Wednesday, 4 May 2011

144: Furious Orange

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

Wanna see my pips?

Do you know why you can't buy Spangles any more? Or Newcastle Amber Ale? Or black & White CRT televisions? Supply and demand. It's how consumerism works, generally. They don't make them because there aren't enough people who want them. In some cases it's a bit sad (Amber Ale), and in some cases it's completely justifiable (the televisions). But ultimately, I do understand, and more to the point, I accept it.

With that in mind, who's growing orange trees in 2011? I mean, other than orange farmers.

Most oranges you buy have got fucking pips in them. Why is this, please? No, I know why evolution put them there, and I know what their purpose is, I mean why are they in my oranges in 2011? I don't want to grow an orange tree. No-one I know wants to grow an orange tree. And correct me if I'm wrong, but they don't have a dual-purpose. If I'm not wanting to use them to propagate my own orange trees (and let's face it, it's not in the interests of Tesco, Sainsbury's, or the orange-farming community to give me this opportunity for 'free'), then they're just a waste of my fucking time, aren't they? Other than the continuation of the species, there is no reason (NO. REASON.) for the pips being there. And I don't buy oranges in the supermarket so that I can grow my own, any more than I buy burgers so I can make my own cows. As much as I love oranges, they're hard enough work as it is without having to either spit out, or pre-pick out, the bastard pips.

I know, I know: "Buy the ones without the pips in", you helpfully suggest. That's my point, none of oranges in shops NEED the pips in. If they can create some oranges without them (they can), they can do it for all of them. It can't be that difficult, or they wouldn't do it at all. Personally, I don't see why we can't make them all 'easy peelers' too, as that also seems to be possible. But maybe some people actually prefer getting their hands covered in sticky mild acid after slowly and messily removing an outer layer which they won't eat, before spitting out more bits which they won't eat. But I'm not those people.

Orange makers: You know how they stopped putting bleach in penny chews, and took the spikes out of children's toys because everyone had worked out that they weren't needed and were letting the side down a bit? Can you do the same thing with oranges, please? Thank you so much.

Any while I'm on, do there really need to be that many types of orange? I mean, I like them all, but it seems a bit selfish on the part of the orange manufacturers. In Sainsbury's tonight, there's two types of lemon, one type of lime, and thirteen different types of orange. Justify that. Does it seem right to you? Where's the lemon and lime love, eh?

Oh, and if you could take the pips out of lemons while you're on, that'd be great, thanks. I don't need them, either.

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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