You see, the thing is right, it's not that I dislike Johnny Depp. There's a list (a short list, but a list) of performers who aggravate me every time they face towards a camera, but Johnny's not on it. I just can't get enthusiastic about his films as I find him to be a very lazy performer, both in terms of his tried and tested array of facial expressions, and the roles he chooses to utilise them in. I'm sure he's lovely, but he's like the guy at the party with the acoustic guitar who only knows one song*1.
Anyway, the Enforced British Zaniness of Mortdecai rumbles its way onto our screens early in 2015, because the world apparently couldn't wait for Austin Powers 4. The story (based around one of a set of popular vintage novels) has a 1960s art-heist ethos, but a present day setting complete with high-action and stylised transitions. These don't sit nearly as well together as director David Koepp would have liked, I fear, and the result is a bit of a mess (in much the same way as Gambit struggled to find the same balance). It's not that the film isn't frequently amusing, but it's trying way too hard to be Irreverent™, and I'm left with the feeling that it's doing a massive disservice to a much loved series of books.
Whether it's the moustache-jokes which wear thin after about six minutes but still keep arriving like London buses, or the work of a scriptwriter who seems to have mistaken "balls" as the punchline to a joke (twice), Mortdecai lacks the precision and restraint to be a really effective comedy. That said, even I have to admit that Paul Bettany vomiting onto a windscreen during a car-chase is a highlight. Particularly since Bettany seems to be the only actor employing any level of actual deadpan.
In fairness to the cast though, when your central characters are played by two Americans and a Scotsman, all pulling off flawless Queen's English accents, that is an achievement worth showing off. I only wish the makers had spent more time on the screenplay than they did on the casting.
Warning: Features Paul Whitehouse doing comedy cross-eyes and needlessly resurrecting the comedic corpse of Stavros. It's not unfair to say that with Whitehouse's presence and the plot revolving around theft from stately homes, the film feels a bit like an extended Aviva advert.
Oh, and is Olivia Munn a real person, then? I'd only heard of her and thought she was a fictional character like Nicki Minaj.
Over-written and over-acted, Mortdecai is a casually enjoyable enough art-heist yarn, but this modern impressionist seems to believe it's an old master.
Do you see what I did, there?
I did An Art Joke™.
That's one more than the film does.
I don't think it is, in all honesty.
Unless you're a Depp/Bettany fan, you could probably get away with renting this one.
I'm afraid not (although again, Bettany's comedy-chops are great here).
Not even close.
Nah.
I didn't hear one.
Why, Mortdecai stars Ewan McGregor of course, the Prequel-era Obi-Wan Kenobi.
*1 And no, that's not me. I know loads of songs, although they do all tend to use the same chords. That's not the same thing. No, you shut up.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (2D) - Fifth-Pass / Spoilers Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
I know what you're thinking, and part of you might be probably a little bit right, but I was there for the first screening of this at my local, and in the absence of anything else to watch I may as well be there for the last one, too.
The dust has settled, the film's been picked to bits, and it seems that Marvel/Disney have pulled a good one out of the bag. RDJ's current contract is done now, and it'll be interesting to see what occurs for Avengers 2 & 3 as the closing card of IM3 states simply 'Tony Stark Will Return', leaving us (me) to speculate what form this will take. Iron Man 4 looks like a no-go (which is fine by me; go out on a high), but we've got Cap and Thor sequels to take us towards Avengers 2, and it'll be interesting to see if young Mr Stark makes a cameo in those.
So, in closing, I didn't really get anything new out of my fifth watching of IM3, but it did reinforce something I've been thinking about for a while now. There's been some talk, both on and offline, comparing the third Iron Man film with the third Batman one. While there are very valid points to be made in this, it seems to skip over the central theme that separates the two heroes (and indeed, films). Iron Man isn't the same kind of hero as Batman, and isn't trying to be. Throughout Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy, Batman repeatedly puts over the point that the people of Gotham need a symbol. That symbol can be anyone; anyone who's prepared to commit himself to justice. It's the suit that's important, not the man. In order to effectively monitor Gotham, Bruce Wayne keeps his alternate identity a secret, knowing that the revelation will (and does) compromise his ability to function.
Tony Stark, on the other hand, outs himself as Iron Man at the end of his first movie. The problems that come his way are less to do with street-crime, and more to do with his past as an arms-dealer and Grade A Arsehole. Stark is the public face of the Avengers; you just can't keep that kind of ego down. It's the ego that gets him into trouble, and the ego that helps him out of it. In the third IM movie, when young Harley finds an intruder in his garage, and Stark shines the spotlight on the armour, the boy asks "…is that Iron Man?" to the reply "well no, technically I am". There are multiple characters who wear the suit (both Iron Man's and Iron Patriot's) in the final film, and on top of that there are a bunch of empty ones that show up for good measure. But they're not Iron Man. Tony's last words to the viewer (and/or listener, depending on how you want to look at it) as he drives away from the ruins of Stark Mansion are that you can take away the house, the gadgets and even the suits; "But there's one thing you can't take away… I am Iron Man."
Whereas in TDKR, Bane orchestrates the destruction of Wayne's personal and financial empire, breaks his back and leaves him in a Middle-Eastern jail to rot; Tony Stark's major stumbling block isn't having his mansion destroyed, it's a series of panic-attacks. It's the one entirely personal obstacle he has which wasn't placed in front of him by the Ten Rings organisation, the one which only he can fix, and the one which isn't really fixed by the end of the film (because Tom Conti punching you in the spine doesn't really work for anxiety issues).
I'm not saying one character's better or worse than the other, just that their motivations are too differing to compare directly.
There's no doubt about it: Batman is a hero. But Iron Man is a super-hero.
Bring on Thor.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (2D) - Fourth-Pass / Heavy Spoilers Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Here is an exclusive transcript of an extended/deleted scene which will feature on the BluRay release of Iron Man Three…
Int. Stark Enterprises. Day.
PEPPER POTTS and ALDRIDGE KILLIAN are seated in a plush business office, having an informal meeting.
Potts: Right, first question - Why was I so goggly-eyed and taken aback when I saw you just there?
Killian: Erm, because I'm a super-smooth playboy now, and not the awkward nerd you remember?
Potts: Well, you're super-smooth to the point where you're wearing a blue checked suit, a red patterned tie, brown loafers and no socks. What fucking school of cool did you enroll in? I notice you haven't fixed the part of your brain that governs fashion sense?
Killian: Wow. Start strong, eh?
Potts: Trust me, in five minutes you'll be looking back at the sartorial critique with a sense of warm nostalgia.
Killian: Oh, good.
Potts: Right. Anyway. Second question - You're telling me Killian, that in the third film in the series, a nerdy, narcissistic scientist is going to come to me, the CEO of an international tech giant, and ask for funding and development of a project which re-writes/enhances human DNA by means of an empty socket in the brain, and I'm obviously going to turn you down on general principle in a move that will come back to bite me on the arse in the second or third act?
Killian: ...yes..?
Potts: Right. And you're hoping that throughout this scene, not one person - not one - is going to say aloud in the cinema "Oh what, like in Batman Forever, you mean?"
Killian: ...also yes?
Potts: I don't think evoking the spirit of Jim Carrey in green lycra is going to work for you, Killian.
Killian: Piss off, you thought Batman Forever was cool!
Potts: In 1996, Killian. Around the same time I thought Kula Shaker were cool.
Killian: You're such a hipster.
Potts: Says the guy wearing a check-suit and no socks.
Killian: Look, can we get back to why I'm here please?
Potts: Oh what, your big brain?
Killian: My big brain.
Potts: Right. Big brain. Go.
Killian: ...so, if you look at the hole in my big brain here, you can clearly see that it's a sign that we're designed to be upgraded!
Potts: Hmmm. Surely the implication, even at this early stage of the film, is that you've undergone 'the upgrade' yourself? I mean, I know we won't know for sure until the third act, but it's kind of a foregone conclusion, isn't it?
Killian: Erm, possibly. What's your point?
Potts: Well, why is there a hole in your big brain then? If that's the socket for the upgrade, and this is a live-feed, does that mean you're not all badass super-strong yet?
Killian: Be fair, Pepper, I haven't mentioned anybody being badass yet. All I said is that the DNA can be re-coded to repair itself, it was you who instantly thought it could be weaponisable.
Potts: True, this is what comes from dating an arms-dealer, I suppose.
Killian: So, no. There's definitely no way that the technology I'm working on to regrow lost limbs could be-
Potts: Oh, is that what it's for?
Killian: Yes, sorry, didn't I say?
Potts: No, you didn't. Although to be fair, you didn't get very far with what it's actually for, before I assumed it was weaponisable and was about to throw you out.
Killian: That bit with the plant that Maya was working on earlier? That's what that was hinting at. Although the limb thing won't come into play until later when Tony's snooping around my files.
Potts: Okay. Still, it's a bit... Lizardy, isn't it? Regrowing lost limbs?
Killian: ...Lizardy?
Potts: Erm, yeah. Like in last year's Spider-Man film.
Killian: You've got a point, there. That's two 'references' to other superhero films and we're not even past the first act, yet. It's probably best if I don't really mention the limb-thing, and just concentrate on the Extremis glowy-hot human-weapon thing.
Potts: ..the what?
Killian: Well, you're right. Obviously. Of course it's weaponisable. This shit makes people go all glowy-red-hot and super-strong. And turns them into evil-henchpeople. Obviously.
Potts: Ah, speaking of that, I read ahead in the script and I've got a third question.
Killian: Go for it…
Potts: How come when you're prising Rhodes out of the War Machine armour (call it by its name), and you go all super-shit-hot and breathe fire etc, but your shirt doesn't catch fire?
Killian: Probably the same reason your sports-bra doesn't burn when you fall into the fire later on?
Potts: Whoa! SPOILERS! I hadn't got that far into the script! I fall into a fucking fire??
Killian: Oh, don't worry about it, you've got super-shit-hot-Extremis powers by that point, so you and your sports-bra just climb out.
Potts: Super powers? Ooh, does this set me up for an action role in Avengers 2? Ni-i-i-ice!
Killian: Nah, you get 'fixed' in one very short voice-over line at the end.
Potts: Bunch of arse.
Killian: Hey, at least you're still around…
Potts: True… but y'know, your fate as antagonist is more or less a straight line. We all know how that'll end.
Killian: I've gotta try, I've gotta try…
Potts: What's more worrying is that you somehow believe that even with all this, Yen over at WorldofBlackout will still give the film full marks.
Killian: Oh, trust me, he's sold. He loves it because of its faults, not in spite of them.
Potts: Well, yes, let's not forget he enjoyed Prometheus... Listen, we should get back on script.
Killian: Yeah. So. 'Extremis'. You're in?
Potts: No, I'm not in. I'm Doubting Wayne, remember?
Killian: Balls. I'm off then. I'll see you later at the hotel when I've snapped that hapless waiter's neck for no reason, okay?
Potts: Wait, wha?
Killian: BYE!
FADE OUT
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (3D) - Third-Pass / Spoiler-Free Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Oh, hello there. I've been to see Iron Man 3 again, and while I do have some thoughts I want to expand on, I need to do a bit of background/context reading first. If it's words you're after, you can read my first (spoiler-free) review here, and my second (mildly spoilery) review here.
Meanwhile, as is par for the course, I've made you some pictures (click for big, opens in new window).
Hey, don't even mention it.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (2D) - Second-Pass / Contains Spoilers Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Now that I'm recovered from the midnight showing of Iron Man 3 (and have had an actual night's sleep in between), I can sit back, watch it again, and take in more detail. Well, certainly make more sense of the plot anyway…
Not withstanding the slight red-herrings in the above (ie who's in which suit at any given moment), and the massive red-herring (ie the true nature of the Mandarin threat), there are still a lot of lines which never made it into the movie;
• My name's Tony Stark, I build cool stuff… • You elected me on a single platform… • You don't know who I am…*1 • Today is the first day of what's left of your life. • Do you want an empty life, or a meaningful death? • …Here's my boys
None of these are in the cut I watched. I'm used to one or two lines, but six? Some of them point towards a film more centered around The Mandarin, and I can certainly understand the people grumbling on the message boards about how his character was treated. Personally I loved what they did with him, even if the Extremis thread could have been handled better, and it's worth remembering Extremis doesn't even get a mention, visually or verbally, before you sit down to watch IM3.
So, ^that^ trailer: not overly representative of the actual plot, but it captures the feel perfectly.
Iron Man 3 certainly engaged and entertained me for its entire run-time, although it was easier to enjoy the second time around, when I could see past the bluster and concentrate more on what was going on. Speaking of which...
If what it sets out to do is conclude the Iron Man trilogy while keeping the focus firmly on Tony Stark, then yes. If there's meant to be a clear agenda for The Mandarin which sets out his motivations, methodology and goals, then no. Even discounting the lines from the trailer which don't arrive in the cinema, it certainly feels like there's a whole backstory which has been cut to stop this being a three-hour film. The threading of the Ten Rings group throughout the movies seems shamefully overlooked, and instead of being an anchor which pulls the trilogy to a close, it's treated like an Easter-Egg for the hardcore fans to grin over. Elsewhere, Extremis is handled in the same manner, as if it had already been explained in a previous movie and here we were just seeing it being used.
But, as I said, in terms of rounding out Stark's personal story and setting it up for the evolution of the Iron Man character, it's damn near perfect. And since Stark's always been the most likeable thing about these films, that's what's important, right?
If you're a fan, you'll want to see it as soon as possible so cinema, obviously. It'll be just as much fun on DVD or BluRay, but it definitely feels like a cinema-film. The 3D is fairly well applied with no ghosting etc, and it is there, but didn't add a lot for me (confirmed by a second viewing in 2D). As with Avengers, there's already too much happening for the third dimension to make much difference.
If you don't like this film, you have no soul and are dead to me. Now get out of my house.
As if you have to ask that...
I initially said no, but this time around I could have sworn I heard one very low in the mix. In the final confrontation between Stark and The Mandarin, when Jarvis tells Tony that the Mark 42 suit is incoming, there could be one when that suit bites the dust. Although I may just be wishing that.
*1 This one is especially misleading. The recurring catchphrase, theme, and indeed the clue laid down for Stark to follow is the words "You know who I am". If anything, this trailer actually makes less sense after watching the film.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Iron Man 3 (3D) - First-Pass / Spoiler-Free Cert: 12A / 135 mins / Dir. Shane Black
Midnight show for the win? IM3 wasn't entirely what I was expecting, but I'm still slightly reeling, I think. It isn't the sensory battering ram that Avengers was, but it's not far off.
Shane Black makes a good directorial successor to Favreau and there's a sense, not of moving on, but of evolution for the character. That said, it's still massive, massive fun for fans of the previous entries in the series.
Ben Kingsley: Best. Villain. Ever.
Almost.
Definitely.
For my money, definitely.
Cinema (the 3D's not essential, though).
Yeah.
Yes. This week, in fact.
…no, but there's a sweet Stan Lee cameo and a short scene at the end of all the credits.
Note: Yep, short and sweet review, partially due to the fact that I need to see it again before I can pick it apart, and partly due to the fact that it's 3am and I've got to be up for work at 7. The combination of sleep deprivation, caffeine and Iron-Man-adrenaline should make for an interesting meeting at 10am...
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
As if I'm not paranoid enough about touching things that people have had their dirty paws on...
This might not be a great film to go and see if you're just starting a cold. Like what I am. No matter. A sizeable chunk of Contagion is lingering shots of things that germy people have just touched; door handles, drinking glasses, mobile phones and what have you. Another sizeable chunk is filled with characters you can't bring yourself to like. Jude Law, for example, plays the deeply irritating Alan Krumwiede, a big-mouthed journalist and blogger*1 who spends the whole film being annoying about "the truth" until it's revealed that he was bullshitting all along and it's okay that you found him a bit of a dick. Oh, spoilers. Did I mention? SPOILERS.
Actually, there's not a great deal to spoil, as the trailer's already done a pretty good job of that. A lot of people get poorly and die. You see 'main characters' dying in the trailer, so all that's left is details, really. Luckily, the film's not so much about the spread of the virus*2, as the socio-political behaviour surrounding it. And that's not as dull as I've made it sound.
Sure, there are shades of "oh, the government's bad because they don't have cures for as-yet-unknown diseases lying around in ready-packed doses by the billion", and Matt Damon manages to be impressively dull as a character who's lost two people close to him, finds out he himself is immune, and then basically sits around the house bringing nothing else to the film, at all. Similarly, the sub-plot with Marion Cotillard as a kidnapped health worker had great potential, and then essentially came to nothing.
Given the basic fact that people who died from the new strain of Flu weren't going to get back up and bite people, I'd wondered before seeing it what the point of the film was going to be. After seeing it, a small part of me's still wondering. Other than being a 105 minute advertisement for washing your fucking hands you filthy peasants, it seems like it's pulling in different directions and covering no bases as a result. There's not enough of the humanitarian element to get you engaged on an emotional level, but there's too much of that for it to work as a thriller.
By the time the final scene rolls around, we get to see flashbacks of how the disease was first transmitted to patient zero, and it seems largely irrelevant. The stages we see unfold have been described verbally by Marion Cotillard about an hour earlier, and millions of people are dead by then, and a cure's been developed. So what does it matter?
A lack of zombie potential meant that part of me wanted to really dislike this from the outset, but when I was watching it, I couldn't do that. The other part of me wanted to really love it. I couldn't do that, either.
/// Now wash your hands. ///
*1 Americans have enough of a problem distinguishing British and Australian accents as it is (and I can see how, to be fair). So casting British Jude Law to do an unconvincing Aussie accent isn't going to help anyone, is it? *2 Hollywood Virus Rule Number One: The first infected person must board an internationally-bound plane within five hours of contracting the virus. See also; Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
