CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Everything I thought was certain has now changed. It would seem that anything is now possible.
Going into work On the morning of Thursday 18th September 2008, I found myself in a place I hadn't been to since the summer of 1991 (and it wasn't Laser Quest on Margate seafront). I found myself able to put my hand on my heart and say something I thought I'd never say again...
"The new Metallica album is... fucking AWESOME."
It seems melodramatic, I know, but it's really affected me that much, I kid you not. The cracks started to appear when they were touring for the black album. It took me a while (alright, a couple of weeks) to adjust to their 'rock' sound, and while I fucking LOVE that album, it's almost like a different band that recorded '...And Justice For All'. The new sound gained them a larger commercial credibility, and they started rolling out singles like Michael Jackson on 'Bad'. Then they toured three times off the back of one album. They were going to have to pull something pretty amazing out of the bag to retain a fanbase that was still besotted with Slayer, and the way they stayed fresh without changing their sound every two years.
It's not that I ever grew out of Metallica, it's more that come 1996, we parted ways as I thought that their material for the 'Load' album was shit, 'ReLoad' equally shit, 'S&M' was a wasted opportunity and the least said about 'St. Anger' the better. That Napster episode also wound me up for reasons I won't rant about here. All in all, it seemed like ego had gotten the better of the boys and any connection to the raw, visceral thrash metal of the 1980's was gone for good. I still listened to the first five albums on a semi-regular basis, but had no real passion for the band any more.
Then, in early September I saw an ad or an article (or something) about the new Metallica Album, 'Death Magnetic', and thought to myself "now THAT's a pretty fucking good name for an album", and it was only out of idle curiosity that I gave it a whirl. The great thing about it is that things just seem to slot into place...
THE GOOD:
1) The title: DEATH MAGNETIC. It just sounds fucking cool, but maybe that's because it's got 'death' in the title. Any who doesn't like magnets, eh? Not overly enamoured of the cover, but hey ho.
2) The track layout. It's all classic Metallica here, and sticks to the old-school formula. Track one starts with a clean guitar sound before getting harsh and noisy (like on RtL, MoP & tBA). Track four is the 'ballad' track (like on RtL, MoP & AJFA). The penultimate track is the way-long instrumental track (like on RtL, MoP & AJFA).
3) Even "The Unforgiven Part 3" is a great achievement when you consider that "Part 2" sounded like a bad rip-off of a song that should never, NEVER, be sequelled. Some things are just sacred, and trying to follow them up is an insult to the original (The Crow 2, anyone? Oh, how about Dusk Till Dawn 2?). That being said, "Part 3" just WORKS. The song structure is the same and the musical composition and lyrics are evocative of the original without being a rehash.
4) The production: The album has the raw, stripped feel of 'And Justice for All', with the melodies of 'The Black Album'. It almost feels like they should have put this record out in 1990, as a bridge between the two. The transition between AJfA and tBA threw a lot of people at the time (myself included), and this sounds like the best of both worlds.
THE BAD:
1) They're still a bunch of fucking whiny old men. I couldn't bring myself to watch 'Some Kind of Monster' and listen to their self-indulgent shite about how hard it is to be a millionnaire musician with a global fanbase hanging on your every word, knowing you'll fill arenas world-wide whenever you decide to tour. With this in mind, I haven't been able to bring myself to watch the two-hour 'Making Death Magnetic' documentary either. I have a funny feeling it may spoil the album for me.
2) What the fuck is going on in the video for 'The Day That Never Comes'? I was under the impression that it's a song about bullying and/or domestic violence/abuse... so they make a video set in Iraq where some troops get shot, and the survivors nearly frag an Iraqi couple on their way to market, but decide not to. I guess it's supposed to be a lesson about prejudice and keeping an open mind, whilst supporting the troops that are out there doing a shitty job for a guy who interfered in someone else's business to try and boost his popularity; an admirable sentiment, but IT DOESN'T WORK WITH THIS SONG.
THE UGLY:
1) I'm not going to go into detail, but remember that massive court case a few years back where Metallica were instrumental (no pun intended) in shutting Napster down? Well, if we lived in Metallica's ideal world, I wouldn't have heard the album - wouldn't have loved the album - wouldn't have BOUGHT the album. But we don't, so I did, I did, and I DID. Go figure.
So, to sum up; in a year where Oasis and Dido have have put out albums that bored the arse off me; in a year where 'new music' is generally boring the arse off me and I'm listening to a lot of Skynyrd and old-school blues; Metallica have put a fucking great big smile on my face. Listening to 'Death Magnetic' has got to be the ONLY time I miss my long hair (just a bit, not a lot).
If you liked Metallica's first five albums, GO AND LISTEN TO DEATH MAGNETIC \m/
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
I don't drink tea. Don't like the taste, simple as that. Don't really have an agenda about it.
Few people at work do though, and as I've got a proper office job now, it's like getting a round in a couple of times a day (albeit a very cheap round, though with more effort). So, summer's just about gone and I was thinking about that thing that some tea-drinkers say when it's hot.
"Have a cup of tea - that will keep you cool!"
Now, call me a twat, but I don't think drinking a HOT drink when it's HOT is actually going to help me feel any more comfortable. Ah, but there's reason behind their claim you see...
"The hot tea makes you sweat, which is nature's way of cooling you down"
...the fuck? By that rationale, I should drink cold drinks in the winter then? 'Cos that'll make me shiver which is nature's way of warming me up! For fuck's sake. All these years I've been drinking cold drinks to try and lower my internal body temperature, when I should have been doing the EXACT OPPOSITE. What a knob. They also follow up with the following interesting bit of secondary persuasion...
"All the Arabs do it, and they live in the desert. They HAVE to keep cool!"
Well, pardon me for perpetuating the stereotype, but aren't the ones who "live in the desert" all wearing WHITE FUCKING SHEETS and living in WHITE FUCKING TENTS? I've got a black shirt on (okay, own fault), and I work in a badly airconned building with a bunch of machines all pumping out heat- it's not the same fucking ball-game. Of course, this doesn't put them off, they're on a pro-tea roll by then...
"Well, that Pepsi's bad for you, think of all the sugar and caffeine! You'll get dehydrated!"
*cough* 1) it's diet Pepsi, 2) there's more caffeine in tea than there is in an equal measure of coffee, so don't go fucking lecturing me on caffeine. 3) Tea also contains Tannin - an astringent which inhibits the body's abilty to absorb iron and calcium. Oh, and 4) I don't fucking like tea.
"Well, you should give it a try"
What the fuck for? I can smell it when I'm making it for you and I don't like it. Maybe I should try human excrement as well? I don't like the smell of that. Maybe you should try it as you seem more open minded than me?
I usually end the conversation before I get to saying that last sentence. I should point out, 99.5% of tea drinkers don't fall into this category, but I find the 0.05% that do in every fucking job I get. There is of course a solution to this quandary...
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
So I've been thinking about Skeletor. Y'know, the way you do.
Poor bastard, thwarted at every turn by He-Man. All he wants is to rule the world. if you watch a few episodes of Masters of the Universe, you'll see that there's actually fuck all ON Eternia. No bastard lives there, it's just Adam, his parents in the castle (watch the first episode), his mates, and the bad folks. The bad folks mainly consisting of Skeletor and about five others, all trying to take over the planet. Oh, and his cousin She-Ra lives around the other side of the planet, also doing very little.
They clearly don't have interplanetary travel yet, or they'd have buggered off to another planet and ruled that. it wouldn't matter that there's nothing to rule on another planet, there's basically nothing to rule on Eternia. I've no idea what Prince Adam's old man actually DOES with his days. Unless of course there are millions of inhabitants that Filmation couldn't be arsed to draw an animate back in the day. Anyhow, that's not the main jist of what I was pondering.
I was wondering how the fuck anyone can understand Skeletor. Look at him up there. Look at his mouth. Now I'm not going to sit through that shitty Dolph Lungren film to check, but I was under the impression that 'movie' Skeletor is a deformed/ugly/shy bloke in a fearsome mask, a bit like the Phantom of the Opera, wearing battle-armour to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies etc. Bottom line is, the mouth-piece isn't supposed to move when he speaks.
UNLIKE 'cartoon' Skeletor; His merry jaw dances along with every curse and sneer. Now I've got not problem with him talking, it's not like he's a complete skeleton (check out the pecs every time he gets riled - he's built like a brick shit-house), so I'd imagine he has a full set of lungs/vocal chords/tongue etc. My problem lies with the fact that HE HAS NO LIPS, so he can't shape his words properly. This would make his usual threatening discourse with He-Man a bit crap...
+ + + + + + + + + +
[Ext. Daytime. A mountain pass. He-Man and his companions are facing off against their foes...]
HE-MAN: You won't win Skeletor. My brave allies will soon have your cohorts behind bars and the people of Eternia will be safe once more!
MAN-AT-ARMS: What the fuck is he on about? Is he pissed?
HE-MAN: He's munted, he can't even talk!
SKELETOR: GRAARRRGH, RARRRRAAARG , RARRARAGH!
TEELA: Oi, Evil-Lynn! Next time you're out on the lash, leave the spesh at home will ya?
[cut to group shot of the heroes, laughing good-naturedly]
HE-MAN: Now THERE's a new definition of 'Speak no Evil'!
ALL: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[fade]
SKELETOR: ...GOLLOCKS.
[fade in to ORCO, here to deliver the episode's moral]
ORCO: Today, Skeletor learned that in order to exercise his will over all Eternian civilisation, he'd have to grow A FACE. The fucking dribbling freak.
[fade and credits]
+ + + + + + + + + +
Maybe he's telepathic and the illusion is created for the benefit of the audience and to aid the narrative? Maybe I'm just reading too much into it? Either way, I'm not convinced.
Next week, I'll have been watching Thundercats...
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
...I think Chas'n'Dave are stalking me.
Maybe you don't know who Chas'n'Dave are? They're a duo (more properly a trio, they've got an unnamed drummer) who's height of 'fame' was in the 1980's, with a musical style they pioneered as a cross between rock'n'roll, boogie-woogie and Cockney. They call it Rockney. Here, look at their cheeky-chappie faces.
Now, I'm aware that they look cheesy as fuck, and the description IS cheesy as fuck, but the galling thing is, they're actually pretty fucking good at what they do. Now the back story...
During the 1980's, my family did a lot of family trips to Scotland and various holidays by car, plus visiting my grandparents at the weekends. As a result, with the parents in the front and in charge of the tape deck, the barrage of crap we had to listen to was truly astounding (not all of it, but SOME). Part of that was Chas'n'Dave (which in fairness, we used to ask for). As I said, they were moderately successful in the 80's, with frequent TV appearances, songs in the hit parade, and the likes of The Two Ronnies and Russ Abbot taking the piss out of them. One of their bigger 'hits' was a song called '(Down to) Margate', which was a ditty about the Cockney tradition of going off down to Margate (surprisingly) for a day-trip during the summer.
This song took on more 'meaning' when we actually WENT to Margate one year, and got more and more poignant with each subsequent holiday. So, as you can imagine, by the time we MOVED there it was practically a fucking anthem. Chaster and David (for 'tis their names) have lately become something of a subject of affectionate ridicule, not least between my sister and I, who keep sourcing their bargain-basement CDs and Cassettes for silly birthday presents etc (Trip to the Isle of Wight last year, full CD on in the car, fucking ace). So while I freely take the piss out of my Cockney brethren, it's done rather lovingly. I'd still let them in my house. OR WOULD I?
This tale gathers pace a couple of years ago when the eponymous duo were due to play the Winter Gardens in Margate (where else?). We toyed with the idea of going, but frankly, there are too many people at their shows who take them a little too seriously, and would mistake our laughter for cruel mockery. So we passed on that. Then a couple of months ago, my sister asked me if I wanted to come and visit Torquay (where she lives), as Chassington and Davmansworth were playing there. Again, had I been visiting anyway, I may have been up for a laugh, but I didn't really want to make the trip just for that one gig. So we passed on the idea.Two weeks ago (July 26, I'm not fucking making this up), I took our lass down to Bournemouth for a short weekend away. We arrived on Saturday lunchtime and we were going again on Sunday afternoon, so we only had one night there. It was a beautiful day, so we were strolling along the seafront (as one does), and took a walk down the pier. There's a theatre at the end which puts on typical British seaside shows (variety shows etc). Then I clock the poster outside the door. Chas & Dave - Sat 26th July - 8:00pm I fucking kid you not... http://snipurl.com/3bwpr
Anyway, it was like £17 each for the tickets so we decided to pass as we wanted to see a bit of the town that night, have a few jars, y'know. We had a bit of a laugh over it, but gave it no more thought. No harm done.
Then, not three days later, we get the 'local' What's-On/community/articles-I'll-never-read magazine through the door, the Didcot Dynamo (great eh?). Our lass is flicking through it and sees an ad for CHAS'n'DAVE. At the fucking Didcot Civic Hall. On February 14th 2009, Valentine's day!
If this isn't Karma trying to get me and our lass to one of their gigs, I don't know what fucking is. You've got to understand that the Cockney sparrers mainly play the seaside theatre circuit, and larger towns only.
They say that in the England, you're never more than 72 miles from the sea. Didcot is that place. Oxfordshire is the MOST inland point in England. And Didcot is NOT a big town. Had they played Oxford or Reading, I could understand that (they are playing Reading - but not the Festival :p ), but Didcot. And not even the spanky new Arts Centre they're currenly finishing... no, the shitty Civic Hall! Fate is pushing, pushing, PUSHING these two East-end virtuosos coser and closer to me in a bid for me to see them perform live. And the stupid thing is, I'll probably pass on it.
What more do they have to do? Turn up at my fucking door with an accordion and a banjo? (although that WOULD be great) I'm genuinely perplexed by this turn of events. I've long believed in karma, fate and causality; I just thought it would push me towards more monumental things in life - a cure for cancer, helping the needy, meting out divine justice etc... instead, God is telling me that I need to experience these two musical behemoths in person... I'll think about it.
They've got their beer in the sideboard here, let mother sort if out if he comes round here...
http://www.chasndave.com/
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
