Monday 25 March 2013

Alternate Histories #1: Oats

Facts you didn't know, from times that never happened...

Before the Battle of Hastings, people would essentially shoot sticks at each other, hoping that the combination of the velocity of the wood and a soft target would dissuade their opponents from persevering with battle.

On the fateful day in question, one plucky French archer was about to eat a triangular baked oat-based snack which he had skewered onto one of his "shooting sticks" (largely because his hands were dirty from the rigours of war), when suddenly the call came from his commander to begin the assault. With a glint of mischief in his eye, he left the snack right where it was and launched the projectile at the enroaching Anglo Saxon forces...

His comrades found this hilarious, and mocked his apparent forgetfulness, but young Jacque Du Flappe gazed across the battlefield as destiny had chosen his target to be none other than King Harold himself. The lethal collision of oats and eyeball ended the battle, and won the war, and the Norman army called for this new weaponised footstuff to be named 'Flappes' in honour of its unwitting creator.

Jacque, being a humble soldier, declined the accolade and insisted that it be named after his hometown in the Pyrenees. A small hamlet named Arreau...



Inspired by this...

...which was inspired by this prime piece of slow-news-day reporting...

Thanks to Helen for starting this ball rolling. Now I'm thinking of writing more...




DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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