Thursday, 23 December 2010

85: All These Things That I Have Seen

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

The 2010 Retrospective, Part 1.

I've been to the cinema 47 times this year.

Actually, I've been more than that as there are some films in this list I went back to see again. You've heard me bang on about the Cineworld Unlimited card before, so it won't surprise you if I do it again. The idea is this: You sign up for a minimum of a year, paying £13.50 a month, and you get to watch as many movies as you like. Sure, you've got to pay £1.50 for 3D movies, and you might want to get a drink as well; but when you bear in mind that a regular cinema ticket at Cineworld (and I have no reason to believe this is any better elsewhere) costs £7.60 these days - if you use the card twice in a calendar month, it's more than paid for itself.

This, obviously, works on the proviso that £13.50 a month is within your disposable income, and that you enjoy sitting in a room with potentially several hundred munching, coughing, fidgeting morons who can't leave their phones alone for two hours. I'm fine with the £13.50 part. I don't like the people aspect of it at all, but I do enjoy a dedicated place to watch films, where I won't get distracted by Facebook etc (because I can turn my phone off). And realistically, there are rarely more than thirty people in the screen on the weeknight showings of movies. Most people wait until the weekend to go. I also live 10 minutes walk away from the cinema, so it's win/win really.

So, it occurred to me at the end of last year, that while I try and make sure I go and see a movie twice a month (although not always), I wasn't keeping any kind of active record of what I'd seen. Cineworld have been promising this feature on their website for a while now, and it's yet to materialise. Anyway, I kept a record in 2010.

What follows is a list of the movies I saw at the cinema in 2010. I'm not going to rate or review each one, suffice to say that the only truly awful ones have been Piranha and Skyline. The movies are separated into months (which is when I saw the movie, not neccessarily when it was released), and I'll pick a best one for each. Clicking on each poster will take you to the Rotten Tomatoes (UK) page, where you can find cast, credits and reviews etc.

They're not all life-changing. In fact, few are. All a movie has to do to keep me happy is be engaging and entertaining from the opening titles, to the closing credits. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Sherlock Holmes The Book of Eli
Film of the month: Got to be Sherlock Holmes, for sheer entertainment value.

Edge of Darkness Avatar (3D) The Wolfman
The Crazies
Film of the month: I'll go for Edge of Darkness. Not as entertaining as Wolfman or Crazies, but way more engaging.

Bugger all!
Film of the month: None. I didn't go to the cinema in March. Had too many gigs on, iirc.

Kick Ass The Ghost Date Night
Film of the month: Kick Ass. A gigantic rollercoaster of a film.

Clash of the Titans (3D) Iron Man 2 Hot Tub Time Machine
A Nightmare on Elm Street Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Film of the month: Hot Tub Time Machine was better than I though it'd be, but Iron Man 2 wins here.

JUNE: Wild Target
Film of the month: Wild Target. It was just okay, but 4321 was an overrated mess...

Get Him To The Greek Killers Shrek 4 (4D)
Predators Inception Twilight: Eclipse
The A-Team
Film of the month: ...I'm going to go for Inception, even though I loved the A-Team. I saw both of these films twice in July.

The Last Airbender Scott Pilgrim vs The World The Expendables
Film of the month: Scott Pilgrim. It's highly stylised, but hugely fun.

Piranha 3D Avatar: Special Edition The Last Exorcism
Dinner for Schmucks Resident Evil: Afterlife (3D) The Other Guys
Film of the month: Dinner for Schmucks, but RE:A3D was pretty damn good, too.

Back to the Future
Film of the month: I only went to see Back to the Future in October. Twice. But it'd win no matter whatever else I'd seen anyway.

Due Date Let Me In Saw 3D
Skyline Red Despicable Me (3D)
Jackass 3D Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt.1 Unstoppable
London Boulevard

Film of the month: It's got to be Despicable Me. An absolute joy to watch.

The American Megamind The Tourist
Meet the Parents: Little Fockers

Film of the month: Hmm, I suppose it'd be The American. A very good film. Definitely closer to "film" than "movie". The rest of December has been a bit pedestrian, if I'm honest.

World of Blackout: Film of the Year 2010

Hmm, so if I picked my favourite out of the monthly winners...

Sherlock HolmesEdge of DarknessKick AssIron Man 2Wild TargetInceptionScott Pilgrim vs The WorldDinner for SchmucksBack to the FutureDespicable Me (3D)The American

I'd have to go for this:

Considering I was on the fence about even seeing it, this pretty much blew me away in terms of grinning with adrenaline-soaked excitement. Kick Ass won't neccessarily teach you a lot about the human condition, but it's fucking good fun.
You can buy it here.

And that was my year of sitting in a darkened room, trying to ignore the other people who dared to choose the same time and place to watch a movie as me. Actually, the quiet ones are alright. I love the quiet ones.

I'll leave you with this thought: When there are three pre-movie ads reminding you to switch your phone off? That means you. I don't care if you're waiting for an important message. Don't wait in a fucking cinema.

Until next time, happy watching!

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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