Friday, 10 April 2015

Review: Paul Blart - Mall Cop 2

World of Blackout Film Review

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 Poster

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Cert: PG / 94 mins / Dir. Andy Fickman / Trailer
WoB Rating: 1/7

First things first and credit where it's deservedly due: Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a PG-rated comedy which is entirely content to be a PG-rated comedy. It's essentially a kids' film with a (mostly) adult cast, and stays well clear of the ongoing frat-pack trend of peppering the script with unnecessary fuck-bombs to earn a more credible 15 Certificate, then throwing in a couple of dick-shots for good measure. In this respect, the film achieves its goals admirably...

…that being said, why has Kevin James waited six years to resurrect his most patronising and insulting character in an unwarranted sequel to a poorly-received original? Well, I'd imagine the short answer to that question involves Money™and the long version revolves around Not Having Any Other Ideas™.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is awful. Bloody awful. The film's first half hour is laboured, the second is tedious, and the third is an insult to everyone who's actually put aside some of their precious life to watch the film. If you think watching a fat man falling over is funny, then Paul Blart 2 has a joke it would like to tell you. Eight times. No seriously, I had to keep a count after seeing four of them in the trailer. Not including deliberate dives and slides, there's a pratfall every eleven minutes, on average. Then there's a sequence in which we're asked to believe that Kevin James would fit inside a suitcase, despite a) it being a regular-sized case, and b) the film having spent the previous hour pointing at James and making fat-jokes.

The film's first act sets up so many callbacks that the third act needs to start after twenty minutes, just to give it time to reel them all back in. Kevin James and Nick Bakay's awkward script limps along with regularly placed gaps, which I imagine are intended to be filled with the rollicking peals of the audience's uncontrollable laughter. These yawning chasms were met by Friday night's audience with a resentful silence. I'm aware that comedy is often entirely subjective, but Paul Blart 2 just isn't funny. Oh, and I didn't watch this in an empty auditorium, by the way. Well, it was empty of mirth, patience and goodwill, but y'know…

Kevin James does that 'cringe-inducing' thing really well. Probably slightly too well, if I'm being honest. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is a little like the UK version of The Office. Except with no laughs, no charm, and a fat man falling over every eleven minutes.


Is this film worth paying £10+ to see?
Go away.

Well, I don't like the cinema. Buy it, rent it, or wait for it to be on telly?
Go away.

Does this film represent the best work of the leading performer(s)?

Does the film achieve what it sets out to do?

Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?

Oh, and is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?
There is. During the 'battle-finale'.
And I'm actually deducting a point for the film besmirching Private Wilhem's name like that

…but what's the Star Wars connection?
Paul Blart 2 stars Neal McDonough, who appeared in Captain America: The First Avenger along with Sam 'Windu' Jackson.

And if I HAD to put a number on it…

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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