So, I don't mind a bit of Cage. In fact, I'd go so far as to say I rather enjoy his work, often on a trashy level but enjoy nonetheless. I have a patchier history with Cusack, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. And Hudgens? Erm, I watched Sucker Punch then tried to forget it. So when you take this combo and add the words 'Based on real events', you probably shouldn't hold up too much hope, right?
Well, it's far better than you expect it to be, but not quite as good as you'd like. The framework is pure straight-to-video crime thriller; not sleazy in a titillating way, but not afraid to show a few boobies when the scene's set in a strip club (and this happens often enough that you imagine it's one of the reasons the screenplay got optioned). But keeping it grounded is the subject matter. While the 'actual events' title card is only shown once at the start, the scenes with the killer are just edgy enough to remind you that this happened; it's not overly sensationalised, and it doesn't leave too much of a bad taste in the mouth, but it's unpleasant enough to drive the plot exactly as it should.
Cage is okay as the Alaska State Trooper determined to apprehend a known serial-killer, and Cusack is okay as that killer, but it's their scenes together that make The Frozen Ground worth the watch. Hudgens channels her best Mila Kunis as a character consistently making the wrong decisions; she's very good, in a completely infuriating way. The final act of the film has a layer of intensity that's desperately trying to pull the film out of made-for-Channel-5 territory, and almost manages it.
It says a lot about the tone of the The Frozen Ground that when the closing credits start with a dedication to Hansen's victims, and a sequence of photographs/details of each is shown, not a single person left the auditorium or even fidgeted to. I don't know how close to the truth this film goes, but for me it was close enough to be not taken lightly.
No, that trailer's terrible.
Yes.
Yes.
Honestly? DVD, tops.
No.
With the best will in the world, probably not. It's not really a repeater.
There isn't, no.
What's the best 'actual events' movie you've seen?
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh lanugage and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
And I quote...
If you go out in the woods today You're sure of a big surprise. If you go out in the woods today You'd better go in disguise. For every bear that ever there was Will gather there for certain, because Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic..
1) Yes, I WOULD be surprised if I was in a forest or wooded area and saw some teddy bears having a picnic. It's 2008, and I don't believe that stuff happens any more.
2) Why would I need a disguise? Are they TEDDY bears or GRIZZLY bears? Will they fly into Bear-Rage if they should catch me intruding uninvited upon their al fresco snackage? Exactly how many STUFFED ANIMALS do you think you could take on in a fight? Because according to the song, "every bear that ever there was" is going to be there. According to the internets, the first "teddy bear" was invented in 1902. So that's every cuddly bear (not other animals) that's been produced worldwide over the last 106 YEARS. How big are these woods? And they're all going to go fucking mental when they hear you step on a twig. I hope you're prepared. "Oh, they're only cuddly bears!" you exclaim - yes, but they've got PICNIC CUTLERY. So with that in mind, what kind of disguise would be best to assuage their fury? Do you think they'll be any LESS annoyed when they turn around and see Batman or a harlequin in the woods? Perhaps you'd wear a bear-costume? Keep in mind how much bigger you're going to be than them, they'll sus you out in a second, mate. You're finished.
Picnic time for teddy bears, The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today. Watch them, catch them unawares, And see them picnic on their holiday. See them gaily dance about. They love to play and shout. And never have any cares. At six o'clock their mommies and daddies Will take them home to bed Because they're tired little teddy bears.
3) After my expansion of the first verse there, this just sounds fucking creepy now. Like some kind of "teddy ritual", as they dance with glee around the disemboweled, dismembered corpse of some unsuspecting rambler. Presumably the bears' parents don't mind the carnage at 1800 when they come to pick them up? Or maybe the bears have cleared it all up. Or eaten it. And for "every bear that ever there was" being picked up at six, think of the traffic tailbacks! Ridiculous.
If you go out in the woods today, You'd better not go alone. It's lovely out in the woods today, But safer to stay at home.
Okay, now I'm just scared. What the fuck are these bears going to do? How does the lyricist know of all this? Did the bears let him live to tell the tale? I bet the bears are like those ants in Indy4, or the scarab beetles in The Mummy.
Fuck the bears, and fuck the woods. I'm staying at home on the internet.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
