The Transporter Refuelled (or Refueled, if you're not in the UK)
Cert: 15 / 96 mins / Dir. Camille Delamarre / Trailer
A feature-length aftershave commercial turned Jez Clarkson wank-fantasy where shiny cars, lens-flare and jaw-dropping misogyny take the place of any narrative drive or character development, with a cast (whose accents wander so much they need new passports half way through the film) who fail to plausibly deliver a script which has been written by a computer to feebly bolster a plot that even manages to rip off the franchise it's trying so unconvincingly to rejuvenate, featuring some of the most badly dubbed ADR you'll ever have seen if you can take your face out of your hands after watching the flaccid fight choreography that complements the script perfectly, and quite frankly the only people to come out of this debacle with any shred of integrity are the stunt-drivers, although by taking The Besson Shilling™, they themselves are no less complicit in this atrocity's existence.
I had low expectations for The Transporter Refuelled and it failed to meet even those.
An utterly, utterly turgid film, although I'm sure it'll have its fans…
Ray Stevenson's in it, so that's really a moot question...
There is a boot-shot.
Not that that's any consolation.
Ed Skrein starred in 2012's Ill Manors alongside Riz Ahmed, who's due to appear in Star Wars: Rogue One.
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
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