Tuesday 15 November 2011

253: Review - Immortals (3D)

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

Immortals 3D poster

Immortals (3D)
14th November 2011. Location: Cinema

Immortals is a bit like a car crash involving 300 and The Hero's Journey. And like a car crash, no-one walks away unscathed.

It tries its hand at many things; slick bullet-time actioner, grand-scale epic, inspirational fantasy flick, bloody and brutal fight scenes, muscly men for the ladies, saucy ethereal chicks for the guys… it can't quite succeed at any of them. It does try, just not hard enough. The film's not as god-awful as many reviewers would have you believe, but you have seen this before, and done far more convincingly than this. The 3D's passable, if underused. The acting's workable, given the clunky generic script. The scenery is somehow very drab; a desaturated palette mixed with large, featureless landscapes makes it all seem like it's been autopainted in. Sadly, you can also apply this to the rest of the movie. It feels like it's capable of so much more, but no-one was really paying that much attention apart from the fight-scenes featuring the Greek gods. Now those are nicely done, but too few and far between to save the film.

There are a lot of names in here who should know better, but I guess a) everyone's got to earn a living, and b) you don't know it's a turkey until it comes steaming out of the oven.

If you want chicks, go watch Suckerpunch. If you want gods, go watch Clash of the Titans. If you want action, go watch Prince of Persia. This film tries to be a mix of the three, and it turns out like you'd expect that to.

I'll give it a three, but frankly that's generous. It's just not as fucking awful as Conan.


• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

1 comment:

  1. It’s probably one of the best-looking films of the whole year (yet, I still haven’t seen Tree of Life) and the action is awesome and in-you-face which is something I always like. The story dragged on a bit and I couldn’t help but think that if the writing was a tweaked a little better, this would have definitely been a very solid film. Instead it was just fun and pretty to look at. Good review.