Monday, 10 October 2011

238: Review - What's Your Number?

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

What's Your Number? poster

What's Your Number?
10th October 2011. Location: Cinema

It's fair to say that this movie isn't really aimed at me; on account of the fact that I don't like getting smashed on Lambrini, giggling at men's bums and crying with my friends. Even so, I've paid in time and money to see this, so I'm damned well entitled to my opinion on it...

What's Your Number? is like a badly bolted together train of pantomime cliché, clanking slowly and jerkily down a rusty track towards a foregone, tedious conclusion. Despite throwing every hackneyed reliable staple and progression at the mix, there's nothing to make them flow together into an actual story. It's just a series of scenes you've seen before in other movies, and they were better the first time.

In fact, if you can imagine a Greatest Hits album where all the songs contained are just that little bit overplayed, and you then find out that it's a tribute band that's playing them, so that it's technically 'competent' but without any real committment or flair... that'd be this movie. The ditzy blonde, the hunky neighbour, the feuding parents, the arsehole boyfriends, the nighttime date in a deserted sports venue, the guitar serenade, the dancing on the rooftop, the realisation that 'oh, he/she is the one!'... all done with the warmth and sincerity of a Peter Kay interview.

In fact, while I'm on, what is Anna Farris actually for exactly? Not quite hot enough to compete with contemporaries like Heigl and Aniston, and not charming enough to make up for that fact. Whenever I've seen her, she tries her hand at kooky, but comes off as deeply irritating. I'd like to say the film would have been better with someone else cast as Ally, but even then it'd only be elevated to crushingly predictable. The rest of the cast try their best, presumably comforting themselves with the thought of the paycheck, but I can't see this particular gem appearing on many CVs in the future.

It's only 105 minutes, but it feels much, much longer. Which is quite an achievement when you consider that there's barely 85 minutes of material here.

If you want to remind yourself of how good Bridesmaids is, check this out.


Captain America should fucking well know better.

• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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