Review: Flash Gordon

Flash Gordon
Cert: 12A / 111 mins / Dir. Mike Hodges / Trailer

In the run-up to 2015's The Force Awakens, I inserted a feature into the seven-question-roundup section of my film reviews. It simply asked 'what's the Star Wars connection?'. It's based on the Six Degrees Of Separation (aka Nick Cage) game of course, where the aim is to link the subject of the review to Star Wars in as few moves as possible.

It breaks down like this: Level 0 is Star Wars itself, there's no further link to be made because we're discussing the Galaxy Far, Far Away to begin with. Level 1 is where the film in question stars someone who's been in Star Wars, usually in front of the camera or microphone, but I also extend this to notable production crew members. Level 2 is where the film stars someone who's worked with someone from Star Wars on a different project.

Now for the most part this is very straightforward, and the sheer breadth of casting since 'the Disney era' opened has made it easier still. Even if the cast of a movie doesn't feature someone who's rocked up in the GFFA, there's a good chance they've worked with 'busy actors' Harrison Ford, Liam Neeson or Samuel L. Jackson at some point in the past. It's a rare thing to have to go past Level 2 when looking for a link.

But some movies occasionally have such a strong connection to Star Wars that it's worth highlighting in and of itself, and 1980's Flash Gordon is one such contender. Screening partly as a 40th anniversary celebration and partly as part of the programme of legacy content to get bums back onto cinema seats, it wasn't until the movie began in my local that I realised I'd never actually watched it from start to finish before, having only seen disparate sections on the TV over the years...

But before we get to my reactions to the film itself, let's answer the important question you're all here for: Flash Gordon: what's the Star Wars connection..?

LEVEL 2:

While they haven't been in Star Wars, the following performers have starred in productions with actors who have (I mean other than this Flash Gordon, of course):

• Sam J. Jones was in Ted with Seth 'voice of Palpatine in Star Wars Detours' McFarlane.

• Melody Anderson was in Firewalker with Ian 'voice of Palpatine in Clone Wars' Abercrombie.

• Richard O'Brien was in The Rocky Horror Picture Show with Tim 'the other voice of Palpatine in Clone Wars' Curry.

• John Hallam was in Dragonslayer with Ian 'the actual Palpatine' McDiarmid.

• Topol was in For Your Eyes Only with Julian 'Veers' Glover.

• Ornella Muti was in Somewhere In The City with Bai 'Breemu' Ling.

• Timothy Dalton was in Hot Fuzz with Simon 'Unkar Plutt' Pegg.

• Peter Wyngarde was in a 1985 episode of Bulman with Don 'Tagge' Henderson.

• Phllip Stone was in Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom with Harrison 'Solo' Ford.

• Suzanne Danielle was in Carry On Emannuelle with Bruce 'Rieekan' Boa.

• Robbie Coltrane was in From Hell with Ralph 'Garmuth' Ineson.

• Peter Duncan was in 1974's Stardust with Richard 'Motti' LeParmentier.

• George Harris was in Layer Cake with Daniel 'duped First Order Stormtrooper' Craig and Tom 'chatty First Order Stormtrooper in elevator' Hardy and Sally 'Naboo citizen' Hawkins.

LEVEL 1:

Many of these performers are from the same cinematic era as the Original Trilogy so were generally busy around that time, but it's also worth noting that this movie is also a rarity in featuring actors from the Classic, Prequel and Disney-eras of star Wars.

Flash Gordon stars...

• Kenny 'R2-D2' Baker

• William 'Jek Porkins' Hootkins

• Rusty 'Kabe' Goffe

• Derek 'Yavin Temple Guard' Lyons

• Burnell 'Del Goren' Tucker

• Alan 'Bossk' Harris

• John 'Lobot' Hollis

• Mike 'Ugnaught' Edmonds

• Terry 'Wampa' Richards

• John 'Dak Ralter' Morton

• Richard 'Nien Nunb' Bonehill

• Alan 'Stormtrooper' Austen

• Deep 'Droopy McCool' Roy

• Malcolm 'Ewok Warrior' Dixon

• Peter 'Ewok' Burroughs

• Brian 'Boss Nass' Blessed

...and last, but by no means least:
• Max 'Lor San Tekka' Von Sydow

LEVEL 0:

Why yes, Level 0. In a very real sense, Luke Skywalker is Flash Gordon. It's been written about many times over the years - George Lucas originally wanted to make an updated version of the matinee serial he loved as a kid, but couldn't afford the film rights from De Laurentiis. Rather than abandon the idea, George thought 'well okay, I'll make my own version then', and the space opera swashbuckling slowly morphed its way to our screens in 1977 as Star Wars. That determination would turn out to be one of the most inspired decisions Lucas ever made of course, and even though he went above and beyond a love-letter to pulp sci-fi, George has always worn his love for Flash Gordon on his sleeve.

There are stylistic references from the old serials which echo particularly across the Prequel Trilogy, and locations even in the 1980 Flash Gordon movie which are oddly reminiscent of Cloud City and Dagobah*¹. But at the heart of it all, Luke Skywalker is Flash Gordon...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh, the film itself is awful, by the way.
Not kitsch, not camp, not ironic, just bad.

Don't @ me.

I never thought I'd type the words "a shit Buck Rogers", but here we are.



**looks over spectacles**.



I'm seriously considering it, just to watch it again and write a more detailed review of what a grade-A travesty the whole thing is..



**keeps looking over spectacles**.



That's likely.



No.
Which is probably the most amazing thing about the whole film.



I think we've covered that...



No really, this film is fucking dreadful.


*¹ Even though The Empire Strikes Back came out in the same year (albeit seven months later), so director Mike Hodges can hardly be said to be ripping things off his competitor and (ironically) inspiration. ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Ted 2

Ted 2
Cert: 15 / 116 mins / Dir. Seth MacFarlane / Trailer



Well, that wasn't awful. Damning with faint praise from the off, certainly, but I sat in Screen 5 tonight with apprehension and experience as my viewing partners*¹, and despite giving Ted 2's predecessor cautious approval, I was less enthused by its spiritual successor. But no matter, because watching a cuddly bear say 'fuck' with a beer in one hand and a bong in the other is still funny, right?

Okay, so you've watched the trailer. That's the film, but with more swearing. The first act sets up a courtroom sequence, a road-trip and a visit to NY Comic-Con, over the course of which Ted has to prove he's 'human' to win the legal right to stay with his wife, Tami-Lyn (whose window-dressing role replaces that of Mila Kunis, who gets verbally written out in the film's first scene*²). To Ted 2's credit, there is more than just the stoner-jokes of the first movie, even if the first half of the script still confuses fuck-words for jokes with alarming regularity. Sadly, Seth MacFarlane is still struggling to write an evenly-paced screenplay, and his Ted sequel is little more than a few set-pieces punctuated with shoehorned-in comedy sketches, many of which fizzle out without a punchline (and around half of the ones which do have an ending still miss their target).

Continuity-nerds may be slightly irked by the number of inter-shot blunders, of props and postures changing position dramatically as the camera switches between characters, suggesting many, many ad-libbed takes and thousands of feet of footage on the cutting-room floor. Also occasionally sprinkled over this is Seth's old Family Guy trick of coming up with the most questionable phrase to put in a script (instead of a punchline), then inserting it anyway on the basis that he's the writer, star and director so who's going to tell him that having one of your black cast-members saying the n-word (oh, twice) still isn't advisable when there's no actual point to it?

But on the plus side (and there is a plus side), the animation of the bear is still absolutely flawless, and while MacFarlane's characterisation is still essentially 'drunk/stoned Peter Griffin', Ted's mannerisms match the voicework perfectly. Most importantly, the film features regular chuckles, a laugh every ten minutes or so and three or four of those are real guffaws. The courtroom scene*³ and Comic-Con sequence are quite marvellous; the rest is fairly amusing filler. Only you can decide if that's worth a trip to the cinema.

Seriously though, what's with the 'Sam Jackson being the black guy from every movie' gag? Everyone knows that mantle belongs more to Morgan Freeman who, ironically(?), appears in Ted 2 in that very perfunctory role. I honestly get the impression his lawyer character was written for Jackson who turned the role down (and it'd certainly make the joke about 'Samantha Jackson' work a lot better).

There's also a scene at the very end of the credits for those of you who want to wait for an extra five minutes. It's not a biggie, but a nice callback to an earlier, rather bizarre, gag.

Not really.



Probably best for a rental with a few beers.



That's a tricky question given the film features Mark Wahlberg, but I'll say no.



Oh, probably.



Not really.



There certainly is (Comic-Con brawl, bold as brass).



As well as a a plethora of visual references in the NY Comic-Con sequence, Ted 2 features an appearance from none other than Qui-Gon Jinn himself, Liam Neeson, and Patrick Warburton, the voice of G2-4T in Disneyland's Star Tours: The Adventures Continue.







*¹ I didn't, really. The seats around me were empty. Very few people in my town give a shit about this film. Then again, it was a 20:15 exclusive-preview for a movie which opens at 12:40 the next day. Not exactly 'test-audience' stuff.

*² During which Wahlberg's character complains that Kunis' character was "trying to change him". Which, as I noted at the time, is the polar-fucking-opposite of the film that I watched.

*³ By which I mean the first courtroom scene. The one with the jokes in. Not the second one where MacFarlane has realised that he's got to wrap up the film as well as get his money's worth from Morgan Freeman, so just has him deliver a standard courtroom monologue without wit, charm or indeed comedy, because there just isn't time for that shit.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.