Review: Gremlins

Gremlins
Cert: 12A / 106 mins / Dir. Joe Dante / Trailer



Confession-time: it has been far too long since I watched Gremlins and part of me had actually forgotten what a stone-cold Christmas classic it really is. With its mid-80s timestamp and names like Kennedy, Marshall and Spielberg on the production roster, Joe Dante’s creature feature is the solid gold standard of wry adventure cinema.

BUSTLING

In the small town of Kingston Falls*¹, the bustling lead-up to Christmas gets a whole load more chaotic when inventor/salesman Randall Pelzter brings home a pet Mogwai for his son, Billy. Not quite understanding the gravity behind the rules for keeping one, the household is soon under siege - followed shortly by the whole town - from small demonic creatures who don’t know the meaning of a Silent Night…

The movie begins at a wonderfully measured pace even though it’s never dull, takes time to personalise its character archetypes, and masterfully teases out the reveal of both its cure hero and his snarling antagonists. And when the action does kick in, on the flip of a coin Gremlins becomes a darkly comic home-invasion horror, then a delightfully silly action comedy.

HUSTLING

Using lighting, shadow-play and offscreen sound effects, Dante does so much with so little. It’s a masterpiece of efficient filmmaking until it’s time for the little critters to take centre-stage. At this point, the craft and skill of model-making and puppetry collide – not to mention Dante’s skill in directing his human cast (because the Gremlins themselves won’t work for long unless they’ve got people to play off against). Jerry Goldsmith's sweeping, melodic score drives the whole romp forward, while the 4K transfer looks amazing. Other than the outfits and set-dressing, Gremlins hasn’t aged a day. It is utterly glorious.

RAZZLING

It’s just that… well, how does the Mogwai/Gremlin’s biology work? I don’t mean the reproduction-when-wet, I can buy that. I mean good/bad thing when they eat after midnight. The little dudes don’t know what time it is, so this has got to be a cell-coded thing based on the relative positions of the Earth and Sun, right? Which means that hourly timezone blocks wouldn’t govern this, as they’re a societal construct. From a purely geographical standpoint, the line of 'midnight' moves at the same speed the Earth rotates.

Also, this story takes place at Christmas when Daylight Savings Time is in effect in North America. That will affect the midnight-rule. Shouldn’t Randall Peltzer been informed of this at the time of purchase? (I know he got Gizmo from the kid outside the shop rather than the old man himself, but still). Also, what time is it safe to feed them again? When is the re-set? Randall’s just told they shouldn’t eat “after midnight”. Well mate, 11:30pm is “after” midnight if you’re on a 24hr clock. You can’t lay down rules without some sort of written contract, Dante. Even ol’ Doc Brown took the chalk to the blackboard to explain how things worked…

E.T. but darker and more playful.



If you can, yes.



It is.



Although I reserve the level of affection for Phoebe Cates shared by most adolescent boys who watched Gremlins in the 1980s, it’s notable that viewed through 2019’s lens she’s technically out-acted by Mushroom, who plays Barney the dog. Nothing against Cates who is great in other projects, but despite my praise for Dante in the review above, she is not well directed here. The dog however, is consistently fantastic.



No, because you think it's great as well.



Not that I heard.



Level 1: Atari's 1983 Death Star Trench Run game is in this.
Close enough for me, pal.





*¹ How had I forgotten that the town square of Kingston Falls is Back To The Future’s Hill Valley? That’s what I mean about this being too long. ^{[ BACK ]}

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