Review: Jurassic Park (30th Anniversary)

Jurassic Park
Cert: 12A / 126 mins / Dir. Steven Spielberg / Trailer

There's something about the nonchalantly galling nostalgia of anniversary screenings for movies you saw in the first time around and technically weren't even a child then that nobody warns you about. The last time I watched Jurassic Park in a cinema (which I swear blind wasn't that long ago) it was old enough to buy a pint, yet now the fossilised mosquitos and interactive CD-ROMs weren't the only thing in that room feeling ancient...

And truth be told, there's not much to say all these years down the line about a movie that's still perfect. John Williams' score is still majestic, Bob Peck's focused intensity is still magnetic, the jokes still get audible laughs and Gary Rydstrom's sound-design for the Tyrannosaur is still one of the most hair-raising things I've ever heard. The digital and practical effects work is astounding of course, but above all else it's the human reactions to the dinosaurs that really sell this. And not just Ariana Richards' and Joseph Mazzello's terrified scrambling as Lex and Tim, but the sense of awe and jaw-dropped wonder from Laura Dern, Sam Neill*¹ and Jeff Goldblum. Meeting the Brachiosaur herds was magical in 1993 and it's magical now. I genuinely still wipe away a tear in that moment. Like I said, perfect.

It's also still horribly relevant. This romp of dinosaurs gone rogue (or more properly, dinosaurs behaving completely naturally) is in its essence a timeless cautionary tale, glossed over with unapologetically self-aware marketing. It's no accident that a parable about the dangers of unfettered capitalism has its own logo'd merchandise literally appearing within the film as part of the problem. The story is blunt in its message (classic Michael Crichton), but hugely accessible in its scope (classic Steven Spielberg). One of the most interesting aspects is how the director actually leaves the audience feeling slightly sorry for park-visionary John Hammond, the gently-spoken entrepreneur whose myopic hubris causes widespread destruction, mutilation and death, while at the same time we're invited laugh at the demise of lawyer Donald Gennaro as he cowers on a suddenly exposed toilet. Remember, he's one of the few professionals who hadn't been bribed or cajoled onto the island to sign-off the project, and was merely working to represent the interests of investors who had well-founded concerns about the park's demonstrably appalling safety procedures. In the first act of Jurassic Park, Gennaro is actually the good guy. This flips of course once he gets dollar-signs in his eyes and is subsequently punished by the narrative as a result. Like I said, blunt.

But perhaps most pleasingly, in the end there's no deus ex machina which gets our protagonists out of trouble. They just have to pick their battles, make it through the night and survive the ordeal*². Jurassic Park is about teamwork and tenacity in the face of adversity. About weathering the storm and about leaving no one behind. Yeah, even if they caused all this shit in the first place. Like I said, horribly relevant.

*¹ And for the record, Dr Alan Grant is never more than three lines of dialogue away from Sam Neill's native Kiki accent kicking back into gear, and I don't even mind. That's how much I love Jurassic Park. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² I do hope the poorly Triceratops was okay in the end. The plot-thread of the illness doesn't get resolved in the film (it's explained more in the novel but sill not 'fixed' iirc), and I'm not cool with the thought of her lying there incapacitated while the T-rex goes rampaging about the island willy-nilly... ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: The Commuter

The Commuter
Cert: 15 / 104 mins / Dir. Jaume Collet-Serra / Trailer



Oh Liam, you've done it, well done mate! After all these years of struggling you've found a writer/director who will (twice, now) scribble some backstory about your character's Irish origins into an early scene, in a move to reassure audiences that the accent is supposed to be like that. I am genuinely happy about this. The pair's latest collaboration, The Commuter is not to be held too close to the light, of course, what with its central premise being the absolute fantasy that any seasoned working-age user of public transport would engage in a conversation with a chatty stranger, rather than just exhaling audibly while staring at their book/newspaper/phone.

So, in Jaume Collet-Serra's urban thriller, our plucky hero Michael MacCauley*¹ takes the train home after being laid off from his insurance job, only to find himself talking with the aforementioned stranger who has an intriguing proposition: find the passenger who doesn't belong*² on the commuter train*³, plant a tracking device on them and pocket a hundred grand in cash for his trouble*⁴. Naturally, things escalate in the way they tend to do when a beleagured Neeson tells a stranger that he has a family he quite likes. Before long someone's getting punched right in the vestibule and Liam's in a race against the clock (indeed, against the track) to find the crucial missing link before the train reaches its deadly destination with passengers getting picked off one-by-one. A kind of Source Code On The Orient Express, if you will.

And all-in-all, the film is somehow not awful. Many, many types of ridiculous of course, but once the script establishes that the stops on this line are all four minutes apart while in the actual run-time that takes around fifteen minutes, you pretty much know where you are. The elongation of the Penelope Pitstop cliffhangers is only paralleled by the Tom & Jerry style resilience of our punchy/kicky/shooty hero (whom the script goes to the trouble of identifying as being a 60yr old man, whilst subjecting him to trials which would wipe out a 30yr old). On that subject, the movie also has some of the most haphazard fight choreography I've ever seen committed to the screen, but the choppy cinematography isn't necessarily helping matters.

With a third-act-reveal telegraphed as firmly as a station name on a departure board, the story (apparently written by three people) tries its best to twist and turn against audience expectations, but is as much on-the-rails as its locomotive setting. To be fair, I pretty much chortled my way through the final 40 minutes or so, although man this is longer than it needs to be.

As Liam Neeson Punching People In The Face movies go, The Commuter is perfectly fine. But it's also perfectly forgettable*⁵. Which is also fine.

Bonus props for casting Patrick Wilson as a cop named Alex Murphy. Now I desperately want this to be the stealth-prequel for another Robocop reboot...

Liam Neeson Films™.



The natural home for this movie is in a cardboard 'Gifts For Father's Day' display stand with a £4 sticker on the front..



By all means rent it, or wait until it's got that sticker before adding it to your Liam Neeson Shelf™.



Well, no.



Nope.



There isn't. Ridiculous.



Level 1: Qui-Gon Jinn is in this.





*¹ A quasi-retired Chicago cop who is now a struggling family man in an unjust world and we should really just be thankful he's not a recovering alcoholic like every other Liam Neeson Punching People In The Face movie hero... ^{[ BACK ]}

*² "Someone on this train does not belong!" quips the mysterious Joanna. But Michael somehow does not reply "Yeah, it's you isn't it? Sitting there, attempting a conversation with fellow travellers like that's a completely non-sociopathic thing to do during rush hour. Now if you don't mind, I'm idly scrolling down my Facebook timeline, silently judging everyone I wish I didn't know. Leave me. The fuck. Alone..." ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ "I've never been on a commuter train before!" exclaims Joanna with suspiciously fluttering eyelashes. But Michael somehow does not reply "Yeah, it's just a normal train, mate. They run all the time. This is a train which happens to be full of commuters because of what time of day it is. There's nothing remotely fucking special about all this, I assure you. You need to get out more, although I really wish you hadn't, today." ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁴ "I guess you must know everyone on this train?" purrs Joanna inexplicably. But Michael somehow does not reply "Look, this 'talking to strangers' thing, didn't your mum tell you anything about how weird or wrong it is? I don't want to talk to you. Christ, there are two people in this carriage from my office and I'm not even talking to them. Go. The fuck. Away." ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁵ Naturally, if there's a sequel starring Jason Statham and it's set on a shuttle bus into a business park in the home counties, I'll be all over that... ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Escape Plan

Escape Plan
Cert: 15 / 115 mins / Dir. Mikael Håfström



So let me get this straight, my local will show the movies with Arnie and Sly in them together, but not the ones they make separately? There's clearly a line between the two that's not being crossed by their solo work. I suppose it's because they're little-known indie actors? Ah well. Anyway…

Escape Plan is as 'Saturday night' as they come; all muscles, glaring and shouting. No hunks in sight, just a bunch of gnarly middle-aged*¹ men, ready to knock the shit out of each other in the name of cinematic adrenaline. And viewed on those terms, it works well. The film's not trying to be a game changer, it's just giving Mr. S and Mr. S a well deserved break from the knucklehead characters they're used to playing. The guys actually have a coherent script to read for once, they pull it off, and it's very welcome.

All things considered, it's standard double-cross-thriller fayre, but executed with enough conviction to be very watchable throughout, and could well have been a lesser film in other hands. Amy Ryan and Fifty Pence*² put in decent roles as Sly's contacts on the outside, but are ultimately reduced to exposition-bearers, as all the action's taking place at the prison. The same goes for Sam Neill who stars ably as the prison doctor, and whose part seems to have been reduced after the part was written, somehow. I definitely wanted to see more of all these characters, but with already 'adequate' runtime of just under two hours, that wasn't to be.

There's a feeling early on that the film wants to be an episode of Hustle, although this subsides as the action increases. It would have been nice to have kept riding that wave (like Now You See Me does), but it's no great hardship; it's there to wind up the machine so we can enjoy it playing itself out.

Undemanding without being stupid, entertaining without resorting to slapstick, Escape Plan is the direction that messrs Stallone and Schwarzenegger need to be pushing their careers in, not the live-action cartoons of wisecracking mercenaries. Best enjoyed with a beer in your hand, so you may want to wait for that BluRay?

Yep.



I did.



Pretty much.



It's nice on the big screen, but that's not essential for enjoying it.



No.



More than likely, yes.



I thought I heard one buried in there, but it was in an explosion which didn't require the sound of someone screaming alongside it, so I'll go with no.

That bit when Sly's in solitary and we see the camera looking down on him. Why doesn't that shot show his bunk? It's there in the in-cell shots, but the ceiling view has it missing. And it's not the overhead grille blocking it out, because you can see the walls clearly. Come on, Summit Entertainment, why oh why oh why etc?

*¹ You're right, I am being kind, there.
*² Yes, I am hilarious.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.