CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
And there we have it; after six months, The A to Z of the Galaxy Far, Far Away is complete. Twenty six love letters to everything Star Wars.
Initially, it was an exercise to get me writing more. I set a target of a thousand words for each post, partly because I'm a bit OCD like that, but I mainly wanted a way of ensuring I didn't give up on a subject after three hundred and fifty words. Once I'd started writing, I decided I wanted to give them all a positive spin, too. There's so much whining about SW on the internet already, I disagree with most of it and it certainly doesn't need to be added to. In addition to these loose rules there's also no bad language in the A-Z posts, despite the standard disclaimer in the header of each one. Actually, there's a tiny bit in 'T is for Trauma', but it's used in good spirits, and it's nothing you won't hear in a 12A film, anyway.
Some posts are informational, some retrospective, some humourous and some opinionated. But they're all what I love about Star Wars. You don't have to agree with them all, and any factual errors in there are down to my own poor recollections or bad research. There are still some subjects I haven't tackled, but without doing another A-Z or bolting on a 0-9 series, they'll have to wait. Besides, what will I do for 'Z' next time?
So all that remains is for me to thank the folks at Lucasfilm for giving me stuff to distract me from my inevitable death, and to thank you, dear reader, for trawling through my incoherent gushing about those space movies. If you haven't trawled through them yet, go and do it now, and earn yourself those thanks. You can hurl mockery and abuse through the comments section, or come and find me on the social networking sites that all the kids are using these days.
I heart Star Wars.
The Mighty Blackout, 2011.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Thursday 15th July 1999.
The Carlton Cinema, Wesgate-on-Sea.
People were standing up to leave from a sold-out performance. I can't say I noticed their mood or reaction, that didn't matter. @ReedyP and myself didn't move from our seats. We glanced at each other, a wordless agreement that we were there until the end. After that, our attention was still focused directly ahead of us. The music played, very new and yet beautifully familiar in its sweeping style, while a list of names was displayed. Each of these people had a part to play in what we'd just witnessed. Each had contributed enough to be named on-screen; not that I could comprehend the individual tasks, as the sum of their parts had just overwhelmed me.
Finally, with less than twenty people left in the auditorium, the music ended and the screen went black. Then… one more thing. A sound familiar to millions all over the world; the inhale then exhale, a single breath, of Darth Vader's ventilator. This prompted another look between myself and my BFF. We stood to leave.
The other patrons who were also leaving were chattering away about what they'd just watched, but still an unspoken acknowledgement hung in the air that a simple 'oh, I quite enjoyed that' wasn't going to do it justice. We left the building by one of the side-exits the staff had opened, and walked to where Reed had parked the car a couple of streets away. He unlocked the doors, and we got in, closed those doors and gave our honest and detailed opinions on the movie we'd just watched...
So, I don't know if anyone in the surrounding area heard the two grown-men in a car shouting for 30-60 seconds and stamping on the floor, but if they were close enough to see the fist-bumps and the hugs, than they definitely would have. No-one interrupted us, anyway. After the whooping and the manhugs, what followed was a gushing about Star Wars Episode I which has generally continued, I kid you not, to this very day.
I love The Phantom Menace. There, I said it.
Pointing out that there's a massive lazy backlash against the prequel trilogy has become almost as cliched as the backlash itself. I genuinely have no problem with people who didn't like the film from the word go, it's more the ones who waited until their contemporaries started shouting about The Emperor's New Clothes (pun intended), and haven't stopped banging on about it since.
It's a common belief that the press/fan retaliation against The Phantom Menace was instant, with outraged reviews and disgusted fanboys turning their noses up at the movie the world had waited sixteen years for. The fact is, hand-in-hand with the overall media coverage, TPM got a fairly good reception for its cinematic outing. It wasn't until it hit the VHS market that columnists had had time to reflect and think of things they really didn't like. I won't trot out the usual laundry-list of complaints that the film garners; some I've already covered in this series of posts, and you know the rest anyway.
There are aspects of tPM that I don't like. I can deal with them because I know why they were put there, whether I agree with the decision or not. In much the same way that you overlook the foibles of your loved ones, because they're your loved ones.
As the aesthetic value of art is subjective, no film is perfect (sorry to break that to you). Luckily, most people realise that, and most of tPM's detractors have used their 1999 disappointment as the motivation to break into film-making themselves. They've since produced many, many films which have been more successful and critically acclaimed than tPM, and which have had a greater lasting legacy on the digital film industry and cinematic art in general.
What? Oh, right.
I've found the best (well, most interesting) way to counter the negative verbal assaults against tPM is with discussion. Lots of people have been more than happy to tell me that they thought tPM was awful, but very few have been able to explain why they think that (just saying 'Jar-Jar' isn't an answer, sorry to break that to you, too). And I'm not talking about requiring an in-depth critique to validate their opinion, I've genuinely heard "well it just is, isn't it? It's not like the old ones".
They're absolutely right. tPM isn't like the old ones. No film produced today is 'like the old ones', not least because the audience in 1999/2011 isn't the same as in 1977. It's difficult to re-capture the groundbreaking influence that ANH had, especially as back then there weren't hoards of fans ready to clumsily dissect it with their blunt expectations (not all clumsy, just most).
But at the Robins Cinema in Durham in 1978, there was a four year old boy, mesmerised in a darkened auditorium as huge yellow lettering raced away from him, and he was introduced to an entire galaxy full of people to love, people to fear and endless adventures to be had. At Westgate in 1999, with barely a smattering of spoilers, that boy felt exactly the same. It was like going home. Part of me will always feel at home in the GFFA, no matter how much it expands. Or maybe because it expands.
And you know it's not just me. Star Wars (including the prequels, sorry to break that to you. again.) has a massive multi-generational fanbase. The younglings loved tPM because they went in there with no baggage. They were swept up in the ride just as I was. This was their entry point into the GFFA, to tales old and new.
In 2012, tPM will be released in cinemas again.
Many will see the galaxy for the first time, and even more will visit the cinema to return to it.
To the part of me that will always, proudly, be four years old; Star Wars is home.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
"I believe the younglings are our future,
Teach them well and let them lead the way."
It's not very often I get paraphrase a Whitney Houston song as a lead-in, and it's even rarer that I mean it. I'm going to try and keep this post positive, but for reasons which will become apparent, it'll get a bit dicey.
It may sound like a rant, but I assure you it's not.
At the pub the other week, a few of us were having a general geek conversation, which inevitably led round to Star Wars. Now, I hesitate to call myself an authority on the subject*i, but I do know more than your average civilian about it. The forthcoming live-action TV series was mentioned (not by me), and I gave a brief roundup of the information we know so far;
• It's set in between Eps III and IV
• It's not based around the Skywalkers
• There are about 50 hours of scripts on the shelf
• It's currently on hold until they find a way of making it at the quality they want for less money.
This led to someone else in the group asking the Second Most Stupid Question I've ever heard...
"Yes, but will it be any good?"
I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I suppressed a sigh. The person who'd asked the question is a fan of the OT, isn't a massive fan of the Special Editions, had been turned off 'new' Star Wars by the PT, and hasn't seen any of The Clone Wars animated series. None of these are crimes in themselves, of course, but there was an implied judgement in the question that set the bells ringing. Leaving aside the subjectivity around what people thought of the prequels, I don't believe that anyone sets out to make intentionally bad programming*ii. Complaining that your expectations haven't been met by a show "not being good" is a little like saying the oranges you bought at the store weren't quite orange enough. It was while I was exploring the validity of this actual question that the same person asked the First Most Stupid Question I've ever heard...
"But what about the real fans? Will they like it?"
...what do you mean by 'the real fans'?
"Y'know, the old-school fans. The ones who like the Original Trilogy."
An actual sigh this time.
I think it's a little churlish to say that I'm "a bigger fan" of Star Wars than anyone else. Other people frequently make that distinction, and I know what they mean, but when it comes to the experience of Star Wars, I can't say that I enjoy it more than other people. When the term real fan is used, you have to examine what else is implied by that. The person who raised these two astounding questions hasn't bought the PT on DVD. Or The Clone Wars. I doubt they buy Star Wars Insider Magazine every month, or any of the comics. As for the action figures, role-playing games, trading card games, video games, novels, reference books? Again, highly doubtable.
Although it sounds like it, I'm not talking about 'giving money to Lucasfilm'. I'm talking about being a regular consumer of new SW content. I'm not saying you have to hand over all your disposable income to Uncle George every month in order to be a part of the club they call "fandom", but Star Wars is constantly growing in many different forms of media. If the last thing you bought with a Star Wars logo on it was the DVD set back in 2004, you might want to ask yourself if Lucasfilm is placing you at the top of their target demographic.
In fact, to take it one step further (and in the magnificent words of The ForceCast);
if you haven't liked a Star Wars film since 1983*iii, you MAY want to reconsider your membership of "the club".
I won't (indeed, can't) deny that you're a "fan" of the movies you like, but if you've naysayed and brushed aside everything that Lucasfilm have offered you since, you probably aren't a fan of Star Wars as a whole.
When you were a kid and the saga had only just begun to unfold, think how excited you used to get when a new movie came out; when you got one of the figures; when the newsagent had the latest issue of the comic on the shelf. You immersed yourself in the GFFA and waited with bated breath for the new content... That's what the kids are doing now with The Clone Wars. It's not just for the kids, but that is who it's marketed at. Space films and the associated toys and comics, *are* aimed at the kids. I know, crazy isn't it? The only thing holding them back is a lack of disposable income.
Star Wars has always been for the kids.
That hasn't changed.
But you may well have.
Star Wars is inspiring youngsters now in exactly the same way as it did in 1977, 1980, 1983... hell, even 1999. Given how much media there is aimed at them these days, I think that's quite an achievement, don't you? Maybe it has to shout a little louder to be heard, but that's the 21st century.
So when you're browsing in Toys'R'us*iv and you see a six year old audibly gasp at a Captain Rex figure the way you did when you saw the Zuckuss one that time; stop, think, and ask yourself what the term "real fan" means.
I meant what I said earlier, that wasn't a rant. Seriously. I'm trying to bring a little positivity back to fandom.
*i - No really.
*ii - And believe me, there's plenty of TV which I think is appalling.
*iii - Or in some cases I've heard, 1980.
*iv - And, if you're like me, looking at the pegwarmers and wondering when it became acceptable to charge £9 for a single 3¾" action figure...
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
I'd like to open this week's post by talking about everyone's favourite yellow-toothed speciesist*1, The Emperor.
He was referred to in ANH, shown briefly in tESB, then in RotJ, we finally got to meet him properly. He did not disappoint. He's total pantomime-villain, of course, but I suppose if you were megalomaniacal enough to seize (and sustain) rule over an entire galaxy, you'd be an exaggerated version of yourself, too. In-universe, the fact that the Empire in the OT-era consists of white, human males has been put down to the fact that he was completely xenophobic (in the literal sense), and essentially hated almost everyone except himself. Which is also debatable, I guess. Out-of-universe, it's more the fact that non-human Imperials just weren't going to be practical, given their numbers, and that the Rebels were shown to be more liberal than the Empire by recruiting more widely.
Between 1977 and 1983, he was known largely as The Emperor, whereas from 1999 (ie TPM) onwards, he's also referred to as Senator/Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine*2. That said, he has been Palps since 1977…
"the ambitious Senator Palpatine caused himself to be elected President of the Republic… Once secure in office, he declared himself The Emperor, shutting himself away from the populace."
Star Wars, by Alan Dean Foster, published 1977.
I remember the first time Frank Palpatine*3 came to my house. I'd been waiting for him for weeks. My parents had carefully written (and funded, come to think of it) the invitation, and while it was assumed he'd arrive, there was no indication of when. Then he just showed up one morning, with an absolute minimum of fuss. No card, just a small white box in a small brown envelope, and a note introducing himself.
The Imperial Forces residing in my house were pleased he was here (one of each trooper/officer. No massive battalions of troops in my house. Not back then, anyway), but none more than myself. With their leader, they finally stood a chance of winning the epic battles that took place on my bedroom floor (or the yard if it had been snowing). I'm referring, of course, to the 1983 mail-away offer for the first Emperor figure from Palitoy*4
The TV-ad says five proofs-of-purchase, while the print-ad asks for six. They're both for the US as well, so I'm not sure how many were required for the UK (five sounds about right - Look, what did I tell you, my parents cut them out). Back in those days, it wasn't the "proof of purchase" barcode form the back of the card, it was the actual name-badge from the front. Because of the card-design being consistent, this meant you could cut out names from existing cards that you happened to have kept, and you weren't tied to buying figures from the current wave (as happens these days). Then again, Boba Fett and Admiral Ackbar had already been introduced by mail-away, so fans were pretty much in the habit of keeping all the cards by then. As someone who's always been an opener, their arrival in an unmarked box didn't bother me at all.
The format wasn't just used for figures. I recall getting a "survival kit" at one point, basically consisting of weapons and backpacks for the figures. Always handy, as 8-yr olds aren't fantastic at keeping the guns (not just keeping them 'with' the figures, keeping them 'at all'). And as the waves of SW figures petered out, so too did the mail-aways. So I was more than a bit happy when they started up again with Hasbro's resurgence in 1995. Spirit-Ben from tESB and RotJ, and the B'omarr Monk from Jabba's Palace both sit proudly among my collection these days, although as figures have got more expensive*5 and the proof-of-purchases tend to be from specific figures/waves, I find myself less inclined to pay £40+ for a 'free' figure. Although I did go for the 'Crystal Skull' mail-away figure in 2008 because a) I don't care what you say, I enjoyed that film, and b) the figures were pretty heavily discounted, making it more feasible.
Another format being used in this modern age is build-a-droid, whereby you give sections of a figure away with individual characters over a wave. So with Darth Vader, you may get a protocol droid's head and torso; Han Solo will come with the left arm, R2-D2 will have his right one; C-3PO will have the bonus droid's left leg. And his right one? That will be with the figure that you wouldn't normally buy in a hundred years. That will be bundled with Captain Pegwarmer. The figure that isn't horrendous in itself, but is of a character that you're not bothered about. The character won't fit in a display with any of your others, and isn't outstanding in any way. But you want your protocol droid to have two legs, don't you? So you buy it.
That's not a rant, by the way, it's pretty much the facts of 'the way it is'. As a business-model, it's going to shift more figures, make more money, encourage complete-ism in your customers, and the retail outlets are going to be happy at having less of the pack-in figure that no-one wants. It's a good idea.
So, I love mail-aways, and I love build-a-droids. If the price of 3¾" of moulded plastic would drop to something reasonable*5, I'd love collecting Star Wars figures again, too.
Your move, Hasbro.
*1 - You can insert your own real-world jokes here. I normally would, but this particular series of posts isn't really the place.
*2 - Pre-1999, it was often pronounced "Palp-a-tyne" (even in official audiobooks), until tPM straightened the record on pronunciation with "Palp-a-teen".
*3 - Yes, his first name is Frank. As said by himself in The Phantom Menace. Listen.
*4 - Kenner in the US, Palitoy here in the UK. Made by Kenner, but the cards were branded differently.
*5 - Seriously, though. £9 ($14.60) for a figure? REALLY? They've got to be pretty good for that. Some of them are…
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
If you had the chance to prove to the world that you were the wisest being in the galaxy, how would you go about it? What would you say or do to get that message over? Would you be up to the task?
What if you had two movies to do it in? Too much time? Okay, how about if you only had 23 minutes to do it in? Better? No?
Yoda seems to have managed it.
Like Darth Vader, Yoda's name has spread beyond the GFFA and into popular culture. He's become synonymous with wisdom, to the point where you can comparatively drop his name into a conversation and a lot of people will get the gist of knowledge, peace and serenity. This has been established with only 23 minutes of screen-time*1 in the Original Trilogy (granted, he's had a lot more in the prequels and in The Clone Wars, but his reputation was cemented in between 1980-83, in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi).
What confuses his philosophical status, however, is: he's a puppet. The first three times we see him, he's a meticulously crafted bundle of rubber, fabric, wires and metal.
Yoda began his life on the drawing boards of Ralph McQuarrie and Joe Johnston, before being modelled for tESB by Stuart Freeborn. Although visually striking and unique*2 in the GFFA, George Lucas and Irvin Kershner wanted to make sure that audience expectations for the one referred to as "the Jedi Master" were sent stumbling when his identity is revealed.
"Luke has no idea what this fount of knowledge will look like and does not at first believe that the curious personage of Yoda embodies the Force. Luke's inability to recognise him must be shared by the audience."
Stuart Freeborn, interviewed on p70 of Once Upon A Galaxy: A Journal of the Making of TESB by Alan Arnold.
Yoda's job in tESB is, of course, to instruct Luke (and the audience) in the ways of the Force, expanding on the brief introduction given by Ben Kenobi in the previous film. As with ANH, we learn at the same rate Luke, and from his point of view.
"In these scenes between Yoda and Luke, the Force is best understood as something very real. We learn how it is used, where it comes from. The Jedi training program and disciplines are explained. The concept of the Force's use for good, rather than evil, is promulgated. Finally these scenes lead to a fight that is based on the disciplines these scenes with Yoda reveal"
Irvin Kershner, interviewed on p200 of Once Upon A Galaxy: A Journal of the Making of TESB by Alan Arnold.
So despite the low screen-time, once Yoda is established and demonstrated as a teacher, he effectively impacts on every scene featuring Luke that is to come. Once Skywalker leaves to help his friends on Bespin, we're seeing Luke 2.0, and the teachings of the Jedi stay with him, and us, until the final shot of spirit-Yoda on Endor.
As well as the sterling work by Frank Oz, in puppeteering and voicing Yoda, credit has to go to Mark Hamill for being such a convincing counterpart. The majority of Yoda's scenes in the OT are with Luke*3, and it's Skywalker's reactions that sell Yoda to us as much as Oz's performance.
Since his return in tPM (or more properly his AotC CGI incarnation), Yoda's scenes have still been philosophical, but way more action-based. For us old-schoolers, it's great to see the green one finally laying it down and giving Dooku a run for his money. As you'll probably know, this attitude-shift is mirrored in RotS when he turns one of Palpatine's clonetroopers into a shish kebab.
We also got to see some pre-EpIII verdant carnage in Genndy Tartakovsky's fantastic Clone Wars 2D animated series, which showed off Yoda's determination and combat-skills (largely because there wasn't a lot of room for introspection in such short episodes).
But 2005 wasn't the end of the line for our little green friend, despite his exile to Dagobah. Yoda is a regular fixture in The Clone Wars animated series, and episode 1.1 'Ambush' goes a long way to re-capturing his reflective side as he tells a group of clones how unique they are in the Force.
And still he branches out, appearing most recently in the animated Star Wars Lego: The Padawan Menace, in charge of a group of boisterous younglings on an outing. The show is firmly tongue-in-cheek, but it's the Yoda we know and love.
The great thing is, whether he's being profound, mischievous, authoritative or just kicking-ass, he never breaks character. All of these aspects go to make up Yoda, and in that respect, he arguably better developed than many other figures in the saga.
I've already written about the effect that Yoda's death-scene had on me as a child, and while I don't tear-up these days, it's still a sobering scene. Again, it's Mark Hamill's acting that gives weight to what's unfolding. Otherwise it'd just be a puppet going to bed.
"There is a strong emotional effect of saying goodbye to this creature. Not only is Luke saying goodbye to Yoda, but the audience is saying goodbye to him. It's kind of sad because you like him. He's an extraordinary man. To me, Yoda is a Zen master."
Irvin Kershner, interviewed on p232 of The Making of TESB by J.W. Rinzler.
Yoda is a part of current popular culture, and yet his is the wisdom of the ages. They may have become soundbites, but carry his words with you and ask yourself: What would Yoda do?
Do. Or do not. There is no try.
*1 - 17½ minutes in tESB, and 5½ minutes in RotJ. Incredible, isn't it? *2 - Unique until the appearance of Yaddle in tPM. But we still don't know their species. *3 - In fact, the only other actor in Yoda's scenes is Sir Alec Guinness, although they factor less, time-wise.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
I've got quite a few Star Wars DVDs. I've got more VHS videos, though.
The reasons for this? Well, the tapes were released over a longer period of time. The first UK release of SW on VHS was in 1982, 22 years before the original trilogy found its way (officially) onto DVD. While there have been multiple releases of the DVD sets, a few of them have been essentially the same discs in different packaging. This is arguably the case for VHS too, of course, but 20th Century Fox were usually good enough to re-master/tweak the film inbetween releases. And the covers! With all the artwork that's been produced for the Star Wars saga over the years, there's been no shortage of new covers for each release (sometimes with wide-screen and full-screen releases having different artwork entirely).
But why keep VHS versions of movies I've got on DVD now? Why not just move the collecting onto a more up to date medium? Well, obviously I started with the tapes before the advent of DVD, so there's an old-school aspect to it.
There's something about a VHS tape that's more tangible than a DVD. In pretty much the same way that a vinyl record is more 'real' than a CD. Obviously, the record analogy isn't perfect as vinyl does have a better sound than CD if played on decent equipment. The same can't be said about VHS in any way. And the practicality of DVD in terms of physical space, disc-space and useability pretty much hammer home how horrible VHS is by comparison. But it's about having that old-school object in your hands. There's more weight, more substance, more shelf-space required. A collection that's only middling looks more impressive when it takes up more room, which spurs a collector on and gives the encouragement that's needed to continue.
But ultimately: it's an achievable goal. VHS is no longer being made, so there are a finite number of releases out there. In 1984, I had all but two of the original Kenner/Palitoy figures. When I started collecting again in 1996, I quickly realised there was no way I would be able to be a completist with the new line. Apart from the fact that variants started appearing, store and convention exclusives proved difficult to buy, and ultimately there were just too many figures for my disposable income. I still bought many of course (and still buy a few now), but I had no illusion of ever ticking off every box on the list again. The home video releases, on the other hand, were way more sparse in terms of frequency, and more affordable as such. There's also less of a stigma about displaying them on your shelf than toys (although once you get past 10 tapes, the geek stigma's kind of back again. And I display my Star Wars figures anyway, so y'know).
So if you figure that there's a home release of the Star Wars trilogy every three years, that's not much of a basis for "a collection" is it? But then there are the making-of videos. And the fan club exclusives. And the Ewok movies. Oh, and the Droids and Ewoks TV cartoons. Plus international releases if you can get hold of them (I have a working NTSC VHS machine courtesy of a friend who worked for a year in the US). There is, indeed, scope for a proper collection in Star Wars VHS tapes. And once it gets past normal and through geek-stigma, it comes out to a place where even people who know very little about SW look at your shelves and go a bit slack-jawed in admiration. Because that many different releases of anything is to be commended.
The first one I bought for The Collection was the 1994 full-screen release of ANH. I actually didn't have a copy of Star Wars at home until then (look, we didn't have a video until late 1989, okay?). Obviously, I've made up for this since then. I bought the tapes one by one, not as a set, then I was given an earlier (1990) set by a friend because they were in widescreen. Looking at the six tapes sitting on the shelf, I thought 'that looks quite nice. I'm not going to go mad though, and buy one of each different version, because that would be silly!'. Then in 1997, when I had the 1995 set added to the fold, I did precisely that and started hunting down previous releases in second-hand record shops and the like. In fairness, Ebay has contributed more than its fair share in terms of locating hard-to-find tapes, and is the only source I really use these days.
So, it's official releases (including promo tapes and ex-rentals), mainly through Lucasfilm, but there are a few 'related' and 'unauthorised' items there. I've now got to a point where it may not be complete, but it's as near as dammit. Certainly for the UK releases, I think I've pretty much got that sorted now, although if you spot anything missing in the pics, let me know and I'll put it on the want-list. The trouble is, there really isn't the market for VHS any more (even a couple of the charity-shops in our town have stopped accepting tapes now), and it's not becoming "rare", it's just that no-one's bothering to sell it any more because no-one's buying. Especially not the more common releases which you see listed on Ebay for 99p (not selling) right next to an identical set listed for £19.99 (because the person who listed it didn't bother to research the going rate for his "ever so rare" auction item).
So while the DVD (and BluRay) collection gradually expands, the VHS one slows to a crawl as a testament to a bygone age. The first complete home release of Star Wars sits proudly on my shelf next to its successors. And they gather more dust than the DVDs, but they look way more impressive.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Because sometimes... just sometimes... the almost infinite sprawl of Star Wars merchandising isn't *quite* enough. Back in the days when there were less than 100 SW figures in total, some enterprising souls took it upon themselves to create 'customs'; Unique toys that they'd made themselves which could sit side by side with the official ones. Using existing SW figures (or other 3¾" scale figures, made popular by the rush on the SW ones), a handy crafter could mix, match and sculpt the plastic, apply layers of paint, and bingo: Wuher the barman or Grand Moff Tarkin are joining your regulars in the diorama you've set up.
It's important I make the distinction now between customs and bootlegs. Bootlegs are the shoddy goods that have been (mostly) half-arsedly cobbled together, to circumvent buying official licensing. Some become collectable by how laughably bad they are, but for the most part they exude the air of half-arsedness. Bootlegs, by their very nature, are a product of greed. Customs on the other hand, come from a place of love and respect. The idea with a custom is to complement and enhance the original work, not replace it. Why would anyone spend hours of their own time, plus money on tools, source-figures and paint, just to avoid spending £6-8 on a figure? Customs are the figures that the fans would buy, if they were available.
Using the internet as an avenue of sharing their work, there are many communities of customisers now. Some customs look great, some not so great, and some look absolutely perfect. Mine? So-so. If I'd tried it back in the days when I used to paint Warhammer figures, I'm sure they'd have looked better than the ones I've made in recent years. Of course, being a designer/print-geek, I get more fun out of making the custom cards than I do the figures themselves. It's certainly an area where I can be more precise in what I want.
So without further ado, here are some of my customs:
Reedtrooper This is probably the first custom I made, for my BFF's birthday while we were flatmates. The figure is a PotF2 Stormtrooper Luke, and the hair is plasticine and orange paint. The card is a scaled up vintage, customised to suit. Very basic, but he loves it.
Imperial Crix Madine Before serving the Rebel Alliance and being instrumental in the Battle of Endor, Madine was an Imperial officer. This is pretty much a straight head-swap (the easiest type of custom). The body is a PotF2 Tarkin, the head is a Saga Madine. Boil the figures to make the plastic soft, then pop the heads out with a pair of tongs. Sorted. The card-style is a one I created based on a mashup between the PotF2 line, and a Dark Forces theme, as that's where we're introduced to Madine as an Imperial. I'm quite happy with this one.
Jaden Korr A student of Kyle Katarn at Luke's Jedi Praxeum on Yavin IV, Jaden was introduced in the game Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy. There are several levels set on Echo Base, Hoth, where Jaden is wearing an approximation of Luke Skywalker's Hoth gear from tESB. The character in the game was species (and sex)-selectable. Two of the available options were Rodian and Kel-Dor, so that's what I chose to make these two. The body was PotF2 Hoth Luke, the heads and hands were PotF2 Greedo and AotC-Arena Plo Koon. Limitations of the figures meant that the heads had to be glued in place, but that's no biggie for me. Again, the card is a customised PotF2 theme, with the back panel showing other (actually existing) figures that would be promoted in Hoth wave.
Yun (The Dark Youth) Yeah, my custom figures are mainly game-based. Unlike some comics, you get a decent all-round view of the character so you can source the source-fodder more easily. Yun was a dark Jedi (not a Sith) who appeared in the first Jedi Knight game. The head was from a PotJ Bespin Guard, the body from a PotF2 Jedi Luke, and the loincloth from AotC-Arena Eeth Koth. If I did this again, I'd probably use a more action-posed body, but I'm generally happy with it. The card is based on The 30th Anniversary Collection waves from 2007.
Top Trumps: Expanded Universe This is the piece de resistance, to me. There are several sets of Star Wars Top Trumps available, but my favourite two are 2004's Original Trilogy set and 2005's Prequel Trilogy set, purely because they both use the same sets of stats. Because of this, you can put the decks together and play with a set of 60 cards instead of 30, spanning all six Star Wars films. What could be better? Hmm, well how about an extra 30 cards, using the same stats and scope, covering the Star Wars games, comics and novels? Yes, that'd be lovely, thanks.
The cards are balanced, so that characters who score highly in one section also score low in others, with a mix of male, female, human, alien, droid, goodie, baddie etc. You can play the deck on its own, or as part of a Mega-Trumps 90 card game. Printed onto card stock to match the existing sets, corners rounded, and the card backs are printed uniformly so there are no 'marked' cards.
At present, only two sets of these exist, gold-foil pesonalised for myself and my nephew, but you can have one, too. The whole set is contained in a PDF file, ready for printing onto card. There's even a sheet of printer-friendly cardbacks if the main one's too "inky" for you. That's how considerate I am.
Please read the disclaimer in the PDF. This set is a custom, not a bootleg, and NO copyright over the format or content is either claimed on implied by me. This is an addition to your Top Trumps, not a replacement. Winning Moves and Lucasfilm deserve your money, go buy some Top Trumps, okay?
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Pine Street, Langley Park, Co. Durham, UK.
See that spot there? That's the street I spent the first seven years of my life. That's where one of my early Star Wars related traumas took place. I say "one of", I don't have that many. And I say "trauma", it's not like I've become a crazed killer, stalking seedy bars with a Greedo mask and a gun, determined to shoot first. And in all honesty, it's only marginally Star Wars related, it could have happened anyway without SW's involvement.
Look, I still remember it 32 years later. It's got to count for something, right?
The year was '78 or '79. It was summer because the ice cream van was coming round (if I recall correctly, it was Citrone's of Langley Park, although if this ever goes to court, I may retract that as a definite statement. I know that Citrone's was the regular company based in Langley Park with an actual shop as well as a van, but there may have been other interlopers, vying for business). I asked my mam if I could have some Star Wars bubblegum from the ice cream man (because of those awesome Topps trading cards that came with them). She said yes, and gave me some money to go and get it. I went to get it.
Now, given that I was either 5 or 6, I can't remember the conversation exactly (which will also make this case fall down in court), but here's the general gist of it:
Me: Can I have some Star Wars bubbly, please? Man: Oh, you don't want bubbly, wouldn't you rather have an ice cream instead? Me: No, I'd like some Star Wars bubbly. Man: Here, I'll do you an ice cream...
*the man proceeds to hand a confused child an ice cream and take the money from his meek, trembling hand*
Me: Do I get any change? Man: No, the money was right for the ice cream. Me: ...
You're probably thinking one of two things. Firstly, that I've made that more melodramatic than it actually was, or secondly, that the ice cream man was an absolute bastard. If you're thinking the first one, you're pretty much wrong. That's essentially what happened. If you're thinking the second one, then you should consider a career in carpentry, dear reader, because you've hit the nail right on the head, there.
I seem to recall there were tears when I went back home with an ice cream I didn't want and no change. Not because I was told off, just because I wanted some Star Wars bubbly and I'd been swindled by a van driving bastard. I don't recall what the resolution was. I think my mam had a go at him the next time he came round, but I can't be sure. I also don't recall if I ever attempted to get Star Wars bubbly from the van again (or even if I was enthusiastic about getting anything from him, after that). One thing I do know, is that I never had a substantial collection of Star Wars trading cards. Maybe that guy nipped it in the bud? Maybe that swerved me over to action figure collecting? Maybe I should be thanking him? (although I doubt that.) We moved house in 1980, and had a different ice cream man then. When The Empire Strikes Back came around, there was a sticker album set to promote it. The local newsagent sold the stickers, and I got them from there (and completed the album, no less). At no point did the newsagent attempt to sell me anything other than what I'd asked for.
...What kind of a-hole does this? Is it any wonder that I covet my collection so much? Having been denied the objects of my desire at that formative age, a grim determination set in. No way was I going to be told what I can and can't collect by a man who sells ice cream for a living. When I grow up, not only will I have a career which is viable in the Winter months as well as the Summer, but I'll use the disposable income to buy all the trading cards I like. I may not even swap my doubles! I may actually collect two full sets!. One for upstairs, one for downstairs. I might use the chewed bubblegum to build an effigy of an ice cream salesman and use it for target practice in the hot summer months, and cool down by eating some delicious frozen youghurt that I've bought from a supermarket (truth? I don't do any of those).
Maybe he was collecting the cards himself? He didn't seem the type (he had to be in his 50's even then), but as we all know, fandom has no boundaries, that's one of its great strengths. I honestly hope that if the ice cream van driver is still alive, he's sitting in a comfy armchair, a clock gently ticking on the mantle. As he thinks back over his life, a slight regret colouring his memories, I want his eyes to come to rest on the massive frame on the opposite wall. In that frame, I want there to be a complete set of Topps 1977 Star Wars trading cards.
I want him to look upon those cards and think to himself "...that makes it all worthwhile. My terrible deeds; denying children trading cards; stealing them from their bags in the playground; that time I broke into the wholesalers to get a box and had to kill that security guard... all vindicated over that beautiful framed set of vintage Star Wars trading cards. In fact, the only thing I've traded for them... is my very soul".
I hope that's the case. Because if that old man doesn't have a full set, then nothing good will have come out of this sorry mess.
...Actually, I retract my statement at the start, this might be a trauma after all.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Remember when smoldering looks and massive shoulder-pads were all the rage? You're thinking of 1984, aren't you? I'm talking about 1996. Shoulders of the, erm, Shadows of the Empire.
The early 1990's had seen a resurgence in popularity for Star Wars. Timothy Zahn's 'Heir to the Empire' had been published in 1991, the saga had been re-released on VHS, and in 1994, Hasbro had started a new line of 3¾" action figures. Now I'm guessing they'd looked at the old Kenner range, and someone in the office had suggested the new line be a bit more buff. 'Buff' is what they got...
So obviously, movie-accuracy not a huge issue at this point. They're still clearly SW characters, but they're almost cartoon-like in their proportions. Anyway, this hyper-real attitude also spilled into the character design for the Shadows of the Empire project, hence the principal players looked as if a train carrying Star Wars folks had crashed directly into the Dynasty studio...
So, what was this? Shadows of the Empire is a story which fits directly between the events of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. There's about a year (in-universe) between the films, which had remained previously sparse in EU material. The narrative follows Luke, Leia, Lando and Chewie as they pursue the bounty hunter Boba Fett, who's still carrying the carbon-frozen Han Solo. Now the easiest thing to have done, would be to get a novel in the shops and leave it at that, but you know those folks at Lucasfilm don't like to skimp on things that way.
'Shadows' was the first major SW "multimedia project". As Star Wars had previously proved, you can move a lot of merchandise surrounding a film release, and a lot of this can complement the source, rather than just being bolt-on fluff (although SW has always had plenty of bolt-on fluff, too). So, Shadows of the Empire was released with the following:
• A fullsize hardback novel, telling the story from the perspective of the Rebellion's heroes • A 144 page graphic novel, telling the story from the perspective of the bounty hunters (plus separate Prequel and Sequel comics) • A PC/N64 video game, telling the story from the perspective of a mercenary hired to work with the Rebels • A full soundtrack CD of originally scored music, performed with a full orchestra • A making-of book • A range of action figures, complete with deluxe 2-packs and vehicles • A set of 100 trading cards
The idea was to release "everything but the movie". There are some movies (even in 2011) that don't get all of that treatment.
Two of the most successful elements were Prince Xizor and Dash Rendar. Created especially for the project, they're both 'wild cards'. Since the events of Shadows take place before Return of the Jedi, we already know that the central characters (Rebellion and Empire alike) can't die, so unknown quantities have to be inserted. Xizor is the Falleen Prince, head of a shipping corporation that's a front for the largest crime-syndicate in the galaxy, while Dash Rendar is the cynical mercenary hired to help track Boba Fett for the Rebels. Neither paricularly likes the Rebellion, and both hate the Empire more. Oh, and if Dash sounds a bit like Han Solo, that's because he essentially is him. With Solo in carbonite for the whole story, the writers felt that someone should take on that brash anti-hero role.
Shadows of the Empire is still Expanded Universe, of course. The mid-nineties were a much more innocent time for the EU. You could fit the continuity timeline on a single page, and a new novel was quite the event (these days there's a new novel every couple of months). Because the prequel films were still in production, that area of the timeline was off-limits to writers, so the majority of the material was either interweaving with the OT films, or expanding out after Return of the Jedi. The 'price of entry' was arguably much lower back then, although the books are still in print now, so it's not too difficult to play catch-up (although it will still be time consuming).
So, did it Work? Obviously this is me being purely subjective, but 'yes'. The variety of ways in which the audience can experience the story almost makes up for not having a movie. This is the trump-card which few areas of the EU currently have. In terms of canonical legitimacy, it's up there with the best of them. A frequent bugbear of fans of the EU is that as the GFFA grows larger, is that stories overlap and characters are in two places at the same time (or; worst case scenario: characters who survived in one part of the timeline are killed earlier, but in a later-published story) throwing things out of whack a little. While there's a lot of effort within Lucasfilm to stick to established continuity, some storylines do take precedence over others (with the movies being at the top of the pile). So much was put into Shadows of the Empire's creation by Lucasfilm, that it's above the line of things that will get retconned in the future (...probably).
And what next? It's a shame that not much has been done with the Dash Rendar character since '96, but once Han's back in the picture, he's kind of not needed. And odd as it is to call spoilers on a 16yr old story, Xizor dies at the end of SotE (there, I said it). But because of the way the EU is constantly... well, expanding, we haven't seen the last of the reptillian Prince. Stories occuring before SotE have featured Xizor in a similar antagonistic role, and a sequel comic series 'SotE: Evolution' featured Dash Rendar and Xizor's assassin, Guri.
So that's this week's slice of Star Wars history for y'all. One of my faves outside of the movies, and still well worth checking out if you're an OT (or shoulder pad) fan.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
Yep, Reaction Time. As in ‘who shot first?’ Let’s go there.
It’s the topic that never dies, and you’d probably hoped I wasn’t going to bring it up. When the trolls begin their regularly scheduled Lucas-bashing, one of the straw-men that’s wheeled out of the cupboard is Greedo-shooting-first. Traditionally, in the Cantina scene, Han Solo killed Greedo before he got a shot off. Then for the 1997 Special Edition, this was changed so that Greedo misfires a shot into the wall, giving Solo the chance he needs to shoot him and take his leave.
Now, the CGI used in the 1997 version wasn’t as smooth as it should have been, admittedly. This was the first, and justified, bone of contention. For the 2004 DVD release, the CGI was improved, and the gap between Greedo’s and Han’s shots was shortened. The issue still isn’t resolved though, as many aren’t happy with what this implies for Han Solo.
“This cheapens the character!”, the nay-sayers cry. “How are we supposed to believe he’s a badass mercenary if he only shoots in self-defence once he’s been attacked?”. So is Greedo shooting first really a game changer? Let’s have a look at the different versions:
Scenario A (1977): Han Solo, the deadpan, cynical smuggler is faced with brash young Greedo, a Rodian bounty hunter who’s heard that Han has a price on his head, and figures that he can always collect the lower bounty for bringing him in dead. Greedo corners Solo in a bar, holding him at gunpoint, and suggesting that he gives the money he owes to Greedo. Solo refuses, claiming he doesn’t have the money on him, knowing that even if he hands it over, Greedo will kill him and collect the dead-bounty. The longer the conversation continues, the more that Solo realizes Greedo won’t let him leave the bar alive. Sensing that the Rodian is about to make his kill, Solo strikes first, shooting him from underneath the table. As Greedo’s lifeless body slumps forward, Solo casually tosses a handful of credits to Wuher, the bartender, to cover the inconvenience of clearing away the body, and to buy his silence when inquiries are made as to Greedo’s fate. From the audience’s perspective, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.
Scenario B (1997): As above, Solo and Greedo are facing each other down in a seedy bar, with the Rodian laying down unsubtle hints as to what’s about to happen. With the increasing Imperial presence on Tatooine, Solo knows better than to shoot at the first sign of trouble, though. Questions will be asked, and Solo’s main line of business requires him to be anonymous in the eyes of the Empire. Then, through all his talk and bluster, Solo senses that Greedo’s about to actually move for the kill. It’s not in his interests financially, but Solo knows that Greedo will take his body to Jabba the Hutt and try and secure a bounty for delivering his corpse. Having a gun pointed at him, Solo has already unholstered his own under the table, and when a nervous Greedo fires off a shot (luckily wide of its mark), Han responds in kind, shooting the Rodian in the gut and killing him. As he has off-world business to attend to, the smuggler tosses a handful of credits to the bartender, to cover the inconvenience, buy his silence, and ensure he can come back here again someday. For the second time, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.
Scenario C (2004): Once again, the human and the Rodian are squaring up in a grimy bar in downtown Mos Eisley. Solo’s been in this situation enough times to know what’s about to happen, and he lines up a shot under the table, out of sight. Greedo knows Han won’t come quietly, and won’t hand over the money he owes Jabba. The only sensible way is to kill Han and collect the bounty for him dead. A microsecond after he lets off a shot, Solo returns the favour and slots Greedo in the stomach. The reaction wasn’t to the Rodian’s shot, it was to the look in his eyes that said he was about to nervously move for the kill. As the smoking alien slumps over the table, Solo leaves to go and meet the old man and the boy he’s just taken a job from, anxious to get off-world while he still can. Once again, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.
The way I see it, the only difference in each version is the reaction time. When you shoot a known-killer pointing a loaded weapon at you, it becomes irrelevant whether they shoot first or not. All that matters is that you get out of there and they don’t. With each version of events, Solo is still a killer. His overall character-arc remains unaffected. He’s still the cynic at his introduction who’ll smuggle people and goods to make money to pay off his debts. He’s still arm-twisted into rescuing the princess when the plans go awry, concerned only with the money he’s been promised. And he still comes back to help Luke destroy the Death Star, realising that loyalty and friendship can be a bigger motivator.
Who shoots first in the cantina is irrelevant. Han is still Han, Greedo is still dead. Your perception of the character doesn’t affect the validity of their actions. Get over it.
If anything, the presence of a young Force-ghost Anakin at the end of Jedi has huge implications as to the nature of Vader’s accountability for his actions over the past twenty years. That’s what you should be debating…
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
'As clumsy as I am stupid'. That's what he said, I'm not kidding.
A 6'7" cyborg calling me clumsy. I heard about the first time he wore that suit. He was staggering about like a stunned wampa, apparently. He got the hang of it pretty quickly, admittedly, but his brain didn't seem to catch up. He's still just a massive battle droid with the brain of an oafish infant. Normally I'd be hesitant to even think such a thing, but I don't suppose it matters now. I'd be lying if I said this didn't hurt.
Do you have any idea - any idea? - how many technician hours we lose every month due to false alarms? If the whole system wasn't so results driven, it wouldn't matter, but all the brass are interested in is hits. You can spend days analysing heat signatures and electromagnetic waves from an apparently uninhabited planet, and when it turns out to be a dead end? No thanks. No thanks at all. There was a small rock in the Raxus system last month, no atmosphere, no gravity, circling in a very loose orbit around Raxus Prime. A higher-than-normal metal content, but the galaxy's full of junk (especially Raxus). "Com-Scan has detected a faint energy signature," they said. "Your team has been tasked to provide full report on the situation." Oh great. Comscan gets a whiff of something, but can't tell what it is or provide any analysis. Like an Akk-dog that picks up a scent, but can't tell you if it's the prey you're after, or just something that might be lunch.
Of course I see the value in having people perform the investigation. I know that the best machines will never be able to out-think even an average fugitive. After 16 standard hours of probing and measuring, it turned out there was a small base buried in the asteroid. Well, I say 'base', it was more of a storage facility. The landing bay had been sealed long ago, and thanks to collisions from smaller asteroids,had atrophied to look indistinguishable from the rest of the surface. Myself and three commandos from the 501st managed to hack open an emergency exit on the other side of the rock. When we finally made it in (two hours of cutting in hard vacuum), the passage was so decayed that a chunk of loose debris broke the seal on Sergeant Bax's suit. I had to write the letter to his family. I hardly knew the man, but after working with him that day, I knew that we lost a loyal, intelligent soldier so that we could investigate an abandoned warehouse, to appease an overgrown bully in a cape.
I think he heard that, it just got tighter.
After all of that work, once we were inside it took a little under fifteen minutes to ascertain that there was no threat, no leads, not even any life support. Judging by the level of tech, the facility seemed to have been abandoned around the time of the clone wars. 'The signal' that Com-Scan so astutely picked up, was an astromech droid that had been left on charge. It wasn't 'on', just on charge. Its memory had been wiped, it didn't even have an operating system. Just a relic, un-needed equipment, left behind for someone else to take care of. We made sure there was nothing of any value in the facility (there wasn't), then returned to The Executor with Bax's body. After submitting three separate reports (two of those in triplicate), I pulled some strings to let the 501st go down to the gunner bays and have some target practice on the rock. I hope that Bax was watching.
Fast forward a month, and Vader's on the same record again. A planet in the Hoth system's got a facility that's generating an energy shield, and because the Empire's outdated records show nothing for that planet, Vader's got it in his bonnet that this is where the Rebellion is hiding. A fairly sizable political/terrorist movement, operating out of a refrigerated warehouse. Well, fine, let's look into it. After all, I must obey "my Lord". Even though, I might add, that he has no military ranking whatsoever. He's essentially Palpatine's lapdog. And although The Emperor grows ever more eccentric, having this lout lead an operation to hunt down our enemies is akin to letting a child perform delicate surgery with a hammer.
I just heard bones crack. Odd. Didn't feel them, just heard the noise reverberating from my mouth.
Yes, I ordered the fleet to drop out of hyperspace close to the planet. I don't have time to waste sneaking up on an empty base, just to illustrate the point that this obsession of his has gotten out of hand. What I do have, is enough AT-AT Walkers to destroy that shed and anyone foolish enough to still be in it by the time we get there. I get the feeling I won't be leading that assault, though. I wonder who he'll get do do it? Probably Veers. I have a lot of time for Veers, I like his style. Ambitious, but he has the history to back that up.
Black spots in my vision. So he's taking it all the way. Although he usually does, I've seen it enough. This is humiliating for everybody.
So I suppose this is it. He's talking, I can tell by the way his helmet's moving, but I can't hear what he's saying. I can't hear anything over the roaring of the blood in my ears. And that face. I can just make out the highlights of the mask in all the other blackness. Not the last thing I wanted to see, but this was bound to happen. Oh well, it's all someone else's problem now.
Just a relic. Un-needed equipment. Left behind for someone else to take care of.
...Did I leave my mouse-droid on charge? Oh don't be flippant, Kendal, that's what got you into this mess.
This post is dedicated to the late, great Michael Sheard. You can read more about him here. Admiral Ozzel's twitter stream can be found at @AdmiralOzzel. On the whole, it's a lot more lighthearted than this blog entry.
DISCLAIMERS: • ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
