Review: Star Wars - The Rise Of Skywalker (sixth-pass)

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (sixth-pass / 3D / SPOILERS)
Cert: 12A / 142 mins / Dir. J.J. Abrams / Trailer


Previous reviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Well, there we go. The last review of the year - indeed the decade - is for one of the things I've loved the most and one of the things I wouldn't have thought probable ten years ago.

Before we delve too deeply into the spoilers, I'll add here that I hopped over to nearby Reading to catch a 3D version of the film. My local 5-screen Cineworld is only showing it in two dimensions, and even Reading's 11-screen Vue with its ten screenings a day only has two using the glasses. To be honest, I just wanted to complete the set. I've no idea why the Real-D 3D conversion is being treated as an afterthought this time (although it's almost certainly a finance issue since the stereoscopic format is on its arse, generally). The extra dimension is a sound addition to The Rise Of Skywalker and doesn't darken things as much as I'd feared (I'm looking at you, Solo) even on murky Exegol. The 3D works best on close-up scenes and struggles the most when rendering objects in the far distance (case in point, watch the ghosting gradually appear then separate wildly on the Star Wars logo as it recedes against the starfield in the opening sequence). If you get the chance, I'd recommend it, anyhow.

In the meanwhile, this post will be a needlessly detailed dive into probably the most disturbing question asked by the entire Sequel Trilogy. Spoilers ahoy, not to mention some mortifying mental imagery. Read on at your peril...

So. Who's banging Palpatine after his face has melted?

Yeah, told you it was a disturbing one. Here's the thing: Kylo Ren informs Rey that she's Frank Palpatine's grand-daughter*¹ by his un-named son. Er, let's call him Ian Palpatine. When we get the full (okay, full-er) flashback of that fateful day on Jakku, Ian is shown to be quite a young chap, which leads us to wonder whereabouts in the timeline he was born. Luckily, there are a few clues to point us in the right direction. Some assumptions follow, but go with it:

• Rey was 19 when we met her in The Force Awakens.

• Using the galactic standard of A New Hope being year 0, this means Rey was born 15 ABY (after the Battle Of Yavin).

• In The Force Awakens, young-flashback Rey is played by Cailey Fleming, who was born in 2007 so would have been around 7 when filming in 2014. And she looks around 7, so it's fairly safe to say Rey was left on Jakku around 22ABY, when she was 7. I'm glad that's settled.

• We now know that Rey's father - Palpatine's son - was killed shortly after this. Rey's father is played by Billy Howie, who was born in 1989, making him 30. He'll have been 29 at the time of filming, but for the sake of argument let's make Ian Palpatine 30 at the time of his death. Look, it's not going to be far off that. And if he's dying at 30 in 22ABY, that means he was born in (okay, around) 8BBY. About a year after the Solo movie takes place.

• But more importantly, if he was born in 8BBY, that means he was conceived some time in 9BBY.

• In 9BBY, Palpatine's had his full Sith-melty-face for a decade.

• So. Who's banging Palpatine after his face has melted?

It's okay I've made you a chart. Click for big.

Now I know what the rational part of your brain is scrambling to think. Other than 'OMG why are you making me picture this??'. You're figuring that his offspring is a clone or somesuch. After all, Dominic Monaghan's Beaumont character chirps up in The Rise Of Skywalker to talk about 'dark science' and cloning etc. But the brief glimpse we get of Ian Palpatine here looks nothing like a young Ian McDiarmid. Besides, if the Emperor could successfully clone himself, he'd just do that and then transfer his powers into the younger-self body. We've all read Dark Empire, mate. No, the only answer is that Frank Palpatine did it with a lady. Either that or he went the full Ozymandias and the Sith Wayfinder wasn't the only thing chilling in that storage room. Either will put you off your cheese sauce.

I mean, if Ian Palpatine had been older, had been conceived earlier in the timeline, when Frank might have had a wife on Coruscant if only as some sort of "I'm normal, me" cover when he was a career-politician, that could have worked? But anything after Order 66 doesn't bear thinking about. Looks aren't everything, but it's not like Frank's got the personality to make up for it, now is it? And I know some people find power a greater aphrodisiac than physical attractiveness but really mate. You just know he's that melty all over. It'd be like fighting off a deflated punch-bag.

Anyway, this has been in my head all day and now it's in yours! And yes, this really is the review with which I bow out of the 2010s. You're very welcome.

Now go and watch The Rise Of Skywalker again :D

The Star Wars.



Obvs.



Obvs.



This is a matter of some debate.



That's possible.



I'm not hearing one.



Level 0: It is Star Wars.

...but if you wanted to go around the houses with it, The Rise Of Skywalker stars one Oscar Isaac, who also cropped up in 2014's A Most Violent Year alongside David Oyelowo, the actor who was in The Cloverfield Paradox with the voice of Gren Grunberg, who was in 2016's Star Trek Beyond, which of course featured Simon Pegg from Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation and Hermione Corfield, who was in xXx: The Return Of Xander Cage with Samuel L. Jackson, who rocked up in 2018's Life Itself with... Oscar Isaac.





*¹ And don't be giving me this business about 'Sheev' Palpatine. He told us his name was Frank years ago. That's canon.
^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - The Rise Of Skywalker (fifth-pass)

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (fifth-pass / 3D / SPOILERS)
Cert: 12A / 142 mins / Dir. J.J. Abrams / Trailer


Previous reviews: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

This is your spoiler-break. Courtesy rather than necessity at this late point in the year, but as anyone who's shared a cinema with me will attest, I aim to be unfailingly polite. Unless the BBFC-card has passed but the end-credits haven't yet started, and the glow of a phone lights up someone's face when they should be watching the movie in which case I'm fairly sure it's legally permissible to snatch the offending rectangle out of their hand, quickly zip out of the auditorium and drop it in one of the toilets nearby before returning to the film, punching the owner right in the corridor if challenged*¹.

And with that delightful image settling over your consciousness, it's my duty to inform you (and not as forcefully as you're doubtlessly imagining) that the following article features plot-spoilers for Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker. And really big ones this time, as befitting the flow of the story itself. If you haven't seen the film yet, leave the rest of this until you have. Do watch it though, it's quite remarkable. Although you'll probably need to give it a couple of passes to get the most out. As previously noted.

But I digress...

So. When was Emperor Palpatine slotted into the puzzle of the Sequel Trilogy?

At what point did JJ Abrams, Rian Johnson or Kathleen Kennedy come up with the idea that The Emperor should make a comeback? Was this always the plan? Because watching The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi immediately before The Rise Of Skywalker, it really doesn't feel like it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with Palpatine rearing his head once again, albeit surprised that it happened so early in the film and with so little build-up. But along with Starkiller Base from TFA, wheeling him back out of the cupboard as the ultimate weapon feels more like content-recycling than putting a new spin on an old feature, something you'd imagine Abrams would want to steer clear of at this point. While there was admittedly some disquiet over the direction of events in TLJ, no one was seriously clamouring for Darth Sidious to come back and restore order for the close of the trilogy.

Indeed, the whole subject of The Sith has been politely not mentioned until now. Mutterings persisted from 2015 that Supreme Leader Snoke could in fact be Sidious' old master, Darth Plagueis, having laid low for decades with his apprentice under the impression he'd been successful in his usurpation of the 'Master' role. With the game only beginning, Lucasfilm played that card close to their chests. But by the 2017, the official Visual Dictionary for The Last Jedi by Pablo Hidalgo (in conjunction with the LFL Story Group) seemed to draw some sort of line under things by stating that Snoke was categorically not a Sith.

'Star Wars: The Last Jedi, The Visual Dictionary', 2017 DK Publishing.

And of course technically, that hasn't changed with The Rise Of Skywalker. Snoke wasn't really a Sith. But for obvious reasons, the Visual Dictionary from two years ago didn't tell us that he's a genetically engineered meat-puppet on remote control to the somehow-resurrected Palpatine. And the more I think about it, the most obvious of those obvious reasons is that two years ago this wasn't the case. Just like Rey's true lineage, there are no seeds planted in the preceding episodes to suggest this reveal was coming down the track.

As much as I love the Star Wars films, old and new (in case you hadn't noticed), The Emperor's return serves to highlight one of the more pressing weaknesses with the Sequel Trilogy. That Lucasfilm have made it up as they went along. Although George Lucas variously stated that Star Wars was going to be twelve, nine or six movies (depending on which interview you read), he at least had a clear vision in his head/notepad at the time of beginning each trilogy. Even then, there are exceptions of course. Vader never 'became' Luke's father until The Empire Strikes Back script was in development, likewise the sibling relationship between Luke and Leia is unlikely to have been committed to paper at the time of Empire being made. But the core story - its ups, downs and turns - was in George's mind all along. And when those massive ret-cons do come along, shining a new light on previously-told events, they're that most precious of revelation: one which the audience wouldn't reasonably have guessed beforehand, but which in retrospect couldn't have played out any other way.

Palpatine's return at least scores half of this with ease. Over the past four years, both casual and hardcore audiences alike were not expecting to see the face of Ian McDiarmid back in the Galaxy Far, Far Away, at least not in such a central, prominent role. As for the pre-destiny of this, though? Well not quite. The Sequel Trilogy's third-act could easily have taken other paths toward the redemption of Ben Solo (because that was inevitable). Rian Johnson taught us to take our hands off the Star Wars rule book, to expect the unexpected.

So it should probably come as no surprise that the unexpected happened. Emperor Palpatine returned from the dark netherworld, seemingly as a lesson to us all that peace and balance are impermanent; a prize to be nurtured and cherished rather than attained then stuck on a shelf to show off. Or at least that's the lesson I'm going to take from it. And not a bad one as we close out this troublesome decade.

And in the end, it works. Because the resurgence feels tonally valid, because of the obvious vacuum left in Snoke's passing, and because the majority of the audience has already bought-in to whatever Mr Abrams has to offer*². Time will tell how smoothly this conclusion is received, as well as if this conclusion turns out not to be a conclusion after all - do not be surprised about this potential eventuality*³.

But hey, always in motion is the future...

The Star Wars.



Obvs.



Obvs.



Some possibly, not all.



That's possible.



There isn't.
Unless you've heard one.



Level 0: It is Star Wars.

...but if you wanted to go around the houses with it, The Rise Of Skywalker stars John Boyega, who was in 2013's Half Of A Yellow Sun with Thandie Newton, who was in Run Fatboy Run alongside Simon Pegg, who appeared in Ready Player One with Ben Mendelsohn, who rocked up in Darkest Hour as did Pip Torrens from Patrick Melrose, which also starred Harriet Walter who guested in the 'Survivor's Guilt' episode of Law & Order UK along with... John Boyega.





*¹ No wait, not legally permissible. What's that other thing which is like legally perm-... morally sound, that's right. Put your phone on flight-mode before the BBFC-card and don't look at it again until the end. Waiting for an important text or call? Wait at home. Bored during the film? Go home. 'Morally sound'. That's it. Not 'legal'. Probably. I always get those two mixed up. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Because the people who disliked the left-field character turns of The Last Jedi were more into the retro callbacks of The Force Awakens, and the vast majority people who loved Rian Johnson's movie also appreciated the nostalgia of its more cinematically-safe forebear. Put bluntly, it's a small crossover of people in the Venn Diagram who'd still be going to see The Rise Of Skywalker, but would then complain going "No, we didn't want you to bring that much of the Original Trilogy back! We want things to feel the same without being actually the same, but still being the same please...". ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ Because as anyone who's been watching the studio's output knows, Disney really don't like putting numbers at the end of film titles. "Star Wars Episode 9" encourages franchise-fatigue and instantly excludes the casual viewer who knows they haven't yet caught up with 1-8. "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" on the other hand is more likely to attract impulse-viewers and casual cinemagoers. With The Rise Of Skywalker however, Disney can use the "IX" to create a sense of occasion, also lulling people into believing they're going to be present for the 'final' Star Wars movie. Y'know, as if the House Of Mouse paid $4bn for the name just to shunt everything over to TV within half a decade. There will be more Star Wars movies, and soon. It's just that the publicity-machine is no longer constrained by that section of the timeline (even if Rogue One, Solo and The Mandalorian suggest they're terrified to leave it). ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - The Rise Of Skywalker (fourth-pass)

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (fourth-pass / IMAX 3D / SPOILERS)
Cert: 12A / 142 mins / Dir. J.J. Abrams / Trailer


Previous reviews: 1 | 2 | 3

This is your spoiler-break. Enjoy these while you can, because any reviews of The Rise Of Skywalker posted after the New Year won't feature the buffer. You've seen the movie by now, I'm sure, but this section is to preserve the sensibilities of the hundreds of thousands of readers*¹ who flock to my scribblings irrespective of the subject at hand, or just blithely follow links next to hashtags on the socials.

While we're stalling, I'll take this moment to mention that the IMAX 3D version of this movie looks outstanding for colour-depth, clarity and the razor-sharp 3D we've come to expect of the format. For reasons best known to Disney, Real-D screenings of TROS are running at an absolute minimum (with D-Box having being jettisoned completely by Cineworld in favour of the disappointingly distracting 4DX), so this has been my only exposure to the three-dimensional presentation which it seems is no longer A Thing. A real shame, if only because that was a key feature of the Sequel Trilogy launch back in 2015.

Further to my second-pass ponderings, the movie has settled down a little for me by now. I'm automatically separating the action-sequences from the lore and looking into the wider implications of the latter. That's what this post is about. If you haven't seen TROS yet, go no further. If you have, read on...



So. How does The Rise Of Skywalker affect the prophecy of The Chosen One?

The Original Trilogy made references to the balance of the Force, apparently achieved by the removal of The Emperor as a player (hahaha). For a long time this resulted in back-and-forths over whether this should mean 1 Jedi = 1 Sith, or if the true natural balance would be restored by removing the Sith altogether. After all, nature on our planet has its ownbalance between natural selection, hunters and prey. The large animals with the sharp teeth eating the smaller more timid ones may seem unpleasant, but it's driven by a complex web of biological requirements and availability, rather than greed and malice. This equilibrium doesn't include a tourist with a shotgun and an empty slot on the wall of their study.

So as long as the Force exists in the galaxy's living beings (remembering that although there's a level of hereditary-gifting, Force-sensitive children are born to 'muggle' parents all the time), there will be those that use the power for good things (healing, empathy, meditation) and those who use it for bad (lightning, choking, throwing crates at people). For the most-part, this will balance itself out. The Sith, however, are a cult. A group of next-level dark side adherents with their own rituals and magic outside of regular manipulation. Sheev Palpatine is, on a galactic scale, the tourist with the firearms and the armoured 4x4 against which the local wildlife - good, bad or indifferent - cannot reasonably fight back. Removing Palpatine will restore the natural balance of the Force. And so it proved.

BAR

The Prequel Trilogy raised this bar by introducing the prophecy of The Chosen One. An ancient messianic prediction - so old that the Jedi Order itself was unsure of its precise mechanics - that one figure would rise in the darkest of times to restore balance to the Force. Of course all dark times feel like the darkest from the inside, and even the more objective mind wonders if worse is yet to come*². With this in mind, the coming of The Chosen One was still questioned during the Clone Wars and the rise of the Empire.

But cited among the Jedi Council throughout all of this was Anakin Skywalker. The vergence in the Force; the tousle-haired virgin-birth from the meekest of backgrounds with Force-powers off the charts*³ and the potential to reset the game. Anakin's part in this larger picture was a subject of debate for three movies, and into The Clone Wars series. That he was special was never in any doubt, but whether he was Chosen was another matter entirely. And who actually was it that brought balance in the space station above Endor? After all, it's Anakin who finally throws the screaming Emperor into the reactor-shaft, but his long-overdue redemption is only possible because of his son Luke. Was Luke the Chosen One throughout all of this? This is still debated now.

CLUB

Fast-forward three and a half decades and it turns out the Palpatine found a way back. So that balance of the Force, in the broadest yet truest sense, wasn't restored after all. At least not then, not over Endor. So was Anakin ever the Chose One? Or was Luke? There's now a chance that the prophesied being could even have been Rey. While the Sequel Trilogy boasted a strong inference from the off that she is a Skywalker*⁴ the revelation of our heroine being Rey Palpatine (in blood, if not in spirit) presumably means that either a) the prophecy was bunk, mis-read hieroglyphics from a fragment of a hand-me-down artefact, or b) the Chosen One was never a Skywalker to begin with. Meaning that this was arguably not 'The Skywalker Saga' in the sense of legend, rather the lighthearted space-opera originally touted in 1977.

But more to the point, does this matter? It certainly won't to a lot of people; the specific idea of the prophecy was a construct of the Prequel-era, after all. And as previously noted, The Rise Of Skywalker is more properly a closure of the Sequel Trilogy, not the Saga. The OT already had its own joyous wrap-up, and the bittersweet denouement of Episode III fed optimistically into that. But 'prophecy' is notoriously vague (otherwise it's referred to as 'instructions'), and it's not like Abrams and Johnson jettisoned the old lore. The original texts which Rey takes in TLJ and is picking through in TROS*⁵ probably even contain the foretelling themselves. And okay, Rey defeats the Sith with the help of the Skywalkers, but it's technically with the help of everyone else as well.

So is The Rise Of Skywalker a sign that the old ways no longer shackle us, that we can face new challenges without fixating on the weight of expectations of the past?

Or is it more that the old ways never really mattered to begin with?

The Star Wars.



Obvs.



Obvs.



Some of 'em.



That is entirely possible, although no grudges will be held.
Probably.



Suspect it was probably my imagination which located one during the second-pass, buried in the mix as Ben Solo gets thrown into that pit by the Emperor, and so it is with a heavy hard that I concede there is not.

Unless, of course, you know better.
In which case, get onto them comments.



Level 0: It is Star Wars.

...but if you wanted to go around the houses with it, The Rise Of Skywalker stars Adam Driver, who was in Inside Llewyn Davis with Oscar Isaac, who in turn appeared in Ex Machina alongside Domhnall Gleeson from Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows with Warwick Davis, who provides voicework in the upcoming Master Moley with Richard E. Grant, who also lent his tones to 2013's Khumba as did Liam Neeson, the actor who starred in SIlence with... Adam Driver.





*¹ Hahaha LET ME DREAM ^{[ BACK ]}

*² Because as a wise man once said, "Everything will be alright in the end; and it it's not alright, it's not the end". ^{[ BACK ]}

*³ And I cannot emphasise this enough - Midichlorians are not The Force. They're a biological indicator of Force-potential, the one common physical signature among the galaxy's species who are powerful in the Force. They're the equivalent of the high white blood cell count which suggests an immune system is fighting an infection; the while blood cells are not the illness, they're the indicator that something is different. They're also the reason, incidentally, that the new Empire was able to quickly identify and wipe out the remnants of the Jedi as well as monitoring (and presumably destroying) Force-sensitive children. Because then you can despatch a military squadron with the ID-tools, rather than needing an Inquisitor on every team. Midichlorians don't demystify the Force in the same way that a mechanic doesn't demystify the magic of your car. There. I said it. ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁴ All the pointers are here, by the way. ^{[ BACK ]}

*⁵ Have you ever watched Who Do You Think You Are and been horrified that the week's particular archivist is happily leafing through a book that's hundreds of years old without wearing cotton gloves, leaving a trail of cake-grease over the fragile sheets? That's me, watching Rey in this movie. I'm genuinely amazed she hasn't folded the corner of the page down to find it again. "Here's that bit about Exegol, Leia! Look, I've run a highlighter over it!"... ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Star Wars - The Rise Of Skywalker (third-pass)

Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (third-pass / PLOT SPOILERS)
Cert: 12A / 142 mins / Dir. J.J. Abrams / Trailer


Previous reviews: 1 | 2

Okay you know the drill, this post is less a cumulative appraisal and more a list of 'notes as we go' through The Rise of Skywalker. Because of this, it features spoilers. Great, whacking, Star Destroyer-sized spoilers. So if you haven't seen the film yet, stop reading now. Apart from anything else, there's no real context for most of them as I assume you've seen the movie, so they won't make sense to you coming to this review blind. But because I'm nice like that, the spoilers don't start until after this bump.

It's also worth pointing out that as sarcastic as I'm about to be, I do love The Rise Of Skywalker and I'm feeling more 'at home' with it on each subsequent viewing. This is playful joshing.

And this is your last chance to turn back...



The Bad Guys

• Right, this galaxy-wide broadcast from the Emperor who's been thought dead for the last 35+ years is quite an important thing, right? Am I meant to have read the lead-in novel to get this? Will we get to hear the broadcast? Surely we would if it's important enough to be the first thing the crawl mentions, right?

• Is this the longest gap between the start of a Star Wars movie and the first line of dialogue? That's quite a bold move.

• Wow, the Knights Of Ren really are the briefest window-dressing in this movie, aren't they? Almost as much as those red-armoured Sith Troopers.

Vader: "So there are only two of the Wayfinders, is that right?"
Emperor: "Yes, and they're totally safe. Don't worry, I'm on it."
Vader: "And can I ask where you keep them?
Emperor: "Well one of them is in a vault behind that door ten feet away from you. I mean it's not out on display but always close at hand so I can grab it if I have to leave here in a hurry for any reason."
Vader: "Ooh, nice touch. And what about the other one?"
Emperor: "I've left it upside down under a garden ornament just out in the open on some planet you've never heard of. Got a couple of lads watching it though so it'll be safe as houses."
Vader: "..."

• Y'know what? If Rian Johnson had brought The Emperor out of absolutely nowhere at the beginning of his movie and had him say "I have been every voice you have ever heard inside your head", toxic-fandom would have been calling him every EXPLETIVE under the sun for it.

The Good Guys

• Wait, the rebels have to fly all the way to a hidden base to transfer a message through a cable? Is the e-mail down? Get onto IT about that, lads.

• In the lightspeed-skipping sequence, are those pipe/towers at Bespin?

• I'm very much enjoying grumpy, sarcastic Poe Dameron in this. Ironically, he's far more likeable than his gee-whiz pirate-lite from the previous two movies.

• Oh, Rey is trying to summon the spirits of deceased Jedi. I wonder if this will come up again later in the film?

Poe: "Somehow, Palpatine survived"
Rose: "...do we believe this?"
Poe: "I hope so mate, there'll be no further explanation of how, so just take it as read, yeah?"

• So the secret Sith world is Exegol? Not like, say, Moraband or something? Okay, that's fine.

Finn: "Rose, last chance?"
Rose: "The general asked me to stay here and literally study schematics of old ships rather than go on an adventure to save the Rebellion like I did earlier. It's almost as if my screen-time has been cut for some reason while retaining my contractually stipulated appearance in the movie."
Finn: "Okay, somebody's touchy."
Rose: *looks over spectacles*

• Evil space-chimp is running Sith hat repair-shop now. Okay, that's fine.

Pasana

• Guys, stop making desert locales which aren't Tatooine. Or like return to Jedha instead. Please.

• I am loving C-3PO's humour in this movie, he is fantastic.

• Oh, Rey has been asked her surname and she's stuck for an answer. I wonder if this will come up again later in the film?

• Oh, a physical object has been teleported using the Force between Rey and Kylo Ren. I wonder if this will come up again later in the film?

• So wait, Ochi's ship is just "there", parked on a rock? You can just leave stuff out on Pasana and it doesn't get stolen, ransacked or vandalised? You'll be telling me next the ship is working and ready to go.

• Bonus points for six-legged elephant droid in the desert, serving precisely no practical purpose. Lovely stuff.

• The speeder-bikes with massive wheels seemed cumbersome and impractical in the trailer, and here they're shown to be cumbersome and impractical. Fair play.

• Oh, Rey has healed another living creature by transferring life-energy using the Force. I wonder if this will come up again later in the film?

Poe: "Okay, we've only got eight hours left!"
Finn: "Are we doing this literal countdown-thing again? Like last time, in the film that everyone complained about?
Poe: "Shut up, Derek."

• Okay, I love Joonas Suotamo but why does Chewie look like a guy in a suit for this film? I know Joonas is around the same height as Peter Mayhew, but they're built differently (Joonas is a basketball player, Peter was a hospital porter with bad posture) and they move differently. Peter coached him for TFA and that seems to have been forgotten. It totally looks like there's padding around his middle under the yak-hair. It's very much a guy in a suit. Less of this, please, bit of respect.

• OMG! Chewbacca's dead!! Haha, not really.

Kijimi

• Okay, where is my 3¾" figure of C-3PO wearing a coat, please?

• OMG! C-3PO's going to be lobotomised!! Haha, not really.

• When they're all like 'mate, doesn't R2-D2 back up your memory?', why doesn't Babu Frik just make a backup before he performs the procedure? He's such an expert slicer he's forgotten that making backups is the cornerstone of IT?

• Zori Bliss is great. Which comes as something of a pleasant surprise because I've only ever seen Kerri Russell being absolutely dreadful in stuff before.

• Why is D-O here, though? I get that there's toy-potential, but he doesn't really do a lot, does he? As soon as he starts giving the Rebels information about Exegol, Rey just transmits markers from her X-Wing anyway.

• C-3PO: "Oh, my first laser-battle!". A smashing callback to Attack Of The Clones there, and illustrating the full factory-settings extent of his wipe.

• Speaking of which, the change in mannerisms between the C-3PO who sat down in Babu Frik's chair and the one who got out of it is remarkable. They're both definitely Threepio, but it shows how much Daniels has evolved the characterisation over four decades.

• The split-screen of Rey and Kylo's conversation here is lovely, especially the way the locations intersect and overlap.

• Oh, thank you for the reminder of the teleporting objects through the Force with Vader's helmet. I wonder if this will come up again later in the film?

• Actually, why didn't Kylo just give Vader's helmet to the space-chimp to repair as well?

First real point of order though, when Kylo admits to Rey "I didn't lie, your parents were nobody, they chose to be", that's not Abrams trampling all over Johnson's writing from The Last Jedi. When Kylo made that assertion in the previous film, he was doing so based on information planted by Snoke (indeed Palpatine, as we now know) specifically to disrupt the protagonists' faith. Pretty much every line spoken by Kylo Ren can be attributed to lies, arrogance or being flat-out wrong about the subject at hand. And while I'm happy to put my hands up and say I was incorrect about claiming Rey would turn out to be Han and Leia's daughter (ie Ben's brother), I'll reiterate that I never believed for a second that the 'nobody' hypothesis would turn out to be literally true. Short version of all this: it's not a retcon lads, it's the reveal to the existing buildup*¹.

Kylo: "My mother was the daughter of Darth Vader, your father was the son of Palpatine-"
Rey: "Yeah I'll be honest, it sort of feels like everybody's turned over two pages at once, there. I'm meant to just accept this with no context, yeah? Who is Palpatine other than some dead guy that everyone frowns about?"

Endor

• Horses on Endor. Okay, they've got tusks, but it's still a fantastic callback to the Battle For Endor movie.

• Love that the Sith-dagger has that Jonesian Staff Of Ra feel, not least since it seems the blade was forged as part of a prophecy of the second Death Star being destroyed. Although much like the staff, it really seems like you have to be in the exact elevation, distance and angle for it to work. Fair play.

• Okay, Chewie said that the Falcon's landing gear was out of action, but why does that mean they have to come to a skidding stop churning up half a field in the process? Couldn't he, like, slow to a stop and then just drop the ship down?

• I know LFL are making the absolute best of the footage they've got with Carrie Fisher, but her exit in this movie makes absolutely no sense. Although given Padmé apparently died of a broken heart...

• OMG! Ben Solo's dead!! Haha, not really.

• So Han is-- ...y'know what? Okay, I'll give you that one. Although as they both admit he's figment of Ben's imagination, obviously this means we're going to see actual Force-spirits of actual former-Jedi later in the film, right?

Ajan Kloss

• That transmission that Finn, Poe, Rose and Beaumont hear, the one Beaumont translates. Is that the transmission mentioned in the crawl? Because they're acting like they're only hearing it for the first time, but they're really not surprised about it. This strand of the plot really needs more time allocated to it.

• Alright Billy Dee, I know you're pleased to be back but you don't have to grin your way through every scene like you're Gina Carano in The Mandalorian.

Ahch-To

• And the second point of order is Luke, here. Let me assure you that when he walks on-screen, makes a wry quip about 'respecting' the weapon of a Jedi and admitting he was wrong about staying on Ahch-To, that's not Abrams reversing Rian Johnson's script, it's him underlining the point. It was clear in The Last Jedi that Luke was wrong. That was the point; he's fallible. The Last Jedi is a film about failure. Although obviously (and I know this is not the place to get into this) a lot of people seem to believe that their childhood hero should have precisely the same personality and outlook he did 35 years earlier, as if they themselves have been completely unaffected by what life has thrown at them over three and a half decades. Luke was wrong, and there's no redemption for a fallen hero without sacrifice. Or weren't you paying attention to Return Of The Jedi?

• I notice Luke's spirit is translucent, not solid like Yoda's was. Okay, that's fine.

• Please for the love of God stop CGI'ing young Leia. It looked terrifying in Rogue One and that hasn't changed.

• And that X-Wing is just going to work out of the water like that, yeah? With or without a navigator droid? I mean was the cockpit watertight? Because the padding of the seat and helmet-interior is going to have perished years ago, otherwise. Okay, that's fine.

Ajan Kloss

• C-3PO: "You want to put what in my head? Under no circum-" is the greatest joke in this film. Bravo.

Exegol

• When I first heard that Richard E. Grant was in the new Star Wars film I figured he'd have a couple of lines as an officer in the background, but he's really bloody in this isn't he?

• Two best snatches of dialogue in this movie:
"Jam their speeders."
"...I can't sir"
"Why not?"
"they're not using speeders..."
and
"It's not a navy sir, it's just... people"
Both showing that the Final Order is every bit as blinkered as the old Empire. Beautiful writing.

Palps: "Kill me and my spirit will pass into you, as all the Sith live in me..."
Rey: "Right, wait, is this something that's always happened, or have you just invented this? Explain pls."

• Ben Solo just rocking up in a black sweater to take care of business. Where did he get the working TIE fighter? Can't have been on Endor. Did he call through for it pretending to be still-bad? Never mind, add it to the list of questions.

• Oh look, Rey's force-teleported a weapon to Ben. Well isn't that a thing?

• Although Ben's John Wickian shrug when he gets the lightsaber is the second-greatest joke in this film. Bravo again.

• Hahaha, hi Wedge. I see they brought you back for literally three words. Oh mate.

• Oh look, Rey has managed to communicate with the spirits of deceased Jedi. Well isn't that a thing?

• Although you do realise cinema is a visual medium, right? Just running a load of voices - many of which sound quite similar by the way - maybe not the best way to communicate this breakthrough?

• OMG! Palpatine's dead!! Yeah, really. Apparently. But seriously tell me why he won't just rock up in another movie in ten years' time? He even said himself that he's died before, and I see nothing of permanence here any more than being dropped screaming into an exploding Death Star.

• When Ben is crawling his way across the floor to Rey, is anyone else's brain playing Superheroes from the end of Rocky Horror?

• Oh look, Ben has transferred life-energy to Rey using the Force. Well isn't that a thing?

• So #ReyLo is a thing. Okay, that's fine.

• Right, there are a lot of people dying on Exegol, there. It's not just stormtroopers and officers, there's the maintenance and support crews, the cleaners, the caterers, the plumbers - this is like the red jumpsuits and the scissors in Us, where did all this stuff come from? How is this a secret base when hundreds of thousands of people have disappeared here to populate it? I mean they've got to have been brought here because if they've been born and raised on Exegol then where are the schools, the hopspitals, the pubs and the shops? The First Order massed in the Unknown Regions, and now Palpatine's Final Order are massing in a different part of the Unknown Regions. I know they're big but is no one noticing all the shit going missing? Anyway, here they are all dying. That's a bit harsh, mate. Mind you, with two Death Stars and Starkiller Base under their belts, I suppose genocide is pretty much in the Rebellion's HR manual by now.

• And the not-inconsiderable remnants of The First Order are still around in the 'regular' galaxy, right? All that was destroyed here was Palpatine's secret-navy and the officers who'd flown in to command. Back in The Last Jedi, The First Order dudes had pretty much taken over the galaxy, so there were definitely more of them about than the destroyers chasing the Resistance fleet. I mean yeah, any First Order presence is now rudderless, but as it's an organisation seemingly made up of utter sociopaths, it's not going to take too long for some a-hole to rise and fill the vacuum. More fodder for the novels and comics, and that's all good.

Ajan Kloss

• Okay, I am totally here for that kiss between Commander D'Acy and Rebel Pilot Tyce, because a) representation is important especially in smaller, throwaway moments, and b) I know it will infuriate the movie-gammons and I feed on their high blood-pressure like a facetious vampire. Bring that shit on.

• Why do we get that shot of Bespin? Endor and Jakku I understand, but we haven't been to Bespin for years. Unless that was Bespin in the lightspeed skipping earlier?

Maz: "Chewie, this is for you"
Chewie: "Oh, while everybody's busy hugging and having their own reunion parties. Getcha. No award-ceremonies is enough for me, thank you."

Tatooine

• So wait, the Lars Homestead is still just "there" on Tatooine and no one else has moved in? No new tenants for an operational moisture farm, or just squatters or anything? The place doesn't get ransacked or vandalised? Okay, that's fine.

• As I mentioned before, this film is great at wrapping up the Sequel Trilogy, but not the OT and certainly not the prequels. Anyone telling you otherwise is doing marketing. This is the close of a trilogy, not the nine-part saga.

• And apart from anything else, Rey burying those sabers like that is a clear sign that we will be back, even if it's with the stable-boy from The Last Jedi. This shit is not over.

• And where does that black-handled saber with the orange blade come from? She just rocks up at the homestead with it clipped to her belt. How much time has lapsed between Exegol and Tatooine?

• Oh look, someone has been asked her surname again. Well isn't that a thing?

Woman: "There's been no one here for so long. Who are you?"
Rey: "I'm Rey".
Woman: "Rey, who?"
Chippy Imperial recruitment officer pops into frame: "Well you're on your own, so... Solo it is! There, I've written it down, it's legal now and that's that."

Rey looks at camera.
Iris-out. Credits.

The Star Wars.



Obvs.



Obvs.



Adam Driver spends the entire third-act without a single line of dialogue; that is magnificent.



Already have once this week...



Okay, I think there's a Wilhelm buried low in the mix coming from Ben when Palpatine blasts him into that pit. But the acoustics weren't great in the auditorium today so it was less clear than my second-pass.



Level 0: It is Star Wars.

...but if you wanted to go around the houses with it, The Rise Of Skywalker stars Naomi Ackie, who was in The End Of The F**king World with Geoff Bell from that RocknRolla, a movie which also featured Thandie Newton who was in 2018's Gringo with David Oyelowo, who had a role in 2009's Small Island alongside Hugh Quarshie, a regular on Holby City at the time in 2011 when Silas Carson was in a bunch of episodes, an actor who appears in 2019's The Corrupted with Naomi Ackie...





*¹ Although I would be genuinely amazed if Rian Johnson had "she's Palpatine's granddaughter" scribbled in the margins of his Last Jedi pad. One of my few bugbears about this trilogy is the way the newly-organised Lucasfilm have been winging-it and just hoping everything will turn out for the best, and writing the Saga-films on the hoof is by far the worst offender here. More on that another time... ^{[ BACK ]}

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.