Review: The Meg 2 - The Trench

The Meg 2: The Trench
Cert: 12A / 111 mins / Dir. Ben Wheatley / Trailer

It may seem naïve to hope a prehistoric shark action-er might do something unexpected, so fair play to director Ben Wheatley and his team of three screenwriters*¹ ~ about half of The Meg 2: The Trench isn’t actually about the megalodon, and about half of it isn’t set anywhere near the trench. This is impressive, in its own way. Although it's the only thing that is.

The film is somehow not quite as excruciating as expected, but it is every bit as lazy, patronising and formulaic. Murky visuals and monosyllabic scripting bloat out a plot structure that resembles a trope-showreel assembled by AI. This is basically Jurassic Park, then it’s Jaws, The Abyss, Pacific Rim, a bit Predator, Piranha 3DD, back to Jurassic Park and then Godzilla vs. Kong*², threaded together by Jason Statham playing his Jason Statham Character™ while no one else is introduced properly because most of them will cark it 20 minutes after their first appearance anyway. The Meg 2 promises little and delivers less. You have never seen $129 million feel so cheap. Still, it's something to tide The Dads over until Expendfourbles comes out.

I haven’t seen a movie this dumb since Plane.
And do remember, I sat through Fast X...

*¹ I'll put my hands up and admit that it was only in assembling this review that I learned the movie is based on a novel. As in, an actual work of printed literature that you could probably find in a proper library near real books. And it's based on a novel because the previous movie was based on the previous novel. There's a commercial appetite for this shit but without the pictures? By extension, this means there's going to be at least one more of these. At least. God help us all... ^{[ BACK ]}

*² You see, I'm very aware I've accused this movie of lifting wholesale from at least seven others, some of which were produced after the 1999 novel upon which it's based. But given the historical nature of the disaster movie format and the additional number of inferior rip-offs which already exist, plus the fact that The Meg 2 was still made by a perfectly competent director in this form in 2023 with all of that shit pre-existing, the point still stands. Ben Wheatley, though. Actual Ben Actual Wheatley. Fucking hell. ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Fast X

Fast X
Cert: 12A / 131 mins / Dir. Louis Leterrier / Trailer

As it hammers the pedal on on the cultural zeitgeist, all those actively engaged on either side of the ongoing WGA strike actions will be further polarised by the revelation that ChatGPT seems to have successfully completed its first full film script. Which is to say, this is technically a script because it's the words the actors are reading aloud, but the content carries an air of indefinable artificiality that cannot be truly recreated by organic beings. Whatever, this jumble of remixed clichés from previous movies is certainly in keeping with the chosen method for its delivery, and it's going to make money from an audience who haven't bought tickets for the wordcraft. Fair.

So, Fast X roars into cinemas at the starting line of Blockbuster Season™ and its sprawling, globe-spanning storyline cannot be coherently summarised in this traditional second paragraph; indeed director Louis Leterrier is unable to do that in two full hours. The main thrust is that Vin Diesel's Dominic Toretto (once again using the word "family" as punctuation to the point where you'd think he's the third Mitchell-brother) has fallen out with Jason Momoa's Dante (having the time of his life as a panto-villain effortlessly combining the Joker and Frank-N-Furter). Luckily, they're both psychologically grounded enough to know that the only way to settle this spat is through driving cars and destroying civil engineering infrastructure.

PUNCH

Yes there's races, there's chases and there's punch-in-the-faces. The three credited writers vie to maintain control in a built-up screenplay while the fuel budget and carbon-footprint goes through the roof, dropping leaden hints that the next movie will be the final one (it won't) and struggling to find dialogue that's not just expositing the indescribable. Cinema staff could have paused this at any point and asked who in the audience knew what exactly was going on, and not a single hand would have been raised. Fast X features enough separately filmed sub-plots to ensure that there are huge swathes of this cast who haven't needed to be in the same room this decade.

These strands are of course necessary as a means of showcasing the ever growing cast of A-Listers willing to pout fleetingly for status in a children's film*¹ reworking of Last Of The Summer Wine. Their characters' storylines may have ended in previous installments, but that won't stop them clocking back in for an appearance-fee the next time, a sort of Marvel Cinematic Universe with limited imagination (do bear in mind that Sung Kang's character died in the third entry and was ret-conned back to life in the sixth; it's also worth noting that Paul Walker actually died almost a decade ago and he's still showing up). The fact that the same faces return each time to deliver variations on the same plot with no variation on the formula suggests that the American studio system has finally cracked the essence of the Carry On series...

RICHARD

All of this sounds admittedly harsh for a film that nobody forced me to watch, but I'm old enough to remember Fast & Furious being genuinely good. To its credit, the cinematography, editing, stunt performing and choreography here are everything they need to be and more, and the cast are trying their best (albeit with varying levels of success) with the material they're given. You know that for an audience who loves going to the cinema but hates cinema, this will be ideal.

Fast X is loud, brassy, and seemingly happy to be filled with trite aphorisms while meaning absolutely nothing. It's hard to think of a more apt metaphor for the movie business in the 2020s...

*¹ Listen, Fast X is a 12A. The BBFC have reviewed this death-defying action thriller and decided that its levels of threat and intensity are suitable for children to watch. And if online wags can persist in sneering that the Marvel and Star Wars series are 'kids movies' then I'm more than qualified to point out the same of what is essentially Hot Wheels: The Movie, written by a trio of eight year olds who haven't studied physics at school yet. ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Fast & Furious - Hobbs & Shaw

Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw
Cert: 12A / 136 mins / Dir. David Leitch / Trailer



I can't believe you've come here to read this and decide whether you should go and see Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw. Even if you've only seen one of these before, you already know where you stand on this. The trailer tells you all you need to know, I promise you.

But still. This paragraph would usually be a brief setup/synopsis, although that's barely needed here. Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) are the muscle-bound, chalk-and-cheese odd couple who basically flirt with each other for over two hours. They're up against Brixton (Idris Elba), a cybernetically enhanced mercenary (think The Winter Soldier but with more sarcasm) as he tries to recover a weaponised virus for his mysterious employer. The virus has been stolen by Shaw's sister Hattie (Vanessa Kirby), an MI-6 agent who did this to prevent it falling into the wrong hands (ie Brixton's), and has been helpfully framed for murder as a result. This film is basically an extended fight-scene, albeit one that's way more entertaining than it has any real right to be.

CONTENDER

A solid contender for 2020's Academy Award in the 'Screenplay Apparently Written By A 15yr Old' category, there's an action sequence every twelve minutes and industrial amounts of exposition between that really don't matter. With the likes of Helen Mirren, Ryan Reynolds, Eddie Marsan, Rob Delaney and Kevin Hart all straining to get on the cast list for the hell of it, this sequel-baited strand could well turn into the Carry On of action cinema.

What's perhaps most interesting (if that's the correct word), is that after eight full installments the first Fast & Furious spin-off movie is centered around characters who were only introduced in parts five (Johnson) and six (Statham). This alone should tell you that this is an F&F flick in name only, to the point where there's a surprising lack of vehicle chasing going on. In fact, while the main series has always leaned toward high tech when it comes to show-cars, with the voice-activated attack drones, smart-bikes and cybernetic super soldiers on display in Hobbs & Shaw, the series just took the leap into soft sci-fi. It is second only to Hellboy in 2019's chart of cinematic ridiculousness. Yes, it is that daft.

LADY

The 12A certificate ensures that this is a largely bloodless affair of course, despite more gun-related deaths than you'd care to count. As a result, the fight scenes have editing with cuts so quick you stand more chance of seeing Jason Statham control his own accent than you would a punch actually landing or a single bullet going in. That said, the script which begins with a reliably grubby "nice tats" line to a female tattoo artist also includes such quips as no fuckin' way, bitch, arsehole, balls and wanker. The 'A' in 12A really does stand for 'advisory' more than ever before*¹. Take your 8yr old to this and reap precisely what you sow.

But perhaps best of all, writer Chris Morgan seems to believe there are stretches of road from St Paul's Cathedral in London where you could run for five minutes without being picked up by a single CCTV camera. This might actually be the funniest joke in the whole thing. Although there's another screen-nod to Greggs for the 2019 list, which is also outstanding work.

SO BEAUTIFUL SO RIGHT MY LOVER EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE

Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw is good. In places it's even great. Everything you expect and fear it to be*², it's loud, funny, makes no sense*³ and is indelibly cheesy. Director David Leitch is not going to change your life, and doesn't claim to try. If you're along for the ride, Hobbs & Shaw is great fun, and is not even going to attempt to change your pre-existing opinions, so leave any baggage back in the car park.

But it's also at least half an hour longer than it needs to be*⁵, and a more cynical reviewer might remark that the it has the absolute gall to evoke the great Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner during Elba's final scene, before the movie limps to a damp squib of an ending.

I couldn't possibly comment…

As much as I enjoyed Hobbs & Shaw, I really can't emphasis enough that it's not a Fast & Furious™ film. This is M:I-Lite with dick-jokes, although it does still carry that slightly unhealthy obsession with Fahh'mly™.



If you're going to see it at all, sure.



The film will lose quite a bit of punch on the journey to the small screen, but if you're a collector of the series then you'll be happy to have it on the shelf all the same.



With the best will in the world, no.



That's entirely possible.



There isn't.
Which, for a movie such as this, is an absolutely unforgivable sin.



Level 1: Well there's a scripted Death Star reference, a Han & Chewie reference, and also Rogue One Vader's in this.





*¹ Although credit where it is undeniably due, the 'Michael Oxmaul' routine is a great joke, and while I chuckled more than I'd like to admit throughout Hobbs & Shaw, this was the one gag which caused me to shamelessly guffaw. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² How come Vanessa Kirby's Hattie is an absolute bad-ass up until the point where Hobbs and Shaw have a conversation where Hobbs points out that she's an absolute bad-ass and from then onwards she's just The Girl One? The movie managed to leave behind gratuitous shots of women in swimsuits after the first twenty minutes, and I expected better, frankly. ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ All the bad guys' firearms have activator-chips Because Technology.
"We can get the weapons offline for six minutes!" says Hattie.
"Six minutes could be all we need!" says Deckard.
So that'll be why the Samoan gang*⁴ are squaring off against the goons in bike-leathers in pitch blackness, it kicks off, then all of a sudden it's broad daylight and they're still fighting using fists and sticks and the guns come back online about ten minutes later when they're chasing a helicopter off a cliff? Okay then… ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁴ Don't even ask how Dwayne Johnson's (a notably proud Samoan) screen-family are shown to be living in Samoa when more than half of them are clearly from New Zealand over two thousand miles away. I know they're all Polynesian, that doesn't mean they're all the same for actual fuck's sake…
(and yeah, I did a footnote-within-a-footnote for this one. That's how committed I am to calling out lazy casting-racism. I mean when I notice it, admittedly.) ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁵ No really, this is too fucking long for what it is. And if your bladder is strong enough there are three during-credits scenes plus one afterward. I have to be honest and admit that I didn't see the final one as The Need To Pee™ proved greater. Seriously, you know those ones where you realise about halfway through that you should have timed yourself, and then you slowly realise that you realised this when you weren't even halfway through and it's not like you've even been drinking booze and dear god will it ever stop? Oh, just me then. TMI. Okay, as you were... ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: The Meg

The Meg (3D)
Cert: 12A / 113 mins / Dir. Jon Turteltaub / Trailer



Of course, it was around 60 seconds into the opening titles of The Meg that I realised my error. I'd booked for the 3D screening*¹. A presentation format which does not mix well with settings consisting of underwater-murk. It does not mix well at all. At all.

So. If Skyscraper was Jurassic Park with a building (it was), The Meg could well be Skyscraper underwater. Eccentric billionaire Jack Morris (Rainn Wilson) has funded 'Mana One', a state-of-the-art oceanic research laboratory in China, managed by Dr. Minway Zhang (Winston Chao) and his oceanographer daughter, Suyin (Bingbing Li). Morris visits the facility to check on its progress, but during the inspection a scout-submarine is stranded on the seabed after being attacked by a megalodon, a 75ft and thought-to-be-prehistoric shark.

In order to rescue the crew, the team on the Mana One decide to call in the only living man capable (and insane enough) to do the job - Jonas 'I don't do that shit no more' Taylor (The Stath™). Sheer coincidence has it that Jonas' ex-wife is one of the submarine's three inhabitants, because that's the kind of movie this is. Don't worry, that is not the most eye-rolling part of the film. Anyway, The Meg is pissed off, The Stath™ is pissed off, let's sit back and watch the underwater fireworks...

As a Summer action film aimed at people who don't like films, the Stath's™ is a role where he gets to mansplain most of the major plot points and the supporting characters are scriptually obligated to thank him for it. Great work, I'm sure. The overblown nature of our hero's macho-grumpiness and survivors-guilt is only matched by his contracted shirtless scene. That said, all credit goes to our leading man's game-face as he delivers some of the year's most excruciating dialogue. And it's good to see that The Stath™ has gone full-method on this one, with his accent in the waterlogged adventure duly operating under maritime law. By which I mean it does not fall under the jurisdiction of any single country…

The rest of the cast are airdropped into roles so unremarkable that the term stereotype seems unfeasibly generous, with monotype being closer to the mark. Suffering the most at the hands of a four-strong casting team who apparently hate actors is Ruby Rose as the emo-haired hacker Jaxx, who spends most of her time not at a keyboard. Because when the third xXx movie offers a performer a more interesting gig than a shark-flick, it really is time to switch agents.

None of this is why the audience are here of course; they're waiting for the monster. And director Jon Turtletaub doesn't drag out the reveal of the star attraction, nor skimp on it afterward. The shark looks good and the effects teams have done a solid job of delivering a sense of scale - no mean feat given that there's not too much visual size-comparison in an underwater setting. The jump-scares are thoroughly telegraphed in accordance with both the genre and the 12A certificate, but they deliver for audiences who are willing to play the game. What's more, although The Meg itself is a computer-rendered simulation, its relentless primal anger may well be the most emotionally-sincere performance of the whole film*².

But can a 21st century shark-screenplay at least resist the temptation of a crowded beach panic scene? Can it fuck. With the arrival of act III, the ocean depths no longer hold the film-makers' attention and The Meg has decided to go the shoreline for a Chinese. Although this results in a popping zorb-ball which provides one of two moments that actually utilise the 3D format.

Credit where it's due, The Meg is marginally better than 47 Metres Down since it's not trying to disguise its ridiculousness. But it's not as good as The Shallows, on account of The Shallows being a shark-film that's not about sharks.

Very much by-the-numbers, and almost entirely what you'd expect from a film where The Stath™ punches a giant fish for two hours, what you get out of this will depend very much on the baggage you take in with you. Your humble correspondent was laden with bored cynicism and was rewarded accordingly*³.

The Meg is largely okay at what it does, but what it does is not largely okay.

The best line comes from The Stath™, naturally:
"This is possibly the worst moment of my life."

I know buddy, I know...

Most modern disaster movies, the type of which increasingly star The Rock.



You may as well.
Any sense of grandeur you get from watching a 75-foot shark on a 75-foot screen is going to be lost when this washes up in your living room.



See above.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.



We very well might.



There isn't.



Level 1: Masi Oka stars in this, and he was a digital effects artist in episodes I, II and III.



This doesn't really deserve a 4, but if I give it a 3 that puts it below my score for 47 Metres Down, and the truth is it's not that bad.


*¹ The 3D being in such high audience demand that of the four screenings of The Meg at my local today, only one was in the stereoscopic format, and that was in the smaller 137-seat screen. And 19 of those were occupied as the BBFC card came up. It's certainly appears that you can count all the people still interested in 3D on one rescue-sub... ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Actually that's not entirely fair. The amount of screenplay-influence wielded by the Chinese production companies means that - in addition to the story location - Winston Chao and Bingbing Li get to carry out borderline-obscene levels of overly earnest familial, moral and environmental preaching, in a style that's completely detached from a monster/disaster movie. ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ And while I'm almost certain it was just me, I couldn't help but think that those two speeder-submarines used for the finale looked an awful lot like the Jedi Starfighters from the opening battle of Revenge of the Sith. That said, on more than one previous occasion on the seabed I'd thought "Monsters out there, leaking in here... all sinking and no power? Whena yousa thinking weesa in trouble?"... ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Fast & Furious 8

Fast & Furious 8
Cert: 12A / 136 mins / Dir. F. Gary Gray / Trailer



Sixteen. As someone who spends a not-inconsiderable amount of time in the cinema, I've seen various trailers for Fast & Furious 8*¹ and, as a result, had wondered how many times the word "family" would appear in the final script. It's sixteen times. I counted. To put that in 'cinematic catchphrase' context, the second Paul Blart movie featured A Fat Man Falling Over a mere eight times. Make of that what you will, but I'm at least glad that Peggy Mitchell's secured a job as a screenwriter.

So despite my thinking that the F&F series really should have been laid gently down after part seven, it's evident that it may well be the last great franchise that Universal have. It's certainly the best vehicle (no pun intended) for the dubious talents of Vin Diesel*², who at least has the rest of the cast to share the limelight and ease the burden of the script (which is frequently excruciating, but who's here for the dialogue, right?).

The film is, in pretty much every sense, exactly what you expect it to be (and no less than you'd expect from the eighth installment of any series). From the opening race around the streets of Havana in which Diesel pushes an old banger literally into the red, this is impressively ridiculous stuff. Things take a predictably mawkish turn when the aforementioned 'F'-word rears its head, but the faux-sentimentality doesn't get in the way of what is essentially a petrol-burning action flick. Old faces and characters appear like at a reunion party, past transgressions not necessarily forgiven, but put on hold out of general goodwill. And once more, the screenplay takes the same cavalier attitude to technology and hacking as it does to the general laws of physics*³. F&F8 may not be everything it could be, but it's certainly everything it needs to be to meet its own selection criteria.

Best line is awarded unapologetically to Jason Statham for "Let's go, Scarface. These arseholes aren't going to kill themselves…".

Fast & Furious 8 is largely an immense amount of fun*⁴, albeit the perfect definition of Bubblegum Cinema™. It's brightly-coloured and distracting, of no real nutritional value, and after a couple of hours you realise it's pretty much without taste.

Plan your viewing schedules accordingly.

The movies which preceded it.



If you like your testosterone and burning rubber to be on a massive screen, yes.



Pretty much.
Whether that's a good thing is up for debate.



It's not even the best of its series, to be fair.



Nope.



Not that I heard.



Level 2: This film stars Michelle Rodriguez, who performed voice-work in Turbo alongside Sam 'Windu' Jackson and Bill 'BB-8' Hader.





*¹ And seriously Universal, you attach the tagline "Fate of the Furious" to the eighth movie in the series and not one of you thinks to type it "F8 of the Furious!" on the poster? You had one fucking job, mate. And don't even go thinking about 'Fast10-Furious, because a friend of mine's copyrighted that shit already. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Although obviously he's more than acceptable when he has three words to say as the voice of an animated tree. Make of that what you will, as well. ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ Notwithstanding that the film's centrepiece of an EMP-device which not only disables electronic devices but magically shuts down wholly mechanical engines and opens all locked security gates (y'know, the setting you'd definitely have in the event of a power-cut), Vin Diesel's car is clocked doing over 200mph to get onto the boarding ramp of a moving plane, yet he manages to come to a stop within 40 feet once he's in the cargo hold… ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁴ That said, I'll admit that the bits about the unstable egomaniac who's set to launch nuclear warheads just to prove a facile point tasted a touch more bitter than they were no doubt intended. Maybe I should have seen the movie before last weekend, to be fair… ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Mechanic - Resurrection

Mechanic: Resurrection
Cert: 15 / 99 mins / Dir. Dennis Gansel / Trailer



In the opening montage of Dennis Gansel's action-sequel, the barometer on The Stath™'s house/boat reads 'fair'. Many other directors would have had it set at 'stormy' and lingered on the shot a microsecond longer. As it turns out though, the prediction is cinematically accurate, as everything which follows is moderately enjoyable and without a single hint of actual drama.

Don't worry if you haven't caught up with the first movie, it isn't even referenced other than a clip played on a character's mobile phone (not even kidding). Reassuringly stupid, Mechanic: Resurrection plays out like an action-movie parody advert for a deodorant or a premium lager. Anything outside of the action sequences and fight-scenes veers between distinctly-substandard and spectacularly bad, but at least the film doesn't rely on the cheap xenophobia that so many of its genre-buddies use in lieu of villain-building.

Two questions come to mind as the viewer ploughs through Mechanic: Resurrection. 1) Jason, is this because they rebooted The Transporter without you? and 2) Jason, did you write this? This troubled yet sensitive yet lethal character who succeeds at everything and doesn't have to change a single iota throughout the film's running-time? As with all the best reluctant heroes, this film sees The Stath™ go into self-imposed hiding before getting back into trouble around four minutes later when he interferes in somebody else's business. Next thing you know, he's blackmailed into doing a series of jobs and all's right with the world. A sort of GTA inspired mission-pickup plot device showcases The Stath's™ assassination techniques as being far more entertaining and inventive*¹ than the script could ever hope to be.

The thing which probably bothered me most is that throughout the film, The Stath's™ face-fuzz routinely alternates between 'heavy stubble' and 'short beard'. Back and forth, for the whole damned thing. Although I imagine short facial hair over the course of a feature-length shoot is the bane of film editors everywhere. And to a lesser extent, it didn't go un-noticed that the cut/scabbed lip Jessica Alba arrives with, heals completely and without trace after she goes swimming in the sea ten minutes later. The health benefits of salt-water clearly lost since Victorian times, it appears. Neither of those are deal-breakers, of course, but if I pick up on things like the make-up department's continuity gaffes, it means that the film is singularly failing to hold my attention.

And as the film enters its third act, a third question coincidentally occurs: Has Academy Award winning actor Tommy Lee Jones' dramatic-currency devalued so much that he's prepared to don rose-tinted Lennons and a soul-patch as a second-tier bad guy in what is essentially a straight-to-video action sequel?

Evidently so…

Often terrible, often hilarious, but Mechanic: Resurrection is genuinely more fun than the last Bourne outing…

Jason Statham in that film he did after the Guy Ritchie ones..



Well as big and loud as the film is, it was clearly designed for the small screen...



Just about, but its intentions were hardly ground-breaking...



No.



No.



Inexplicably, no.
Perhaps the sound editor wanted to preserve the documentary-level realism of the piece, instead?



Level 2: The Stath™ was, of course, in Expendables 3, as was Harrison 'Solo' Ford.
All roads lead to Han, today.




*¹ Oh, and if there's news report footage from a bystander filming the skyskraper-swimming-pool spiralling water out before it breaks, then there's got to be footage of The Stath™ swinging around underneath it at the same time, as he didn't make his escape until the whole thing shattered. So much for his 'making it look like an accident', which was the very reason he was hired. You had one job, The Stath™. One.


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.