Now personally, I wouldn't have thought that the seventh part of what is essentially the Top Gear: The Movie franchise would have enough commercial or cultural heft to warrant a midnight showing. Luckily I don't work for Universal who organised one anyway. Being the dutifully enthusiastic cinema enthusiast, I went along in the company of a hundred or so other folks who couldn't possibly wait until normal viewing hours the following day.
Following the events of Fast & Furious 6, Vin Diesel returns once more as Toretto, with his team being hunted by the big, bad brother of Owen Shaw (naturally when you've had an actor like Luke Evans who's pathologically unable to hide his Welsh accent, you'd cast gritty-cockney Jason Statham as the kid he grew up with). Tasked by a US governmental black-ops organisation, Toretto's crew have to retrieve a stolen computer chip and take out Shaw The Elder, spending a ridiculous amount of money on tyres and ammunition along the way.
Directing duties for FF7 fall to horror-helmsman James Wan, and he brings us an incredibly focussed film. It's lighter on the snappy humour than last time around, but that's largely due to Dwayne Johnson's Hobbs being on the bench for the first two acts (and a feeling of relief sweeps over the audience when he suits up for the film's climax). That said, Wan certainly has his work cut out containing Kurt Russell, who can't stop twirling his moustache as the government spook who wants The Maguffin ASAP. The film is even bigger and louder than its predecessor, with the cars and buildings a bit dirtier (with the exception of the Abu Dhabi sequence*1), and many of the previously blue skies being noticeably overcast.
It's still an insane amount of fun, of course, and occasionally is the dumbest Fast & Furious film to date. This is thanks in no small part to Jason Statham, who is simultaneously perfect for the franchise, yet manages to derail the proceedings by being little more than a cardboard-cutout of a bad guy. It's a sight to behold, Statham and Diesel trying to out-stupid each other on the top of a multi-story car park with massive spanners (not a euphemism). By no means on The Stath's list of bad performances, he seems wasted if anything, reduced to an angry cartoon villain by the final reel.
It's good to note that FF7's editing is a lot clearer than FF6's, so that your average viewer can actually tell what's going on during the chase/fight sequences, and features a setpiece where five vehicles are airdropped from a cargo plane, which makes the skydiving sequence from Iron Man 3 look like a school gymnastics display. Long-time F&F writer Chris Morgan knows exactly how these things work by now, of course, and plays to everyone's strengths*2, even if the sought-after computer chip is ridiculously overpowered even by today's standards, and the gift-wrapped bomb on Toretto's porch destroys the entire house but doesn't vaporise the three humans standing unprotected within a 15-foot radius in the other direction. But if I start questioning the internal logic of Fast & Furious movies, I guess I'll get the answers I deserve.
While it's not intentionally a 'grimmer' film, you're constantly aware that this is Paul Walker's final outing. FF7 gives a beautifully fitting sendoff to Walker; warmly sentimental without being mawkish, and it's clear in the film's final moments just how much he meant to his fellow cast members (ie family). Even I'll readily admit that I wiped away a tear as the credits rolled.
Sure, it's formulaic as hell, but when your customers love the product this much*3, why would you go and change it?
Big and loud, it certainly is.
This will be a buy-er.
With the best will in the world, I'm not sure I can go that far.
It certainly does.
Maybe just a little.
There isn't, and it's not good enough.
Well, in addition to the (albeit brief) appearance of series-regular Han Seoul-Oh, Statham's character is named Deckard (cf Blade Runner), and the film features a scenery-chewing turn from Kurt Russell, who of course auditioned for the role of Han Solo. The film's like a love-letter to Harrison Ford, albeit discreetly..
*1 Are there really that many hot women strolling around in bikinis in the city in Abu Dhabi? Because that's not the impression I get...
*2 Well okay, maybe not to Statham's.
*3 This is part seven of a franchise, after all.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
So, Fast & Furious 6 may be way too long for its own good (much like the apparent 18 mile runway at the film's climax), and it may have more casual sexism than an entire series of On The Buses, and it may have a plot so thin that you could hold it up and watch TV through it, but when the wheels are spinning and the fists are flying, it's undeniably enormous fun.
And it bears repeating that any movie which features an overt product placement for Seabrook Crisps deserves a misty-eyed respect from those of us on the Blighty-side of the pond.
Bravo.
Obviously not for everybody, and you probably won't get the chance now as this was a part-retrospective double-bill, but if you're a fan? Yes.
It's a buy-er.
I've probably seen each of its prominent stars better elsewhere, I think.
Without doubt.
Nope.
There bloody isn't. Don't worry, I'm going to write a letter.
Well, as it's the 6th F&F movie...
1) The film's bad-guy Luke Evans starred in The Battle Of The Five Armies, as did Sir Christopher 'Count Dooku' Lee.
2) Gina Carano played the central character in Haywire, alongside Ewan 'Kenobi' McGregor.
3) Dwayne Johnson appeared in GI Joe: Retaliation, as did Ray 'Darth Maul' Park (The Phantom Menace).
4) Chris 'Ludacris' Bridges starred in 2009's Gamer, which also featured Sam 'Darth Maul' Witwer (The Clone Wars).
5) Vin Diesel was of course Riddick, which also starred Katee 'Bo Katan' Sackhoff.
6) Paul Walker had a role in 2010's Takers, a film also starring Hayden 'Anakin' Christensen.
Oh, ka-BOOM.
.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Back in the very first 1755 edition of Dr Samuel Johnson's A Dictionary of the English Language, the entry for the word "Wowshit" read simply: "Adjective; Fast & Furious 6". From that day until this, no-one was entirely sure what that meant. And today, finally, all became crystally (if predictably) clear. F&F6 bursts onto our screens like a two-and-a-half-hour car chase, soundtracked by screeching tyres, white noise and awful hip-hop. And is all the better for it. Let's not dick about; this is part six of a franchise. Pretty much everyone in the auditorium should know what they're there for, right?
Like its predecessor, the movie is unapologetically OTT, but still (somehow) manages to maintain a level of sweet-spiritedness. A series of rubber-burning setpieces, strung together with a wafer-thin, bat-shit plot and some appalling dialogue serves as the framework for Vin Diesel to make Dwayne Johnson look like Daniel Day Lewis (seriously, what is Diesel for, these days?). Everyone else does exactly what they're paid to do; look moody and drive cars (or, in Gina Carano's case, look moody and punch people).
So, while I wouldn't go so far as to say I 'cared' about any of the characters (or cars, for that matter), I chuckled, winced and ooh'd along for the duration. And it's quite the duration. At a rollocking 2h25m, it's way too long, but it barely matters in a movie with as little downtime as this. That said, far too much of the film uses fast-cut editing in under-lit night locations for my liking, on more than one occasion I couldn't tell what was actually happening other than industrial amounts of petrol being burned.
And speaking of things which are too long, does that runway for the final act run down the centre of all of Spain? They seem to spend about 25 minutes belting down it at top-speed in some serious motors. There is, of course, always room for a sequel, and the final scene in the film is such an overblown setup that I'm actually looking forward to it. The villain*1 for the next film already looks far more interesting than the one we had for this one…
Despite those grumbles, this is a ridiculously enjoyable film. The franchise has got to a point where it no longer has anything to prove, it's just got to up the ante on what it did last time. And F&F6 pulls that off. This time, at least.
Oh, and when was the last time you watched a movie which featured actual product-placement for Seabrook Crisps? Not even kidding. That's awesome.
The phrase "Leave your brain in the car park and just enjoy the ride" has never been more appropriate. Get in the car.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
Cinema if you like your skidmarks to be HUGE, but you won't lose too much by watching it in your living room.
Nah.
At some point.
No! I mean, come on...
Back in the days of Tokyo Drift, did you think this franchise would a) get this far, and b) still be at the cinema-release stage?
Comments section. Let me know. Go!
*1 The "villain" in a Fast & Furious movie is defined as 'the one who scowls more than the rest of the cast'.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
