Who among us ever thought they'd see the day, where old and new can collide seamlessly before our eyes? The marriage of cutting-edge technology (to the point where it's not yet finished, in fact) and some of the most retrograde action filler you've seen since the early 90s straight-to-video boom? Yet here we are, standing agog as US Government black-ops hitman Henry Brogan (Will Smith) battles it out with someone who looks a bit like Will Smith used to look a quarter of a century ago, if you squint. And you've had a couple of drinks. And if you never really paid that much attention to Will Smith a quarter of a century ago.
FUN But hey, it's all good fun! No wait, it's not is it? That's right, it's not good fun. I'm always getting those mixed up. The first act of Ang Lee's Gemini Man lopes along like a perfectly serviceable moody thriller that's about to set up its mind-shattering reveal. Except that reveal has already been completely undercut by a) the film's title, b) the film's poster, and c) the film's trailer which explains the entire fucking concept before its audience has even had a chance to buy a ticket.
Dropped into the October schedule like a badly rendered stepchild, Gemini Man comes over as a shelved 199x Van Damme thriller which has been waiting for the technology to catch up, and when it did Jason Statham said he was busy so they phoned Will Smith instead. And then it turned out the technology had lied about catching up. And lied badly.
So it's Looper but for people who don't like thinking about stuff. Will Smith trying to kill his other self, except one of The Will Smiths is younger and both of The Will Smiths are good people really and it was all Evil Clive Owen's fault anyway, with the latter's accent from the Washington DC suburb of Walthamstow and having gone up four trouser sizes on account of all the fucking scenery he's chewing. Benedict Wong stars as the gadget-guy / pilot / comic-relief. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is The Girl One*1. More on her later.
SPENDER On the plus-side, the action sequences are relatively well shot and directed in terms of actual physicality. The movie features a gorgeous continuous tracking shot of Smith-Senior on a motorcycle, and that's doing so well until he starts being chased in turn by Smith-Junior. The resulting fracas contains some of the worst animated acrobatics in living cinematic memory (think of the swing-sequences in 2002's Spider-Man, except it's 2019 and now there's really no excuse). Your leading man puts in a satisfactory turn in a role which isn't more than half-written anyway, as do Winstead and Wong. But Gemini Man was never about characterisation to begin with.
Yes, as to the main attraction? Well, future-phobes will be relieved to hear we're not there yet. Much like Tarkin and Leia from Rogue One, the digitally de-aged Will Smith looks more or less fine. Until his face begins to move that is, at which point we're sent hurtling down the Uncanny Valley fast enough to give us whiplash. Although as much as Smith-Junior looks like Pixar's work-in-progress of animating a new turnip character, his digital visage still emotes more feeling than that of Clive Owen; the cinematic equivalent of a bookmark in that he just sits there inert, not adding anything to the plot and whose only function is to periodically remind you where you'd got to. Gemini Man is clinical proof that any mediocre film can always be made worse by Owen's presence.
So in the third act where, coincidentally, a third Smith turns up (in a twist so ham-fistedly telegraphed that you can almost hear Ang Lee hoping that no one in the audience has seen Oblivion) - I was thinking 'Oh, hang on... ace-marksman assassin, super-fighter, wearing a mask... is Will Smith's other self Deadshot? Is this a deftly-marketed Suicide Squad lead-in?' Nope. No such luck, mate. Wishful coincidence. It's just another Will Smith.
CROCODILE SHOES The passage of time is treated as an inconvenience throughout, international air journeys undertaken off-screen and in apparently zero-time according to the conversations continuing around them. The whole thing is edited as if a two-hour movie has been commissioned for a 45-minute TV slot (oh that it were so short). Although at one point during an in-car, background-painting conversation as Smith-Junior asks his progenitor "you grew up in Philadelphia, right?", I at least thought we were going to get some rapping thrown in to add some much-needed goodwill nostalgia. Nope, another opportunity missed.
Still, at least a flick like this can bring some woke 21st century sensibility to the action genre, right? As if. At one point where Smith-Senior is fighting his younger self in the Budapest catacombs*2, Mary Elizabeth Winstead's sole purpose as a trained, qualified and experienced government agent is to stand pointing a shotgun at them. Not as a threat or a warning, but because it's got a torch mounted on the top and the audience wouldn't be able to see what's happening otherwise. Five minutes later when the brawl has moved to a subterranean pool, she drops a flare in and jumps in after them. I mean does the Bechdel Test even matter when your supporting actress is doubling as your lighting technician? Isn't that equality enough, guys?
We close with some faux-philosophical bantering about the ethics of cloning and patriotism (no, seriously), a payoff which probably looked neat on the page followed by the kind of implausibly happy ending that feels like it was written and assembled over a year after principal photography. Not least because Smith-Junior's CGI face is by this point so warped and distended that it looks as if a swarm of wasps may be about to emerge at any moment.
"I'm gonna be okay!" says our reformed demi-protagonist as the credits beckon. No. You're really not, mate. None of us are going to be okay until the Uncanny Valley is left out of Hollywood journey-planning for good...
Screaming into a mirror and noticing your reflection is out of sync.
And is drawn in crayon.
And while we're on the subject, David Benioff has co-written the screenplay to Gemini Man. That's David Benioff as in "Benioff & Weiss" from The Game Of The Thrones. Now, I don't watch GoT (long story, no real agenda but catch me about it another time), but if Gemini Man is anything to go by then the upcoming Star Wars project from Benioff & Weiss is probably in the shit already...
*1 And if you find yourself in the fandom subset of being a) British, and b) slightly in love with Mary Elizabeth Winstead, you'll be pleasantly surprised when Will Smith arrives on his aggressively pursued date to find Mary already halfway through a pint. Fantastic stuff, albeit another callback to mid-90s UK culture. Mind you, a waiter brings over two more pints a minute later and all of a sudden the one she had in front of her is gone. Like the waiter's taken that away. We didn't see her finish it. Either the continuity sucks in this movie or the table service does... [ BACK ]
*2 And why does this part of the film take place in Budapest? No idea. No real reason at all mate. Not mentioned. Scenery and/or tax breaks, one imagines. But they come and go back to Langley VA like it's nipping round to the Co-Op for some milk. Which would be arguably a more interesting film... [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Avengers: Infinity War (2D / second-pass / Thematic Spoilers)
Cert: 12A / 149 mins / Dir. Joe Russo & Anthony Russo / Trailer
Well, this is awkward. My second-pass review of a movie (particularly one of the Marvel Cinematic Universe variety) is usually an opportunity for me to unpack the contents a little; to try and break down everything which overwhelmed me the first time I watched it; to begin to focus on the cool details without being pulled back into the overriding plot.
But I watched Avengers: Infinity War for the second time on Friday evening, and as I finally write this the following Wednesday I find I don't have too much to add to my initial reactions (hence the five-day procrastination). And it's not that the film bored me - far from it. I gave the Russos team-effort full marks the first time and I stand by that*1. If anything, I probably got slightly more from the second-pass as I was able to enjoy what foreshadowing the relentless pacing allows, running alongside some of our heroes as they hurtle unknowingly to their doom*2. But other than a couple of minor 'how did he get there?' plot-points, the writing and execution is tight enough that it appears I caught pretty much everything at the Midnight-screening. Which, with a character-list of this size, is a gold-plated compliment, not a criticism.
The directorial brothers are adept (and proven so) at handling the in-universe politics, mixed with frantic action and character-appropriate quippery. Luckily, our chief antagonist - the mighty Thanos - is given enough ponderous depth to just about paper over one of the most slapdash Evil Plans ever to grace a cinema screen*3, and he's certainly got more personality than is normally granted to someone of his narrative status.
Infinity War is a precision-engineered rollercoaster of a movie, where every nut, bolt and rail is exactly where it's needed. The film is outstanding.
It's just that… well, as much as I was looking forward to this, and as much as I absolutely loved it - I just wasn't Excited™ before I first watched Infinity War, and my faith in Marvel Studios is such that it didn't surpass my comfortably-high expectations. MCU flicks used to be event-movies. I still remember (precisely a decade ago) grinning like an idiot at the end of Iron Man, when Tony Stark returned to his apartment to find Nick Fury had let himself in, announcing the gameplan from that very first chapter. This was A Thing. Slowly, the pieces came together, and even though Avengers Assemble was little more than a two-hour fight scene, it felt like the culmination of everything we'd watched up to that point. An event.
And sure, Infinity War is the beginning of the payoff for the last ten years of interconnected adventures, and really feels like it. But the paint isn't dry on Black Panther yet, and before this movie has been out a week, Marvel are already starting the promo-push for this Summer's Ant-Man & The Wasp*4.
The bottom line is, when you're putting out three movies per year in the same series, that's not event-cinema, no matter how consistently high the quality (or perhaps because of that consistency). Gone are the days when we could pore at our leisure over each scene looking for Easter Eggs, safe in the knowledge that the DVD/Blu-ray would be out to help us before we could ramp up the excitement for the next chapter. And even if you're only particularly bothered about the MCU strain of superhero, it can still feel a little… well, relentless.
Can you have too much of a good thing? There's only one way to find out*5. The cinematic sausage-machine is now in full production mode, and Marvel sure hope you like sausages…
Well for the purposes of this question, the other MCU movies.
It is.
All of, yes.
Best is debatable, but this will be a high water-mark.
No, because you'll agree with me.
One of my esteemed colleagues tells me there could be one at the moment when Ebony Maw goes hull-diving. That's not a plot-spoiler, I haven't told you how get gets on. Future passes will confirm of course, but by all means post below if you heard it too.
*1 I know it's by no means unusual for me to award MCU flicks either a 6 or 7 out of 7, but still. Infinity War really is amazing stuff. [ BACK ]
*2 Because I've marked this review 'thematic' spoilers, I'm not going to name the casualties at this point. Needless to say, I did make a point of compiling a list, as much to see if there was any hidden meaning in their order of exit, as anything else. And you've got to feel sorry for poor old [REDACTED], who got to buy the farm twice… [ BACK ]
*3 I don't mean to be ungrateful - really I don't - because the last time we had a big purple Marvel villain trying to take out a huge cast of heroes, his only motivation was to smash shit up for the sake of it, and quite frankly it was boring as hell. But Thanos' plan of "bring balance by killing half the planet" stands up to precisely zero scrutiny. As greater minds than mine have pointed out, over-population isn't the root of the problem mate, that'd be the arseholes in charge. Especially if the killing is as random and indiscriminate as you're claiming. But hey, since when did a flawed supervillain have to have an un-flawed plan, right? We're not supposed to agree with him. I imagine this genius-scheme is what happens when you spend a lot of time sitting in a rock-throne on an asteroid with nothing but Jeremy Kyle and Homes Under The Hammer to watch. Although after that, killing half of humanity seems quite lenient, frankly… [ BACK ]
*4 Which, at the time of writing, is due to open in the US on July 6th, and in the UK on August the 3rd. A month later. The word on the street is that Marvel don't want to compete for viewings with the World Cup. Now, I understand that in the Venn Diagram of entertainment-pursuits, of course there will be some crossover between football and superhero movies, and lord knows that the recent entitled, tantrum-throwing to Star Wars releases have demonstrated that I'm not the petition-signing type. But this kind of bullshit can fuck right off. Either delay the movie globally or not at all, Marvel. And good luck trying to get the casual, less-disciplined audience into the cinema in August when the movie's already been on Sh*wbox for three weeks. Of course I'll be waiting for August, and of course I'll encourage everyone else to do the same. But do I support the month-long lag? Do I fuck.
And yeah, that's how annoyed I get when I have to think about The Sports... [ BACK ]
*5 And no, I'm not giving up on Marvel, and yes, I'll be seeing Infinity War again. But I'm probably going to let the dust settle for a week or two and see how it plays after that. [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Prometheus (2D / fourth-pass)
Cert: 15 / 121 mins / Dir. Ridley Scott / Trailer
And so, Alien Day saw a special screening of Ridley Scott’s two franchise-entries, in advance of his latest, Covenant. First up on the playlist was Prometheus*1, a film I haven’t watched since it ended its cinematic run in 2012. No agenda behind that, I’ve just been waiting for the director’s cut which hasn’t yet materialised (and probably won’t).
So while I remembered how much I enjoyed Prometheus, I’d forgotten what an amazing cast of character actors it boasts outside of the headliners*2. And sure, many of them are only there to do Stupid Horror Movie Things™ before buying the farm, but it makes for a great watch all the same.
The film's still got issues, of course, and the intervening years have not been kind to the exposition-heavy script and total lapses of screenplay-logic. But it’s not often I can go back to a movie I’ve left fallow for five years and enjoy it every bit as much.
Also, I like that the Engineers control their starships using six boiled eggs and a flute. That's the future, right there.
Probably nowhere near as well as intended, but yes.
Nah.
No, I've been disagreeing with people about this film for five years now.
Not that I heard.
Level 2: Rafe Spall's in this, and he starred in that I Give It A Year with Rose 'Dormé' Byrne.
Although in related news, the crew of the Prometheus contains Aldrich Killian from Iron Man 3, Heimdall from Thor, Wong from Doctor Strange and of course Magneto. You'd expect a team with those members to fare a little better, frankly...
*1 Given that Prometheus is a prequel, it makes absolute sense to show it first in a double-bill of course. However, as the “new” content of the Alien Superticket deal takes place between the two existing movies (and is being saved 'til last for screening in May), it would make more sense to show the films in their release order, surely? It’s not like Alien follows on immediately from Prometheus, in the same way that you wouldn’t go from The Phantom Menace to A New Hope (especially if you were awaiting the release of Attack of the Clones). More on this in my accompanying Alien review. [ BACK ]
*2 Although while I hadn’t forgotten that Prometheus is one of the few occasions where Michael Fassbender’s accent is actually under control, it had slipped my mind that the Fauxmerican drawl of Idris Elba is absolutely atrocious. I guess Ridley can’t be expected to steer two ships at once, right? [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Doctor Strange (2D / second-pass / SPOILERS)
Cert: 12A / 115 mins / Dir. Scott Derrickson / Trailer
This review contains spoilers. Although it's been out for a few weeks now, so I guess you've seen it already and that doesn't matter, right? I mean, if you're waiting for the DVD because you can't make it to your nearest participating auditorium, you wouldn't very well be clicking on reviews of the film in the blind hope that they're spoiler-free, now would you? Nonetheless, if it's spoiler-free discussion you're after, click here for my previous review.
Apart from anything else, if you haven't seen Doctor Strange, none of this will make any sense.
Still here? Smashing. Now to be honest, not that much changed on my second viewing of Doctor Strange, other than Mordo's path being laid out more clearly than I'd first perceived. But I enjoyed the film just as much, and maintain that it's one of Marvel Studios' stronger standalone-movies. But you know what would make it better? Scrapping that prologue.
As the film opens, we meet Kaecilius and his acolytes as they break into the Kamar-Taj library and steal pages from a sacred book belonging to The Ancient One, murdering the librarian protector in the process. Their escape with the pages is then threatened by Tilda Badass herself, who pursues the group into a mirror-dimensioned London and battles throughout a continually warping cityscape to recover her property. The gang escape, safe in the knowledge that their reputations, and the film's maguffin, have been established. We then cut to a New York hospital and meet Doctor Stephen Strange…
But why is that sequence there at the start? It's a bold spectacle to establish the mystic and psychadelic elements of the film, but it blows any reveal further down the line. The first Captain America movie had a similar opening segment, intriducing the Cosmic Cube and Red Skull which would form the backbone of the film, the difference being that both were used incredibly sparingly at the church in Tønsberg, hinting at what's to come rather than flat-out showing us.
Much like Predator*1, it'd be better for the structure of the film if we skipped the went straight into Stephen's story without the page-theft prologue. Our realisation that magic is a quantifiable force in the everyday world would have unfolded with the hero's. The doctor's physical unmaking and spiritual rebuilding would be more a journey we travel with him, rather than as a passenger who's already seen a snapshot of the destination. Imagine if Strange's initial blast through the Astral Realm had been the first fantastical imagery we'd seen in the film.
As for Kaecilius, the rest of the film not only explains his character and intentions, but also recaps on that very scene when the theft is described to Strange. A tighter edit in the Mordo/Strange training conversation, so that the mention of the stolen pages cuts directly to Kaecilius summoning the floor-portal, would be all that's required for the audience to catch up. It's not even as if the rest of the screenplay expands the villain's character too much anyway, so having him as The Generic Marvel Baddie Who Doesn't Survive His First Film Appearance*2 would be equally workable without his early-doors introduction. Indeed, without the opening as it stands, Kaecilius' later soliloquy to Strange about good and evil being illusions while time is the real enemy would be so much more ambiguously convincing had we not seen him lop off a dude's head with two axes and for no real reason*3
In fact, it almost seems like Doctor Strange's opening sequence was an afterthought designed to hammer home the "these are the bad guys" schtick and grab the audience's attention from scene one, rather than tell the story with an unfolding intrigue. Are Marvel really so worried that audiences will get bored after thirty minutes of hero-building with no superpowers on display? They managed perfectly well with 2008's Iron Man, as I recall.
Anyway, I notice that the three Sanctums - Hong Kong, London, New York - providing equally-spaced supernatural cover to the world are all in the Northern Hemisphere. Who's protecting Australia? Thor, when his accent slips, I imagine…
The Marvel Cinematic Universe movies preceding it (although that's not essential to enjoying this).
For the heachache-inducing spectacle, yes.
Pretty much.
Not really, but only because of the strength of the cast..
No, but I will grill you mercilessly for reasons.
I'm not hearing one :(
Level 1: The score for Doctor Strange is provided by one Michael Giacchino, who's also on musical duties for Rogue One. In fact, I mentioned this in the footnotes last time.
I have reservations.
*1 Basically, Predator would have been a much better movie (and it's already a great one, remember) if the opening sequence of the alien craft crashing from space into the jungle had been cut from the movie altogether. That way, the reports of an unsubstantiated threat in the undergrowth would have been as elusive to the audience as they would to Schwarzenegger's Schaefer, and the gradual reveal of his nemesis would have greater weight as a result. Instead, everyone in the auditorium (okay, living room, these days) knows that a UFO has landed because they've watched it happen, and it's just a case of clock-watching until the Yautja reveals itself. The opening shot manages to rob the film of its mystery and suspense, leaving a disposable action-flick in its wake.
*2 Indeed, the recurring problem in the Marvel Cinematic Universe is how to balance the villains. If you spend time in a hero's origin story to sufficiently build their nemesis from scratch, you risk detracting from the hero's screen-time. They need a measure by which to test/prove their own strength, of course, but have the villain killed at the end of the first film and it feels like a one-dimensional, token character (cf Abomination, Whiplash, Malekith). Whereas if you don't permanently despatch the villain, the hero hasn't beaten their challenge and the film can feel like nothing's really been achieved (cf The Chitauri and Thanos, even though that one's building up to Infinity War). All you can do really is at least give your villain a decent amount of personality in the meanwhile (cf Red Skull, Ronan the Accuser, the Trevor Slattery Mandarin), or give them a sliding-scale of morality (cf Loki, Winter Soldier).
*3Kaecilius and his gang had the librarian incapacitated while they stole the pages anyway, there was no actual need to kill him if they thought they were skilful enough to carry out the heist. Worried he'll leap into a portal and follow you? Break his legs before you go. That way he suffers the humiliation of having to explain to The Ancient One how he failed to stop the theft (damn I'd make a great supervillain). But if the pages are as powerful as Kaecilius believes (and they are, remember), then leaving survivors behind becomes irrelevant, surely?
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Doctor Strange (3D / first-pass / SPOILER-FREE)
Cert: 12A / 115 mins / Dir. Scott Derrickson / Trailer
And there was me being so distracted by the upcoming Rogue One that Marvel's latest entry into their ongoing canon sort of snuck up on me. Sort of.
The new offering sticks largely to the format as expected (why gamble when you've got no sign of a losing hand?), but is more rooted in the mystical side of the continuity. One where armoured suits still exist, but focusing on the magic that's merely science the characters don't yet understand. Despite the frequent brain-bending visuals, the film never quite goes full-Inception, although it does often feel like M.C. Escher got drunk and rebooted Harry Potter. Structurally, the narrative is on solidly familiar ground*1, which helps to keep everything flowing smoothly.
Benedict Cumberbatch and Tilda Swinton shine in their roles as the eponymous Doctor and The Ancient One respectively. Chiwetel Ejiofor and Benedict Wong make the most of their supporting slots, as does Mads Mikkelsen. Rachel McAdams puts in a good turn as far as she's able, but feels slightly wasted in the film, to be honest.
As mentioned, Doctor Strange takes place within Marvel's Cinematic Universe framework of course*2, and while references to the other movies and characters are fleeting, they do feel like they're being presented to the audience as a reward/reminder, a little. Tonally, the film lies somewhere between the dimension-hopping disorientation of Thor: The Dark World and the humorous stellar-agoraphobia of Guardians Of The Galaxy. Director Scott Derrickson balances the action, danger and sense of fun well enough, although any philosophy the film might have been aiming for seems truncated by a run-time of just under two hours. Although after the lengthy and action-packed continuity admin of Civil War, this movie is a nice change of pace for the series.
But these are just my first impressions. Doctor Strange is a movie which is going to take a few viewings to properly sink in…
The business-end:
• Is there a Wilhelm Scream? I didn't hear one.
• Is there a Stan Lee cameo? Yes.
• Is there a mid-credits scene? Yes.
• Is there a post-credits scene? Yes.
Other movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Inception.
Yep. In 3D too, if you can bear the light-loss.
It does, but I'd have liked it to make that achievement with about an extra 20-30 minutes of run-time.
In terms of the cast, no, but director Scott Derrickson is better known for his mass-market horror fare, so most likely yes.
You'll have to justify yourself.
I didn't hear one.
But let's not rule it out.
Level 1: Galen Erso is in this.
*1 And speaking of familiar, composer Michael Giacchino is on score-duties here and seems to have loved his own Star Trek theme so damned much that he's retooled it as the recurring motif in Doctor Strange. Don't worry lads, it's only going to be geeks watching this; they won't notice…
*2 It's also interesting to note that the ever-evolving Marvel Studios ident at the beginning of the film has now dispensed with the flickering comic-panels (other than the first couple of seconds) and is comprised of their MCU screen properties. While they can hardly deny their comic-book roots, is this a sign that the company now views the cinematic stories as the definitive versions? Discuss.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
