Sunday, 7 December 2008

11. That Skeletor; What does he WANT?

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

So I've been thinking about Skeletor. Y'know, the way you do.

Poor bastard, thwarted at every turn by He-Man. All he wants is to rule the world. if you watch a few episodes of Masters of the Universe, you'll see that there's actually fuck all ON Eternia. No bastard lives there, it's just Adam, his parents in the castle (watch the first episode), his mates, and the bad folks. The bad folks mainly consisting of Skeletor and about five others, all trying to take over the planet. Oh, and his cousin She-Ra lives around the other side of the planet, also doing very little.

They clearly don't have interplanetary travel yet, or they'd have buggered off to another planet and ruled that. it wouldn't matter that there's nothing to rule on another planet, there's basically nothing to rule on Eternia. I've no idea what Prince Adam's old man actually DOES with his days. Unless of course there are millions of inhabitants that Filmation couldn't be arsed to draw an animate back in the day. Anyhow, that's not the main jist of what I was pondering.

I was wondering how the fuck anyone can understand Skeletor. Look at him up there. Look at his mouth. Now I'm not going to sit through that shitty Dolph Lungren film to check, but I was under the impression that 'movie' Skeletor is a deformed/ugly/shy bloke in a fearsome mask, a bit like the Phantom of the Opera, wearing battle-armour to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies etc. Bottom line is, the mouth-piece isn't supposed to move when he speaks.

UNLIKE 'cartoon' Skeletor; His merry jaw dances along with every curse and sneer. Now I've got not problem with him talking, it's not like he's a complete skeleton (check out the pecs every time he gets riled - he's built like a brick shit-house), so I'd imagine he has a full set of lungs/vocal chords/tongue etc. My problem lies with the fact that HE HAS NO LIPS, so he can't shape his words properly. This would make his usual threatening discourse with He-Man a bit crap...

+ + + + + + + + + +

[Ext. Daytime. A mountain pass.
He-Man and his companions are facing off against their foes...]

HE-MAN: You won't win Skeletor. My brave allies will soon have your cohorts behind bars and the people of Eternia will be safe once more!

SKELETOR: Raaarrrr, gaarrrrr, , aaaaar, raaaaaaa, , RAAAARARR!

HE-MAN: You won't trick me with your riddles Skeletor!

SKELETOR: RRAAAARRR! Rarrrarrrr, aaarrrarr, garrrrarrr!

HE-MAN: I can't understand you mate, slow it down.


MAN-AT-ARMS: What the fuck is he on about? Is he pissed?

HE-MAN: He's munted, he can't even talk!


TEELA: Oi, Evil-Lynn! Next time you're out on the lash, leave the spesh at home will ya?

[cut to group shot of the heroes, laughing good-naturedly]

HE-MAN: Now THERE's a new definition of 'Speak no Evil'!

ALL: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!



[fade in to ORCO, here to deliver the episode's moral]

ORCO: Today, Skeletor learned that in order to exercise his will over all Eternian civilisation, he'd have to grow A FACE. The fucking dribbling freak.

[fade and credits]

+ + + + + + + + + +

Maybe he's telepathic and the illusion is created for the benefit of the audience and to aid the narrative? Maybe I'm just reading too much into it? Either way, I'm not convinced.

Next week, I'll have been watching Thundercats...

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

1 comment:

  1. Looking at the very top picture all he wants is for gay marriage to be legal on Eternia. Camp casuap.