic setting and appliances are presented (for the most part) without awe or exposition, and the varying treatment of Robot by the characters make him as human as any of them (despite Robot's repeated statements that he isn't).

There are recurring themes, metaphors and symbols on age, memory, regret and friendship, or if those aren't your bag, you can sit back and watch Frank Langella give a spellbinding performance opposite what is essentially a great mime-artist inside a very limiting suit. It's thoughtful, moving, funny, and the sort of thing I usually find very hit or miss. This is a hit. Oh, and is Frank's line of "She doesn't like you… I don't like you, either" a deliberate cantina-scene reference, or am I just willing that into being?

If you fancy something a bit different, but completely accessible, you should give this a go.



Perfectly.



Yes.



Yes.



Pay to rent; it's beautiful but doesn't need to be watched too often..



Yes.



Yes, although not for a while.



No.

When can I have a robot?

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a 'catch-up' review. I watched this film at home, not at the cinema. I saw the trailer for this at the cinema, and I would have seen the film there too, but they didn't/couldn't show it. So now iTunes, Amazon, Netflix and Blockbuster get to reap the rewards of my local's advance-advertising, and I'm sure they're delighted. Now you may say "oh come on, they can't show everything down there", and that would be a valid point if they didn't do things like running Taken 2 for six weeks. Was it that successful? No, I don't think so. Twilight? Batman? Les Mes? Sure, go for it; if they're pulling the punters in then keep making that money. But Taken 2? I ask you. Anyway, this is essentially a DVD review, but still of a new(ish) film. There. I'm glad that's sorted.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: The Big Wedding

The Big Wedding
Cert: 15 / 89 mins / Dir. Justin Zackham



You are cordially invited to an almighty mess of a movie, which tries its hand at broad farce, thoughtful drama and gross-out comedy. Sadly, these don't mesh together comfortably, as 1) the farce is pretty much in full swing from the word go, with no ascension to breaking point as it's all just shouty chaos, 2) the heartfelt melodramatic pieces start too early in the film, before we've gotten to like or even know the families, and the film's not long enough to properly accommodate the number of characters we're supposed to care about, and 3) Robert De Niro, Susan Sarandon and Diane Keaton just look embarrassed for the duration of their 'raunchy' scenes. Almost as embarrassed as I was, in fact.

And then Robert De Niro fell in a swimming pool!
Not even kidding!

The Big Wedding isn't all awful, and there are chuckles to be had, but it's rarely more than that. It has the air of one of those godawful ensemble comedies with a handful of stories fighting for screen-time, and where you know there can be no clear winner, largely because the weapons they're using are so worn. Even the more likeable performances from Robin Williams and Topher Grace feel phoned-in, and the fact that the wedding couple themselves are pushed into supporting roles makes it feel more like a mashup of Meet The Parents and Mamma Mia than writer/director Justin Zackham would like you to think*¹.

And then Robert De Niro got punched in the face!
Not even kidding!

I'd be able to give the film more credit if it knew what it wanted to be. The trailer makes it look like a pedestrian feel-good family comedy but it's often too bawdy for that, yet it's nowhere near as edgy or alternative as it'd like. It's a formulaic wedding-comedy that can't decide if it wants to thank you for coming, or take the piss out of what you've chosen to wear.

And then Robert De Niro called his ex-wife a cunt.
Not even kidding.

Ish. In some ways, it's more than the trailer, but in others it's exactly that.



I chuckled, when I wasn't wincing.



Not really.



DVD at best, but rent or borrow, don't buy.



Yeah. I will.



I can't imagine so.



No.

With last year's Gambit remake, this year's I'm So Excited!, and now The Big Wedding all struggling to successfully merge chaos and laughs: can Farce work in movies, now? Should it be consigned to a time when it worked better because films played by a different set of rules?

*¹ Yes, as if the casting of De Niro and Seyfried wasn't making you think that already…

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Arbitrage

Arbitrage
Cert: 15 / 107 mins / Dir. Nicholas Jarecki



In the words of Cineworld themselves…



…and with a sell like that, how could I resist?

The film about the homicide investigation is enjoyable (if unspectacular) enough; the film about hedge-fund manipulation and fraud? Not so much. Like his brother, Jarecki has taken two halves and somehow failed to make a whole.

It feels like the sort of film that BBC1 puts on at 11pm on weeknights.
In the 1990's.

Partially.



Sometimes.



Probably.



Telly.



No.



No.



No.





DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

248: Review - The Rocky Horror Picture Show

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



The Rocky Horror Picture Show
31st October 2011. Location: Cinema

Hmm. I can't really objectively review a film I've loved for the last 22 years (even though this was the first time I'd seen it in a cinema (even though I've been regularly watching it live for the last 15 years)).

Our nearest Cineworld screened this for Hallowe'en, so obviously Mrs Blackout and myself went along (it being our anniversary an'all). A sizeable chunk of the almost-sold-out crowd were dressed in character (not me; not my style, I'm afraid). Curiously, of the half-an-auditorium that stood up to do the timewarp, only about half of those actually knew the steps (which is an achievement when it's a song that describes the moves itself). There was also some hesitant audience participation in the form of the accepted heckling*¹, but I think the night's crowd were more used to seeing the live-production where a lot more people are joining in, and it's more... well, interactive*².

Hmm. I've made that sound a bit crap. It really wasn't. If you like tacky b-movies and musicals, Rocky Horror is an astounding movie, and a great time was had by all.

Look, it's not really that easy to explain. On several occasions, my BFF has asked me to explain what the fuss is about, and I can't really do it. The only way to know if you'll like The Rocky Horror Show is to watch it. It's sort of kill-or-cure; I don't know anyone who's ambivalent towards it.



A solid 6 because I love it to bits.

*¹ I don't know how else to describe it. It's what the audience shout at the stage during the live productions. It's evolved over the years and is accepted/expected by the performers.

*² You haven't enjoyed the theatre until you've seen David Bedella walk to the front of the stage and silently mouth 'SHUT THE FUCK UP!' to an audience member who was getting a little out of hand, even for a RH audience member.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.