Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Review: The Goonies

I can't believe I haven't seen…

The Goonies Poster

The Goonies (1985)
Cert: 12 / 109 mins / Dir. Richard Donner / Trailer
WoB Rating: 4/7


Okay, I'm just going to cut straight to it. This film is cheesy as fuck. And not ironically (everyone knows that irony wasn't invented until 1990 to give people an excuse for watching The Word), but in the sort of way that ages a film dreadfully, when your childhood favourite's naive plot, awkward dialogue and horrendous over-acting is only saved by the warm glow of nostalgia reminding you that this is one of the building blocks of the person you've become.
Except I don't have that, because #ICBIHS The Goonies.

Yeah, that's a harsh blow to open with, isn't it? Look, I didn't actually dislike the movie, but I rolled by eyes far more than I should have, perhaps expecting a previously uncovered gem of an action-adventure flick which is based around a gang of youths, but has a timeless, self-aware edge and a sincere emotional core. What I got was the Children's Film Foundation with a bigger budget. None of which went on acting lessons. Usually I'd put this down to the prepubescent cast, but since Rob Reiner made Stand By Me with one member of the gang less than a year later, I'll lay the blame at the feet of Mr. Richard Donner, demonstrating that he couldn't direct traffic down a one-way street.
And not to single out anyone unjustly, but Sean Astin is inexcusably bad, here.

But y'know what? I can't hate The Goonies. It's not without a lot of charm, but the charm is all it has, and my jaded expectations require more from a film that my peers swear by.

It's also faintly ironic that the closing song is Cyndi Lauper's 'The Goonies 'R' Good Enough'. At least it would be, if irony had been invented in 1985…


Oh, and there's a continuity error before the film even hits the five-minute mark, with Chunk's messy hand-print on the glass (or not) as he watches the car-chase through town.
There's a mistake before the film's even got started, Donner



Have you really never seen this before?
Yeah, never. 1985 was Ghostbusters and Back To The Future for me, and this one just slipped my radar. For 30 years.


So are you glad you've finally have?
Oh, I am. Because the next person who gushes about it in my presence had better be sitting down :p


And would you recommend it, now?
I'd recommend it for parents to show their kids for the first time, but there's really nothing there for the older audience if they haven't grown up with the film.


Oh, and is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?
I didn't hear one.


…but what's the Star Wars connection?
The film stars (Jonathan) Ke Huy Quan, who of course played Short Round in Temple Of Doom alongside Harrison 'Solo' Ford.


And if I HAD to put a number on it…




DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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