…is it December already? Best do some manner of summary-post, I suppose. It's been an odd year, both inside and outside of the cinema. Movies I'd been looking forward to left me a little meh (X-Men), while some that I thought I was going hate every second of turned out to be pretty fantastic (Eddie The Eagle). Speaking of which, True Story™ cinema kept bobbing to the surface, as if the real-world wasn't worrisome enough, some of which worked far, far better than others. Personally, I'm in favour of a moratorium on fact-based filmmaking until the world learns how to behave itself...
In more stat-based news, I managed to up my viewing-total this year, even though that wasn't intended and I didn't think I'd do it anyway. 2016 saw me going to the flicks 158*1 times (up an entire 1on last year). That figure includes repeat showings of course (Star Wars, Marvel movies and what have you), but the overall number of different movies this year was 141, down on last year's 142.
But it's not all about the totals, it's the quality which counts, right? And there have been some absolute stinkers this year. Seriously. While I only scored one movie with the bottom-marks of 1/7, there were far more 2s and 3s than I'd have liked. But movies like High Rise, Hail, Caesar! and Tale of Tales at least kept things profoundly interesting at the other (better) end of the scale, too.
Here's the breakdown:
There have been many, many others of course, notable for a variety of reasons. A list of reviews for the year can be found right here. All that remains is for me to thank Cineworld, as always, for their card that made the vast majority of this possible. In 2017 I'll have had my Unlimited card for ten years, so I eagerly anticipate being showered in gifts and praise by my favourite cinema-group ;)
And what for 2017? Well, a bit moreStar Wars, a lot more Marvel and we'll see what else comes along in the meanwhile.
It's been an odd year…
*1 Hmm? You want a breakdown of that, too? Go on, then…
Honestly, you lot...
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
It's a rare and precious thing as you get older, those moments of peace and quiet over the holiday season. And what better way to enjoy just that, than with the other inhabitants of screen 2 tonight, as they sat in collective and absolute unbroken silence throughout 20th Century Fox's festive schedule-filler, Why Him?*1.
Set loosely at Christmas (ie, characters say it's Christmas and that has approximately no actual impact on the plot), this is the Meet The Parents reboot you never asked for. Bryan Cranston is the grumpy dad, James Franco is the boorish but well-intentioned prospective son-in law and Zoey Deutch is The Girl One who keeps being left behind by a screenplay that forgets she's on the poster. Although in the long-run, perhaps that's better? She certainly comes out of the whole thing with more dignity than the rest of the cast. Just.
So, this is your hero of The Breaking Bads, not too long off the set of Crying In A Wig For Two Hours and reduced to being a straight-man to Franco's best grinning, fuckbombing autopilot. The latter usually gets to at least play second-fiddle to Seth Rogen's more boisterous effing-and-jeffing, but this time has to do all the heavy lifting himself. Luckily, the screenplay is mechanical enough to at least give him a hand.
Every single character in this movie could have been played by a dozen other performers and the result would have been exactly the same. Inadequate. And I include the tacked-on appearance by the front-half of Kiss. In fact, had someone else been cast as the rock-legends, at least the Paul Stanley we got on screen might not have looked like he was about to burst into tears. Although so was I, by that point. The film is so lazy yet desperate-to-impress, it's an insult to the performers and audience alike.
And I'm taking a point off for that bit where Franco's talking about getting Kaley Cuoco to be the voice of his computer-assistant, and they've dubbed in about five seconds of dialogue where his mouth isn't moving.
A lazy movie for a lazy audience, Why Him? brings us Bryan Cranston being squirted in the face by an A.I. controlled bidet. Not the comedic hero 2016 wants, but definitely the one it deserves…
The Meet The Parents films.
This is basically those anyway, but with more dick-jokes.
No.
No.
No.
I will.
There isn't.
Level 2: This film stars Bryan Cranston, who was in this year's The Infiltrator along with Daniel 'over-acting fantastically at the Ring of Kafrene' Mays and Jason 'Inquisitor' Isaacs.
*1 In the interests of full disclosure, this movie is only being watched/reviewed in 2016 so that I can bump up my viewing-count and beat last year's total. It is very much a placeholder; anything could have filled that gap, but luck and timing dictated it was Why Him?. Coincidentally, that's exactly the way that 20th Century Fox see it as well, so at least we were on the same page to begin with...
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Stuck in that weird hinterland between wholly animated kids' comedy and more message-driven Young Adult™ cinematic fare is Nickelodeon's new live-action adventure/comedy, Monster Trucks. Aimed squarely at the younger end of the audience, we're almost back in Rydell High territory as the two 'senior year' leads are played by the 26yr old Lucas Till and 27yr old Jane Levy. And okay, they look young; but not that young.
Surrounded by a pantomime ensemble of sketched in archetypes and vague environmental themes, the film comprises an overly-simplistic screenplay, one-dimensional characters, sloppy slapstick plugging the gaps where scripted humour should be, an adult-cast who look faintly embarrassed to be there and Deus Ex Machina playing such a large part that it should get a mention on the poster. Monster Trucks can't quite work out whether it wants to be E.T. or Pete's Dragon, ends up aiming for both and achieving neither. And during the scene in Brett-out-of-Pulp-Fiction's trailer home, the repeated continuity gaffe around the placement of that scotch bottle was driving me up the wall. Fairly sure I'm not supposed to notice things like that the first time I watch a movie…
But for all that, the stunt/chase sequences entertain and the creature effects are absolutely outstanding*1. And that's what the film is for, after all…
With a paucity of ambition such as this, it probably does.
Cast, no. Director, no.
I shouldn't think so, no.
There is.
It's fairly artlessly inserted, but fair play to the sound editor for being like "Nope, it's going in there".
Level 2: This film's got that Lucas Till in it, and he was in that X-Men: Apocalypse along with Rose 'Dormé' Byrne and Oscar 'Dameron' Isaac.
*1 Weirdly, the practical stunts with the trucks look awesome, the CGI for the monsters is great, and then there are shots with CGI'd trucks that look like they've been put together by the intern. It doesn't spoil the film but it breaks what little flow there is.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
This is your spoiler-break. The words which follow the image below are more notes and observations from Rogue One, similar in tone and format to my third-pass review. For obvious reasons, you should see the film before reading any further. Although it's been out long enough now that I assume most viewers will have been able to grab the chance, this section is here just in case you haven't.
My sixth watch was at Greenwich O2's D-Box screen, where specially adapted seats sway, thrum and shake along to the movie. As with last year's Force Awakens viewing, it makes an excellent accompaniment to the action. And similar to 3D, it's never going to improve a bad movie, but can certainly enhance a good one. Also similar to TFA, the last half hour or so is pretty much non-stop jiggling about. There's a control panel on the seat to turn down the ferocity of the D-Box additions, but who orders a cocktail and then asks for less alcohol? ;)
This was also the showing of the film where I left the cinema, rode the tube to my train station then as soon as my phone was back in-signal, got a call from a friend telling me of the news about Carrie Fisher. Looking at my Twitter and Facebook feeds, I know I'm not alone in feeling that we've lost a true cultural icon. I certainly feel like I should write some words about Carrie and/or the Princess, but I can't find the clarity at the moment. Apart from anything else, there are countless other outlets putting them out at the moment, many of which will be worded far better than I can manage. In the meanwhile, I shall celebrate the fuck out of everything she was and everything she gave us. I'll see you at the pub, Your Highness.
• So let me get this straight, the Rebel Alliance kidnap a petty criminal from governmental custody, apply familial guilt and emotional blackmail to coerce her into a terrorist operation and get her killed in the process, while they all swan about back in the HQ frowning? Yay, freedom!
• Out in the Jedha desert, the first shot of Saw Gerrera's street-gang features one member wearing a purloined Scout-Trooper lid and one with a Commando helmet that we see the Rebel Strike Team wearing later on Endor. Nice visual nod to Return of the Jedi.
• Architecturally, the Holy City on Jedha looks like a cross between Mos Espa on Tatooine and Theed on Naboo. A nice visual nod to the prequels?
• It almost gets to the point of over-acting, but there's so much going on in Forest Whitaker's performance as Saw Gerrera that it underlines how wasted the character becomes. Each time I watch him I notice a new grunt or facial-tic.
• DK's Visual Guide book lists Cassian Andor as being born on Fest, a planet first visited back in 1995's Dark Forces game (in a level which takes place after the Death Star plans have been stolen). While that nugget of information isn't mentioned on-screen, it's a nice - if incredibly subtle - nod from LFL that Kyle Katarn's adventures haven't been completely forgotten in the purge ;)
• In his meeting with Krennic, how come Vader says "Die-rector" (with a long-i) first, then later says "Director" as normal? This is like the 'how do you pronounce Twi'lek?' thing all over again.
• I love that the Death Star took over twenty years to build (we see the framework at the end of Revenge of the Sith, remember), and it was fully operational for about a day and a half. If Krennic hadn't already died on Scarif, the frustration of that would probably have finished him.
• When the Rebel council chickens-out of launching a full-scale assault on Scarif to steal the Death Star plans and Jyn walks out into the hangar, there's a tannoy call-out for 'General Syndulla' in the background. Given that we see the Rebels TV series ship, The Ghost, parked outside earlier in the film and later above Scarif, it's a fairly sure indicator that Hera Syndulla survives this far into the timeline, especially as Chopper is seen rolling out of the hangar five minutes later.
• I always got the impression that the X-Wing pilots' flight suits would be made of a heavy cotton-drill material (or whatever the in-universe equivalent is). But one of the pilots climbing into the cockpit on Yavin IV is wearing one that appears to be Polyester As Fuck™. That thing's so shiny it's practically causing lens-flare.
• Why would you keep your critical archive-data in a massive spindly, fragile tower anyway, rather than a more secure underground vault?
• Hang on, if you have to retrieve those backup drives manually and visually (as Cassian does, even before the grabber-system packs up), what happens when you need record from the other side of the tower? Who designed that?
• You'd think if resetting the antenna-alignment was as simple as just pushing a lever from position A to position B, the software would be able to perform that automatically, wouldn't you?
• What's with the orange 'feature pieces' on Imperial standard-grey equipment all of a sudden? Don't get me wrong, it looks fantastic, but it's not like the trend continues into the Original Trilogy.
• I like that the Death Star plans are on a wanging great portable hard-drive when Jyn steals them, but after transmission they're able to fit on what looks like a giant SIM-card. The Rebels should consider themselves lucky that the antenna had enough bandwidth to process the information in a matter of seconds, considering that the Empire's method of storage might as well be on Zip-Drives compared to the Alliance's USB. Which is the wrong way round, when you think about it...
• And after all that, they're not even the right plans, are they?
All of The Star Wars.
Yep.
It does.
It's a strong showing.
Nope.
Yep.
Level 0: It is Star Wars.
Although if you really wanted to go the long way round with it…
Rogue One stars Mr Mads Mikkelsen who was in 2012's A Royal Affair, as was Harriet Walter who also turned up in The Young Victoria along with Genevieve O'Reilly, who had a small role in The Matrix Revolutions as did Bruce Spence, who appeared in The Return of Captain Invincible next to Christopher Lee, who was in 2007's adaptation of The Golden Compass, which of course featured Daniel Craig, who headlined the Bond-reboot with Casino Royale which also featured Mads Mikkelsen, of Rogue One fame…
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
This, once again, is a spoiler-break. The main body of this review covers an area you may not be familiar with before you see the Rogue One. Don't read anything after this unless you've seen the film. I mean, you know that by now, though. It says 'spoilers' at the top, and if you followed a link here from Facebook or Twitter, it'll have said 'spoilers' in that, too. Plus, the film's been out for over a week and even if you haven't managed to catch it yet, you've probably seen/heard someone talking about it. And if you're avoiding spoilers like the plague, you won't be reading this in the first place, now will you?
Anyway, let's get to it...
As you know, dear reader, Rogue One: A Staw Wars Story is set immediately before the events of A New Hope. And as you also know, the absence of Palpatine in that first movie lead to another high-ranking Imperial official striding around like he owned the place, just to make sure that audiences didn't think Darth Vader was actually in charge of everything. That cheeky Imp was Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin, portrayed by the magnificent Peter Cushing.
And because this latest installment in the timeline features some of the same characters and locations, it'd be a bit weird of Tarkin was nowhere to be seen in the twenty five minutes leading up to that story. But Mr Cushing is no longer with us, having shuffled off this mortal coil in 1994. And obviously, even if he was still around, he wouldn't look like he did forty years ago. To this end, the digital wizards at ILM have created a CGI Tarkin for Rogue One.
Full disclosure, I'm not a fan.
I mean, I'm not going to be 'that guy' about it, and the resurrection of the Grand Moff doesn't detract from a film which I absolutely adore. I love that the character's in the story, and I love that the technology exists to enable that. But y'know, less is more.
The first time we meet Tarkin in Rogue One, he's standing at the viewport of a Star Destroyer, back to the camera as he looks on at the soon-to-be-completed Death Star. We instantly know who it is before he even speaks, and as the audience's angle changes, his face becomes reflected on the window in front of him; slightly distorted and shown in highlights-only against the blackness of space, outside. A slight turn of the head so that we see the profile of the face. There's no doubt, it's Tarkin.
That would have been enough for me. That would have been perfect. The head keeps turning and we see the full extent of ILM's expertise. And it really is an outstanding job. I may not love it, but I can't deny the craftsmanship which has gone into its creation (contrary to popular belief, good CGI is never quick, easy or cheap). In fact, if I'd seen a still image of the fully rendered character before watching the film (perhaps crucially, I hadn't), I'd have agreed that this was going to be a great - if slightly controversial - thing. My problem is that it's a bit too much. The-near continual movement of the facial muscles, the seemingly exaggerated micro-expressions, the flatness in the eyes which separates flesh and blood actors from their computer-generated counterparts. All of these just shout that this is a simulation of Peter Cushing.
And that's the other part of the problem. Had this been an alien (there's a reason I'm not typing a lengthy post complaining about the Bor Gullet creature), a replicant-type droid or even a new never-before-seen human character, none of this would matter. Our brains would be telling us it's just one more guy in the room and he's not happy with how his project's coming along. But those brains don't think they're meeting someone for the first time, they're trying to reconcile the character with one of the most prolific and recognisable genre-actors of the twentieth century. A lot of people in that auditorium are very familiar with the looks, mannerisms and sounds of Peter Cushing. He's Van Helsing, he's Baron Frankenstein, Sherlock Holmes and even The Doctor. He's the grandfather we'd probably have been too scared to want; he's Grand Moff Tarkin.
And for ILM's version to be so damned close and still be stuck firmly in The Uncanny Valley feels even worse than getting it completely wrong, somehow. Recasting the role so close to the original timeframe would be hugely problematic, I know (Mon Mothma's still got about four years from the events of Rogue One to how she looks in Return of the Jedi), and while I realise that CGI is the perfect solution, I don't believe that this is the perfect execution of it.
And now the genie is out of the bottle, where does it end? The subject of Tarkin (and Kenobi) being digitally re-created for live-action has been discussed at length for some years now, and the real question has never been if it could be done, but if if should. Lucasfilm have, as I hope I've made clear, done an outstanding job with a great level of respect to a performer who's no longer with us. But the seal has been broken; will rival studios be as gentle with other stars? But that's another discussion for another film (hopefully, not a Star Wars one).
To confound matters further, Lucasfilm already have an actor on their books who can do a solid vocal performance as Tarkin, yet they didn't cast him for the movie. Stephen Stanton voiced the character in the Clone Wars animated series, and has reprised the role in Rebels...
And if you listen to Stanton's work, you'll notice he has the rhythm and intonation of Cushing's speech spot on, but lets himself down a little on the words activity and warrior. I'd seen the 'back view' of Tarkin glimpsed in the trailers for Rogue One and figured with slightly firmer direction, Stanton would be perfect for the voice. But it's not his voice we hear, it's the performance of Guy Henry, the actor who plays Tarkin's 'body' in the film. I know this because Mrs Blackout is a devotee of the TV show Holby City, which features Guy as Henrik Hansen. And after watching the movie for the first time, she'd recognised his voice without even reading the credits. And Guy Henry does a passable impersonation of Cushing, but it's not quite as precise as the Tarkin we met in 1977. The closest lines are the ones which have the pacing (and key words) of dialogue from ANH, but obviously they don't all fit into that bracket*1.
So, we end up with a face which is slightly too much Tarkin and a voice which is slightly not enough. The two don't meet in the middle. And his is a supporting role in the film, but still an important one. And ultimately, a distracting one. If it's any consolation (and to me, it's not), he looks far better in IMAX; but that's not going to help everyone watching it in boring old regular high-definition digital cinema projection, now is it?
And for the record? All of the above pretty much applies to Princess Leia, as well. A half-glimpsed profile shot as she was handed the plans would have been more than adequate.
But I still love this film.
All of The Star Wars.
Yep.
It does.
It's a strong showing.
Nope.
Yep.
Level 0: It is Star Wars.
Although if you really wanted to go the long way round with it…
Rogue One stars Riz Ahmed of course, who also rocked up in 2010's Centurion alongside Michael Carter, who had a role in An American Werewolf In London, as did a certain Frank Oz, who lent his voice to Inside Out along with John Ratzenberger, who had a small role in 1982's Ghandi, along with Geraldine James, who appeared in Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows, a film which also featured Richard Cunningham, who starred in 2016's Una along with Riz Ahmed… who's in Rogue One.
*1 That said, a couple of James Earl Jones' lines from Darth Vader's meeting with Krennic don't sound right either. And that guy is Vader. He's just Vader that's forty years older than he was when he first laid the tracks down, vocal cords change over the years. And if I'm criticising Darth Vader for not sounding like Darth Vader, I can hardly expect a doctor from Holby City to be the governor of the Death Star, now can I?
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
