Sonic The Hedgehog Cert: PG / 99 mins / Dir. Jeff Fowler / Trailer
A disclaimer where it's due: during the early '90s console-wars I was always, if anything, a Mario-kid. This was only because we happened to have Nintendo devices in the house rather than Sega, but the long term knock-on effect of this is that I have precisely zero baggage with Sonic The Hedgehog, other than trailers which did nothing to convince me it was worth seeing.
And while I'd usually affect an air of understated cultural superiority with a subtext of "Hey, the hedgehog can take as long as he likes to arrive, it was the Italian plumber who got the cool movie", there are tribes in the depths of the Amazon rainforest as yet untouched by wider civilisation who know that's not true.
So fair play to director Jeff Fowler for having a crack at this now.
LYING Because it does feel like Sonic The Hedgehog is a screenplay that's been lying on a shelf for a couple of decades, waiting for the technology to catch up and do it justice. The initial pitch of a young alien transported to Earth from his homeworld, too fearful to reveal himself and too shy to make friends, is certainly timeless enough. And that's packaged here by writers Josh Miller and Patrick Casey into a present day, extra-terrestrial hero's journey road trip buddy-com, surprisingly uncomplicated and free of post-modern irony.
Perhaps the most interesting aspect of its 2020 unveiling (and certainly the one forgiving its excesses) is that is that Sonic The Hedgehog is a film made unapologetically for kids, rather than the streetwise, retro-loving adults these things are usually aimed at. And when watched with that in mind, it's pretty damned good, never speaking down to its audience but still keeping things pleasingly undemanding. Plot-markers are carefully laid out and called back in, and in the context of the script it all makes relative sense.
HUNGRY The animation for Sonic himself is decent, although his facial contortions aren't quite as expressive as Ben Schwartz's voice performance, which in turn feels slightly too 'old' for a character who's meant to be at the back-end of adolescence. James Marsden*1 puts in a solid role as human sidekick Tom, supported by Tika Sumpter as his long-suffering wife Maddie; effectively the surrogate parents-to-be of this unexpected arrival. The movie looks mostly great, even if there's a part of me that now wants to see the entire thing with the awful Sonic, just out of morbid curiosity.
But a chase is nothing without a pursuer, and Sonic would be nothing without Dr. Robotnik - here, a government-funded black ops stooge played by an old-school-channelling Jim Carrey. Which is a nice way of saying that Jim Carrey is good at being Jim Carrey™, or rather, being that version of Jim Carrey which makes people who don't like Jim Carrey™ avoid all of his work on general principle. Somehow his nostalgic performance feels out of place in a nostalgic adventure. And the number of Carrey's scenes where he appears with no one else in shot - suggesting weeks of solo soundstage filming as he ad-libs material deemed good enough to bulk out the runtime - is quite worrying.
BETTE
And as suggested by the opening of this review, comparisons will inevitably be made to the infamous screen-adaptation of Super Mario Bros. Although in some ways the movie's perhaps closer to Doom - a game which never really had too much of a narrative to begin with, and where the movie version is a passably contrived story that plays out while the audience wait for The Set-Piece Sequences to link visually to its gaming-past. When these arrive in Sonic they're pretty joyous, but it's an ironically slow journey in getting there.
Worth noting though are a couple riffs on the Quicksilver super-slo-mo scenes from new-era X-Men, not least because they're each far better than the second time that series tried to coast on its bullet-time charm.
DICKIE
At a neat 98 minutes, this never outstays its welcome or oversteps its boundaries. Young voices in the room were code-compliant throughout and found the whole thing highly amusing, so Jeff Fowler has clearly done well for his audience.
The only real downside to Sonic The Hedgehog is that it's kinda forgettable, it's certainly disposable and there'll be little in there to bolster repeat viewings. I certainly don't feel the need to watch it again, and that will probably remain the case until the heavily-baited sequel comes knocking. Yet that's a sequel I find myself looking forward to, and I certainly wasn't that person when I sat down in Screen 5 two hours earlier. So the film's done that right, too.
If you're of an age and outlook to suspect that Sonic will be bulldozing over your childhood, then it's certainly true that you won't get the most out of this. Then again, Jeff Fowler hasn't really made it for you, so...
Think of E.T. without the heart and Super Mario Bros without the embarrassment.
Except it's not as bad as that sounds.
If you keep your expectations grounded (despite my positive words), yes.
There won't be a lot of rewatch-value in this unless you're a Sonic-obsessive, in which case you don't need my opinion anyway.
Well this might be the first time I've enjoyed James Marsden in a movie, so...
That's entirely possible.
There isn't.
A couple of very close-calls, though.
Level 1: As well as a clanging-great Obi-Wan Kenobi reference in the first five minutes, that Biker Scout from The Mandalorian is in this.
Exec 1: Mate, I've only got one of the ruddy X-MEN for our film!!
Exec 2: Oh wow, who? You get that Logan?
Exec 1: Well no, it's--
Exec 2: Professor X though, right? That'll be cool--
Exec 1: err no, it's not Prof--
Exec 2:. ..Jean Grey?
Exec 1:.Okay look, the X-Men thing's not really important...
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
This is a film which features a lengthy, suburban Miami foot-chase setpiece between Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong, soundtracked by Gloria Estefan. Close your eyes and imagine that. No, close them again, and imagine it again. The panting. The shrieking. The gratuitous bikini shots. Nowhere near edgy enough to earn a 15 certificate, but nothing you'd want to show to a 12yr old, either. With Gloria Estefan singing at you all the while. It encapsulates everything that Ride Along 2 is, perfectly.
One of the worst things about the movie is being forced to remember Ride Along, and concede that it was better than this; a film which I by no means hated but could likewise muster very little enthusiasm for. And so, two years have passed and director Tim Story returns to his established continuity with Kevin 'Haha, I'm short, that's funny' Hart and Ian 'Bullshit' Cube. An uncalled for follow-up to a film nobody wanted, like a head-on car crash between GTA: Vice City and Saved By The Bell, in which nobody survived who was able to deliver a joke. Or write a joke. Or identify a joke.
As with its predecessor, Ride Along 2 isn't awful for its entire runtime (several smirks, although no laughs I'm afraid), but the concept isn't even trying any more; a watered-down version of something which was diluted to begin with. Formulaic yet unfocused, even its headlining stars look bored. I swear to god that there's a computer whirring away in the back offices of Universal Pictures churning out screenplays of comedically mismatched buddy-cop pairings that begin with glowering glances and shrieking, and end with a car-chase/shoot-out in a shipping yard. It's not even a particularly powerful computer. It doesn't need to be.
Best scene: The Ice Cube character arches an eyebrow and says to the Kevin Hart character, "Do you ever listen to the shit that come out of yo' mouth?"*1, to which Hart wordlessly slides a full-length mirror in front of Cube; a mirror which has the cover of Straight Outta Compton sellotaped in the top corner with a sad-face sticker on it.
Hart arches an eyebrow in return and walks off set…
I have no idea. Probably not even Ride Along, to be fair.
This is, at its absolute best, a film to get from the £3 shelf in Asda to watch while you're getting drunk with as many friends in the room as possible, so that your minimal financial outlay is still spread over a wide audience.
I have no idea.
Nope.
Yep.
Nope.
Level 2: Ride Along 2 stars Olivia Munn who appeared in last January's underwhelming comedy of choice Mortdecai alongside Ewan 'Kenobi' McGregor.
*1 This part genuinely happens. The man whose production company was partially responsible for the film keeps a straight face while his character criticises the scripted lines of another.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
There's a point, a few minutes into Ride Along, when hip, streetwise police officer, Ian Cube*1 calls on a hotel valet attendant get him a car to pursue an escaping gunman. The vehicle arrives speedily, within about a second, and Cube does a comedy-double-take and exclaims "What, a Prius? Oh hell no, get that outta here!" What follows is a brief, wider shot with no dialogue; a lull which director Tim Story imagined would be filled with the raucous laughter of the packed auditorium; a lull which was more accurately filled tonight by the (admittedly small) audience thinking "…oh. Oh, that was a joke then?". Get used to that awkward cinematic silence my friend, for it will be your sporadic, yet wearily familiar, companion through the following ninety-five minutes of four screenwriters vying for your attention. While Ian Cube arches an eyebrow and says "bullshit".
Now… That sounds harsh, I know. Ride Along is by no means awful, but it's patchy as hell and relies too heavily on the chemistry between Cube and Hart to hold things together. The central pair have some great scenes together, just not all the time. Cube frequently looks like he can't believe the script he's delivering, and Hart frequently looks like he can't believe he's getting away with playing his role as Chris Rock. The supporting cast autopilot their way through what appears to be a promising first-draft of a screenplay, with the honourable exception of Laurence Fishburne who seems to be having a whale of a time (even if his part is as hackneyed as the rest of the movie). And then Cube says "bullshit".
There's shrieking, grunting, the obligatory underwritten girlfriend character, bikers, Eastern European gangsters, the obligatory stuffy police-chief character, black kids on an urban basketball court, gunfire, and a car bursting through the flames of an explosion before the title-card lands. And then Cube says "bullshit" (I think that's a thing). Ride Along did make me laugh in places, but considering how little there is that's 'new' about the film, you'd expect everyone to at least try a bit harder.
For best results, file next to The Other Guys, Cop Out and The Heat.
Make of that what you will.
Pretty much. That bit with the shotgun? Best joke.
Not as much as Tim Story intended me to.
Not really.
It's a rental with a few beers.
Nah.
I wouldn't not watch it again, but I'd need a beer in my hand.
There is. Within the first five minutes.
Why is it a thing with Cube saying "bullshit" as if he invented the word? Did I miss a memo, or something?
*1 Call him by his name. Ian Christopher Cube.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
A disclaimer where it's due: during the early '90s console-wars I was always, if anything, a Mario-kid. This was only because we happened to have Nintendo devices in the house rather than Sega, but the long term knock-on effect of this is that I have precisely zero baggage with Sonic The Hedgehog, other than trailers which did nothing to convince me it was worth seeing.
