CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Remember when smoldering looks and massive shoulder-pads were all the rage? You're thinking of 1984, aren't you? I'm talking about 1996. Shoulders of the, erm, Shadows of the Empire.
The early 1990's had seen a resurgence in popularity for Star Wars. Timothy Zahn's 'Heir to the Empire' had been published in 1991, the saga had been re-released on VHS, and in 1994, Hasbro had started a new line of 3¾" action figures. Now I'm guessing they'd looked at the old Kenner range, and someone in the office had suggested the new line be a bit more buff. 'Buff' is what they got...
So obviously, movie-accuracy not a huge issue at this point. They're still clearly SW characters, but they're almost cartoon-like in their proportions. Anyway, this hyper-real attitude also spilled into the character design for the Shadows of the Empire project, hence the principal players looked as if a train carrying Star Wars folks had crashed directly into the Dynasty studio...
So, what was this? Shadows of the Empire is a story which fits directly between the events of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. There's about a year (in-universe) between the films, which had remained previously sparse in EU material. The narrative follows Luke, Leia, Lando and Chewie as they pursue the bounty hunter Boba Fett, who's still carrying the carbon-frozen Han Solo. Now the easiest thing to have done, would be to get a novel in the shops and leave it at that, but you know those folks at Lucasfilm don't like to skimp on things that way.
'Shadows' was the first major SW "multimedia project". As Star Wars had previously proved, you can move a lot of merchandise surrounding a film release, and a lot of this can complement the source, rather than just being bolt-on fluff (although SW has always had plenty of bolt-on fluff, too). So, Shadows of the Empire was released with the following:
• A fullsize hardback novel, telling the story from the perspective of the Rebellion's heroes • A 144 page graphic novel, telling the story from the perspective of the bounty hunters (plus separate Prequel and Sequel comics) • A PC/N64 video game, telling the story from the perspective of a mercenary hired to work with the Rebels • A full soundtrack CD of originally scored music, performed with a full orchestra • A making-of book • A range of action figures, complete with deluxe 2-packs and vehicles • A set of 100 trading cards
The idea was to release "everything but the movie". There are some movies (even in 2011) that don't get all of that treatment.
Two of the most successful elements were Prince Xizor and Dash Rendar. Created especially for the project, they're both 'wild cards'. Since the events of Shadows take place before Return of the Jedi, we already know that the central characters (Rebellion and Empire alike) can't die, so unknown quantities have to be inserted. Xizor is the Falleen Prince, head of a shipping corporation that's a front for the largest crime-syndicate in the galaxy, while Dash Rendar is the cynical mercenary hired to help track Boba Fett for the Rebels. Neither paricularly likes the Rebellion, and both hate the Empire more. Oh, and if Dash sounds a bit like Han Solo, that's because he essentially is him. With Solo in carbonite for the whole story, the writers felt that someone should take on that brash anti-hero role.
Shadows of the Empire is still Expanded Universe, of course. The mid-nineties were a much more innocent time for the EU. You could fit the continuity timeline on a single page, and a new novel was quite the event (these days there's a new novel every couple of months). Because the prequel films were still in production, that area of the timeline was off-limits to writers, so the majority of the material was either interweaving with the OT films, or expanding out after Return of the Jedi. The 'price of entry' was arguably much lower back then, although the books are still in print now, so it's not too difficult to play catch-up (although it will still be time consuming).
So, did it Work? Obviously this is me being purely subjective, but 'yes'. The variety of ways in which the audience can experience the story almost makes up for not having a movie. This is the trump-card which few areas of the EU currently have. In terms of canonical legitimacy, it's up there with the best of them. A frequent bugbear of fans of the EU is that as the GFFA grows larger, is that stories overlap and characters are in two places at the same time (or; worst case scenario: characters who survived in one part of the timeline are killed earlier, but in a later-published story) throwing things out of whack a little. While there's a lot of effort within Lucasfilm to stick to established continuity, some storylines do take precedence over others (with the movies being at the top of the pile). So much was put into Shadows of the Empire's creation by Lucasfilm, that it's above the line of things that will get retconned in the future (...probably).
And what next? It's a shame that not much has been done with the Dash Rendar character since '96, but once Han's back in the picture, he's kind of not needed. And odd as it is to call spoilers on a 16yr old story, Xizor dies at the end of SotE (there, I said it). But because of the way the EU is constantly... well, expanding, we haven't seen the last of the reptillian Prince. Stories occuring before SotE have featured Xizor in a similar antagonistic role, and a sequel comic series 'SotE: Evolution' featured Dash Rendar and Xizor's assassin, Guri.
So that's this week's slice of Star Wars history for y'all. One of my faves outside of the movies, and still well worth checking out if you're an OT (or shoulder pad) fan.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
First things first, I've got no problem with politeness. If anything, there's not enough of it around these days. But I'm not here to go into that, and Michael Legge is already doing sterling work in that field.
But is there such a thing as being too polite? Y'know, just 'politeness for the sake of it'? Misguided politeness?
Scenario 1 What if, for example, someone in the same room as you sneezed? If there's just you and that person, you'd probably say "bless you". And if that person is also polite, they'd say "thank you" for you doing that. I doubt very much that you'd then reply "you're welcome", because that would just be taking it too far, wouldn't it?
Scenario 2 But what if there's a group of you in the room? What if person A sneezes, then B & C say "bless you"? If you (D) and E don't say anything, are you both being rude? A has already received two blessings for an involuntary bodily act, isn't that enough?
Scenario 3 What if A sneezes and no-one says anything? B, C, D & Eseem quite rude, but D and E are only acting as they did in Scenario 2, and it was okay then wasn't it?
Scenario 4 What if A sneezes around six times a day, in a very self-indulgent way*1? The first time, B and C will say "bless you", but after that, he's generally ignored. Upon being ignored, A does a little disapproving affectation, as if by ignoring his nasal outburst, we've all collectively broken into his house and rubbed poo onto his family photos*2.
Now, can you guess which one of those four scenarios has prompted me to write this?
It's not that I don't see the point in politeness, I do. But this 'bless you' malarky is essentially an empty acknowledgement of a sneeze. Unless you're in the clergy, you're not actually blessing someone. You could exclaim 'why, curse you!' and it'd have the same practical outcome (apart from perhaps shocking sneezer-A into shutting the hell up*3). It's not like polite society offers similar sentiments for coughing, burping or farting, no matter how dramatic the outburst. They're all essentially projecting germs into the air, and if anything are rather frowned upon.
So obviously, there are some religious overtones to this remark, but where does it come from? From what I understand there are two origins:
Firstly, back in the middle ages, it was believed (although I don't know how universally) that when you sneezed, it was an evil spirit exiting your body. You'd be acknowledged with a 'bless you' to help pardon your sins and cleanse your soul. Bear in mind, the spirit has just left your body; if anything, the 'bless you' should have been used as an invocation to sneeze. Saying it afterwards is like saying 'get well soon' after someone's had their final all-clear scan.
Secondly, it was used at the time of the Black Death. The idea was that if a person sneezed, it was an indicator that they could well be infected with Bubonic Plague, and the 'bless you' was a pre-cursor to their eventual demise. It's used more logically in this sense, but let's face it: if you're in a room with someone who has the plague and is sneezing, you're pretty fucked too. In which case, 'bless me' or 'cheers, you absolute bastard' would be more appropriate.
So what do you think the chances are that the office-sneezer has a case of either a) evil spirits or b) bubonic plague? Yeah, me neither. It's more likely to be a low-level dust allergy. I don't think you need to be blessed for a low-level dust allergy, although I may well be wrong there...
Scenario 5
'A': What's this? The last thing I remember, I was crossing the road, I saw a bus, and now I'm surrounded by clouds and that! And a big man with a beard in a huge throne! Does this mean..?
God: Yes, you're sort of dead I'm afraid.
'A': Crikey. Still, it looks like I've come to the right place though, eh?
God: Erm, yeah. Don't make yourself too comfortable. This is just your 'interview'.
'A': My interview? ...but I've lived a good life. I've been kind to others, charitable and non-judgemental, and tried to live in service of You at every opportunity...
God: Well yes, and that is appreciated-
'A': And what about that time I saved that little boy from drowning? He grew up to be a lifeguard, so he could save the lives of others! I need an interview after that?
God: Of course, but I've got to look at all the paperwork, and-
'A': And you're remembering the time that I walked from Lands End to John O'Groats to raise money for missionaries to go to the Third World and give out vaccines?
God: Yes, yes. Listen, do you remember that office you worked in during 2011?
'A': Oh yes, I think I was allergic to the carpet or something. I sneezed quite a lot in there.
God:Bingo. Now usually, you were given a post-sneeze-blessing, or 'PSB' as we call them here...
'A': Of course, they were a polite bunch.
God:We-e-e-ell..., there was one Monday afternoon when you were alone in the office with that Geordie bloke. You sneezed, several times, and he didn't bless you.
'A': ...well he had his iPod on, he probably didn't hear me.
God: Oh, he heard you. He just didn't issue you with a PSB.
'A': Well maybe he didn't want to interrupt the entertaining podcast he was listening to, or-
God: Let's be honest, I think it's more likely that he doesn't see the value in what he considers to be, at best, an outdated superstition masquerading as common courtesy.
'A': Well it's a good thing we know the truth, eh?
God: Yeah. About that. Under the system we're running, the absence of a blessing actually counts as a negative-mark. And as you know, I only allow the best in here. So I'm afraid you, erm, can't come in.
'A': ...is this a joke? I can't come into Heaven because of someone else's rudeness?
God: Yeah. It's kind a bug in the system. We're looking to fix it in the next upgrade, but until then...
'A': I can't, like, do some kind of penance or Purgatory thing to clear it?
God: Afraid not. Under the current system, you're only allowed to work off your own sins. What you're thinking of would be classified as apologising for things other people have done. And then we'd be getting all sorts of unrepentant buggers through the gates, all 'excused' by others. That'd be ridiculous, wouldn't it? Ha-haa...
'A': So can I come in once the bug's fixed?
God: It doesn't really work like that.
'A': So what now? I go to Hell? Actual Hell?
God: Pretty much. Look on the bright side though, lot of flames - there are going to be some some great barbecues. I hear the peppered steak's amazing.
'A':Peppered..? I... you... [skulks off in the direction of Hades]
God: [rolls eyes incredulously] What did I say..?
So, as God correctly surmised, when someone sneezes and you say "bless you", you're not just being polite, you're also perpetuating an outdated superstition. But I suppose if you want to prevent your family, friends and colleagues going to Hell, you'd better carry on doing it.
You're very, very welcome.
*1 I can't really explain it, it just is. *2 We haven't, but if it'd put a stop to this, I'd consider it. *3 ...I might try that one.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Yep, Reaction Time. As in ‘who shot first?’ Let’s go there.
It’s the topic that never dies, and you’d probably hoped I wasn’t going to bring it up. When the trolls begin their regularly scheduled Lucas-bashing, one of the straw-men that’s wheeled out of the cupboard is Greedo-shooting-first. Traditionally, in the Cantina scene, Han Solo killed Greedo before he got a shot off. Then for the 1997 Special Edition, this was changed so that Greedo misfires a shot into the wall, giving Solo the chance he needs to shoot him and take his leave.
Now, the CGI used in the 1997 version wasn’t as smooth as it should have been, admittedly. This was the first, and justified, bone of contention. For the 2004 DVD release, the CGI was improved, and the gap between Greedo’s and Han’s shots was shortened. The issue still isn’t resolved though, as many aren’t happy with what this implies for Han Solo.
“This cheapens the character!”, the nay-sayers cry. “How are we supposed to believe he’s a badass mercenary if he only shoots in self-defence once he’s been attacked?”. So is Greedo shooting first really a game changer? Let’s have a look at the different versions:
Scenario A (1977): Han Solo, the deadpan, cynical smuggler is faced with brash young Greedo, a Rodian bounty hunter who’s heard that Han has a price on his head, and figures that he can always collect the lower bounty for bringing him in dead. Greedo corners Solo in a bar, holding him at gunpoint, and suggesting that he gives the money he owes to Greedo. Solo refuses, claiming he doesn’t have the money on him, knowing that even if he hands it over, Greedo will kill him and collect the dead-bounty. The longer the conversation continues, the more that Solo realizes Greedo won’t let him leave the bar alive. Sensing that the Rodian is about to make his kill, Solo strikes first, shooting him from underneath the table. As Greedo’s lifeless body slumps forward, Solo casually tosses a handful of credits to Wuher, the bartender, to cover the inconvenience of clearing away the body, and to buy his silence when inquiries are made as to Greedo’s fate. From the audience’s perspective, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.
Scenario B (1997): As above, Solo and Greedo are facing each other down in a seedy bar, with the Rodian laying down unsubtle hints as to what’s about to happen. With the increasing Imperial presence on Tatooine, Solo knows better than to shoot at the first sign of trouble, though. Questions will be asked, and Solo’s main line of business requires him to be anonymous in the eyes of the Empire. Then, through all his talk and bluster, Solo senses that Greedo’s about to actually move for the kill. It’s not in his interests financially, but Solo knows that Greedo will take his body to Jabba the Hutt and try and secure a bounty for delivering his corpse. Having a gun pointed at him, Solo has already unholstered his own under the table, and when a nervous Greedo fires off a shot (luckily wide of its mark), Han responds in kind, shooting the Rodian in the gut and killing him. As he has off-world business to attend to, the smuggler tosses a handful of credits to the bartender, to cover the inconvenience, buy his silence, and ensure he can come back here again someday. For the second time, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.
Scenario C (2004): Once again, the human and the Rodian are squaring up in a grimy bar in downtown Mos Eisley. Solo’s been in this situation enough times to know what’s about to happen, and he lines up a shot under the table, out of sight. Greedo knows Han won’t come quietly, and won’t hand over the money he owes Jabba. The only sensible way is to kill Han and collect the bounty for him dead. A microsecond after he lets off a shot, Solo returns the favour and slots Greedo in the stomach. The reaction wasn’t to the Rodian’s shot, it was to the look in his eyes that said he was about to nervously move for the kill. As the smoking alien slumps over the table, Solo leaves to go and meet the old man and the boy he’s just taken a job from, anxious to get off-world while he still can. Once again, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.
The way I see it, the only difference in each version is the reaction time. When you shoot a known-killer pointing a loaded weapon at you, it becomes irrelevant whether they shoot first or not. All that matters is that you get out of there and they don’t. With each version of events, Solo is still a killer. His overall character-arc remains unaffected. He’s still the cynic at his introduction who’ll smuggle people and goods to make money to pay off his debts. He’s still arm-twisted into rescuing the princess when the plans go awry, concerned only with the money he’s been promised. And he still comes back to help Luke destroy the Death Star, realising that loyalty and friendship can be a bigger motivator.
Who shoots first in the cantina is irrelevant. Han is still Han, Greedo is still dead. Your perception of the character doesn’t affect the validity of their actions. Get over it.
If anything, the presence of a young Force-ghost Anakin at the end of Jedi has huge implications as to the nature of Vader’s accountability for his actions over the past twenty years. That’s what you should be debating…
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
PART ONE:
I haven't had any coffee for five days.
I've had some caffeine, admittedly, but not a lot. Basically a can of Diet Pepsi at lunchtime and that's been it. It's been in a vain*1 bid to improve the condition of my skin. It's not like I'm The Singing Detective or anything, but as I've previously noticed, it's caffeine that gives me spots etc, despite being in my late thirties. As I've also previously noticed, caffeine is quite difficult to give up if you use it to be 'on fire' at work*2. I enjoy being on fire at work, as it makes other people in the office look a bit shit by comparison.
So, as coincidence would have it, my jar of Douwe Egberts ran out last Friday, and I thought I'd give a caffeine-free environment a go. I can't drink that shit from the machine in the canteen, largely because it's not coffee*3, so there'd be no temptation to get pumped on a slow morning. So in place of the coffee? Water. That's got to do me some good, right? I mean sure, I'll be at the toilet every twenty minutes *4, but that's the H2O doing its thing. It's all good, yeah?
Yeah?
Apparently not. After five days of drinking a moderate to large amount of water, I'm far more intimately acquainted with the office-toilets, and I have the skin-tone of a fucking fourteen year old. It's actually worse than it was last weekend. The lack of supplementary energy has also resulted in me spending Monday to Wednesday having the reaction-time and general sluggishness of a teenager, too. There's only one thing for it. Abstinence can fuck right off.
In the same situation as before, I found myself at St. Pancras International, with twenty five minutes to kill before my train. It had been a long day so far, and I'd already come to the conclusion that the lack of caffeine was doing me no good. Now would be a good time to break this ridiculous charade. Looking at the Departures board, I could see the faux-quaint, ethically conscious Sourced beneath, with three or four people queued up (a slight number given the busy rush hour people-traffic). Behind me, the multinational behemoth that is Starbucks, with a queue of folks snaking back and outside their premises. Which one should I go for?
Well, remembering how long it took me to get served last time, I went to Starbucks. It was pretty much exactly how I like my retail transactions to be. I give them money, they give me stuff, no-one gives each other shit. Lovely. £2.40 has got me a Fucking Massive*5 Americano with an extra shot, and I can't tell which is going faster: this train, or my brain. Parts of my psyche are waking up like Ash at the end of Army of Darkness, and wondering exactly how long I've been asleep.
You remember that bit in 1978's Superman where he's discovering his powers and ends up running alongside that train? That'll be me when I get this finished, mind.
You can tell I'm back on the coffee, I've made three screen-references in one blogpost. This week's Star Wars A-Z post will be up on Sunday or Monday, by the way. I've got to put together a video for it, and between having a busy week and no fucking energy, I haven't been able to get round to it. Sorry, like. Although I doubt you were on the edge of your seat for it anyway ;)
Going to go and read comics, now. Ciao.
*1 vain, in every sense of the word, apparently. *2 Not literally "on fire". Obviously. *3 It's brown, hot and comes out of a coffee machine. The similarity ends there. *4 And I was. Every twenty bastard minutes. *5 That's right, fact-fans. 'Venti' is Italian for 'Fucking massive'.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
