Wednesday 10 July 2013

Review: The Last Stand (Spoilers)

World of Blackout Catch-up Review

The Last Stand Poster

The Last Stand
Cert: 15 / 107 mins / Dir. Ji-Woon Kim (SPOILERS)

This would be quite a capable (if throwaway) thriller if it wasn't for Arnie turning it into a live action cartoon every time he's on screen. There are some rather nasty head-shots in amongst the cliched script, and it feels like a 90's action movie that's been waiting on someone's back-burner, biding its time. Neither Forest Whitaker nor Eduardo Noriega have the heft to pull off their weary cop or cartel-boss roles too convincingly, and the pair-up of Luis Guzmán and Johnny Knoxville threaten to over-egg the slapstick pudding from time to time. With that in mind, Schwarzenegger does a good job of being good ol' reliable Arnie.

Considering how awful it should be, The Last Stand is a surprising amount of fun. I mean, it's still awful as well, but in that "Schwarzenegger" kind of way.

Some thoughts as I was watching:
• In the bad guy's jailbreak scene, the police are standing next to the base of the crane that's winching the FBI Prisoner Escort van out of sight. Why do none of them think to take out the power/operator?

• If you're going to plant a henchman in a hotel as a uniformed porter, maybe choose a one that HASN'T got a massive tattoo on his neck? That guy can probably do the work of the people in the ninja suits you've got outside?

• The FBI are conducting a night-time car chase in a helicopter and they don't have night-vision?

• Considering Arnie says that "the bullet passed clean through" Harry Dean Stanton's head, there sure was a hell of a wide spray when we saw it earlier.

• It's around 350 miles from Las Vegas to the Mexican border. The Corvette that Cortez has stolen has a top speed of 200mph. Cortez breaks out at 4am, so why are they still driving at 7?

…amongst others. The Last Stand is nothing special, per se, but I get the feeling it's not really trying to be. Acquitted by its own low standards.

Is the trailer representative of the film?

Did I laugh, cry, gasp and sigh when I was supposed to?

Does it achieve what it sets out to do?

Buy, pay to rent, or wait until it's on for free?
Pay to rent (if you're an Arnie fan).

Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?

Will I watch it again?
At some point.

Is there a Wilhelm Scream?
Not that I heard.

And because you won't be happy until I've given it a score...

And my question for YOU is…
Arnie spends a lot of time in this having massive shootouts, then complaining about how old he is. How long do you think he can keep doing this?

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a 'catch-up' review. I watched this film at home, not at the cinema. I saw the trailer for this at the cinema, and I would have seen the film there too, but they didn't/couldn't show it. So now iTunes, Amazon, Netflix and Blockbuster get to reap the rewards of my local's advance-advertising, and I'm sure they're delighted. Now you may say "oh come on, they can't show everything down there", and that would be a valid point if they didn't do things like running Taken 2 for six weeks. Was it that successful? No, I don't think so. Twilight? Batman? Les Mes? Sure, go for it; if they're pulling the punters in then keep making that money. But Taken 2? I ask you. Anyway, this is essentially a DVD review, but still of a new(ish) film. There. I'm glad that's sorted.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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