Now, as some readers may recall, I wasn't exactly going a bunch on the trailers and previews for Sony Animation's new franchise-milker Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. I like ol' web-head, although he's far from my favourite Marvel hero, but this looked like it was going to be a two-hour migraine. In fact, it's probably not unfair to say that the more I saw, the more cautious I became at the prospect of watching the entire movie. But I digress; to the pitch...
PARKER Teenager Miles Morales is struggling to fit it, both at school and at home. Bitten by a radioactive spider as he sprays graffiti in a subway, he meets Peter Parker and begins to realise he now has the potential to be New York's next superhero. But with Kingpin's subordinates attempting to build a machine which bridges alternate universes, a rift in the spacetime continuum causes other iterations of Spider-Man to appear in Morales' city. Together, the heroes attempt to destroy Kingpin's creation and return to their own realities before everything is ripped apart. But Morales has a learning-curve to climb first...
So, good things first. The film is ambitious both in scope and execution, an increasing rarity in the superhero genre as it becomes more crowded. As potentially confusing as the narrative is, everything is laid out clearly yet not over-explained, and the well-directed voice performances sell everything in between, so that even if the audience misses some of the minutiae, the emotion of each scene comes over neatly.
PENELOPE But. Into The Spider-Verse is, as suspected, a headache-inducing two hour funfair ride which feels like trying to burn out a fever by washing down bags of Haribo with Sunny Delight. Sony's handling of Spider-Man as a property has been 'scattershot' for a long time now, and this broad sweep feels like someone in an office calling down to the writing-room for brighter colours and more Easter Eggs, irrespective of what the movie might need.
The art-style and character designs are gorgeous, but let down by an ADHD approach to pacing and soundtracking, with distractingly framey animation. The film often looks like it's been rendered in 12fps in a bid to save time and money. And on top of the 100%-saturation palette, there's so much stylised ghosting and blurring, alternating between background and foreground objects that I genuinely kept wondering if I'd accidentally booked the 3D screening and walked in without glasses (alas I would have seen this in 3D, but the timings didn't work out now that cinemas aren't prioritising stereoscopic screenings any more).
Phil Lord and Rodney Rothman's screenplay is very self-aware, but in all honesty I think that DC's Teen Titans Go! To The Movies played the existential comedy card with more charm. And that's a sentence that me from twelve months ago didn't think I'd ever be typing (although Aquaman lands later this week so let's not get too excited, eh?).
GAGA I like that this is Sony playing with the multiple threads of Spider-Man continuity, but Spider-Verse doesn't so much tie those together as just point out that they all exist. It feels a lot like a feature-length pilot for a dimension-hopping anthology series, in which case it would serve its purpose very well. But I'm not sure how much a casual audience is going to get on with the intricate in-jokes and frenetic presentation.
All in all, Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse reminded me that I am a middle-aged man and that not all cartoons are made for me nowadays. Which is fair enough. The film's engaging enough while it's on*1, but I'm forgetting it already…
The business-end:
Is there a Wilhelm Scream? Not sure, really.
Is there a Stan Lee cameo? There is.
Is there a mid-credits scene? Nothing animated, but a great message.
Is there a post-credits scene? There is.
If you're going to watch it at all, go big or go home.
It is, but you won't get the full effect.
Which may not be the worst thing in the world.
I have no idea
Although while we're on the subject, it's nice that Nic Cage has now voiced a Superman and a Spider-Man, this year. This is a trend I hope and expect to continue.
*1 However you end up reacting to Into The Spider-Verse, boredom will be the last thing you feel. [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Venom (2D / Vaguely spoiler-ish)
Cert: 15 / 112 mins / Dir. Ruben Fleischer / Trailer
In short: I went to see Venom.
It is not a good film*1.
In long...
If there was ever a celluloid embodiment of the words 'oh mate', this would be the one.
So. It's Los Angeles. Some gooey aliens want to take over the Earth because scientists went into space and that was always going to end badly. We're at the point now where extra-terrestrial invasion narratives are no longer a metaphor for colonial attitudes or fear of progress, but just reflect the page where the library-copy of The Hollywood Screenwriter's Handbook falls open.
VENOM Tom Hardy plays Eddie Brock, an investigative reporter who makes non-branded videos of domestic issues which we first assume are just for YouTube, but are apparently for some corporation or other, the precise nature of which isn't explained. He's the kind of hard-hitting, new-media journalist who corners his quarry by politely arranging meetings in their place of work then arriving on time. Who ruthlessly fronts his videos by looking at neither the camera nor his interview subject, but at a scratty notepad clutched in his hand while he mumbles vague accusations. Who responds to firm corporate rebuttal by leaving the building when asked. Who is so celebrated and in-demand as a journalist that when he's sacked from his part-time job nobody even notices, let alone head-hunts him for their own company. If Brock is actually capable of any kind of sleuthing or intelligence-gathering, we don't see it in this film. Anyway, Eddie is poking his nose into things he shouldn't, and an alien goes in him. That's Act 1.
Brock's girlfriend, Anne Weying, is played by the Academy Award-nominated actress Michelle Williams, who brilliantly and incisively interprets her role as a woman looking indelibly bored for two hours. Anne is a lawyer whom we never see doing any lawyering, although given that a) it's not her film, and b) we barely see our investigative reporter actually investigating or reporting either, this is hardly surprising. Riz Ahmed plays Carlton Drake, who is The Baddie. We know this because he wears a sharp suit and whenever he opens his mouth, is forced to recite lines from The Movie Baddie's Phrasebook while squinting at underlings just off-camera. Woody Harrelson is in this but not until the end, and then you'll wish he hadn't bothered.
POISON So. Venom feels like spending two hours watching first-takes of actors reading their lines for the first time, from a script which was written by a 12yr old who only watches superhero movies.
Demographically, Sony have spent so much effort angling their product to a non-kiddie audience that they didn't notice anyone old enough to get in will have seen all of this before (and better), whether it be any movie with aliens arriving on Earth, Todd McFarlane's other creation, Spawn, or even just the distrusted-authority in shiny skyscraper laboratories of Sony's last two Spider-Man outings. And although we get enough of the glistening fangs and body-horror to squeak through as a 15-certificate, there's little here to actually earn this edgier rating in terms of lasting threat or human injury.
By the time Brock and Venom become a variety double-act of grumpy bickering which barely stops short of looking right down the camera, this is like a Hallow'een-costume Deadpool.
But without the swearing. Or the self-awareness. Or the wit.
TIGERTAILZ Beats are taken haphazardly from the horror genre, from the conspiracy thriller, sci-fi, action, comedy and of course the superhero-origins story. None of these gel together in the final edit, which incoherently changes tone at a rate suggesting that director Ruben Fleischer has suffered some sort of cranial trauma, and is permanently unable to recall the footage he shot each previous day. As a result, Hardy is left to bimble along from scene to scene in the title role, himself displaying symptoms of scriptual amnesia as he struggles to work out who his character is meant to be. The lack of direction in Tom's performance - both narratively and in terms of just being directed - is staggering.
The most disappointing aspect is that Venom should be better. It could be better. Why isn't this better? By this point, Sony have held onto the Spider-Man rights long and hard enough to know what works, what will be derided by critics and audiences alike, and what is ultimately damaging to their own reputation. To have assembled a cast this impressive and still have churned out a Tesco Value Sausage of a superhero movie is an embarrassment to all concerned.
TIGERFEET There are some moments of fun, but there are far more which aren't. Perhaps the only saving grace is that the movie appears to exist (thus far) in its own standalone stream of continuity. In this respect, at least it will be easy to disregard.
Venom shows that not only are Sony not on the same page as Marvel Studios, they're not even in the same chapter. Okay, it's not Fantastic Four levels of bad, but the tonal inconsistencies and cack-handed moralising in the final moments put this on the same shelf as Ghost Rider.
There is a decent Venom movie to be made from this story, by this studio and with this cast.
But this isn't it...
The business-end:
• Is there a Wilhelm Scream? There is.
• Is there a Stan Lee cameo? There is.
• Is there a mid-credits scene? There is.
• Is there a post-credits scene? Well, kinda*2.
Not unless you like your migraines to originate from a 60ft wide screen.
Interestingly enough, this features the same cinematographer - Matthew Libatique - as A Star Is Born, also released in cinemas on the very same opening weekend. Although his hand-held, closeup style often threatens to derail that movie, too. In Venom, Matthew teams up with editors Alan Baumgarten and Maryann Brandon to go Full Seizure-Mode™.
Sure. This will make an interesting companion-piece for other superhero movies in the years to come.
In no way, shape or form.
Come at me.
There is, and it's as subtly woven into the mix as one would expect from a movie where a murdering alien says "turd" in the trailer.
*1 That's the micro-review version. But I'm writing this as well. Hey, I said I was going to stop doing full reviews for every single thing I watched, not that I was going to stop writing altogether. And if anything was going to bring me back for a stab, it's a disappointing Marvel flick. But I'm getting ahead of myself... [ BACK ]
*2 The mid-credits scene is a coda to Venom, so stay for this. After the names have rolled (and I don't usually moan about the time taken to credit everyone who contributed to making a movie, but Venom's roll-call is presented in the same 'easily readable' speed and size typeface throughout, mostly in a single-column list. Reader, this is a four-songs-and-a-bit-of-the-soundtrack-length reel), we get a sequence from the upcoming Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse animated film. It's not connected to Venom by anything other than the rights-holders, and if you arrived at the cinema early enough you'll have already seen the latest trailer for it. With this in mind, you'll already know whether this is worth you hanging around for an extra ten minutes.
[ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Thor: The Dark World (3D) (second-pass) (SPOILERS. LOTS.)
Cert: 12A / 112 mins / Dir. Alan Taylor
It almost pains me to use the word spoilers, because there really isn't that much to spoil. Other than the demise of the one character that Marvel could bear to let go of, of course (who, let's face it, can easily return in dreams, flashbacks and visitations anyway). The biggest problem (for me, at least) is that by the end of the film, not much has actually changed outside of the number of presents Thor has to buy at Christmas, and the addition of a new line on the London Underground network, whereby Charing Cross is three stops away from Greenwich*1. Any shakeups in Asgard and other adjacent realms are largely meaningless to the casual viewer as they were barely explored in the previous installment, and only fleetingly visited here. A villainous sect (with two named characters) is introduced and disposed of with clockwork efficiency, and Loki is once again prowling and scheming away (which comes as no great surprise, let's face it; that's what everyone wants him to do).
When it comes to the new additions of The Dark World, they leave much to be desired. Christopher Eccleston is given very little to do except walk around in a bad mood, and his character Malekith's aim seems too broad. He wants to destroy the universe. All of it. Why? …Plot Reasons™. There's no personal conviction or vendetta driving him, just an instinct to bring about destruction that he will presumably survive (even though it's not explained how. The Dark Elves were borne from the darkness remember, they can't exist if all the matter in the universe is destroyed).
And for the underwritten villains to prosper, they're going to need an underwritten method of destruction. Cue The Aether, which is essentially a wobbly, slightly more malevolent version of The Tesseract from Captain America. It's origin, intent and limitations are so shrouded in mystery that Anthony Hopkins can barely bring himself to explain it in his introductory voiceover; it just is. It's a capable enough plot device, albeit a little transparent.
Now, if you're still reading this and I haven't put you off completely, I should point out that this isn't what I was thinking during the film (even the second time around), these are just the thoughts I was left with afterwards. Thor: The Dark World is bloody good fun, and a must-see for fans of the Avengers series. Unfortunately, the preceding films have set the bar so high for me that this was bound to happen sooner or later. A bland macguffin and a directionless antagonist mean that while the film is a rollercoaster of destruction, there's never any sense of actual threat; evident in Marvel's apparent reluctance to kill off any of its named characters, which also removes any sense of consequence, too...
Outside of my moaning, I have some questions:
• If The Aether empowers Jane to the point where it defends her against the Asgardian guardsmen, why doesn't it use Jane malevolently as a vessel and start destroying everything around her before Malekith gets there?
• Moreover, if The Aether is 'conscious' within Jane, why can't she harness its powers to defend herself against Malekith? She'd knock him into a cocked hat, surely?
• We're told that the Aether's power is draining Jane's life-force, but other than her being a bit sleepy on the Asgardian gunboat, we get no indication of this. It doesn't even seem to affect her behaviour or attitude, other than her getting dark-eyes every so often and seeing visions of The Aether which impart no particular message to her. After The Aether is stolen back by Malekith, she tells Thor 'I saw him on Earth', so presumably she's been getting farsight glimpses that the haven't been shared with the audience? Why not, please?
• Why doesn't Malekith's extraction of The Aether kill Jane?
• Will someone just explain the point of The Aether to me, please?
Oh, and I had wondered about the significance of the Norman Emerson & Sons branded-truck used in the warehouse scene, but apparently there isn't any, it just looked good. So another Flight 5434 right there, then.
And outside of my questions, I spotted an easter-egg:
• I'd previously compared the final scenes of Thor to Revenge of the Sith. The SW references appear to continue in The Dark World with a lot of the ground-level shots of Asgard looking suspiciously like the prequel-era's Naboo (especially with Natalie gliding around in her wrap with a waterfall in the background), and with Thor losing his hand in battle (well, kinda, but we do see it). The best one though has got to be Jane's flat in London. When she's sitting moving her Shreddies around the bowl, there's a Star Wars calendar on the wall in the background, bearing this image of the Millennium Falcon in Hyperspace:
…I'm not sure if it's from a published calendar or just a one that the set designers knocked together as a joke. If you know for sure, give me a shout in the comments box, there...
Yeah.
I laughed and gasped.
Financially, undoubtedly. Artistically..?
Cinema. Big things getting smashed and looking big = good.
I shouldn't imagine so.
I will.
Didn't hear it, no, BUT let me know if you spotted one.
When Thor hangs Mjölnir on Jane's coat-rack, shouldn't it pull the peg/rack right off and then go plummeting through the floor? Wouldn't Thor's absent-mindedness and subsequent surprise/realisation be a better punchline to the comic moment than just casually hanging up the hammer in a domesticated manner?
*1 No, I'm not going to let that one go. To the point where I'm going to start a superhero-themed rock/metal band called 'Three Stops To Greenwich'. For reals.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
