Friday, 11 September 2015

Review: The Transporter Refuelled

World of Blackout Film Review

The Transporter Refueled Poster

The Transporter Refuelled (or Refueled, if you're not in the UK)
Cert: 15 / 96 mins / Dir. Camille Delamarre / Trailer
WoB Rating: 1/7

A feature-length aftershave commercial turned Jez Clarkson wank-fantasy where shiny cars, lens-flare and jaw-dropping misogyny take the place of any narrative drive or character development, with a cast (whose accents wander so much they need new passports half way through the film) who fail to plausibly deliver a script which has been written by a computer to feebly bolster a plot that even manages to rip off the franchise it's trying so unconvincingly to rejuvenate, featuring some of the most badly dubbed ADR you'll ever have seen if you can take your face out of your hands after watching the flaccid fight choreography that complements the script perfectly, and quite frankly the only people to come out of this debacle with any shred of integrity are the stunt-drivers, although by taking The Besson Shilling™, they themselves are no less complicit in this atrocity's existence.

I had low expectations for The Transporter Refuelled and it failed to meet even those.
An utterly, utterly turgid film, although I'm sure it'll have its fans…

Is this film worth paying £10+ to see?

Well, I don't like the cinema. Buy it, rent it, or wait for it to be on telly?

Does this film represent the best work of the leading performer(s)?
Ray Stevenson's in it, so that's really a moot question...

Does the film achieve what it sets out to do?

Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?

Oh, and is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?
There is a boot-shot.
Not that that's any consolation

…but what's the Star Wars connection?
Ed Skrein starred in 2012's Ill Manors alongside Riz Ahmed, who's due to appear in Star Wars: Rogue One.

And if I HAD to put a number on it…

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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