Review: Escape From Planet Earth

Escape From Planet Earth (2D)
Cert: U / 86 mins / Dir. Cal Brunker




I arrived at my local cinema with rather low expectations for this, and these were pushed even lower as I had my own private screening of the film (in my experience, being the only patron in the auditorium is a sign of little public interest in the film, usually because the film in question is a bit crap). But after wincing through the trailers for the horrors that youngsters in the UK will be subjected to this year*¹, and through Harrison Ford smiling unconvincingly for money, the movie began…

Now, there's a reason that Escape From Planet Earth has been released in The Movie Graveyard Shift and also not during a half-term, and that's because it's astoundingly average. Your padawans will not be begging you to take them to this, and it's doubtful you'll be upgrading your home-cinema setup once it's released on Blu-Ray. From the B-List voice talent, to the god-awful dance-pop soundtrack, to the character-design that looks like it came pre-loaded with the software*², there's little here that you haven't seen done before, and better. The plot is a strictly mechanical A+B+C=D, but E, F and G! affair, and while that's fine for the younger audience, they've already seen films like Wreck-It Ralph and Monsters Inc with a much higher story-concept. And to cap the whole thing off, Ricky Gervais stars as the voice of a sarcastic computer operating system, and is out-of-place to the extent that they've laid a fuzz-filter over his voice, suggesting to me that he phoned the performance in literally as well as metaphorically. Elsewhere, the casting director seems to have been so intent on getting Named Actors, that matching their voices to the characters never seemed to be a factor. Rob Corddry and Jonathan Morgan Heit seem to be the only solid choices for their father/son combo; everyone else's parts could quite easily be recast with no adverse affect on the film.

And yet, there are moments in the script which are genuine, sci-fi references which work well without being shoehorned in*³, as well as a lot of fantastic slapstick. By the time you've piled in a load of Area 51 references (some subtle, most not), the film becomes far more watchable than you feel it should be. A U-Certificate doesn't mean a movie has to be dull, but it does mean it's going to be 'safe'. Keep that in mind, and Escape From Planet Earth becomes something worthwhile to keep the youngsters entertained; although it's doubtful that you'll be badgered into buying whatever merchandise they've produced for the film.

For best results, file alongside Turbo and Planes. And considering those two were made by 'players' in the game, Escape From Planet Earth suddenly doesn't seem too shabby. Well, not quite so shabby, anyway.

Yep.



I chuckled often, but that was about it.



Sadly not.



Cinema if you want the 3D, otherwise this is a strictly DVD affair.



Nah.



Only if my nephew/niece insists on putting it on.



Not that I heard, and this sort of thing usually has one. There's a chance it was buried of course, but I didn't pick it up. Fair enough.

Brendan Fraser's better than this though, isn't he? ...Isn't he?

*¹ The Postman Pat Movie appears to be a calculated insult to the TV episodes that are being made now, never mind the original series. Any parent who takes their child to this really shouldn't be raising a human at all…
*² Although to be fair, the texturing and rendering themselves are absolutely gorgeous, it's just a shame they weren't used for something more creative.
*³ "James… Cameron… Get the aliens!". Oh, come on, I thought that was pretty good for a film where most of the parents will have stopped concentrating half an hour prior to that line.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Machete Kills

Machete Kills
Cert: 15 / 108 mins / Dir. Robert Rodriguez



It was never going to be easy for Robert Rodriguez to top one of my all time favourites, especially since the rest of the audience and I knew roughly what was on the cards (or at least what we wanted to see). And yet, although we knew what to expect, we had no idea how much of it there'd be, or how far it would go.

You know the phrase 'less is more'? In the context of this movie, that's bollocks. More is more, and Rodriguez doesn't skimp on the firepower, the muscles, the babes or the exploding bodies. Machete Kills is completely comfortable in its own absurdity, and this is achieved by recruiting a cast who brazenly step into the same category. Trejo is on respectable form as Machete Cortez (although that's largely who he plays in every role, admittedly), and Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez reprise their roles with faces straight enough to sell the joke. But any movie which features Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga and, god bless 'im, 'Carlos Estevez', and not only makes them watchable but also likeable and entertaining, is to be roundly applauded.

The film opens with a scratchy, jumpy trailer for 'Machete Kills Again… In Space', and although you're already on the ludicrous-bus, you pass it off as being exactly the kind of tongue-in-cheek promo which started this series. But 95 minutes later, it closes with another trailer for the same film; and by that point you know that they're entirely serious.

You can only follow up a shlocky, grindhouse B-movie like Machete by upping the ante, and Machete Kills is almost, almost everything it needs to be. The only slight issues I had were the occasional spots of extended 'downtime' (read: no-one bleeding or screaming), and the lack of dirt and scratches on the print of the actual movie. Although to be fair, the outdoor shots look so gorgeous that I'd want to show them off properly, too.

If you want a violent, sleazy, funny live-action cartoon which refuses to take itself at all seriously, go and see Machete Kills. Catching up on the first one's not essential, but you'll be glad you did.

Yep.



Yep.



For me, absolutely.



For me, the cinema.



Yes. Yes I will.



Yep.



There is, yes.
AND there's a landspeeder.
AND there's a carbon-freezing block.
NOT. EVEN. JOKING..

Would you like to see another Grindhouse double bill, or do you think Tarantino should leave this stuff to Rodriguez now?

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.