Thursday, 7 August 2014

Review: Grace Of Monaco

World of Blackout Film Review

Grace Of Monaco Poster

Grace Of Monaco
Cert: PG / 103 mins / Dir. Oliver Dahan
WoB Rating: 2/7

Like one of those abstract perfume ads you get on TV around Christmas-time, but stretched out to 100 agonising minutes, and without the concerted effort of at least trying to sell you something at the end. Nicole Kidman does a fantastic job of neither looking nor sounding like Grace Kelly, and although I didn't know the woman personally, I'd also put a few quid on the princess of Monaco not regularly ghosting around her Mediterranean palace, rambling on with glassy eyes and an accent stuck on shop demonstration mode.

Oliver Dahan's Grace Of Monaco is a tale of commitment and regret, set against a backdrop of diplomacy and political intrigue, told by someone who can't seem to convey the first two and isn't particularly interested in the latter. The sets look convincing enough, but it's not always easy to appreciate them, what with some of the most baffling camerawork I've ever witnessed choosing instead to fill the entire frame with the top-half of Kidman's face for minutes on end. ("Look, that's acting that! You can see it in her eyes! Well, you can't really see anything except her eyes, but I'm sure it'll have the same effect.")

Mr Orange, Richard Nixon, Harry Potter's mum, Citizen Smith and Scrooge from out of Sony's Christmas adverts lead the supporting cast, all looking suitably embarrassed and no doubt wondering how much worse things can get in the editing suite. Oh, and Mace Tyrell seems to have based his Alfred Hitchcock impersonation on Hopkins' performance in the Hitchcock movie, rather than on say, Alfred Hitchcock. All the better for focusing the audience's attention on Ms Kidman, no doubt.

Directionless to the point of incoherence, Grace Of Monaco isn't even hammy enough to be enjoyed on an ironic level; it's just boring. I would suggest that someone from YRF Entertainment gets on the blower to Google as soon as possible, to make enquiries about exercising the film's right to be forgotten.

I wish I could forget it that easily.

Is the trailer representative of the film?
Go away.

Did I laugh, cry, gasp and sigh when I was supposed to?
No, seriously.

Does it achieve what it sets out to do?
Why are you asking me this?

Pay at the cinema, Rent on DVD or just wait for it to be on the telly?
What do you want from me?

Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?
I can't get over it, all the time you won't let it go.

Will I watch it again?
Seriously considering electroconvulsive therapy in a bid to shift this.

Is there a Wilhelm Scream?
No. No there isn't. Now drop it.

And if I HAD to put a number on it…

And my question for YOU is…
…I got nothin'.

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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