For some reason, it wasn't until I sat tonight trying to audibly identify the narrator of Ice Age: Collision Course's opening segment, that I realised how much cosmologist Neil deGrasse Tyson sounds like Seth Rogen. Either would have been a welcome vocal addition to the animated comedy-adventure, but that fact that it's Tyson is definitely cooler.
Yes, everyone's favourite Mammoth-entourage is back*1, and trying to save the earth from an existence-threatening meteor shower (inadvertently caused, in this case, by Scrat the accident-prone sabre-toothed squirrel). The adventure builds gently onto its four predecessors, meaning that while there's a sense of character continuity, this will also be fine as a first or standalone entry for younger viewers. It's fairly amusing, it's fairly charming and the U certificate means it holds no real challenges.
Sadly, this also means that the film doesn't try to work very hard in meeting those 'no real challenges'. There's some fantastic animation and slapstick trying their hardest to prop up an incredibly mediocre screenplay (basically The Croods). In fact truth be told, the silent-comedy segments with Scrat are arguably more inventive and fun than the rest of the film put together. It's a shame that these reels are so few and far apart in the film, really.
The voice-cast is a mixed bag, too, with stalwarts Ray Romano and Denis Leary sounding thoroughly bored with delivering their dialogue, while Simon Pegg, Adam Devine and Jessie J overact to the point of irritation.
At a clock-punching 94 minutes, it feels like damning with faint praise to call a film "inoffensive", especially one of this kind, but that's really the best way to describe it. Collision Course is sweet-natured enough but there's not going to be a great deal there for anyone who's not in the young target-audience demographic (and when you consider that fans of the original 2002 movie will now be in their late-teens, it's odd that there's little to appeal to their nostalgia).
While it's certainly admirable that Ice Age is the first animated franchise to reach five theatrical installments, it kinda feels like this should have been a straight-to-video release…
Well, the other Ice Age films, to be fair.
Only if you've got padawans who simply can't wait.
Not with any particular flair or enthusiasm, no.
Nah.
Nah.
Not that I heard.
Level 1: As mentioned above, this movie's got voicework by Simon 'Dengar/Unkar' Pegg in it.
*1 And you'd think there's be a little more excitement, frankly. There were twenty-five people in the exclusive advance-screening tonight. That's a lower head-count than last week's Independence Day double bill (just), but higher than the X-Men triple. Either way, twenty-five isn't particularly encouraging for the newest installment of an established international franchise. Although it was a 7pm on a weeknight. Although regular preview-showings aren't usually of this genre, there's no getting away from the fact that Collision Courseis a kids' movie, through and through. While the Unlimited Card is available to children, film-ratings mean it's not going to be quite the same value for money (ie monthly-cost vs film-count) as the adults get, so you see far fewer of them on nights like this. Maybe this preview should have been run last Sunday afternoon and allowed paying customers to accompany card-holders? I only say this because one of my esteemed colleagues skipped tonight's showing so that he can see the movie with his son when it opens. Which is entirely understandable.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
I don't want to start this review on a downer (not least because I usually work up to that), but there was a pretty good crowd for the opening-night performance of Central Intelligence. In fact, there were approximately three-times more people in the room than are currently booked for the opening night of Ghostbusters in less than two weeks time. Just throwing that out there. There'll be plenty of time to judge that movie in due course. And plenty of room too, I shouldn't wonder.
Anyway. When 38yr old forensic-accountant CJ (Kevin Hart) gets an unexpected friend-request from painfully-shy former schoolmate Bob (Dwayne Johnson), his life is quickly turned upside down as he's dragged into a world of encrypted data, government agents and getting shot at! Danger and hilarity ensue as this odd couple have to... yeah, you get the picture. It's that film. It's all in the trailer.
The film doesn't start particularly strongly, with a 1996 high-school sequence featuring CGI'd versions of Kevin Hart and Dwayne Johnson that are so far down the uncanny valley, they're practically in another film. But with a couple of pratfalls and some heavy-handed sentiment, we're whizzed through a Mission-Impossible-Lite title sequence, and things drop into a more familiar gear.
The plot, as intimated above, involves Hart being a former school-champion turned office-drone, and Johnson being a former fat-kid turned CIA killing machine. A seemingly chance encounter leads to a conspiracy-plot mixed with ferocious slapstick and patchy ad-libbing from Hart. A mis-matched buddy movie with more of its fair share of spy-shenanigans shoehorned in to keep the set-pieces moving along. It is, as also intimated above, a movie you've seen several times before. Perhaps the only saving grace of the film is Dwayne Johnson's performance. He's actually a far better comic straight-man than many give him credit for (his comedy-game is certainly stronger than the action-autopiloting he pays his mortgage with), and he offsets Kevin Hart's incessant shrieking perfectly. And Hart isn't terrible in this, but he's really being paid just to turn up and play Kevin Hart™. And together they just about make the whole thing work (tonight's audience certainly enjoyed it, which is good). Director Rawson Marshall Thurber delivers the action and comedy efficiently enough, but struggles to find the balance between the two.
And while the film doesn't dawdle in its storytelling, it definitely ends about fifteen minutes later than it should, in a self-congratulatory afterglow which is dragged out for far longer than any of the action-sequences, and then leads in to a credits-roll accompanied by some incredibly laboured out-takes. If learning to love yourself is the key to happiness, this could be the most smug movie you'll watch this year.
Although it's probably better than the trailers would suggest, this isn't a great film by any means; but I have seen far far worse (and with this movie's lead performers, too). Central Intelligence is to cinematic comedy what Independence Day Resurgence is to sci-fi: formulaic, largely inoffensive (if thoroughly insincere) mainstream filler.
Well, in another life this movie would have Mark Wahlberg or Will Ferrell in it.
That sort of thing.
Not particularly.
Probably, but it's aiming low.
As passable as this is, no.
Probably not.
Definitely not.
Level 2: That Dwayne Johnson was in 2008's Get Smart, as was Terence 'Valorum' Stamp.
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
It's pretty difficult to make any sort of documentary about the Galaxy Far, Far Away without mentioning the toys and the fanbase. Jon Spira's often-candid study of the bit-part and background actors of the first film opens with an homage to the plastic representations of the obscure characters we'll be unmasking over the next hour and a half, and skims respectfully over the convention-circuit in due course. With those safely tucked into place, all that remains is to get the memories and recollections of some of the most well-loved Star Wars actors you've never heard of.
Not just limited to the faces we couldn't see, we get to meet the people who played Vader, Biggs, Fixer, Greedo, Leesub Sirln, Gold Leader, Boba Fett, the chap holding the medals on Yavin IV and that Stormtrooper who cracked his head on the door that time. It's definitely a "for the fans" piece of work, and makes little concession to viewers who aren't already very familiar with the A New Hope (and Empire in Fett's case). Other than the action-figure referencing mentioned above, there's not too much splashing out of names like they're star players, which is very much the point of the film.
The subjects each talk privately (with no on-screen questioning or narration) about their years leading up to the filming at Elstree Studios in the Summer of '76, about their experiences shooting Star Wars, and about their relationship with the work and its audience in the years that followed. Mainly reminiscences and anecdotes, director Spira has a surprisingly measured pace for a documentary with so much casual trivia to impart. The first (ie pre-SW) section of the film is full of conversational snapshots of a time which couldn't happen again, mainly because the film industry works so differently now (and not least because every adventure-movie director is using SW as the high-watermark - Lucas didn't have that).
The hardcore fans will recognise most of the faces from their public appearances and various other documentary clips over the years, but the second half of the film also drafts in Jeremy 'Fett' Bulloch, the only actor not to appear in the first movie. The far more well-known Dave Prowse is along for the whole ride too, and the cynic in me wonders if his presence acts as an anchor for the more civilian viewers, or if he expressed an interest in the project and you can't really say no to Darth Vader. Because of course you can't have Dave without him moaning about James Earl Jones doing the voice-work. Yes, again*1.
Elstree 1976 is meticulously assembled, although its niche subject matter means it's probably not particularly outstanding as a documentary itself (although as I've said before, it's a genre of film I find persistently difficult to review). But what really makes it watchable is the people; the humble*2, loveable people who had no idea they were becoming a part of history, and wear it like a comfortable old suit of blasterproof armour…
Elstree 1976 is available now in digital and hard-copy formats, depending on whether you're someone who watches movies, or a collector who needs to know they're on a shelf when they're not being watched ;)
It's definitely more 'properly structured, feature-documentary' than the bonus features you get on DVD*3/BluRay these days. A point massively in its favour.
Well, I missed my opportunity to do so through poor planning, and it's doubtful any of us will get the chance now. Don't make the same mistakes I did, kids.
It does.
I'll have to investigate more of Jon Spira's work to decide that, I'm afraid.
Nope.
Nope.
Level 1: It's got some people from out of Star Wars in it. I mean, it's borderline Level-0, but I feel I should really reserve that for actual Star Wars.
*1 And of course you also can't have Dave Prowse moaning about Star Wars without me moaning about Dave Prowse. I know what I'm talking about, I've read his book. When he's discussing the convention-circuit, specifically the Star Wars Celebration and Disney Weekends events, Dave seems to be somewhat confused between the term "barred" and "not asked to appear because he's spent the last 35 years telling everyone how important he is and complaining about George Lucas". Although I always get those two mixed up, as well.
*2 Yeah alright, you know who I mean. Or rather, who I don't. Look, I love the guy to bits, but really…
*3 Unless of course you bought The Force Awakens on DVD, in which case you got no documentaries whatsoever. Yeah, not going to let that one go, either...
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Similar to the situation that occurred earlier this year, I found myself in the third week of a month without having been to the cinema. This simply won't do, I told myself, and set about fixing that state of affairs, pronto. It involved watching nine movies over eight days; the full gamut of what was available, taking in brand new films, some which had been out a week or two and one which was twenty years old. A veritable #FilmRush, indeed.
The genres were mixed, as were the results (and as they always should be).
These things were in my eyes last week; click or tap for all the words…
…so, that film about those poncey North London ghosts ticked the boxes but didn't bring anything new to the genre, even if the one about your dogs and cats coasted effortlessly on charm. A somewhat late-addition of a sequel proved to be arguably far more interesting than its predecessor, whereas the latest comedy-vehicle for a professional sass-merchant proved to be exactly the same as its spiritual forebears. Then we hit a really rough patch with an ancient Egyptian romp that makes John Carter look like Citizen Kane, and a tried-and-tested, mawkish corn-fest from yesteryear that kinda holds up, but certainly hasn't improved with age. Another unusually (and especially) delayed sequel left the same overall effect as its original yet to be less entertaining, so all that remained was a jaunt into the capital to see The King meeting The President and a trio of bedtime tales to scare you awake all night.
I'd have extended the run for longer if I could have, but the combination of weekend programming and IRL duties meant that wasn't to be. No matter. June's not quite over yet of course, so there's still a couple more movies on the horizon before we turn the calendar over.
If anyone needs me in the meanwhile, I'll be at home...
[ All of this was made possible with Cineworld's Unlimited Card. I haven't been paid, sponsored, bribed or even asked to say this, and I neither ask nor expect anything in return. I'm just pimping them because I'm a satisfied customer. Wow, disclaimers really take the wind out of a self-indulgent post's sails, don't they? ]
DISCLAIMERS (the regular ones):
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Tale of Tales (aka Il Racconto Dei Racconti)
Cert: 15 / 134 mins / Dir. Matteo Garrone / Trailer
When Salma Hayek eating the red, boiled heart of a sea-monster with her bare hands isn't the weirdest thing in a film, you're in for some fun. Matteo Garrone brings us a loosely interwoven trio of medieval Italian folk tales set in the three neighbouring kingdoms. In one, Toby Jones falls in love with a flea the size of a small cow and uses similar judgement to choose a suitor for his daughter, meanwhile John C. Reilly slays the above-mentioned serpent so that his barren wife can conceive a child (again, what could go wrong?), as the randy-royal Vincent Cassel fails to keep it in his pants, inadvertently seducing one of the village-crones and leaving her emotionally-stunted sister in a precarious state-of-mind…
While Tale of Tales probably isn't a film to wander into blindly, the best approach will be to take in as little baggage as possible and just let yourself be told a story (or three). Even my brain spent the first twenty minutes or so shouting down the small voice pointing out "how would that happen?" before finally slipping into gear. And it's worth noting that the stories on offer here aren't quirkily-gothic fairy tales, nor are they the judicially-harsh morality lessons you'd expect of the format. They're just weird. Pro-level weird. Making Tim Burton's kookiness look like Coronation Street, weird. You might laugh, you might squirm (spoiler: you'll do both), but you won't be able to look away*1. I should also point out that despite my usage of the Italian title at the top of this post, the film is English-language. I know not everyone's a fan of subtitles, so if that was potentially putting you off then it won't be a problem here.
The film is utterly enthralling, in an often jaw-dropping sort of way (the borderline code-breaking winces, gasps and guffaws of the couple next to me served as a fair barometer of the mood in the room). And given how outlandish the content is, the cast's performance is amazing; never even approaching the grotesque pantomime it would become in the hands of many other directors. Garrone has his actors on a tight leash, but it still doesn't restrict their abilities. Similarly, Alexandre Desplat's score and Peter Suschitzky's cinematography are quietly overwhelming, complementing Garrone's work perfectly.
In fact, my only slight gripes are that while the stories are presented in a staggered format (rather than a linear portmanteau series), the balancing often feels a little uneven. The natural breaks in each tale, where you'd switch to the next chapter of another, seem erratic and sometimes just too far apart. And one of the three also seems to run out of steam rather than have an actual ending, but as I said, these aren't your run-of-the-mill fairy tales.
A thing of often terrifying beauty, Tale of Tales will leave you stunned through the meticulously rendered end-credits as your brain tries to process what it's just witnessed. There's far more than what's on the surface, but it'll get more intense the deeper you go…
If you can, yes. Just to be amused by the reactions of your fellow patrons (and that's a mutual experience, I assure you).
It does.
It could well be.
Not at all.
There isn't.
Level 2: This film's got Vincent Cassel in it, and he was in that Black Swan with Natalie 'Padmé' Portman.
That's a very strong 6, but frankly I was too freaked out for it to be a 7 and I'll probably only watch the film again once just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating half of what happened…
*1 Unless you're the patron who walked out after about an hour. And in a film like this one I understand that reaction, but I am amazed it took so long. The sea-monster heart is in the first fifteen minutes, after all. But because of the format, that cinematic evacuee doesn't know how any of the stories end. Imagine that. Well, I suppose they'll have to…
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
