The Goonies (1985)
Cert: 12 / 109 mins / Dir. Richard Donner / Trailer
Okay, I'm just going to cut straight to it. This film is cheesy as fuck. And not ironically (everyone knows that irony wasn't invented until 1990 to give people an excuse for watching The Word), but in the sort of way that ages a film dreadfully, when your childhood favourite's naive plot, awkward dialogue and horrendous over-acting is only saved by the warm glow of nostalgia reminding you that this is one of the building blocks of the person you've become.
Except I don't have that, because #ICBIHS The Goonies.
Yeah, that's a harsh blow to open with, isn't it? Look, I didn't actually dislike the movie, but I rolled by eyes far more than I should have, perhaps expecting a previously uncovered gem of an action-adventure flick which is based around a gang of youths, but has a timeless, self-aware edge and a sincere emotional core. What I got was the Children's Film Foundation with a bigger budget. None of which went on acting lessons. Usually I'd put this down to the prepubescent cast, but since Rob Reiner made Stand By Me with one member of the gang less than a year later, I'll lay the blame at the feet of Mr. Richard Donner, demonstrating that he couldn't direct traffic down a one-way street.
And not to single out anyone unjustly, but Sean Astin is inexcusably bad, here.
But y'know what? I can't hate The Goonies. It's not without a lot of charm, but the charm is all it has, and my jaded expectations require more from a film that my peers swear by.
It's also faintly ironic that the closing song is Cyndi Lauper's 'The Goonies 'R' Good Enough'. At least it would be, if irony had been invented in 1985…
Oh, and there's a continuity error before the film even hits the five-minute mark, with Chunk's messy hand-print on the glass (or not) as he watches the car-chase through town.
There's a mistake before the film's even got started, Donner…
Yeah, never. 1985 was Ghostbusters and Back To The Future for me, and this one just slipped my radar. For 30 years.
Oh, I am. Because the next person who gushes about it in my presence had better be sitting down :p
I'd recommend it for parents to show their kids for the first time, but there's really nothing there for the older audience if they haven't grown up with the film.
I didn't hear one.
The film stars (Jonathan) Ke Huy Quan, who of course played Short Round in Temple Of Doom alongside Harrison 'Solo' Ford.
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
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