Monday, 8 December 2008

12. More Tea, Vicar?

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

I don't drink tea. Don't like the taste, simple as that. Don't really have an agenda about it.

Few people at work do though, and as I've got a proper office job now, it's like getting a round in a couple of times a day (albeit a very cheap round, though with more effort). So, summer's just about gone and I was thinking about that thing that some tea-drinkers say when it's hot.

"Have a cup of tea - that will keep you cool!"

Now, call me a twat, but I don't think drinking a HOT drink when it's HOT is actually going to help me feel any more comfortable. Ah, but there's reason behind their claim you see...

"The hot tea makes you sweat, which is nature's way of cooling you down"

...the fuck? By that rationale, I should drink cold drinks in the winter then? 'Cos that'll make me shiver which is nature's way of warming me up! For fuck's sake. All these years I've been drinking cold drinks to try and lower my internal body temperature, when I should have been doing the EXACT OPPOSITE. What a knob. They also follow up with the following interesting bit of secondary persuasion...

"All the Arabs do it, and they live in the desert. They HAVE to keep cool!"

Well, pardon me for perpetuating the stereotype, but aren't the ones who "live in the desert" all wearing WHITE FUCKING SHEETS and living in WHITE FUCKING TENTS? I've got a black shirt on (okay, own fault), and I work in a badly airconned building with a bunch of machines all pumping out heat- it's not the same fucking ball-game.
Of course, this doesn't put them off, they're on a pro-tea roll by then...

"Well, that Pepsi's bad for you, think of all the sugar and caffeine! You'll get dehydrated!"

*cough* 1) it's diet Pepsi, 2) there's more caffeine in tea than there is in an equal measure of coffee, so don't go fucking lecturing me on caffeine. 3) Tea also contains Tannin - an astringent which inhibits the body's abilty to absorb iron and calcium. Oh, and 4) I don't fucking like tea.

"Well, you should give it a try"

What the fuck for? I can smell it when I'm making it for you and I don't like it. Maybe I should try human excrement as well? I don't like the smell of that. Maybe you should try it as you seem more open minded than me?

I usually end the conversation before I get to saying that last sentence.
I should point out, 99.5% of tea drinkers don't fall into this category, but I find the 0.05% that do in every fucking job I get.
There is of course a solution to this quandary...

No sugar. No caffeine. No problem.

1 comment:

  1. Well at least you make tea for your lot, I don't even get that far. The smell of it is rank, not to mention the smell when they've got the fresh coffee going...