Review: The Machine

The Machine
Cert: 15 / 112 mins / Dir. Peter Atencio / Trailer

So wait, are we back to just taking the piss out of the Russians, now? Honestly, I can’t keep up. The Machine is American comedian Bert Kreischer, playing a heightened fictionalised version of himself in a tale that expands on his 2016 true-story*¹ standup routine of the same name, about the time he visited Russia through college and ended up with the mafia robbing a train. The film is set a decade after this, with mobsters tracking Bert down in the US to recover an antique watch which was stolen with the hoard. WIth his family in jeopardy, Bert has to travel to Russia and locate faces from his past to save him from gangsters of the present, so that he can have a future.

The first ten minutes of this film are essentially Bert Kreischer telling you how great Bert Kreischer is, before the other characters come on to spend the majority of the film telling you otherwise. I know who I believe.

FAVOUR

Mark Hamill (yes, that one) is along for the ride as Bert’s father Albert like he’s repaying a favour, a swathe of Eastern European performers fill out Russian Mafia roles with accents culturally insensitive enough to rival Black Widow, and Bert himself basically yells his way through the script like a competition-winner who can’t believe he’s on a film set, describing visual jokes after they’ve just occurred and using fuck-bombs to end scenes where writers Kevin Biegel and Scotty Landes*² couldn’t come up with a punchline.

And fair play to Jimmy Tatro who plays young-Bert in the flashback segments, because his comic timing is even worse than his older counterpart’s.

UNDER FIRE

There’s the seed in here of a story about societal expectations, male bravado and toxic masculinity, and how they often combine in a digital age where people feel they have to be constantly in performance-mode, the curators of their own existence in a quest for the dopamine of adulation. That seed is not watered, though. Instead, it must have been a slow Friday in the Sony offices when they decided to bankroll what is essentially a mashup of a shit Melissa McCarthy comedy from ten years ago, and a shit Liam Neeson thriller from ten years ago.

A handful of decent gags (the majority of which are slapstick anyway) can’t make up for distractingly quirky subtitles, incoherent storytelling*³ and an artless screenplay.
The Machine is broken.

*¹ The general rule with standup of course is that when a comic tells you something is a true story, it almost certainly isn’t. They are devising, exaggerating and embellishing for comic effect. That’s okay, it’s their job. It only becomes a problem when they repeatedly insist that it’s all true. So let’s just file this one accordingly before it’s even begun.
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*² That’s right, Kevin Biegel and Scotty Landes are the only credited writers in this. Not Bert Kreischer. If The Machine had been his story - his true story - Bert Kreischer would have got a writing credit. But he didn’t. Because this didn’t happen. Bert Kreischer is lying. For money. That’s what his job is.
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*³ Even if this was true (and remember, it’s not), The Machine would effectively be Bert Kreischer making a feature-length therapy-session roleplay to publicly absolve himself of his appalling behaviour in both the past and the recent-present, while only ‘succeeding’ in the nuts-and-bolts plot of the film by doubling down on his poor reputation rather than growing as a character. Precisely the sort of thing you’d expect in an Adam Sandler movie. Bert Kreischer is a shit Adam Sandler. There. Put that on the poster.
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DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - Return Of The Jedi

Star Wars - Episode VI
Return Of The Jedi
Cert: PG / 135 mins / Dir. Richard Marquand / Trailer

The third film of the Original Trilogy has been a part of my life for four decades now, so in the absence of a local screening*¹ I happily made the pilgrimage to London's Empire Leicester Square to be in likeminded celebratory company. This was the first time I'd seen Return Of The Jedi in a cinema since its 1997 Special Edition release (although this 40th anniversary screening was of the 2011 Blu-ray edit), and the first time I'd ever seen it projected digitally.

Star Wars is - as ever - the gift that keeps on giving, and so it's taken me forty years to actually notice C-3PO's behavior here. Our hero - indeed our very gateway to the Galaxy Far, Far Away - is fluent in over six million forms of communication and as a professional diplomat is programmed for etiquette and protocol. Not only will Threepio be able to effortlessly converse in your particular language wherever you're from, but he knows your habits and customs too. No gaffes, no embarrassments, nothing lost in translation. This droid is literally built to be polite and accommodating in difficult situations.

So what does Goldenrod do when he arrives at the palace of Jabba The Hutt, a den of iniquity populated by the edgy, the paranoid, the insalubrious and the morally bankrupt, on a backwater hideout on a lawless world? What does See-Threepio bring to the table to diffuse tension, smooth feathers and put the Rebellion's grand plan into effect without the upsetting of these potential spanners in the Alliance's works, all of whom converse in Huttese as befits the infamously selfish and mercurial crime lord who holds their lives and livelihoods on a grubby thread?

He speaks English*². To all of them. Relentlessly. What an absolute fucking Brit.

That's it. No other notes.

*¹ Seriously though, it's the fortieth anniversary of a Star Wars film, and to celebrate Cineworld showed it for one day at 10 (ten) of their 103 UK cinemas. Odeon screened it at 9 venues nationally and Vue ran the film in 8. If this was a new flick you'd swear the studio wanted it to be eligible for the Oscars to had to play it in a cinema, but also didn't want to drive viewers away from the proprietary streaming platform they've invested all their money in. And that's before we ask why an anniversary screening is running on April the 28th then the film was originally released on the 25th of May. Unless there's going to be a wider re-release next month. In which case I shall go and see it again. I mean, obviously. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Okay technically it's 'Galactic Basic', but the point still stands. He's even speaking in Basic when he's supposed to be translating between Ubese and Huttese. A very imperial attitude... ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back

Star Wars - Episode V
The Empire Strikes Back
Cert: PG*¹ / 122 mins / Dir. Irvin Kershner / Trailer

And so it goes. Weeks turn into months, the lockdown steadily lifts (for now, at any rate) and cinemas begin to staggeringly open their doors once more. As anyone dropping in will be aware, it's been pretty quiet around these parts of late. And not just in writing about movies, but also even watching them to begin with. There are plenty of people who can review what they watch in their living rooms better than I can, so I've used this enforced downtime as just that - downtime*².

In a bid to lure the punters back and actually have some content, Cineworld has scheduled screenings of the Back To The Future movies, the original Harry Potter saga and Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy. And under any other circumstances, I'd be there for all of those in a heartbeat. Then again, under any other circumstances they wouldn't be on. So. I'm as twitchy as anyone about societal 're-entry' at this point*³, and it was going to take something pretty damned special to get me back down there while the UK's virus-related casualty list continues alarmingly on a daily basis.

Fortunately, Star Wars is pretty damned special.

CREST

This year marks the 40th anniversary of The Empire Strikes Back's debut, and since its actual birthday in May was an understandably muted affair, the film is riding the current crest of opportunistic cinematic re-releases. And so it goes. Star Wars was my last theatrical visit before lockdown kicked in, so it seems only fitting that it's what gets me back in the building after five months. But how the hell am I supposed to review a film which has corded its way into my DNA over the last four decades?

It's a masterpiece. Of course it is, that's hardly a new observation. While I don't find The Empire Strikes Back as self-containedly satisfying as A New Hope*⁴, it's long been established as the most emotionally nuanced movie of the Original Trilogy, with moments of genuine smirk-inducing humour sitting flawlessly beside the tonal (and at some points visual) darkness. Not only is there firm character development throughout for the film's protagonists, but the cast's performances also intuitively indicate the changes which have taken place between, since the Battle of Yavin.

DROPS

But along with George Lucas' story and Leigh Brackett's and Lawrence Kasdan's screenplay, the lion's share of credit for Empire's successes has to go to director Irvin Kershner. We already know the cast are fantastic by this point, but it's Kersh who really gets the performances out of them. The story moves along at a cracking pace, and rather than have the players increase their own volume to match, we concentrate on their emotional rather than physical reactions. Luke's commitment to becoming an actual Jedi after what could easily have been a near-death hallucination on the plains of Hoth; Han's dedication to keeping his newfound friends/family safe, only planning to leave to confront Jabba when he knows it's best for both him and the Rebellion; Leia's dawning realisation that the things which drive her crazy about Han are an integral part of why she's fallen in love with him; Vader's growing inner-conflict with the knowledge that the son of Anakin Skywalker has become a power in the galaxy, and whether he can (or even should) remain loyal to his dark side pledge now he has something to protect once again.

And all of this manages to clear the hurdle of sequel-itis; The Empire Strikes Back doesn't rehash or reheat ideas from its predecessor, it successfully expands out a story which already had a triumphant ending. It's not a standalone movie of course, and having the big ground battle in the first act combined with the cliffhanger finale creates an unrest which didn't sit well with me when I was younger. But looking back now (at myself as much as at the film), I can see those structural choices are intentional and precisely implemented, and they make this movie the utter joy it is.
The Empire Strikes Back is an unconventional triumph which dares filmmakers to step up to the plate with their own follow-up projects; a challenge that sees them more-than-often coming nowhere near close to matching. And so it goes.

HARBOUR

As a nostalgic aside, this has been the first time I've seen Empire in an actual cinema since its 1997 Special Edition run, and Cineworld Didcot joins the Episode V sub-list alongside the Odeon Newcastle, Robins Durham, Dreamland Margate, Carlton Westgate and Horsebridge Whitstable.

What, you mean you don't keep a spreadsheet of these things? Okay, weirdo...



Er... Star Wars?



If you can, do.



Yes, yes and yes.



Yes and yes.



That seems unlikely since it's one of the two Star Wars movies that everybody likes.



Of course there ruddy well is.



Level 0: This is Star Wars.

...but ...if (IF) you wanted to go around the houses with it... The Empire Strikes Back stars Mr Harrison Ford, who was in Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade with Michael Sheard, who also rocked up in The Dirty Dozen: The Next Mission alongside Bruce Boa, who was in Bond-film Octopussy as was Jeremy Bulloch, who also played the same character earlier in For Your Eyes Only next to Julian Glover, who was in Hitler: The Last Ten Days with Alan Harris, who can be seen in Hanover Street which starred... Harrison Ford.

No really, you're welcome.





*¹ Yes, apparently Empire is a "PG" these days. Er, fair enough..? ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Okay, I've got a podcast now. But it's not 'a lockdown podcast'. Just a podcast which happened to come out during the lockdown. And although listeners could be forgiven for thinking otherwise, my co-host and I were planning, tweaking, tuning this and recording pilots months beforehand. It's not a lockdown podcast. Even though it's getting lost alongside all the ones which are. C'est la vie. Or whatever passes for la vie in the trashfire that is 2020. ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ Probably moreso than many, to be fair. Seriously, I was doing hand-gel and avoiding people way before it was mainstream. And yes, I'm going to pull hipster-points on that one. No people = less disease, that's just maths. ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁴ On that subject, Empire's birthday means it's also 40 years since "Star Wars" became subtitled A New Hope, and I do wish the class bores would stop banging on about that as if it's some brand new Disney marketing ploy dreamt up to sell cereal (which, incidentally, Star Wars has been doing for 36 years). See also: the Han/Greedo debacle (23 years) and Jar Jar Binks (21 years). You don't have to like it lads, but you will have to accept that for many people, it's always been like that. The only domestic release of 'Star Wars' without the A New Hope subtitle is on the non-anamorphic bonus discs of the 2006 DVD release. Even your old VHS tapes are proving your ideological purity to be unfounded. There. I said it. ^{[ BACK ]}



DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - The Rise Of Skywalker (sixth-pass)

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (sixth-pass / 3D / SPOILERS)
Cert: 12A / 142 mins / Dir. J.J. Abrams / Trailer


Previous reviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Well, there we go. The last review of the year - indeed the decade - is for one of the things I've loved the most and one of the things I wouldn't have thought probable ten years ago.

Before we delve too deeply into the spoilers, I'll add here that I hopped over to nearby Reading to catch a 3D version of the film. My local 5-screen Cineworld is only showing it in two dimensions, and even Reading's 11-screen Vue with its ten screenings a day only has two using the glasses. To be honest, I just wanted to complete the set. I've no idea why the Real-D 3D conversion is being treated as an afterthought this time (although it's almost certainly a finance issue since the stereoscopic format is on its arse, generally). The extra dimension is a sound addition to The Rise Of Skywalker and doesn't darken things as much as I'd feared (I'm looking at you, Solo) even on murky Exegol. The 3D works best on close-up scenes and struggles the most when rendering objects in the far distance (case in point, watch the ghosting gradually appear then separate wildly on the Star Wars logo as it recedes against the starfield in the opening sequence). If you get the chance, I'd recommend it, anyhow.

In the meanwhile, this post will be a needlessly detailed dive into probably the most disturbing question asked by the entire Sequel Trilogy. Spoilers ahoy, not to mention some mortifying mental imagery. Read on at your peril...

So. Who's banging Palpatine after his face has melted?

Yeah, told you it was a disturbing one. Here's the thing: Kylo Ren informs Rey that she's Frank Palpatine's grand-daughter*¹ by his un-named son. Er, let's call him Ian Palpatine. When we get the full (okay, full-er) flashback of that fateful day on Jakku, Ian is shown to be quite a young chap, which leads us to wonder whereabouts in the timeline he was born. Luckily, there are a few clues to point us in the right direction. Some assumptions follow, but go with it:

• Rey was 19 when we met her in The Force Awakens.

• Using the galactic standard of A New Hope being year 0, this means Rey was born 15 ABY (after the Battle Of Yavin).

• In The Force Awakens, young-flashback Rey is played by Cailey Fleming, who was born in 2007 so would have been around 7 when filming in 2014. And she looks around 7, so it's fairly safe to say Rey was left on Jakku around 22ABY, when she was 7. I'm glad that's settled.

• We now know that Rey's father - Palpatine's son - was killed shortly after this. Rey's father is played by Billy Howie, who was born in 1989, making him 30. He'll have been 29 at the time of filming, but for the sake of argument let's make Ian Palpatine 30 at the time of his death. Look, it's not going to be far off that. And if he's dying at 30 in 22ABY, that means he was born in (okay, around) 8BBY. About a year after the Solo movie takes place.

• But more importantly, if he was born in 8BBY, that means he was conceived some time in 9BBY.

• In 9BBY, Palpatine's had his full Sith-melty-face for a decade.

• So. Who's banging Palpatine after his face has melted?

It's okay I've made you a chart. Click for big.

Now I know what the rational part of your brain is scrambling to think. Other than 'OMG why are you making me picture this??'. You're figuring that his offspring is a clone or somesuch. After all, Dominic Monaghan's Beaumont character chirps up in The Rise Of Skywalker to talk about 'dark science' and cloning etc. But the brief glimpse we get of Ian Palpatine here looks nothing like a young Ian McDiarmid. Besides, if the Emperor could successfully clone himself, he'd just do that and then transfer his powers into the younger-self body. We've all read Dark Empire, mate. No, the only answer is that Frank Palpatine did it with a lady. Either that or he went the full Ozymandias and the Sith Wayfinder wasn't the only thing chilling in that storage room. Either will put you off your cheese sauce.

I mean, if Ian Palpatine had been older, had been conceived earlier in the timeline, when Frank might have had a wife on Coruscant if only as some sort of "I'm normal, me" cover when he was a career-politician, that could have worked? But anything after Order 66 doesn't bear thinking about. Looks aren't everything, but it's not like Frank's got the personality to make up for it, now is it? And I know some people find power a greater aphrodisiac than physical attractiveness but really mate. You just know he's that melty all over. It'd be like fighting off a deflated punch-bag.

Anyway, this has been in my head all day and now it's in yours! And yes, this really is the review with which I bow out of the 2010s. You're very welcome.

Now go and watch The Rise Of Skywalker again :D

The Star Wars.



Obvs.



Obvs.



This is a matter of some debate.



That's possible.



I'm not hearing one.



Level 0: It is Star Wars.

...but if you wanted to go around the houses with it, The Rise Of Skywalker stars one Oscar Isaac, who also cropped up in 2014's A Most Violent Year alongside David Oyelowo, the actor who was in The Cloverfield Paradox with the voice of Gren Grunberg, who was in 2016's Star Trek Beyond, which of course featured Simon Pegg from Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation and Hermione Corfield, who was in xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage with Samuel L. Jackson, who rocked up in 2018's Life Itself with... Oscar Isaac.





*¹ And don't be giving me this business about 'Sheev' Palpatine. He told us his name was Frank years ago. That's canon.
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DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - The Last Jedi (eleventh-pass)

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (eleventh-pass / 2D)
Cert: 12A / 149 mins / Dir. Rian Johnson / Trailer


Previous reviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10


Ah, what more can be said about the Star Wars movie on which everybody has An Opinion? Taking as read the fact that I obviously love it (hence the above string of links) and you, dear reader, probably don't detest it all that much since you're reading a review of the movie two years after its debut, it's worth nothing that The Last Jedi is still an oddity coming as it does in the middle of a trilogy.

NORMAL

There are elements of Rian Johnson's movie which would, under the normal run of things, be introduced in the first of three films. This features slow-motion sequences, both in the battle above D'Qar and later in Skoke's throne room. Lucas' approach was closer to documentary-style filmmaking, so that stylistic emphasis wasn't employed. And then the flashbacks. Not the wavy-Force-vision of Anakin Skywalker's nightmares, or even the Force-assisted hallucination of Rey touching the lightsaber under Maz's castle. We get actual flashbacks here from both Luke and Kylo, as they recount their differing versions of Luke's downfall (and what's best is that since these differ so crucially, we know we still haven't seen a definitive, impersonal rendition of that night).

Speaking of The Force, Yoda is solid now. The Force is developing. Or rather, characters' ability to use it. Yoda still has the blue glow around him, but he blocks out the fire as he's silhouetted against it, something that visible Force spirits haven't done until now. This is indicative that the little green fella has not been idle in his downtime, and has advance 'coming back' to the point where the user has physical agency, presumably a technique he goes on to teach Luke after Rey has left to join her friends, enabling his Force-projection for the finale.

Speaking of the finale, Luke dies in this movie. No problem with that at all, obviously, but in the past the wizard/mentor archetype meets the protagonist in the first chapter, introduces them to the Force, then dies by the end. It's Ben Kenobi in A New Hope, Qui-Gon Jinn in The Phantom Menace. It's that step in The Hero's Journey where they're on their own, the teacher having passed on all they can. It's that first step into a larger world, as somebody once said. All of these concepts usually occur in the first part of a Star Wars trilogy, here they turn up in the second.

HOOVER

But then...

Not only does Supreme Leader Snoke not survive until the end of the trilogy, he doesn't even make it to the end of this part. We know now that's because his place is taken by Palpatine for the closer, of course, but it's a bold narrative move to take him out so early in the game, yet still have that sequence mean something. This is usually the kind of fight which would occur at the final crescendo, intercut with ground and space battles.

The film's title, 'The Last Jedi' has an air of confrontation, a level of finality which seems more fitting for the conclusion of a three-act story. That's carried over into the film's marketing; whereas the The Force Awakens resurrected the classic yellow-on-black for the logo and publicity material, here it's rendered in a stark, urgent red. While it makes sense to switch up the colours when releasing chapters of the same story in such a close timespan, the usual method would be to use blue for Episode VIII (as they ended up doing for The Rise Of Skywalker), and saving the red for last. Alas not.

And then there's the sign-off. The group-shot on the Falcon is the natural ending point for a Star Wars film. Instead we jump back to the stables on Canto Bight, a callback to the youngsters we met there earlier. And while that final shot brings a tear to my eye every damned time, the whole thing feels like a post-credits stinger that had to be incorporated into the movie because Star Wars Doesn't Do Those. The scene's motif of hope for the future, so evocative of Luke Skywalker watching the binary sunset as a young man, is the kind of Easter egg you'd drop at the close of a trilogy. Or even the close of three trilogies. Instead it appears here. We'll almost certainly see those kids again, but will it be in The Rise Of Skywalker? Well, I'll be able to answer that in a few hours...

I'm a big, big fan of The Last Jedi. Not in spite of its differences from the rest of the Star Wars cinematic saga, but because of them.

This is both the salt-flat and promontory rock-seat that I will die on.

The Star Warses
Or not The Star Warses, depending on who you talk to.



If you can, yes.



It is.



For a few of them, it just may be.



That's possible.
Already happened once this month.



There is.



Level 0: This is Star Wars







DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - The Force Awakens (thirteenth-pass)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (thirteenth-pass / 2D)
Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. J.J. Abrams / Trailer


Previous reviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

This is a busy time to be a Star Wars fan. There's so much new content being released at the moment that it's east to forget the impact that Episode VII had in 2015. Back in the day (engage OLD MAN MODE) there was a three-year gap between movies, but here we are on the eve of the fifth cinematic entry in four years, halfway through the second season of Resistance and the first of The Mandalorian on the small screen. So the chance to revisit a Star Wars in its natural environment - the cinema - is one to be grasped with both hands.

FRESH

The Force Awakens holds up well as a very fresh-faced reintroduction for civilian audiences who hadn't been in the Galaxy Far, Far Away for a decade (or potentially longer). The film is more 'gee-whiz', closer to the Original Trilogy outlook that Lucasfilm were trying to channel for those viewers left unimpressed by The Adventures Of Young Anakin. But even for the seasoned Star Wars fan, TFA was an early sign that they're in familiar territory and that there'll be few unpleasant surprises in store now the franchise is in new hands.

The visual effects, cinematography and lighting are closer to the filmmaking of the Prequel Trilogy*¹, with the sound design and score evoking its 1970s/80s predecessors. By JJ's own admission, the film is about recycling the Original Trilogy, either structurally, thematically or just repurposing hardware from the galactic civil war. whether that's redesigning the white armour of the Stormtroopers or converting a felled AT-AT into a scavenger's home, TFA is about skewing nostalgia. Just... not too much. Not yet.

ALBERT

But for fans old and new, there's no doubt that the events they're watching are taking place in the Star Wars universe they know, because the creators, cast and crew have such reverence for the source material that they can't help throw their all into making it work.

And yet there are also things we see for the first time, here; TIE Fighters and X-Wings plunging into combat in a planetary atmosphere, a hologram which doesn't seem to emit its own light, blocks out light behind it and even creates shadows as a result. There are also a few neat little twists to stop things becoming too predictable (because when we saw the first trailer's glimpse of the Falcon-chase through the desert, who among us imagined that it wouldn't be Han and Chewie at the controls?).

RODNEY

Not only does TFA expand on the cinematic universe beyond Return Of The Jed, it also primes the fandom for new tales on new planets (no matter how familiar they may appear, all of the locations in this movie were new in 2015), essential for managing assumptions with Lucasfilm's projects to follow.

As much as it's difficult not to love The Force Awakens, it's a very safe movie. Designed to reassure the casual cinemagoer that all is right (that's the first line of dialogue, for crying out loud), to shepherd them back into the fold with nostalgia for the classic movies they love, while bringing the aesthetics up-to-date. Disney's plan here was not to take risks. Because as we're about to learn, the last thing people want from their Star Wars is risk*²...

The Star Warses.



If you can, yes.



Going to assume you've already got this by now but yes.



Probably not, to be fair.



Only if you're wrong, obvs.



There is.



Level 0: This is Star Wars.





*¹ No matter how much the publicity material delighted in banging on about 'the old ways'. JJ Abrams has gone on record to say that for one shot in the Falcon, they lengthened Harrison Ford's hair with CGI due to scheduling discrepancies. Yes, you read that right. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Which is bad news for Hasbro in that regard. ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.