Iron Man 3 (2D) - Fifth-Pass / Spoilers Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
I know what you're thinking, and part of you might be probably a little bit right, but I was there for the first screening of this at my local, and in the absence of anything else to watch I may as well be there for the last one, too.
The dust has settled, the film's been picked to bits, and it seems that Marvel/Disney have pulled a good one out of the bag. RDJ's current contract is done now, and it'll be interesting to see what occurs for Avengers 2 & 3 as the closing card of IM3 states simply 'Tony Stark Will Return', leaving us (me) to speculate what form this will take. Iron Man 4 looks like a no-go (which is fine by me; go out on a high), but we've got Cap and Thor sequels to take us towards Avengers 2, and it'll be interesting to see if young Mr Stark makes a cameo in those.
So, in closing, I didn't really get anything new out of my fifth watching of IM3, but it did reinforce something I've been thinking about for a while now. There's been some talk, both on and offline, comparing the third Iron Man film with the third Batman one. While there are very valid points to be made in this, it seems to skip over the central theme that separates the two heroes (and indeed, films). Iron Man isn't the same kind of hero as Batman, and isn't trying to be. Throughout Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy, Batman repeatedly puts over the point that the people of Gotham need a symbol. That symbol can be anyone; anyone who's prepared to commit himself to justice. It's the suit that's important, not the man. In order to effectively monitor Gotham, Bruce Wayne keeps his alternate identity a secret, knowing that the revelation will (and does) compromise his ability to function.
Tony Stark, on the other hand, outs himself as Iron Man at the end of his first movie. The problems that come his way are less to do with street-crime, and more to do with his past as an arms-dealer and Grade A Arsehole. Stark is the public face of the Avengers; you just can't keep that kind of ego down. It's the ego that gets him into trouble, and the ego that helps him out of it. In the third IM movie, when young Harley finds an intruder in his garage, and Stark shines the spotlight on the armour, the boy asks "…is that Iron Man?" to the reply "well no, technically I am". There are multiple characters who wear the suit (both Iron Man's and Iron Patriot's) in the final film, and on top of that there are a bunch of empty ones that show up for good measure. But they're not Iron Man. Tony's last words to the viewer (and/or listener, depending on how you want to look at it) as he drives away from the ruins of Stark Mansion are that you can take away the house, the gadgets and even the suits; "But there's one thing you can't take away… I am Iron Man."
Whereas in TDKR, Bane orchestrates the destruction of Wayne's personal and financial empire, breaks his back and leaves him in a Middle-Eastern jail to rot; Tony Stark's major stumbling block isn't having his mansion destroyed, it's a series of panic-attacks. It's the one entirely personal obstacle he has which wasn't placed in front of him by the Ten Rings organisation, the one which only he can fix, and the one which isn't really fixed by the end of the film (because Tom Conti punching you in the spine doesn't really work for anxiety issues).
I'm not saying one character's better or worse than the other, just that their motivations are too differing to compare directly.
There's no doubt about it: Batman is a hero. But Iron Man is a super-hero.
Bring on Thor.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (2D) - Fourth-Pass / Heavy Spoilers Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Here is an exclusive transcript of an extended/deleted scene which will feature on the BluRay release of Iron Man Three…
Int. Stark Enterprises. Day.
PEPPER POTTS and ALDRIDGE KILLIAN are seated in a plush business office, having an informal meeting.
Potts: Right, first question - Why was I so goggly-eyed and taken aback when I saw you just there?
Killian: Erm, because I'm a super-smooth playboy now, and not the awkward nerd you remember?
Potts: Well, you're super-smooth to the point where you're wearing a blue checked suit, a red patterned tie, brown loafers and no socks. What fucking school of cool did you enroll in? I notice you haven't fixed the part of your brain that governs fashion sense?
Killian: Wow. Start strong, eh?
Potts: Trust me, in five minutes you'll be looking back at the sartorial critique with a sense of warm nostalgia.
Killian: Oh, good.
Potts: Right. Anyway. Second question - You're telling me Killian, that in the third film in the series, a nerdy, narcissistic scientist is going to come to me, the CEO of an international tech giant, and ask for funding and development of a project which re-writes/enhances human DNA by means of an empty socket in the brain, and I'm obviously going to turn you down on general principle in a move that will come back to bite me on the arse in the second or third act?
Killian: ...yes..?
Potts: Right. And you're hoping that throughout this scene, not one person - not one - is going to say aloud in the cinema "Oh what, like in Batman Forever, you mean?"
Killian: ...also yes?
Potts: I don't think evoking the spirit of Jim Carrey in green lycra is going to work for you, Killian.
Killian: Piss off, you thought Batman Forever was cool!
Potts: In 1996, Killian. Around the same time I thought Kula Shaker were cool.
Killian: You're such a hipster.
Potts: Says the guy wearing a check-suit and no socks.
Killian: Look, can we get back to why I'm here please?
Potts: Oh what, your big brain?
Killian: My big brain.
Potts: Right. Big brain. Go.
Killian: ...so, if you look at the hole in my big brain here, you can clearly see that it's a sign that we're designed to be upgraded!
Potts: Hmmm. Surely the implication, even at this early stage of the film, is that you've undergone 'the upgrade' yourself? I mean, I know we won't know for sure until the third act, but it's kind of a foregone conclusion, isn't it?
Killian: Erm, possibly. What's your point?
Potts: Well, why is there a hole in your big brain then? If that's the socket for the upgrade, and this is a live-feed, does that mean you're not all badass super-strong yet?
Killian: Be fair, Pepper, I haven't mentioned anybody being badass yet. All I said is that the DNA can be re-coded to repair itself, it was you who instantly thought it could be weaponisable.
Potts: True, this is what comes from dating an arms-dealer, I suppose.
Killian: So, no. There's definitely no way that the technology I'm working on to regrow lost limbs could be-
Potts: Oh, is that what it's for?
Killian: Yes, sorry, didn't I say?
Potts: No, you didn't. Although to be fair, you didn't get very far with what it's actually for, before I assumed it was weaponisable and was about to throw you out.
Killian: That bit with the plant that Maya was working on earlier? That's what that was hinting at. Although the limb thing won't come into play until later when Tony's snooping around my files.
Potts: Okay. Still, it's a bit... Lizardy, isn't it? Regrowing lost limbs?
Killian: ...Lizardy?
Potts: Erm, yeah. Like in last year's Spider-Man film.
Killian: You've got a point, there. That's two 'references' to other superhero films and we're not even past the first act, yet. It's probably best if I don't really mention the limb-thing, and just concentrate on the Extremis glowy-hot human-weapon thing.
Potts: ..the what?
Killian: Well, you're right. Obviously. Of course it's weaponisable. This shit makes people go all glowy-red-hot and super-strong. And turns them into evil-henchpeople. Obviously.
Potts: Ah, speaking of that, I read ahead in the script and I've got a third question.
Killian: Go for it…
Potts: How come when you're prising Rhodes out of the War Machine armour (call it by its name), and you go all super-shit-hot and breathe fire etc, but your shirt doesn't catch fire?
Killian: Probably the same reason your sports-bra doesn't burn when you fall into the fire later on?
Potts: Whoa! SPOILERS! I hadn't got that far into the script! I fall into a fucking fire??
Killian: Oh, don't worry about it, you've got super-shit-hot-Extremis powers by that point, so you and your sports-bra just climb out.
Potts: Super powers? Ooh, does this set me up for an action role in Avengers 2? Ni-i-i-ice!
Killian: Nah, you get 'fixed' in one very short voice-over line at the end.
Potts: Bunch of arse.
Killian: Hey, at least you're still around…
Potts: True… but y'know, your fate as antagonist is more or less a straight line. We all know how that'll end.
Killian: I've gotta try, I've gotta try…
Potts: What's more worrying is that you somehow believe that even with all this, Yen over at WorldofBlackout will still give the film full marks.
Killian: Oh, trust me, he's sold. He loves it because of its faults, not in spite of them.
Potts: Well, yes, let's not forget he enjoyed Prometheus... Listen, we should get back on script.
Killian: Yeah. So. 'Extremis'. You're in?
Potts: No, I'm not in. I'm Doubting Wayne, remember?
Killian: Balls. I'm off then. I'll see you later at the hotel when I've snapped that hapless waiter's neck for no reason, okay?
Potts: Wait, wha?
Killian: BYE!
FADE OUT
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (3D) - Third-Pass / Spoiler-Free Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Oh, hello there. I've been to see Iron Man 3 again, and while I do have some thoughts I want to expand on, I need to do a bit of background/context reading first. If it's words you're after, you can read my first (spoiler-free) review here, and my second (mildly spoilery) review here.
Meanwhile, as is par for the course, I've made you some pictures (click for big, opens in new window).
Hey, don't even mention it.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (2D) - Second-Pass / Contains Spoilers Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Now that I'm recovered from the midnight showing of Iron Man 3 (and have had an actual night's sleep in between), I can sit back, watch it again, and take in more detail. Well, certainly make more sense of the plot anyway…
Not withstanding the slight red-herrings in the above (ie who's in which suit at any given moment), and the massive red-herring (ie the true nature of the Mandarin threat), there are still a lot of lines which never made it into the movie;
• My name's Tony Stark, I build cool stuff… • You elected me on a single platform… • You don't know who I am…*1 • Today is the first day of what's left of your life. • Do you want an empty life, or a meaningful death? • …Here's my boys
None of these are in the cut I watched. I'm used to one or two lines, but six? Some of them point towards a film more centered around The Mandarin, and I can certainly understand the people grumbling on the message boards about how his character was treated. Personally I loved what they did with him, even if the Extremis thread could have been handled better, and it's worth remembering Extremis doesn't even get a mention, visually or verbally, before you sit down to watch IM3.
So, ^that^ trailer: not overly representative of the actual plot, but it captures the feel perfectly.
Iron Man 3 certainly engaged and entertained me for its entire run-time, although it was easier to enjoy the second time around, when I could see past the bluster and concentrate more on what was going on. Speaking of which...
If what it sets out to do is conclude the Iron Man trilogy while keeping the focus firmly on Tony Stark, then yes. If there's meant to be a clear agenda for The Mandarin which sets out his motivations, methodology and goals, then no. Even discounting the lines from the trailer which don't arrive in the cinema, it certainly feels like there's a whole backstory which has been cut to stop this being a three-hour film. The threading of the Ten Rings group throughout the movies seems shamefully overlooked, and instead of being an anchor which pulls the trilogy to a close, it's treated like an Easter-Egg for the hardcore fans to grin over. Elsewhere, Extremis is handled in the same manner, as if it had already been explained in a previous movie and here we were just seeing it being used.
But, as I said, in terms of rounding out Stark's personal story and setting it up for the evolution of the Iron Man character, it's damn near perfect. And since Stark's always been the most likeable thing about these films, that's what's important, right?
If you're a fan, you'll want to see it as soon as possible so cinema, obviously. It'll be just as much fun on DVD or BluRay, but it definitely feels like a cinema-film. The 3D is fairly well applied with no ghosting etc, and it is there, but didn't add a lot for me (confirmed by a second viewing in 2D). As with Avengers, there's already too much happening for the third dimension to make much difference.
If you don't like this film, you have no soul and are dead to me. Now get out of my house.
As if you have to ask that...
I initially said no, but this time around I could have sworn I heard one very low in the mix. In the final confrontation between Stark and The Mandarin, when Jarvis tells Tony that the Mark 42 suit is incoming, there could be one when that suit bites the dust. Although I may just be wishing that.
*1 This one is especially misleading. The recurring catchphrase, theme, and indeed the clue laid down for Stark to follow is the words "You know who I am". If anything, this trailer actually makes less sense after watching the film.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (3D) - First-Pass / Spoiler-Free Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Midnight show for the win? IM3 wasn't entirely what I was expecting, but I'm still slightly reeling, I think. It isn't the sensory battering ram that Avengers was, but it's not far off.
Shane Black makes a good directorial successor to Favreau and there's a sense, not of moving on, but of evolution for the character. That said, it's still massive, massive fun for fans of the previous entries in the series.
Ben Kingsley: Best. Villain. Ever.
Almost.
Definitely.
For my money, definitely.
Cinema (the 3D's not essential, though).
Yeah.
Yes. This week, in fact.
…no, but there's a sweet Stan Lee cameo and a short scene at the end of all the credits.
Note: Yep, short and sweet review, partially due to the fact that I need to see it again before I can pick it apart, and partly due to the fact that it's 3am and I've got to be up for work at 7. The combination of sleep deprivation, caffeine and Iron-Man-adrenaline should make for an interesting meeting at 10am...
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Oh yes, in the absence of any fresh cinematic releases that interest me, it's time to dive to the horror shelf and break out some films I don't watch nearly enough.
The thing is, in the midst of all my Star Wars merch, I always seem to forget how much I like Aliens and Predator…
…By no means "hardcore", but probably more than a 'civilian' fan.
9 days, 9 films (well 9½), in chronological release order, theatrical versions where available. These are more 'thoughts as I go' than full reviews, so probably won't make much sense if you haven't seen the films. No change there, then. So, without further ado, let the acid-drenched carnage commence!
For many years, I wasn't a fan of this (indeed, Alan Dean Foster's novelisation is one of the few books I've given up on midway). Turns out I was watching it wrong. Viewed as a sci-fi film, this is badly paced and uninteresting. Viewed as a horror film, it's really quite beautiful.
Random thoughts: • I love the antiquated computer screens and the fact that smoking is allowed onboard the Nostomo. • The white-panelled sections of the Nostromo remind me of the Tantive IV from Star Wars. • The OCD part of my brain admires the queen for laying her eggs in such an orderly fashion. • As the facehugger's acid burns through Kane's visor, wouldn't any of it drip/splash onto his face? Just a little bit? He seems relatively unscathed. • Why do they eject Kane's body into space? Before the Ash-revelation, surely they need to keep all the evidence they can on what's happened? • I like how it's insinuated that other forms of life are known about, just not that one. • The exponential growth rate of the xenomorph once it's hatched seems ridiculous, but that runs through all the films, I suppose. • That's not an alien, it's a guy in a suit! It's not the design that gives it away, it's the movement.
So, for 1979, this is well ahead of its time. Ridley Scott's done well,there.
This one's definitely Sci-Fi over Horror, although there's a greater balance of both than with its predecessor. James Cameron's continued the mistrust-of-authority theme, and added in some mech/lifter suits; both of which he'd use again in Avatar. Except when he did it in Aliens, there's an original story and characters you actually care about (mee-ow, I know).
Random thoughts: • Seriously, how is Spunkmeyer even a name? • I always seem to forget that this takes place on planet LV-426 from Alien, even though I know it. • The lifter-suit wouldn't be fast enough to fight in, even against the bulky Queen-Alien. And why does a cargo-handling device have a blowtorch on it? • The models look like models, the mattes look like mattes, and the stop-motion animation looks just like it should. It's awesome, and miles better than a-guy-in-a-suit.
I find it more accessible than the first movie, but it's still missing the sense of adventure that's in the next film in Xeno-Season...
Another twisted-genre movie. As a Sci-Fi, this doesn't work at all; as a throwaway Action flick? Gorgeous. I honestly think it's a massive mistake to show the Yautja ship in the opening credits. It robs the film of its reveal later on. It's not relevant to the team's mission initially, and since the audience is one step ahead of the protagonists, their discoveries feel a little listless. If the film held back on the infra-red shots until after the enemy camp is discovered, the flow-of-info would work a lot better.
Random thoughts: • Arnie really is an appalling actor, and although Carl Weathers isn't great, their scenes together make him look worse, too. • Why is Hawkins wearing massive glasses on a spec-ops mission? Face-camo is supposed to reduce shine and reflection from your skin; with those geps, you may as well wear a hi-vis waistcoat. • What little credibility the film has is also reduced by Arnie's godawful one-liners. But I suppose that's par for the course. • Billy stripping off his shirt is ridiculous macho bullshit, even by Arnie's standards. The Predator has taken out an armed SpecOps squad, and numbnuts thinks he can take it out topless with a knife. • Although this is matched by Arnie, when he smears himself in mud that he laughingly assumes won't warm to his body temperature as soon as it's dry and the moisture's evaporated from it.
It's rough'n'ready, but I get the impression it was meant to be a standalone vehicle for Schwarzenegger.
"Okay, everybody just take a deep breath, loosen your sphincters. We don't need any rush-hour Rambos, there."
Even more fun than the first film, largely due to having funny characters, rather than scowling soldiers with corny lines. The city-setting and huge cast of extras reduces the feeling of claustrophobia this time around (which works better for me), and gives the feeling of a much larger budget. Because Gary Busey's Keys and the feds know something about the Predator (like the audience), while the central characters don't, there's a definite feeling that the story is leading towards something bigger than just a face-off.
Random thoughts: • There's enough characterisation in here that you actually care about the protagonists (and to a certain degree, even some of the human antagonists). • Keys says that the thermal blast from Predator "destroyed enough rainforest to cover 300 city blocks" …and yet we saw Arnie out-run that? Hmm. • Although he's portrayed as a brash bully, I find Keys' motivations more sympathetic, rather than Danny Glover's Harrigan, who's a 'good' cop, yet spends the entire movie disobeying orders and charging into crime-scenes as if he doesn't realise the importance of not contaminating evidence. • …so Herb's wife hears the Predator roar in the bathroom, but didn't hear the bloody wall being caved in five minutes earlier? Okay then.
"It's a long, sad story. And more than a little melodramatic…"
This line from Ripley is a pretty neat summation of the film, and it's certainly not what people were expecting after Aliens. The strong Brit-presence and muted dialogue make it less of a sci-fi and more of a dark melodrama. Just as the original Alien is a horror in a space setting, this is a drama first and foremost.
Random thoughts: • It seems like a cheap move to a) re-hash the rescue procedure from the start of Aliens, and b) kill Hicks and Newt so that their stories don't have to be continued. • Why is Ripley's gestation period so long when even the dog goes through a relatively 'regular' cycle? • It almost turns into an Agatha Christie type tale, with the characters being picked off one by one. Except, obviously, we know who the murderer is. • It's Henry Sellers! "I MADE THE BBC!" • You can tell the majority of cast are British, the swearing's done properly...
"So… who'd I have to fuck to get off this boat?" Wise words, Sigourney, but you should have asked that before principal photography even began.
With Joss Whedon writing, and Ms. Weaver in co-production, this should have been handled brilliantly. Unlike its predecessors, it's out-and-out science fiction, and subsequently much weaker for it. Little touches like the hydratable whiskey-cubes are as corny as the whole space-pirate thing, and it feels like a 14yr old's take on the canon.
Now by this point in the saga, we're all very aware of what the Alien design looks like, but there's absolutely no 'reveal' at all, they're just filmed as if they're regular members of the cast. Ron Perlman's pretty good in this - he's playing someone who can't act. Speaking of which, even bearing in mind Winona Ryder's character, she's completely wooden. The only saving grace in the acting department is Sigourney herself, who gives a nice 'otherworldly' performance as a cloned version of Ripley, although it isn't enough to save the film, unfortunately. Even though all bets are off as to will survive 'til the end, there's no tension as you really don't care which of the unlikable characters is picked off next.
Random thoughts: • The first corridor shootout is so slow-paced as to be completely unbelievable, even for a "space film". • Versions 1-7 of the cloned Ripleys are so disparately wrong, I find it hard to believe they suddenly got it right with version 8. There doesn't seem to be any actual progress made between revisions, and it looks like the genetic equivalent of throwing Lego at the carpet and hoping it lands in the form of a car. It certainly wouldn't work the eighth time you try it. • For the record, I'm fine with the swimming Aliens. The underwater sequence was one of the few I enjoyed.
Some interesting ideas, but I think they'd have worked better in the comics/novels (indeed, the false-Ripley has been done better in the novels). The film's reach exceeds its grasp.
Yeah, I'm including this, what of it? It's flipping awesome! It gets a mention not because of its running time (8 mins), but because of its production values.
It's Batman vs. Aliens vs. Predator. A fanboy dream come true. Back in 2003, AVP was still a year away, and we'd hoped it was going to be something like this. Well, we could hope, couldn't we?
Click the link up there to watch this short film, and be amazed at what passion for film can generate.
…it's Jurassic Park, isn't it? That's not intended as a detraction in any way, just an observation. Predator movies have always been loud, brash action films, and this is 66% Predator, 33% Alien.
As an addition to the Pred-canon, there are some nice chunks of backstory development. As an addition to the Alien mythos, other than the Weyland/Bishop backstory, there's fuck all. Not that it really matters too much.
Paul W.S. Anderson directs, and there's a definite feel of his Resident Evil movie, as we move between locations via a wireframe graphic display, and Colin Salmon and Liz May Brice are both here, who also starred (briefly) in RE1.
The amount of time that the facehuggers spend on their hosts is suspiciously short in this version of events, and the hatchling-to-adult process is also sped up ridiculously. I know we've got to keep the plot moving, but still. And while I expect a fairly short awake-gestation period for the humans (remember Kane wasn't up and about for long in Alien before the chestburster), the infected Predator takes a bloody age, but I'll put that down to a different physiology. Oh, and why didn't the Yautja's various vision ranges pick up the gestating PredAlien at the end? After all, it was possible to see Weyland's cancerous cells earlier on.
All in all, it's a dumb action film. That's what Predator does best, let's not require too much of this. It's still pretty entertaining.
AVP2: REQUIEM (2007) 03 September 2011. Location: Home
Oh, I see, let's spend film-one building up Alexa as a warrior that's recognised by the hunting clan, start film-two directly in conjunction with the first one… then forget about that character, kill the hunting clan, and make a teen-slasher movie. …right.
"Have you got power on that thing?" "Yeah, I just need some light..." Yet again, the lead character sums up an entire movie in one sentence. It's not thematically dark, just visually. In fact, thematically, this is a sort of beige…
First things first: Why the fuck is this film so damned dark? I can't see what the hell's going on, and I watched it indoors with the curtains drawn.
Second things second: This is, yes, a teen slasher movie, but with monsters instead of a madman. You know it's going to be just great when the cast-list contains no-one you've heard of before. A staple of the slasher film is having teenagers dying left, right and centre. Sadly, a staple of the Predator series, is having characters that you don't want to die, and that's where this film falls down. BIG time.
At no point do the central characters appear to work out what's going on and what they're up against. They're so clueless, they manage to hole up in a fully stocked gun-store, and still fuck things up. Frankly, it's a relief in the final moments when the government decides to just nuke that area of Colorado and draw a line under the whole sorry mess.
On the plus side, we get to see a little bit of the Yautja homeward (MORE PLEASE), and the closing reference to the Yutani Corporation was a nice touch, but they seem like bits of the original screenplay which have been dropped into a below-average straight-to-video sequel.
Like Alien³, this isn't a horrendous movie per se, it's just fucking awful at being a Predator one (let alone an Alien film). I'd expect this from a spinoff TV series, not from an actual bona-fide sequel.
(because I'm here to review Aliens/Predator, not the cash-in shit in Blockbuster with the 'homage' cover.)
PREDATORS (2010) 04 September 2011. Location: Home
Okay, last movie. With Robert Rodriguez's name on it, and Danny Trejo starring, this should be fucking awesome, right? I mean, you saw Machete? Yeah?
…it's pretty good. Not brilliant by any standards, but certainly back-on-track. We're in a jungle environment, the characters are (kind of) intelligent, and at least they're learning as they're hacked to pieces by the Predators. The infra-red-vision has been updated, which is very welcome in my book. All in all, this is a Predator movie. YAY!
Random thoughts: • Adrien Brody's great, but not really for this 'badass' role as Royce. He's way too sympathetic from the word go, considering he's meant to be a mercenary by trade and nature. • I get the feeling that Alice Braga was the second-choice for the part of Isabelle, and that it was written with Michelle Rodriguez in mind. • For an alien planet, it looks suspiciously like Earth, except for the one single plant that stands out like the out-of-place prop it is. • This reveal-shot 25 minutes in where the characters work out they're not on Earth by seeing all these planets in the sky: that's not the first time in the movie they've been in an area open enough to see the sky in front of them. If the sun hasn't moved (as Royce says), it stands to reason that the other planets-in-view would always have been there. And don't even get me started on the gravitational anomalies with having planets of that size so close to one another. • The creature-shots of the Yautja attack-dogs are beautiful. • It's fucking criminal to kill off Danny Trejo so early in the movie. • Lawrence Fishburne is delightfully nuts as Noland. • I see we get another "take my shirt off and fight in honourable melee combat" moment. Although, amazingly, it sort of works this time. • Let's just ignore that bit in the trailer where Royce gets covered in the Predator tracking-dots, yeah? • Why is Isabelle so surprised when Royce suggests booby-trapping the injured Edwin? They're all meant to be mercenaries, and Royce is acting like a merc. For once.
Despite its lukewarm reception last year, this is a good return-to-form for the Predator series. More like this, please.
SO! That was a fun week-and-a-bit fo'sho! But have I learned anything from this? How does the progression of the canon over thirty-plus years fare, in a comparative sense? Are there any trends or waves that stand out?
There's only one thing that can help us… A GRAPH!
^^ Click to see that bigger. Opens in a new window.
I think we've learned that they don't make 'em like they used to, but Predators is a step in the right direction.
And that's about yer lot! It's been fun, it's been exciting, it's been emotional. And dripping with acid.
Watching all of these in a row does something to you...
Sleep well!
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
