Thursday, 4 December 2008

7. Patrick's caprine livestock situation...

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

You know Val Doonican? Yeah, you know him, lovely cuddly Val! Here he is...

"Val" is short for Valentine by the way, not Valerie. I mean, John Wayne being called "Marion" is one thing, but calling a bloke Valerie would just be taking the piss, wouldn't it? ANYHOW, I had "Patrick McGinty's Goat" stuck in my craw the other day. Not his actual goat, but the song by that name. Let's get acquainted with the first verse...

Mister Patrick McGinty, an Irishman of note,
Came into a fortune, so bought himself a goat.
Said he, "Sure, of goat's milk I mean to have my fill!"
But when he got his nanny home, he found it was a bill.

So, the song centres around a gentleman from Ireland who buys a goat and the ensuing comedic situations. It seems odd that this song was popularised BY an Irishman during the 1970s, when the stereotypical negative view of the Irish being a bit dim and hapless was at its' height. If anything, Val's reinforcing this view right off the bat! Still, let's look at the song in depth...

+ + +

Mister Patrick McGinty, an Irishman of note

Let me stop you there Val; "an Irishman of note?" I can't say I've ever heard of him outside of this song. He's arguably a "man of note" now, but if anything, that's down to the fame afforded to him via the lyrics of this song. At the time of you writing this, not many people had heard of him at all.

+ + +

Came into a fortune, so bought himself a goat

...define fortune? How expensive was the goat? You're either implying that he's thick enough to spend a RIDICULOUS amount of money on a GOAT, or came by a modest amount of money (enough to buy a goat) and was retarded enough to think of this as untold riches... which he'd still spend on a GOAT. For fuck's sake.

+ + +

Said he, "Sure, of goat's milk I mean to have my fill!

So he's bought a goat just for the milk? He's probably thinking "ooh, free milk", but the outlay to saving ratio has got to be TREMENDOUS - he paid a "fortune" for the goat, remember? How long will he be getting milk for until it's paid for itself? Bear in mind he's got to feed and care for the goat, and it's not going to live forever so he'd better make the money back soon. Can it produce that much milk? Maybe he should have bought a goat that can write songs or novels or something? I think that spending a "fortune" on a single animal and hoping to make that money back in milk during either the animal's or your own lifetime is looking pretty much like false economy. It's becoming clear that this windfall has affected Patrick's judgement...

+ + +

But when he got his nanny home, he found it was a bill.

...and affected his eyesight, as he clearly didn't notice the goats' Old Chap in the showroom. Did the goat salesman tuck it between the goats' legs? Or is Val simply implying that Patrick fits the clichéd 'thick' stereotype perfectly and can't tell the sex of a goat he's going to buy? This is assuming, of course, that Cuddly Val is referring to Nanny and Billy goats, the common parlance for the male and female of the species, and doesn't simply mean that when Patrick confused his grandmother with some manner of invoice. Although that would be somewhat off-topic, wouldn't it?

And so the song goes on with various double entendres, and with the goat eating everything in sight until it eats some explosives and blows itself up (highly unlikely I'd have thought. Poisoning would occur before explosion, surely? It'd have to swallow the dynamite whole and still leave the detonator cable intact coming out of it's mouth.) In fairness, the song's more about the goat than Mr. McGinty, but you'd think Val would have at least given the goat a name, wouldn't you? Call the song "Derek the Goat", instead of publicising a man stupid enough to spend an obscene amount of money on an animal he has no use for, then doesn't even have the common sense to either sell on or kill.

I just don't get it...

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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