Wednesday 5 October 2011

234: Review - Abduction

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

Abduction poster

05th October 2011. Location: Cinema

Normally, I'd think twice about seeing this, or at least give it a hard time for its not inconsiderable faults. However, after the September I've had trying to watch "film", this movie is more than welcome.

If you've seen the trailer, you'll be thinking it's a fairly empty action/thriller, with The Other One Off Of Twilight™ leaping around and getting shot at and shit blowing up and that. You'd be right there, as well; but let's break it down...

The Plot: Taylor Lautner (The Other One Off Of Twilight™) is an ordinary 'should be happy' high-school jock, smug, borderline-bully dickhead, until he discovers a bizarre secret from his past which turns his life upside-down! Grinding familiarity ensues...

The Good: In terms of blowing shit up and jumping out of trains and cars, this is a perfectly servicable thriller. A little slow at the start (with a presumably deliberate "Twilight" opening shot), but after the first set-piece, the action sequences are fairly evenly paced. It's all very much by-the-numbers, but what the hell were you expecting? It's got The Other One Off Of Twilight™ in it. And Him Off Of Harry Potter™ as well. Somehow, the film's producers managed to bat way above their average and also secure Sigourney Weaver and Alfred Molina, but they didn't really give them that much to do, so I figure it's easy-money in downtime for those two.

The Bad: Being a 12A, and starring TOOooT™, there are a couple of scenes aimed directly at 15yr old girls. Embarassingly so. And around these areas, the dialogue is almost painful. The rest of the time, it's merely "standard". But I don't think any of us were there tonight for the scripting. Oh, and Heroine™ needs to do something about those eyebrows. Jeez...

The Ugly: A few massive lapses in logic here and there. Example; The assassin on the train waits until Heroine™ goes to the buffet car, then follows her almost back to the compartment that she and TOOooT™ are hidden in... but then waylays her into another carriage, knocks her around and asks her at gunpoint which compartment number they're in. Almost as if the dumb fuck couldn't have just waited 30 seconds, when she would've led him there anyway.

Also, despite having heavy product placement from Apple, each of the computers in the film has that dummy operating system that only exists in movies, where massive windows take up the whole screen, and things are typed out by the computer in... real... time... It wouldn't matter so much if they didn't spend so much time explaining how hi-tech everything's meant to be when it's clearly not.

Research Your Fucking Film: In all fucking honesty, the movie takes place on the west coast of America (Virginia, Pennsylvania). At one point in the "evening" when it's dark outside (but before TOOooT™ has had dinner), a phone call is made to "London, England", where it's apparently the middle of the afternoon. Not five hours AHEAD of the USA, so actually ALSO NIGHT.
It's not that difficuly. Seriously, it's not.

All In All: Nothing great, nothing new, but an entertaining distraction nonetheless. A DVD-job, for sure.


• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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