Review: Hotel Artemis

Hotel Artemis
Cert: 15 / 94 mins / Dir. Drew Pearce / Trailer



After honing his quill on the likes of Iron Man 3 and MI: Rogue Nation, Drew Pearce's first feature length writing and directorial gig, Hotel Artemis, shows all the signs of someone destined for cinematic magnificence. Just not quite yet.

Set in 2028 riot-torn Los Angeles, this tale of an exclusive private hospital for criminals certainly has a strong hook, and the precision-casting of Jodie Foster, Sterling K. Brown, Sofia Boutella, Charlie Day, Dave Bautista, Zach Quinto and Sir Jefferidge Goldblum only serve to raise the stakes further. But that cast also raises the expectation, which is where the movie falters a little.

The players are all on top form (Jodie Foster especially, although this should surprise no-one), and the wardrobe, set and prop design are outstanding. Near-future tech papers over slight cracks in the story, offset by a driving score from Cliff Martinez and a retro 70s diegetic soundtrack.

But the bottom line is that the actual story itself is weak, because the central characters are chronically underdeveloped, because the film's about half an hour shorter than it really should be. Elsewhere, the script is littered with clunky, needless exposition that attempts world-building (and sequel-baiting) before it's even finished the walls around the characters, and the violence (of which there is a substantial amount) feels nerfed down to levels of... well, a Mission Impossible movie, frankly.

Despite this, Hotel Artemis is still great fun and very promising, but there's little to get your teeth into…

John Wick, Free Fire, Reservoir Dogs and even a little bit of Murder On The Orient Express.



It is.



When the price drops, it'll be a buy-er.



Everyone should feel very proud of what they've made, here.



Nope.



Nope.



Level 2: Sterling K. Brown is in this, and he was in that Black Panther along with Lupita 'Kanata' Nyong'o, Forest 'Gerrera' Whitaker and Andy 'Snoke' Serkis.







DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Kingsman - The Secret Service

Kingsman: The Secret Service (third-pass)
Cert: 15 / 126 mins / Dir. Matthew Vaughn / Trailer



When I was four, I wanted to be Mark Hamill. Well, I wanted to be Luke Skywalker, but the two were indistinguishable at that age, and remained so for some time. Whether it was the loose-fitting desert tunic, the pristine stolen stormtrooper armour or a heavy-drill orange flight-suit, these were outfits I wanted to wear, to be like my hero. Forty years later, I watch Mark Hamill in this movie*¹, an appreciator of fine whisky in a brown corduroy jacket… and nothing has changed.

Anyhow, from the mind of Mark Millar comes Kingsman: The Secret Service, the comic-book roots spawning a perfect cinematic mashup of spies and superheroes. After its original run two and a half years ago, revisiting Eggsy's first outing on a big screen doesn't really deliver any new or prescient insights, it's just bloody good fun still. Back in 2015, this felt like it could be the first charge in a new wave of action cinema; not so much re-inventing the wheel, just reminding you how cool the wheel can be when it's done right, although tonally we haven't since had anything comparable other than Deadpool and maybe John Wick.

Absolutely perfect in its pacing and approach, this is the classic Hero's Journey for the 21st century. While Colin Firth, Mark Strong and Sam Jackson are all great value for money, Taron Egerton holds the whole thing together effortlessly, suggesting that he's going to be a (welcome) fixture on our screens for many years to come.

It's perhaps notable that the film which ran tonight was the original cinematic print, rather than one of the edited versions that later hit the home-release market. Fair play to 20th Century Fox*² for sticking to their guns with that one, I suppose; it passed classification once and there's no point being defensively revisionist about it, right?*³

But all in all, this is amazing. And the church-scene is still one of the greatest action sequences ever committed to film. Kingsman: The Secret Service is a thing of profane beauty…

Oh but for the record, you do realise that even if the gun is loaded with blanks, you'll still be looking after a deafened dog for the rest of its traumatised life, don't you? Well done Caine, now get back in your bloody attick…

Kick-Ass, Deadpool.



If you get the opportunity, hell yes.



Hell yes.



As fantastic as the movie is, probably not, due to the strength of the talent involved.



Nope.



I'm not hearing one. Help me out here?



Level 1: This film's got Mace Windu and Luke Skywalker in it of course, but as of December last year, Lt. Frobb from off of Rogue One is there, too.





*¹ Although this time Mark is the tutor, and it's Taron Egerton who gets to shoot white-armoured troops while running around polished corridors in an enemy fortress to rescue a princess. Boom. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² It hasn't escaped my attention that in Harry's office, all the front-pages he has on display are from The S*n newspaper, owned by one R*pert M*rdoch, the same tycoon also owns 20th Century Fox, this film's distributor. And sure, this could be a coincidence, until you get to the sequel film in which all news-bulletin reports (even ones taking place in the UK) are branded as F*x News, also owned by… well, you get the picture. And as much as I try not to let my political affiliations colour either this blog or my cinema-viewing in general, I'd be lying if I said that didn't leave a slightly bad taste in the mouth. ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ Knowing I'd be writing separately about The Secret Service, I went back over my two previous reviews in 2015 to see what I'd covered at the time. I'd forgotten quite how annoyed I was by the film's gender politics. Not necessarily how shoddily the female characters are treated (cf. most other screenplays, ever), but how that's come about when the rest of the movie is so consistently strong. Let's just say that while I still genuinely love the first Kingsman flick, I stand by every single word I wrote about its flaws.
^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Atomic Blonde

Atomic Blonde (vague spoilers in the footnotes)
Cert: 15 / 115 mins / Dir. David Leitch / Trailer



If only the film industry could learn to adapt violent video games for the cinema as well as they do violent comics. I think we'd all be better off.

Working from 2012's The Coldest City, Atomic Blonde follows Charlize Theron as British special agent Lorraine Broughton, assigned by her superior (Toby Jones) to Berlin in November 1989, the week the wall comes down, to track down rogue agent David Percival (James McAvoy) and retrieve a stolen list of operative identities before it's sold to the highest bidder on the international market*¹. There will be, as I believe the kids are saying nowadays, scenes...

With a fashionably desaturated colour palette and achingly hipster-friendly late 80s soundtrack, David Leitch's film gets off to a bold, if somewhat clinical, start. True to BBFC form for a 15-rated movie, the blood may not pool on the floor but that's not to say there isn't plenty of it splattered across the walls with dripping, artistic precision. And it's this detached feeling that lingers throughout, making the film almost difficult to like. While the audience will be impressed by what they see, calling it 'fun' almost feels like being complicit in the merciless beatdowns issued by Broughton and Percival. The only smiles to be found in this movie are ones of malice or sarcasm.

And yet, there are wry laughs to be had in Kurt Johnstad's screenplay, dryer than a sandpaper Martini. Theron is amazing as always*², as is McAvoy. Toby Jones and John Goodman hold the fort in largely 'office-based' roles, and it seems like Sofia Boutella is finally being cast as an actress rather than a gymnast*³.

The story is as twisty-turny as you'd want from this sort of thing, but with few enough characters that it never becomes unnecessarily confusing. And while needle-drop soundtracks have been my bugbear this year, everything chosen here fits the ethos of the film and blends with Tyler Bates' score effortlessly.

But the pièce de résistance has to be that fight sequence. Taking place across three floors of a building, utilising guns, knives, fists and at one point a pair of standard-lamps, producing a quantity of corpses I won't divulge here, and lasting a good six or seven minutes all in a single unbroken shot... I don't know how much they're paying cinematographer Jonathan Sela or the fight-choreography team, but give them a bonus. It's a genuine thrill to watch cinematic precision of this calibre.

Once you get into the rhythm of the film, Atomic Blonde is an absolute visceral joy to watch. But no sequel, no spin-offs, no remakes. You got that, Leitch? Leave this one to bask in its own glory.

Kingsman, John Wick, Free Fire, Scarface.
Oh, hell yeah.



Yes, but it should hold up just as well in your living room, provided you don't have noise-sensitive neighbours.



It does.



No, but there's no shame in that with a cast this strong.



I shouldn't think so.



There is.
And there's a boot-shot.



Level 2: James McAvoy and James Faulkner feature in this movie, and they were both in that X-Men: First Class alongside Rose 'Dormé' Byrne.





*¹ You're right, that's not entirely unlike 1996's Mission: Impossible, but I'm assuming this is a fairly common trope in spy fiction. No biggie. Besides, this is a great movie and so is Mission: Impossible. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² That said, her 'British' accent is all over the place. The film's final scene almost excuses this as a plot device, but if that's the case then she's the crappest secret agent this side of Austin Powers. ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ Although there is one scene which felt distinctly For The Dads, slightly off kilter with the rest of the movie and without sufficient groundwork either before or after to give it the meaning you know is intended. ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: The Mummy

The Mummy (2017)
Cert: 15 / 110 mins / Dir. Alex Kurtzman / Trailer



Hey, I don't mind admitting when I'm wrong. Repeated exposure to the trailers for Universal's 2017 reboot of The Mummy had already convinced me that Sofia Boutella would be the best thing in an otherwise desperate franchise-startup. As it turns out, the French-Algerian kickass dancer and actress is almost wasted in the film, with most of the focus being reserved for Tom Cruise's range of expression*¹. But I'm getting ahead of myself…

Anyway, in case you'd been living in a cave, The Mummy is an overhaul of the cinematic-property in general, last gracing our screens under Brendan Fraser's auspices in the 1999+ series. Now set in the present day, our hero is Tom Cruise's Nick Morton, an 'entrepreneur of antiquities' who, with his partner in adventure Chris (Jake Johnson), accidentally wakes up a very angry Egyptian lady (Sofia Boutella's Ahmanet) after stealing a map from a slightly less-angry British archaeologist, Jenny Halsey (Annabelle Wallis)*². Thrown into the mix is Russell Crowe's London-based research scientist, Dr. Henry Jekyll, anxious to get his hands on the newly-risen queen For Research Purposes™. As you can imagine, there's hell-on.

This of course is the first installment in the new 'Dark Universe' franchise, fresh out of the stable with a suitably hubristic ident following the standard Universal Studios intro. And there are, of course, an utterly shameless number of setups and future callbacks established here, with the studio not only throwing their hat into the continuity ring, but also betting the housekeeping on their eventual outcome. Front and centre of all this is Tom Cruise, leading a film as only he can, gleaming and coiffured in pretty much every scene, with a strategic box-to-stand-on when the need arises.

And you know what? I rather enjoyed this film.
There. I said it.

Having braced myself for the worst (the aforementioned trailers, plus the fact that the movie's been out for almost two weeks here and I hadn't summoned the willpower to walk ten minutes from my house to watch it), it becomes apparent after about fifteen minutes or so that it's not at all bad. I mean sure, it's The Tom Cruise Summer Blockbuster By Numbers Adventure Hour™, but it's bloody good at being that. I've certainly seen far, far worse this year, that's for sure. It helps that the film's a 15 certificate rather than the standard 12A. Things never get gory or even particularly savage, but there's an occasional level of intensity that you can't generally carry off at the lower age-rating*³. Conversely, there's no denying that Tom Cruise brings a lightness of touch to The Mummy which the film (and indeed series, if it's to continue) needs at its outset, in this age of desaturated frowny-destruction. Not all of the gags land in the correct place, but Big Tom has a surprising poker-face when it comes to delivering quips which would make many another actor stumble.

You'd expect this flagship offering to borrow tonally a little from the 1999 film-series, and that it does at first, with a decent amount of restraint. Although the screenplay also steals beats from Indiana Jones, which again is expected/fine. Oh, and The Birds. And Hellraiser. And An American Werewolf in London, The Lost Boys, Shaun of the Dead and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. As tribute-acts go, The Mummy has pretty strong game.

As referenced up top there, it's more than a little disappointing that Sofia Boutella has been cast in the antagonist-role as a furious, vengeful sociopath and is then pretty much reduced to padding around in bandages and murmuring threats like a Sexy Mumm-Ra™, while the story revolves around what Tom's currently up to. But I suppose it's The Summer, right? Not Mad Mummy's Murder-Hour™.

Considering quite how generic this opening chapter is in both concept and execution, The Mummy is a pleasing ride. This isn't Universal's big splash, they're just testing the water at the moment. But you just know they've got their moves mapped out, and if the studio can maintain this level of accessible, disposable fun, they might just make their money back. Stranger things have happened…

Well other than all those movies it riffs on, it's very much .



For best effect, probably yes.
The transition to the small screen will not be kind on this movie.



Against all odds, it pretty much does.



No.



Not one jot.



There isn't.
Ridiculous.



Level 2: This film stars Sofia Boutella of course, used to far better effect in Kingsman, alongside Mark 'Skywalker' Hamill and Sam 'Windu' Jackson.





*¹ Oh, Tom does all of his face in this movie! ^{[ BACK ]}

*² For some reason, the Oxford-born Wallis has apparently forgotten how to do an "Oxford-English" accent, instead slipping into Americanising her character's voice every third scene or so like an overenthusiastic DJ on a regional radio station. This infuriates me with American performers, but it's frankly baffling with an English one… ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ Although honourable mentions must go out to The Woman In Black, The Scorch Trials and Miss Peregrine, for showing exactly what you can do with a 12A... ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Trek Beyond

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