CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Now, I'm no mathematician, and I'm the first to admit it. I'm not a total dunce, but my mind is largely visual-based, and if I can avoid doing sums, I will.
However, doesn't this strike you as the most pointless sign you've seen this week?
Thanks for pointing out the special offer guys! "At that price, I'll take two!"
Actually, I bought one pack. They're pint-cans, I'm not an animal.
I've got a funny feeling that someone did notice, but they figured that your average Stella-hunter will be to pissed/confused/brain-damaged to notice anything's amiss. They'll auto-focus to the orange "I'm on special" tag, and assume they're getting a bargain.
Ironically, it is a bargain. A 4-pack of Stella-Pints is usually £5.something, so £4 is the special offer. That's what you get for hiring agency staff without interviewing them first.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
You know Rhinestone Cowboy by Glen Campbell?
The song is ostensibly about a burnt-out entertainer, still chasing his dream of fame, even though he knows the fame he craves will be as hollow and empty as it's promise. Similar, in many respects, to the tired old rodeo artists, with their fake-diamond outfits; all glamour and no substance. Very deep, Glen (no pun intended - that'd be more of a gulley).
But anyway, is Glen really a cowboy? The song got stuck in my head last week and now it's bugging me a bit. Let's break it down...
I've been walkin' these streets so long, Singin' the same old song, I know every crack in these dirty sidewalks of Broadway.
Judging by this opening whimsy, it seems to me that Glen isn't a cowboy or an entertainer... he's a fucking tramp. Hey, no big deal though, he's burnt-out and scarred by life, remember? Let's go on...
Where hustle's the name of the game, And nice guys get washed away like the snow and the rain.
Still, at least he's not bitter. I assume we're to believe he's actually one of the "nice guys", but with a hardened surface? 'Cos if he's just an arsehole then I don't think he should be allowed a public platform such as this here record. And while we're on this section, "washed away like the snow and the rain"? What the fuck would wash the rain away? More rain? Or maybe some of that meths you've been drinking, Glen.
There's been a load of compromisin' On the road to my horizon, But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me...
Oh, he's rambling now, the Thunderbird's kicked in...
Like a rhinestone cowboy Riding out on a horse in a star-spangled rodeo Like a rhinestone cowboy Getting cards and letters from people I don't even know And offers comin' over the phone
...LIKE a rhinestone cowboy, or ACTUALLY a rhinestone cowboy? He's sounding quite like a cowboy, and he certainly seems to know all about the mail they receive and the manner of telephone calls regarding upcoming opportunities. Truth be told, I don't think Glen knows, but we'll get to that later...
Well, I really don't mind the rain, And a smile can hide all the pain, But you're down when you're ridin' the train that's takin' the long way. And I dream of the things I'll do, With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe...
He really is a delusional tramp, isn't he? He doesn't mind the rain because he gets a wash I suppose. I suppose bunking the train's to be expected (and I don't think I'm doing him a disservice by assuming he's going to bunk the train, either. I mean, come on.) Although it has to be said, if I worked in a shop, and Glen Campbell came in and tried to pay for something with money he'd just taken out of his tramp's-shoe? I think I'd just give him the item and put the money in myself, just to get him out of the shop. I mean, it's not like he's going to buy anything that comes to over a dollar, is it? That's like two Curly Wurlys or something. Fair play to him for offering to pay though, and not just nicking them. Although maybe he's paying for the Curly Wurlys, as a smokescreen for the pocket full of Chomps and Fudges he's trying to lift? Campbell, you theiving bastard!
*cough* Anyway, my initial question remains, is Campbell an actual cowboy?
FOR: • He's comparing all sorts of aspects of his life with that of a rhinestone cowboy • He knows a LOT about the lifestyle of the rhinestone cowboy. Either he's actually one, or he's been reading a cowboy's mail.
AGAINST: • Constant use of the simile would suggest that he's emphatically stating he's not one, but maybe he's in denial? I reckon over the years, gigging and playing the song every night, Glen's in mental turmoil and no longer knows if he's a rhinestone cowboy or not.
Maybe he's got a rhinestone cowboy locked in the basement, and Glen's assumed his identity. The oh-so-lonely life of the rhinestone cowboy makes it the perfect disguise for sociopath Campbell (assuming, of course, that "Glen Campbell" isn't the name of the real cowboy, trapped in the cellar, whimpering like a wounded dog). Glen reads his stolen mail, and answers the phone, accepting offers of work with gleeful enthusiasm; knowing that in a few short hours, he'll bask in the (albeit empty) adulation of the crowd at a rodeo. The false diamonds sewn into his outfit catch the lights, and this, coupled with his distance from the crowd, means they don't notice his grotesque mask, made of human flesh - the faces of the cowboys he's "been" over the years.
The only giveaway is the horse, unnerved by the smell of rotting flesh and able to sense Campbell's evil with that keen telephathy that the animal kingdom so-often displays. The horse bucks and writhes, anxious to get this unknown-horror off it's back, but Glen won't be moved. And the crowd goes wild at the action unfolding before their eyes... because isn't this exactly what they've come to see?
He's done this so many times over the years. He's a professional. He's a cowboy.
* * * * *
He's trying to be a loveable rogue, but he's coming off like a cross between Seasick Steve and Ed Gein.
Legal Note: Glen Campbell is still going strong. He's out there somewhere...
* * * * *
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
February 2009. It snowed this week, and the UK almost ground to a halt.
Some places had it worse than others, of course, but on the first day of snow, the public transport across London was closed by dear old Boris, for the first time ever since the system was set up. Bless 'im. As far as I know, the worst affected areas only had about a foot of snow (about 30cm). Hardly 'The Day After Tomorrow', but enough to slow the UK down. The problem is, you see, that we're not used to it. Not that much, anyhow. Even the Emercency Services were stretched to breaking point as a whole new generation of drivers had to tackle snow and ice for the first time.
Here in Oxford, it didn't really snow significantly until Wednesday. We got around 5 inches (12cm ish), max. Nice snow. Good for making snowmen and that. It occurred to me that the last time I saw snow like this, was probably in the late 80's, when I lived up in Durham. I've got great memories of the school being closed (either boiler-problems, or none of the teachers could/would make it in), and playing Gauntlet and Bruce Lee on the Amstrad464 at home, and occasionally venturing outside to do the snow-thing before realising it was just too damned cold to stay out for long.
Of course, the snow also brings back another part of my childhood. Y'know, the part that never really left me. In 1980, I had the Empire Strikes Back sticker album, being the SW obsessed child that I was/am. It's got to have been either Christmas '80 or '81 when I got the AT-AT, and from that moment on, I prayed for snow at every viable opportunity (viable for snowfall, not viable for prayer-time).
Why? So that I could take my toys out into the back yard and re-enact the Battle of Hoth properly, of course! In the sticker album, for all the stills from the movie that depict the Hoth battle, and for all the other concept-art by the fantastic Ralph McQuarrie, there was one picture that called to my imagination every time I saw it, and still does...
I'm not sure why it's this one over the others, there's just something about the speed I suppose. The snowspeeder is whizzing past, the walker is crumbling like a felled giant, and the troops are running in, all at different speeds to each other, which is amazing to be able to capture in one painting.
So, there I was outside with my toys whenever the snow came. AT-AT, Snowspeeder, Luke in his pilot gear, the other rebels in their Hoth gear, and my solitary snowtrooper left to fight them all off (which is the major drawback when you have one of each figure). And about twenty minutes later, I'd get too cold and bring the whole lot inside before the stickers on the vehicles got too wet and started to peel.
Of course, since then, Hoth isn't the only planet in the GFFA we've seen with a snow/ice theme. Thanks to various Expanded Universe sources (and one more of the movies, of course), we've had Mygeeto (Episode III), Alzoc III (Jedi Outcast demo), Orto Plutonia (Clone Wars), Fest (Dark Forces), Anteevy (Dark Forces) and Rhen Var (Battlefront) to name a few.
(Those aren't necessarily the first appearances of the planets, just the references that belong to those screenshots). So it's at times like these that I'm kicking myself for not buying Hasbro's Ultimate Wampa when I saw it in TRU for a tenner :(
But... we make do with what we've got. And this snowfall was enough to have me raiding the toybox again :D First up...
Luke is unable to bear the freezing conditions of my back garden...
Wasn't able to pick up the detail on Spirit Obi-Wan (Endor three-pack version, not mailaway), unfortunately. And the geek worth his salt will also notice that it's not Luke in the snow, it's the Rebel Soldier from the PotF2 '97 Laser-Cannon-Deluxe pack. The irony is, I've actually had two of the Hoth Luke figures, and customised them both (IE pulled the heads and hands off) to make Jaden Korr from Jedi Academy's Hoth levels.
(I made it during the summer months, so the photo was taken then )
General McQuarrie is captured during the battle of MyGardann
Really enjoyed setting this one up. TAC General McQuarrie (ironic for reasons stated above), Saga General Veers and Snowtrooper, PotF2 Snowtroopers and Probe Droid, and from way back, that's a vintage Kenner/Palitoy MLC-3 Mini-Rig. Inside the MLC3 is a Saga AT-AT Driver, but the camera didn't really pick him up, and it could be Snaggletooth in there for all you'd know.
Ki-Adi Mundi wades into snow... and trouble.
Yeah, Mygeeto was more of an ice planet than a snow planet, but the photo wouldn't have looked as nice if I'd taken it out on the road at the front of my house. RotS Ki-Adi Mundi, TAC Galactic Marines, Saga Clone Trooper and Airborne Trooper from Mace Windu's Attack Battalion, RotS AT-RT walker, and PotF2 Endor Bunker. And the snowman's in the background, not on top of the bunker
And yes, I'm aware that the bunker features in the timeline 25 years after the Clone Wars, but I figure the Republic/Empire has been using the same hardware all that time. The interior shots we're seeing on the Clone Wars animated show certainly seem to suggest so, with all Republic ship and base corridors looking like the interior of the Death Star.
+ + + + + + +
So there we have it, that's what I've been doing this week - playing in the snow, apart from other things. Next time I'm heading down to the beach, I'll take a bantha and some sandpeople with me
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Not all those pics are mine, mind, and I'm not pretending they are. References are on the pics where applicable.
• PotF2 (Power of the Force 2 - 1995-2000), RotS (Revenge of the Sith - 2005), Saga (The Saga collection - 2002-2004, 2006), TAC (Thirtieth Anniversary Collection - 2006-2008). Just so you know
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
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