Review: Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.3

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol.3
Cert: 12A / 150 mins / Dir. James Gunn / Trailer

Having watched it back on release-day, this review of the James Gunn's off-again / on-again third Marvel sci-fi smash-up has admittedly taken some time to make it onto the blog, not least because I've been busy updating my relationship status with Guardians of The Galaxy to 'It's Complicated'...

Part of this is down to the current odd malaise with the MCU, whereby "no Infinity Gauntlet" equals "no collective-narrative forward momentum and no individual storyline with legacy characters strong enough to really justify its existence". Another factor is still wincing from the frankly atrocious GotG TV Holiday Special, which we now know was definitely filmed on the same sets as the cinematic threequel but with precisely none of the creative talent that's gone into the movie. But I digress.

POOLING

The very short version of all this is that the 60% of Guardians of The Galaxy Vol.3 which focuses on Rocket Raccoon sustaining serious injuries, the Guardians-family pooling everything to rescue him, Rocket's reflecting on his backstory and how this affects his present and his future, and then properly developing the character into what he needs to be... is absolutely outstanding. It's precisely what Marvel Studios do best; engaging, exciting, affecting (slightly schmaltzy in places, but well-earned) and most importantly funny. Bradley Cooper loses himself in the character once again and everyone benefits. Rocket Raccoon is the beating heart of this film and every minute spent in his company enrichens the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

The other 40%, however, is James Gunn throwing as much content at the viewer as he thinks he can get away with. It's a white-noise cacophony of over-written subplots, over-scripted clatter, over-designed sets and over-directed action sequences. Gamora's return feels poorly defined, Adam Warlock's presence (not to mention the fantastic Will Poulter's performance thereof) is wasted, and the sheer volume of returning minor-characters just to really rip into the casting-budget makes the movie feel scattershot and bloated, like emptying all the free vending machines on your final day in the office.

SNOOKERING

Oh, and after two movies with Peter Quill's vintage cassettes accompanying the journey, the tunes come via Rocket's iPod this time around. But the temporal versatility of this as a format means that the soundtrack is an absolute mishmash of anything James Gunn happens to like from whenever. Now I'm always here for a bit of Spacehog but this is basically Danny Boyle's Mixtape Madness all over again.

Guardians of The Galaxy Vol.3 is worth watching for the things it does right. Just about. Like I said, it's complicated...

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: The Call Of The Wild

The Call Of The Wild
Cert: PG / 100 mins / Dir. Chris Sanders / Trailer

Regular readers will know I don't like to paint my colours too boldly upon this platform, yet I do have colours. And when the latest version of Jack London's The Call Of The Wild opened bearing the new "20th Century Studios" ident, I must confess to sporting a wry, satisfied grin in that darkened auditorium. Let's make things better. Curiously enough, the 1935 screen adaptation also opened during a time of flux at Fox, so there's at least some odd level of synchronicity outside of the studio-drama, too.

And so in short order we're transported to America's northern states in the 1890s and introduced to our hero, a St.Bernard/Collie cross by the name of Buck (performed through the motion-capture of Terry Notary). Playful, intelligent and more than a little clumsy, Buck is abducted by a gang selling dogs to pull sleds as part of the infamous gold-rush*¹. But fate and opportunity intervene in these tumultuous times, and Buck finds himself a wanderer, forging meaningful but temporary relationships with humans and dogs alike. One recurring face is that of John Thornton (Harrison Ford), a reclusive prospector looking to find more (yet less) than precious metal in the hills. The two form a bond beyond language, of companionship and understanding, against the backdrop of a society scrabbling for excess.

DOG

So as noted above, Buck is mo-capped here. Which is to say, he's a CGI dog. Precisely why is unclear, as Buck doesn't speak or get up to any particularly unrealistic antics, but after an initial swoop through the canine region of the Uncanny Valley things even out and we're treated to an intricate - if enthusiastic - performance. Ultimately this is probably more about creative precision and control than putting dog-trainers out of business. The story has been previously adapted into five movies, so director Chris Sanders' iteration represents a firm half-way house between its live-action and animated past.

Once the action moves out into the open wilderness, Janusz Kaminski's cinematography has room to shine. The landscapes here are gorgeous, and while the four-legged aspects of the movie raise the question of how much of this scenery is digital, the bottom line is that great aesthetics are still great aesthetics.

JOHN B

And despite the cynicism I forgot to check at the foyer, The Call Of The Wild won me over in fairly short order. As accomplished as the animation of the dogs is (there are many in this), it's much like Luke Skywalker in Yoda's cave on Dagobah: the technical artistry is only fully sold to the audience by the emotional reaction of the human characters. Harrison Ford, Omar Sy and Cara Gee are outstanding in this regard, while even the more pantomime-like performances of Bradley Whitford and Dan Stevens carry over the energy of the piece.

Ford's role is particularly interesting since the movie almost acts as a round-robin retrospective of his career. We get the red-line map journeys and seat-of-your-pants thrill rides on the search for treasure calling back to Indiana Jones; the soundtrack is punctuated with Ford's best laconic narration since Rick Deckard; and of course he's playing a loner on the run from his estranged wife after the loss of their son, who then teams up with a giant hairy companion that he treats unequivocally as an equal. Okay there's no Millennium Falcon here, but if the pair of them had to hide out in an Amish community at some point then we'd have a full set.

OF THE DAY

Pick your favourite seat if you can, because the episodic structure makes this seem longer than its 100 minutes. Things never drag, but they do feel like a saga. And although it depicts the nurture/nature transition in the opposite direction, the spirit of Buck is what Alpha should have channelled. Not so much a study of humanity's bond with dogs but with nature itself. The peaks and troughs of emotion on display while still being wholly PG-friendly is a solid achievement.

The Call Of The Wild is far better than it has any real right to be in 2020. The film could easily have resorted to outdated, mawkish button-pushing, and while there are still some pointers in that direction, it's saved by the commitment of all involved. Ultimately, you will believe that Buck is a real character, and that's what's important.

But then I would say that, I'm a dog-person...

Not entirely sure in all honesty, as I usually avoid what I perceive to be 'this type of thing' like the plague. Even though (and in all likelihood because) I'm a dog-person.



It is.



It is.



No, although I think the film will be forgotten more quickly than it deserves.



That's entirely possible.



There isn't.



Level 1: Han Solo is in this.





*¹ Bit of a heavy-handed metaphor for the slave-trade, but London's book was only published around forty years after its abolition in the US, so that's fair enough. ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Spies In Disguise

Spies In Disguise
Cert: PG / 102 mins / Dir. Troy Quane & Nick Bruno / Trailer

Reader, I seem to have two states of mind when it comes to non-Disney studio animation movies. I'm either viewing the trailer for some saccharine nightmare and rolling my eyes at the caption-card listing which musical artists appear on the soulless, thumping soundtrack, as if the inclusion of sanitised, corporate techno could lend the feature any more individuality - or I'm watching an actual movie in 2020 with Snow's Informer and Rob Base's It Takes Two in the soundtrack, in which a character makes a scripted reference to the members of New Kids On The Block while I'm thinking 'wait...is this an old person's idea of what a young person's movie sounds like?'.

As you know by now, there is no pleasing me.

BLUE SKY

So, failing to please me today is Blue Sky Studios' latest offering, Spies In Disguise. Based on an idea from an award-winning animated short from a decade ago, it's effectively a body-swap / odd-couple comedy, set against the backdrop of a spy-caper. Will Smith and Tom Holland provide the central voices, and it's fine. By which I mean the animation is bang-on-standard (shiny but bland), the rest of the voice-cast are interchangeable with similar jobbing actors*¹ and while the central message of pacifism in a violent world is by no means a bad thing, it's rammed home so ham-fistedly that this derails any genuine nuance or debate on the subject*².

It's absolutely Fine™.

The best moments arise from Smith's Agent Lance Sterling as he's transformed into a pigeon and undergoes a comedic Cronenbergian psychological duality-shift to match. Although he's a pigeon who can actually talk, he also understands other pigeons and begins to make friends with them, with some newly-avian mannerisms filtering through to Sterling's human form after a species-reversal in the finale. This is arguably far more interesting than the spy-flick.

BRIGHTSIDE

Unfortunately, the editing process seems to have provided a bumpy road to the cinema. There's a 'pigeons can't see glass' routine from the one of the film's trailers*³ which has been completely excised from the completed movie, so that when this is used several times as a punchline there's no preceding set-up. This isn't the worst gaffe a film could make, but it's indicative of the haphazard final product. By the time this reaches its third-act, the cumulative effect of all the characters and plot threads waiting to be tied up results in what can only be described as an incoherent crescendo.

Blue Sky Studios have been dining out on Ice Age for too long, now. Don't get me wrong, Spies In Disguise is basically okay, but it's a well-meaning Happy Meal of a movie; the young ones will be attracted by the bright colours, additives and play-value, and it won't poison those taking them along for the outing. It's short-term energy for a day out, but you couldn't live on it. Nor would you want to...

Pretty much any mid-tier animation of the last ten years.



If your padawans are tugging at your sleeve, you could do worse.



Stream it.



It is not.



Likely.



Not that I heard.

Although the last twenty minutes of this movie is pretty much white-noise, so there could be one in there.



Level 1: The voice of Orson Krennic is in this.





*¹ While Ben Mendelsohn always gives a spirited performance, the likeness of super-villain Killian (solid name, guys) matches the actors voice is precisely no way. Karen Gillan is also on hand as kooky tech-sleuth Eyes, with a volume of dialogue suggesting it was recorded in a ten-minute session during post-production - they just wanted her name on the poster. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Namely in one surprisingly heartfelt scene, where Will Smith's "...because the bad guys don't care how nice you are" may be the wisest words of the entire movie, shortly to be lost in a fog of CGI glitter. ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ No, since you ask, I can't seem to find it on YouTube. Look, I've definitely seen it, it was definitely there at one point. I just don't want to waste more hours of my life watching more of Spies In Disguise, thanks. ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Jumanji - The Next Level

Jumanji: The Next Level (3D)
Cert: 12A / 123 mins / Dir. Jake Kasdan / Trailer



Realising that Disney/Lucasfilm have pretty much got the adventure-cinema market sewn up this December, Sony/Columbia have decided to drop their own franchise entry startlingly close to its release date. Jumanji: The Next Level opens properly a week before Episode IX, but can it compete?

THIRD

Well, kinda. While it’s technically the third Jumanji film, this is very much the second chapter of 2017’s soft-reboot, and tonally it’s on the same page. In fact narratively, it’s barely even on the next page.

After a setup sequence which takes far too long considering how perfunctory it all turns out to be, our heroes (Morgan Turner, Madison Iseman, Ser’Darius Blain) are transported once again to the simulated otherworld of Jumanji in a bid to find their missing friend (Alex Wolff), adopting the in-game personas of Karen Gillan, Kevin Hart, Jack Black and Dwayne Johnson. Additional cast-members in the real world come from Danny DeVito and Danny Glover, while extra star-billing avatars arrive in the forms of Awkwafina and Rory McCann. Nick Jonas and Rhys Darby return in roles they could have probably filmed in a single day.

LIONHEART

And it’s all good fun, with a self-aware script buoying up the rollicking adventure and stunning visuals*¹. The problem is that we’ve already done this, and The Next Level always feels like a remix of Welcome To The Jungle without really bringing any new content. The body-swap motif from last time is replayed and there’s extra mileage here in exploring that further, but ultimately this is a device to get the most out of the in-game cast, and it feels like padding. The central adventure itself is a linear affair, with its story-admin often coming off as cumbersome.

BREEZER

Sequel-movies have always been saddled with this burden of course, and sequel-games even more so. It stands to reason that this project would suffer. Any gamer will be hard-pushed to break the programming of their surroundings, and the law of diminishing returns is the most unforgiving of all. 2017’s entry had pleasant surprise as its super-weapon; this follow-up isn’t playing with the same armoury. So perhaps it’s unavoidable (if not intentional), but even coasting along on effortless charm The Next Level feels disposable at best.

But enough of my moaning. Jumanji: The Next Level is good-spirited, undemanding fun. And any movie which can have me consistently enjoying performances from Jack Black and Kevin Hart must be doing a lot of things right…

The previous Jumanji film.



It is.



It is.



It's not.



That's possible.



There only bloody is.

What’s more, combine it with the Wilhelm Scream in the pre-movie McDonald's advert, the one in the Amazon Fire TV spot and Cineworld's new 2020-promo, and that's pretty good for an evening out. And given the scream-stats for 2019, it's about damned time.



Level 2: Jack Black is in this, and he was in that Gulliver's Travels along with Jonathan 'Jebel' Aris.





*¹ The 3D version of this movie is Very Much In 3D All Of The Time, which feels a little overblown in the first act before the action begins, but is still a sweet touch for a format which the industry has all but dropped in 2019... ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Stuber

Stuber
Cert: 15 / 93 mins / Dir. Michael Dowse / Trailer



Y'know not long from now, using Uber as a plot-point in your movie is going to look about as cool as a MySpace reference. Tread carefully, writers. Anyway, Stuber is what happens when you put two supporting actors in leading roles*¹ and hope that the goodwill of the audience will fill any gaps.

DRIVER

Kumail Nanjiani plays Stu, an unassuming Uber driver (this is the joke, do you see? Stu. Uber. 'Stuber'. Do you see?) and sporting-goods store clerk who wants to run his own fitness studio. Dave Bautista plays Vic, an bullish yet efficient police officer who is recovering from laser eye-surgery, meaning he can't drive his own car. Vic books a car via the aforementioned app, and Stu ends up being his unwitting partner in law-enforcement for the day. As this odd couple learn to get along, each realises that the other is exactly what they need right now, and of course there's plenty of ha-ha-hilarity along the way! Also, a lot of people get shot in the face.

Well, if you're in the market for an hour and a half of gunfire and wide-eyed shrieking, your cab has arrived. Apparently Dave Bautista myopically bumping into shit is the new 'Kevin James Falls Over For An Hour And A Half'. When it's being a lightheared actioner, Stuber is just about passable. When the movie is being an outright comedy it really struggles. Which is odd, because both of its starts can do comedy, they're just choosing not to. There's more grunting and tyre-screeching than dialogue in this movie, and Dave still has too many lines. The reason Drax worked is because he didn't say that much.

METRO

The frustrated bickering between the two leads means the film squeaks past the six-laugh-test, but only just. In many ways it's a shame that director Michael Dowse is such a fan of bad language and gratuitous headshots, because at heart this is a kids' comedy*². A buddy-cop movie where only one of them is the cop, this isn't awful but it's certainly unapologetic Filler™. Failing whenever it tries to take itself too seriously (so the first and third acts, basically), the number of quips in the trailer that don't make it into the final cut suggest thousands of miles of B-roll footage (not to mention slack direction). Pity the film's editor, if nothing else.

The likeability of its cast isn't enough to save Stuber, but it may just be enough to elevate it to 'conveniently forgettable'…

Well put it this way, I see Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg have stopped returning 20th Century Fox's calls...



Not particularly.



Stream it, if you must.



Nope.



That's entirely possible yes.



There isn't.



Level 1: Razoo Quin-Fee and Jarek Yeager are in this.





*¹ "Oh" you exclaim, "Kumail Nanjiani isn't a supporting actor, he was the main dude in The Big Sick!". Yes. This is precisely my point, thank you. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² After saying that he'd "rather do good films", Bautista has made a PG version of this exact fucking thing again before the paint's even dry on Stuber. Go and think about what you've done, Dave. And don't be 'baffled' when you get called out, it's just that having fun on-set does not automatically result in a fun movie… ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.