Tuesday 29 January 2013

Review*: The Impossible

World of Blackout 77-Word Film Review

The Impossible Poster

The Impossible
Cert: 12A / 113 mins / Dir. Juan Antonio Bayona



Okay, we read your script and we LOVE it, there's just a couple of little changes we want to make. Kids on a tropical island? That's great, but their mom's a doctor? Who likes a doctor? Nobody, that's who! Doctors SUCK! So we make her... a SCIENTIST! Kids love science!
And we don't make it about a tsunami, we make it about DINOSAURS and we call it...
Jurassic! Park! Four!*

Is the trailer representative of the film?
*ish*.


Did I laugh, cry, gasp and sigh when I was supposed to?
No.


Does it achieve what it sets out to do?
Yes.


Pay at the cinema, Rent on DVD or just wait for it to be on the telly?
DVD.


Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?
No.


Will I watch it again?
No.


Is there a Wilhelm Scream?
No.


And because you won't be happy until I've given it a score...


* Well, I say 'review'. I can see what everybody else loves about The Impossible, but I didn't really like it if Im being honest. I found it slightly irritating, slightly too often. Make if that what you will. Anyhow, if the main body of the post made any sense to you, you have great taste in obscure 1990's television comedy. This footnote doesn't count as part of the 77 words, by the way. Obviously.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Sunday 27 January 2013

Review: Monsters Inc (3D)

World of Blackout 77-Word Film Review

Monsters Inc. (3D) Poster

Monsters Inc. (3D)
Cert: U / 92 mins / Dir. Pete Docter



While the 3D is nicely retrofitted to this timely re-release, it adds little, and the actual animation is starting to look a little dated. The only reason that's even noticeable is because of Pixar's continuing high standards. With storytelling this strong it wouldn't really matter but Boo is... well creepy-looking a lot of the time.

This is still a fantastic movie, but maybe save the cinema visit for the sequel?

Is the trailer representative of the film?
Yes.


Did I laugh, cry, gasp and sigh when I was supposed to?
Yes.


Does it achieve what it sets out to do?
Yes.


Pay at the cinema, Rent on DVD or just wait for it to be on the telly?
DVD.


Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?
No.


Will I watch it again?
Yes.


Is there a Wilhelm Scream?
No!*1


And because you won't be happy until I've given it a score...


*1 I didn't hear one, anyway. Let me know if I missed it.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Friday 25 January 2013

Review: Zero Dark Thirty

World of Blackout 77-Word Film Review

Zero Dark Thirty Poster

Zero Dark Thirty
Cert: 15 / 157 mins / Dir. Kathryn Bigelow



As a dramatised reconstruction, Zero Dark Thirty is incredibly tight. As a feature film, not so much. A great first act, and a fantastic third one are hamstrung by a mid section full of mumbled, overlong dialogue and too much detail. Maybe I want my films too simplified, but maybe I shouldn't have to know the entire story in depth before going in?

A technical masterpiece, not made for me.

Is the trailer representative of the film?
…ish.


Did I laugh, cry, gasp and sigh when I was supposed to?
Mostly.


Does it achieve what it sets out to do?
Yes.


Pay at the cinema, Rent on DVD or just wait for it to be on the telly?
DVD.


Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?
No.


Will I watch it again?
No.


Is there a Wilhelm Scream?
No*1.


And because you won't be happy until I've given it a score...


*1 There's a perfect moment for one in the final segment, but even I think that would be inappropriate.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Wednesday 23 January 2013

Review: Wreck-It Ralph (3D)

World of Blackout 77-Word Film Review

Wreck-It Ralph (3D) Poster

Wreck-It Ralph (3D)
Cert: PG / 92 mins / Dir. Rich Moore



Is it too early to start bandying around terms like "film of the year"? If you've liked any video game, ever, there's already plenty to love. But outside of the easter eggs, large*1 and small*2, the flawless animation and solid story, it's the voice-acting that really sells it. Reilly, Silverman and Lynch nail every scene perfectly.

A joy to watch from start to finish, this will be hard to beat.

Is the trailer representative of the film?
Yes.


Did I laugh, cry, gasp and sigh when I was supposed to?
Yes.


Does it achieve what it sets out to do?
Yes.


Pay at the cinema, Rent on DVD or just wait for it to be on the telly?
Cinema.


Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?
Yes.


Will I watch it again?
Definitely.


Is there a Wilhelm Scream?
Yes!*3


And because you won't be happy until I've given it a score...


*1 Including a very blunt Star Wars reference, and the only one I could see outside of the final segment being almost scene for scene like the TPM podrace ;)
*2 "Sheng Long was here". Just ace.
*3 During the first Hero's Duty segment.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Sunday 20 January 2013

Review: The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey - 3D (second-pass)

World of Blackout 77-Word Film Review

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (3D) Poster

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (3D) - Second Pass*1
Cert: 12A / 169 mins / Dir. Peter Jackson



So an interfering geriatric press-gangs a contented homeowner into a travelling band, to "recover" a kingdom which was little more than a glorified mining corporation, whose wealth was amassed by a mentally ill chrysophilist, instructing his employees to strip the valuable innards out of Middle Earth?

With capitalism like that as a starting point, it's no wonder Warner Bros want you to pay £10-£18 for one third of a story…

Is the trailer representative of the film?
Yes.


Did I laugh, cry, gasp and sigh when I was supposed to?
Mostly.


Does it achieve what it sets out to do?
No.


Pay at the cinema, Rent on DVD or just wait for it to be on the telly?
Cinema.


Will I think less of you if we disagree about how good/bad this film is?
No.


Will I watch it again?
Probably.


Is there a Wilhelm Scream?
Yes*2.


And because you won't be happy until I've given it a score...


*1 My first (slightly lengthier) review is here.
*2 During the escape from the Goblin King's hordes.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.