Pain & Gain Cert: 15 / 129 mins / Dir. Michael Bay
Now there may have been moments in that trailer where you thought "Well, it looks lively and action-packed enough, but what's it actually about?". If it's any consolation, I asked myself the same thing several times during the actual film. Action-thriller? Heist-comedy? Philosophical-parable? Michael Bay aims for each of these and misses the bullseye with every shot. He's succeeded at taking a fairly straightforward story and making it needlessly complicated with sporadic internal monologue voice-overs from five characters. Because of this, it's unclear whose point-of-view we're meant to be seeing the story from, and who we're meant to be sympathising with (although that part's intentional, admittedly). By the time you've factored in a camera that won't stay still, stylised freeze-frames and captions that aren't used often enough to be a bona fide feature and a 'Now… 1990s' soundtrack, it's all a bit of a jumble. A well-intentioned jumble, but still.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't dislike Pain & Gain, but it felt like hard work trying to get any real enjoyment out of it. The action veers between chaotic and flat-out incoherent, and while you never lose track of the narrative, you get the feeling that in gentler hands this could have been a far more effective film. There are some joyous moments of adrenaline, and genuinely dark comedy; but it's forty minutes too long and hampered by more gear-changes than a Fast & Furious movie. For what it's worth, the performances by Wahlberg, Johnson, Mackie and Harris are all great, even if they're being directed all over the place.
I honestly think I enjoy Bay more when he's just showing us 50-ft robots beating the living oil out of each other, and Megan Fox leaning over a car bonnet. At least he's focused at that.
Michael Bay goes to great lengths to remind you that Pain & Gain is a true story; unfortunately he didn't stop to ask anyone how well he was telling it. If the film had the same clarity and drive as the central character, it might not be the steroid-injected hot mess that his partners-in-crime are.
Just because the crooks were stupid, it doesn't mean the movie has to be...
It's a mess as well, so yes.
I suppose I did, yes.
It tries, but it's pulling in different directions. So no.
DVD, tops.
Yes. Yes I will.
Maybe with a commentary track?
There isn't.
Question here
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
The Awakening (Spoiler-free)
Cert: 15 / 117 mins / Dir. Nick Murphy
More of a supernatural thriller than an outright horror, The Awakening is the story of an author and sceptic who accepts a job at a boys' boarding school after the first World War (the trailer says 1919, the movie says 1921, what can you do?), after sightings of a ghost have lead to the death of one of the pupils. As the building is emptied for the holidays, hallways echo and voices from the past make themselves heard…
On the plus side, the desaturated colour palette and wisely used camerawork gives the film a beautiful antique, claustrophobic feel reminiscent of The Others. The frights and chills are wholly expected, but delivered with a restrained perfection. As a ghost story, it sets out its stall and sells its wares beautifully. Rebecca Hall, Dominic West and Imelda Staunton all give solid performances perfectly in keeping with the atmosphere.
That said, it seems to owe a lot to stories you've already seen or read. That's not a deal-breaker when it's told as solidly as it is, but the further in to the film you get, the less it has to offer. Don't focus too much on the destination, and just enjoy the ride. As is usual with this sort of thing, a lot of the story's power lies in the first telling, so avoid spoilers if you can. Best watched in the dark.
Yes.
Yes.
Just about.
Pay to rent.
A little.
At some point.
There isn't, no.
Where can I get me one of those torches that seems to illuminate nothing but my face as I'm tiptoeing around the house at night?
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a 'catch-up' review. I watched this film at home, not at the cinema. I saw the trailer for this at the cinema, and I would have seen the film there too, but they didn't/couldn't show it. So now iTunes, Amazon, Netflix and Blockbuster get to reap the rewards of my local's advance-advertising, and I'm sure they're delighted. Now you may say "oh come on, they can't show everything down there", and that would be a valid point if they didn't do things like running Taken 2 for six weeks. Was it that successful? No, I don't think so. Twilight? Batman? Les Mes? Sure, go for it; if they're pulling the punters in then keep making that money. But Taken 2? I ask you. Anyway, this is essentially a DVD review, but still of a new(ish) film. There. I'm glad that's sorted.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Dogtooth Cert: 18 / 95 mins / Dir. Giorgos Lanthimos
Okay, first things first: 2010's Dogtooth is weird. I mean, seriously, fucked up weird. That trailer barely even scratches the surface. Lies, deception, incest, people acting out scenes from Rocky, it's all there.
The film centres around a family living in rural Greece. The parents have raised their now-adult children with little-to-no knowledge of the outside world. This manifests itself in ways such as telling them that the planes they see in the sky are in fact toy planes which could (and sometimes "do") fall into the garden; teaching them false definitions of words (eg, 'sea' is the cushioned item you sit on in the living room, that's next to the sofa); and the father pimping out the female security guard at his work to come and have sex with his eldest son. All of which happens for reasons which are not revealed to the audience. I know sometimes 'crazy' doesn't need a reason, and that their isolated world is built up meticulously, but (for my money) Lanthimos spends too much time focusing on the how and not even touching the why. I didn't expect the film to answer all of the questions it raises, but there's very little in the way of resolution by the final scene.
When you start with the weird-dial turned up to 10, where do you go from there? The film does manage to up the shock-ante, but I was left with a feeling of distinct narrative-claustrophobia as the plot itself didn't seem to go anywhere. Indeed, it's less of an actual plot and more of following these weirdos around the house for an hour and a half. And it is unfortunate as Dogtooth is made with real dedication. An unflinching camera watches the family emotionlessly for long stretches where any normal person would have looked away, and I really have to hand it to the cast on a spectacular job all round.
As a pedantic aside, I did find some stumbling points with the education the parents are giving the children (if "roadtrip" is a highly durable material, does that mean they also haven't learned the words "road" or "trip"? 99% of the language they speak is completely normal, and the 'off' words are heavily showcased, but language doesn't really work like that). And as there's a Windows XP logo in the background on one of the computers, why would another one of the characters be carrying VHS tapes of Rocky and Jaws, post-2001? VHS tapes, sure, but why those films? That said, with a film as fucked up as Dogtooth, those questions don't even begin to matter.
Ultimately, this film wasn't made for me. Then again, this film wasn't made for most people. I wasn't excited, outraged or offended, just baffled.
It represents the parts it shows perfectly. The rest, it can't show.
Probably not to be honest, I was overthinking it from a narrative point-of-view.
I have no clue.
With the best will in the world, 'free'. Unless your an arthouse buff.
I will view you with deep suspicion if you pretend to understand any of it.
I can't see that happening.
There isn't.
Explain, please.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a 'catch-up' review. I watched this film at home, not at the cinema. I saw the trailer for this at the cinema, and I would have seen the film there too, but they didn't/couldn't show it. So now iTunes, Amazon, Netflix and Blockbuster get to reap the rewards of my local's advance-advertising, and I'm sure they're delighted. Now you may say "oh come on, they can't show everything down there", and that would be a valid point if they didn't do things like running Taken 2 for six weeks. Was it that successful? No, I don't think so. Twilight? Batman? Les Mes? Sure, go for it; if they're pulling the punters in then keep making that money. But Taken 2? I ask you. Anyway, this is essentially a DVD review, but still of a new(ish) film. There. I'm glad that's sorted.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Sub Shameless_Self_Promotion()
Dim Dignity, Ego, Self.Awareness, Apprehension as Integer
Sum(Ego + Self.Awareness) > Dignity
Dignity = 0
Apprehension > All
End Sub
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Well the good news is that City of Bones is better than the trailer would suggest. The bad news is that there's still plenty of What The Trailer Would Suggest in there. The film is well acted, well scored and beautifully shot, but the elements of The Hero's Journey slow the story down unnecessarily, and the supernatural-romance aspect keeps throwing the whole thing into neutral.
Neither of those are inherently bad in themselves, but tMICoB*1 is better when it's an unfolding mystery about secret societies of creatures, mortal or otherwise. The film also seems to have trouble blending the three elements together, and the result is a set of different coloured threads that never weave together as smoothly as they need to. It's a real shame because when it's working, it's entertaining as hell. Luckily it changes track so often that you won't be rolling your eyes at Jamie Campbell Bower's quippy dialogue for too long before it's back to slicing demons apart...
Despite my moaning, the film never got to the point where I couldn't bear it. As is so often the case with this sort of thing, the problems I have with it are centred around the story itself, not its telling. With that in mind, it succeeds fairly well, and I'll be interested to see where the series goes from here. Oh, but the least said about the Deus Ex Sonic Screwdriver, the better.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is a decent telling of a half-decent story. The part that's reminiscent of Nightbreed is hugely enjoyable; the part that's reminiscent of Twilight is hugely tedious. And the parts that are channelling The Empire Strikes Back almost made me fall out of my seat laughing*2.
For what it is, it's rather good; but what it is may not be for you.
It's representative of one aspect; the film is more than that.
Sometimes.
I'd imagine so.
The effects work nicely on the big screen, but the rest is strictly DVD-fare.
No.
Only in prep for the second one.
There isn't. Why not?
I can't be the only one to have got the Ghostbusters reference, can I? The audience at my screening sat stony-faced through that. Philistines.
*1 That's what all the cool kids are calling it, right?
*2 Oh, I know there's a layer of deception and falsehood in those scenes, but the intonation is there.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
2012's Would You Rather*1 is a compact 93 minute horror/thriller that plays out like a cross between James Wan's Saw and Clive Barker's Dread, with a sprinkling of a murder-mystery weekend. Whereas in Agatha Christie's world the guests of a dinner party start murdering each other and are assembled around a dinner table to weed out the perpetrator, in this film they're assembled so they can begin the proceedings…
There's a distinctly indie feeling to the film, partly from the modest (but wisely used) budget and tight-zoom exterior shots, but also from a screenplay clinically divided into three thirty minute acts. The script is clunky for the first third, intriguing for the second, and effectively functional for the third.
Like all the best horror (physical and psychological), the film's real strength lies in its voyeurism and making the audience feel uncomfortably complicit*2 in what they're witnessing. The overall diversity of assembled participants in the film's game is just broad enough to make the tasks they're assigned genuinely tense, even though we've all guessed what 'elimination' entails. The director, David Levy, doesn't linger over the gory details in the way of Hostel, but by focusing on the reaction of the other contestants, the punishments which are meted out are just as severe.
While Would You Rather is definitely one for the horror-crowd, the lack of outright gore might leave some of the hardcore frustrated; although it's not quite as cerebral as it'd like you to think it is. It's a captivating film, and one I'd like to see expanded out to the two-hour mark, if only to flesh out some of the characters whose deaths mean little as we barely get to know them.
Would You Rather is available as a hard copy from Amazon, or digitally from iTunes. If neither of those float your boat, the internet is your oyster.
Oh, and not that I'm an expert or anything, but bleeding out from a stab-wound doesn't happen that quickly, neatly or quietly. And neither does a heart-attack. Just sayin'.
In a nutshell, yes.
Pretty much, yes.
Almost, almost.
Pay to rent if it's your bag, if not avoid altogether.
No.
At some point.
There ain't.
I can't be the only one who said "Hey, Crab-man!" at least once during the film, can I?
*1 I watched this on the recommendation of @graygrrrl, who doesn't review anywhere as often as she should, but it's worth it when she does.
*2 Although, like the good viewer I am, I was audibly cheering at least a couple of the stabs. Sue me.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a 'catch-up' review. I watched this film at home, not at the cinema. I saw the trailer for this at the cinema, and I would have seen the film there too, but they didn't/couldn't show it. So now iTunes, Amazon, Netflix and Blockbuster get to reap the rewards of my local's advance-advertising, and I'm sure they're delighted. Now you may say "oh come on, they can't show everything down there", and that would be a valid point if they didn't do things like running Taken 2 for six weeks. Was it that successful? No, I don't think so. Twilight? Batman? Les Mes? Sure, go for it; if they're pulling the punters in then keep making that money. But Taken 2? I ask you. Anyway, this is essentially a DVD review, but still of a new(ish) film. There. I'm glad that's sorted.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
