Thursday, 31 August 2023

Review: Back To The Future - The Musical


Back To The Future:
The Musical

London Adelphi Theatre / Saturday, 05 August 2023
Stage Manager Gaz Wall / Director John Rando / Musical Director Jim Henson (not that one)
140 mins (exc. interval) / Trailer


I am not, as regular readers will be more than aware, A Theatre Reviewer*1, hence the immediate shift here from detached critical oversight to first-person blog. However, beloved cinematic connections endured with today's subject, combined with a day out in London*2 and the 2023 ethos of forcing myself to write about Stuff*3, resulting in a showery afternoon Down The Strand*4 and a journey Back... To The Future.

When restless 80s suburban teenager Marty Mcfly (Ben Joyce) gets a call to assist his friend the eccentric professor Doc Brown (Gary Trainor) one night, he's astounded to find him in possession of a working time-machine. But Marty is even more alarmed when he finds himself thirty years in the past, and has endangered his own existence by disrupting the first meeting of his parents Lorraine (Amber Davies) and George (Cameron McAllister). With the time-machine out of power, how can our hero get back to 1985 and his girlfriend Jennifer (Sophie Naglik)? Will it be possible to not only restore the future, but to make it better? And how can town-bully Biff (Harry Jobson) and school principal Mr Strickland (Adam Margilewski) both be such a pain in two time-zones?


PACED


So here's the thing. Robert Zemeckis's 1985 film Back To The Future is 1h56m of perfectly paced storytelling. It's immaculately structured with not a frame to spare. Everything we see and hear is building - linearly or otherwise - into an exemplary whole that rewards first and repeated viewings alike. It is a masterpiece. John Rando's 2020 stage adaptation of Back To The Future is 2h20m of structurally the same story, which also has characters frequently bursting into a three-verse song to describe a moment's inner monologue (that's fine, it is a musical). The time spent in verse accounts for significantly more than the extra 24 minutes between the two versions. The upshot of this is that whenever a secondary character has their go in the literal limelight, that's happening at the expense of the quieter story beats - the ones which elevated the movie to more than a standard adventure flick. As a result, some of these smaller points are rushed, some are glossed over and some are jettisoned completely. And while this never derails the core narrative, it's unclear whether an audience watching BTTF for the first time on the stage would actually be able to clearly follow what's going on, amid the noise and cut-corners.

As you'd hope/expect, the film's diegetic songs The Power Of Love, Earth Angel, Johnny B. Goode and Back In Time are all present and correct*5, and all performed immaculately under Jim Henson's auspices in the understage orchestra pit. While the production features more than an admirable amount of Alan Silvestri's iconic original score, for the very most part that soundtrack is entirely separate from the new musical-numbers. With the exception of the key musical motif which sneaks its lyric-ed way into Only A Matter Of Time and its reprises (and a separate refrain from the same theme which sneaks in once), the new songs - musically - feel like they could have been written for any stage-show, and were crowbarred to fit this one by virtue of their lyrics. Although at the same time, it's the dialogue between which tackles the actual narrative (again, if a newcomer were to try and glean the plot from the cast recording, they'd come unstuck pretty quickly). The songs themselves are great, I hasten to add. Only A Matter Of Time counterpoints with Got No Future, while Teach Him A Lesson dovetails boldly back into Something About That Boy. But the newly-penned soundtrack overall doesn't have its own stylistic through-thread, which you'd be forgiven for considering quite an important part of A Stage Musical. Collectively, this is a mish-mash of rock'n'roll, synth pop and full-on show tunes. Silvestri's score doesn't quite manage to thread these together, but it does act as a musical anchor, the base point which can be returned to at plot-specific moments of critical importance.

And of course when you go to see a West End stage show, you expect to see performances worthy of A West End Stage Show™. That's certainly what Back To The Future delivers, with wide eyes, gleaming teeth and belting vocals that could shatter a flux capacitor. This works best in conjunction with the deliberately '50s-esque sequences, but often feels more Rydell High than Hill Valley. Never more than two steps from going full jazz-hands (and occasionally doing that anyway), the enthusiasm certainly can't be faulted, even if some members of the cast seem more to determined to segue between overly earnest middle-distance yodelling and intricately parodic impersonations of their big-screen counterparts. The end result always works well on the boards, but can remind the audience more of the screen-characters they're not watching treading them.

So the storytelling here is erratic, the musical style is haphazard and the performances border on distracting. Naturally, there's only one conclusion I can come to.
Back To The Future The Musical is nothing short of brilliant. Absolutely. Brilliant.


LARGED


Put simply, there has never been a more flawless collaboration of performance, musicianship, physical sets, digital projection, razor-sharp lighting, and surgically precise off-stage co-ordination*6. When all of these come together in Back To The Future The Musical the effect is jaw-dropping, way more than the sum of its parts. This is the kind of magic that only theatre can bring to life, because it's happening in real-time and real-space as the audience watches agog. When the DeLorean first appears, it gets a huge round of applause. And do bear in mind that almost everybody in the theatre is watching this for the first time, it's not Rocky Horror where their interactivity is cued up - this is just the energy that washes out into the audience. We applauded a prop. By the time of the final curtain, we were giving that prop a standing ovation.

The device at the core of the live presentation (other than the DeLorean) is the huge central section of the stage that rotates to reveal new props and scenery. Not only is this a quick and effective means of carrying out the many scene changes (with technicians backstage constantly cueing up the next location), it's used to maximum effect in conjunction with the dual projection in simulating the high-speed action scenes. You will believe you're watching a car approach 88mph on a theatre stage, and you will believe you're seeing that from switching camera angles. It is awe-inspiring and perfectly executed. But on a more subconscious level, this central area echoes the movement of a traditional clock-face, and its rotation is representative of Marty having a time-machine at his disposal while suddenly finding that the clock is against him. This is a decision that's been made for maximum thematic enjoyment, an indication that every aspect of the physical production has been meticulously plotted out for aesthetics as well as practicality. While some scene changes take place under cover of darkness, more occur in front of the audience's eyes. The show doesn't slow down for these and it's all part of the experience - a feature, not a bug. The continuous efficiency with which this happens is nothing short of amazing; Back To The Future The Musical uses three-dimensional space to its fullest extent*7.

Although I've griped above about some of the performances, they do come together perfectly, and credit is fully due to Ben Joyce as Marty McFly, who keeps Michael J. Fox's exasperated soul of the character intact while still managing to add his own idiosyncrasies as an actor, without the two sides ever clashing. And extra, extra points must be awarded to Gary Trainor as Doctor Emmet Brown, who immerses himself in the role so perfectly that whether he's delivering dialogue from the film script or the sections written for this adaptation, with each shrug and shriek you don't just feel Christopher Lloyd, but Actual Doc Actual Brown. Everything about Trainor's turn is beautifully on-point and makes for an electrifying experience. The pair proudly, and rightfully, take centre-stage here.


WISED


This is certainly not a cheap night out*8, and for the majority of readers London isn't readily accessible, but I seriously recommend anyone wanting to see the show to do so at the Adelphi Theatre. Commercial logic suggests there'll be a touring version at some point, but sheer practical viability dictates that a 'mobile' presentation will necessarily lose its greatest aspects. Back To The Future isn't just presented at The Adelphi, it inhabits the auditorium on a more fundamental level, surrounding the audience in the stalls and filling the field of vision for everyone else. The theatre is more than just a stage. This intricate physical and mechanical setup is the show in its fullest form, and can't be re-assembled in the local Theatre Royal for a three-night run.


Overall, there are structural hurdles to be cleared and while that's managed, those obstacles are still visible*9. It's not that Back To The Future The Musical shouldn't work, more that it was always going to be a monumentally tall order to do the film justice. John Rando's stage adaptation takes this tall order and surpasses it, with force of will and the infectious commitment of its cast and crew. Like any adventure, there are perils and there are pitfalls, but the greatest trick the show pulls is having its audience walk out onto the Strand with a spring in their step and the feeling that it all looked so easy.

As with any artistic endeavour, precision, dedication and belief all play their part, but sometimes even the sheer joy of the thing is enough...


And if I HAD to put a number on it…




*1 Indeed, on the most recent occasion I attempted a theatrical deconstruction, the resulting piece spent almost more time complaining about the bricks-and-mortar venue than it did the actual production. Although the two were intertwined so I feel justified. [ BACK ]

*2 Apart from anything else, the only three entertainment properties to have tempted me back to the capital this year have been Star Wars, Indiana Jones and now Back To The Future; given that these are my all-time favourites, it feels appropriate that the stage production should be analysed here to some extent... [ BACK ]

*3 And yet I'm very aware that it's been over three months since my check-in at the Minack Theatre for a concert by The Fisherman's Friends and no review has surfaced. But how to I collate words for a perfect combination of venue and performance which left me speechless? I still don't know. Hence. [ BACK ]

*4 Have one banana. [ BACK ]

*5 Mister Sandman seems notable by its absence, even if Marty's arrival in 1955 no longer features that same town square sequence of events when transferred to the stage. Although the song does make an appearance in the 'Radio Hill Valley' soundtrack which is played in the auditorium during the interval. [ BACK ]

*6 When I say 'there's never been', I mean 'I have never seen one'. Like I said, I'm not 'theatre-people', but I did dally briefly with crew-work in my much-younger days, and I know how much precision and graft goes on backstage with even the most vanilla of productions. Back To The Future The Musical is next, next level. [ BACK ]

*7 I also love that this telling of a story from 1985 about a kid travelling back to the '50s could not have been told on stage in this form until well in to the 21st century. The technology - practical as well as digital - didn't exist at this level of quality and accessibility to produce this show earlier; as if the past, and the past-past had been waiting for the future to catch up to timeless imagination. [ BACK ]

*8 Tickets for Back To The Future The Musical are - to be blunt - prohibitively expensive, but the consolation is that you do see where that money is going, no doubt at all. And for the absolute avoidance of doubt, I'm not writing glowing words because I saw this with freebies or comps, I paid cold hard cash and will gladly do so again. [ BACK ]

*9 It's not that I was sceptical about watching this adaptation, but I was certainly wary and the price-tag doesn't exactly encouraging a gamble. You can't take a single escalator on the tube without seeing posters for a dozen West End shows, half of which seem to be stage port-overs of well-received movies from the 80s and 90s (The Bodyguard, Dirty Dancing, Mrs Doubtfire). But Back To The Future isn't just an 80s movie, it's a cultural touchstone. I'd struggled with how the producers were going to bring the story to life in a way which would add more to something that was already perfect. And on August 05, I found out. [ BACK ]

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Wednesday, 30 August 2023

Review: The Equalizer 3


The Equalizer 3
Cert: 15 / 109 mins / Dir. Antoine Fuqua / Trailer


I can't believe they haven't called this The 3qualizer. Never thought I'd see the day when Lionsgate's Expendfourbles have got more cojones than Sony Columbia but here we are.

Anyway, Antoine Fuqua has teamed up once again with the only actor in his contacts list still picking up the phone for another hour and three quarters of dad-vigilantism*1. Pathologically unable to keep his neb out of other folks' business, Robert McCall (Denzel Washington) has put his past killing Russian gansters and Turkish gangsters behind him, and has moved for a quiet life in... *checks notes* ...southern Italy. Well, quite. Also stars Dakota Fanning as a CIA operative literally phoning in a performance for half the runtime.

An absolute pantomime of a film with much of the exposition thankfully lost in mumbled dialogue, what Fuqua sees as a 'steady pace' is more like dragging out a tight 85 minute thriller. Things could be worse but this sags frequently, eventually limping to a muted finale probably intended as 'nuanced', but looking like the budget was about to run out. Cinematographer Robert Richardson really earns that "injury detail" warning on the BBFC card, in fact the only thing shown with more glee than the violence is a gang of seven Italian mobsters standing around a spotlit table plotting murder while literally eating spaghetti bolognese. On a similar note, Marcelo Zarvos's score nodding merrily to The Godfather feels every bit as cheap as one would expect.

Like many of the movies this Summer, Equalizer 3 wouldn't have been out of place 15 years ago but feels slightly too grubby in 2023. It's technically competent, but plies its trade without verve or self-awareness. There's evidently still a market for this sort of thing otherwise Sony's badge wouldn't be on the front, but everyone here is going through the motions while they can still get away with it*2

Still, it's not the most egregious Italian bloodbath I've seen this year, and at least this one was actually filmed there.



And if I HAD to put a number on it…




*1 I know I call these movies dad-bait, but there was an advert for Lynx Africa before tonight's screening. I rest my case. [ BACK ]

*2 Why does it feel like I'll be typing this again for Expendfourbles? [ BACK ]

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Tuesday, 29 August 2023

Review: Cobweb


Cobweb
Cert: 15 / 88 mins / Dir. Samuel Bodin / Trailer

A by-the-numbers haunted house creeper which channels The Conjuring flicks by way of The People Under The Stairs, this Lionsgate feature borrows liberally from the genre while remaining largely (and thankfully) free of cheap jump-scares. The movie rattles along its short runtime building a reasonable amount of uneasy tension - even if that’s offset by being over-directed in every single scene. This last lends Cobweb an unintentional silliness (together with hazy plot details) that may be the film’s saving grace, preventing it from getting swept up in themes of dark family secrets and lies.

God alone knows why this is being released in early September. Its Hallow’een setting makes the film suitable for the last week in October, and even then only the once (unless you’re a fan of Lizzy Caplan going psycho, in which case knock yourself out).


And if I HAD to put a number on it…





DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Past Lives


Past Lives
(Spoilers)
Cert: 12A / 106 mins / Dir. Celine Song / Trailer

And so August finally threatens to bear some sensible cinematic fruit, as writer/director Celine Song's debut feature focuses on a young Korean woman who - having moved and settled in the USA - encounters a face from her past which stirs uneasy feelings of loss and regret. Greta Lee stars as aspiring playwright Na Young / Nora, with John Magaro as her American now-husband Arthur, and Teo Yoo as Jung Hae Sung, the childhood friend who threatens to upset the applecart.

Actually it's not entirely fair to blame Hae Sung. As pre-teens, he and Na Young are shown to have a competitive, belligerent relationship until their parents agree to escort them on one playdate after which Na Young moves with her parents to Canada (and chooses her Western-name of Nora). Twelve years later, after learning toxic-masculinity traits in the army, Hae Sung starts Facebook-stalking her. Rather than shutting this down, Nora strings out the long-distance nothing in an awkward, dangling way for months before ghosting him for another twelve years because she can't face the responsibility of her own personality. Shortly after this, Nora has married author Arthur (do you see what they did there) on the rebound purely to get a green-card while both share a cramped NYC apartment full of repressed guilt and existential ennui. When Hae Sung decides he's finally going to visit the USA and asks to meet Nora again naturally she agrees, because the best possible thing for everybody here is a gamophobic woman introducing her emotionally anaesthetised ex to her brittlely insecure husband so that they can all be the same level of unhappy.


TEST


All art is subjective of course and every film is its own Rorschach test. Despite clear moments of intended poignancy Past Lives compares well with Brian De Palma's Scarface, in that it's proof that you don't need to base your screenplay around likeable characters; engaging ones sliding into the morass of their own appalling decisions (and/or lack thereof) can be enough. The players in this game have their foibles and flaws shown, explained, highlighted and underlined at every single turn. It's not that Nora, Hae Sung or Arthur have no redeeming features, just that the film wallows in their repeated failure to learn from past mistakes. As lessons go it's pretty blunt and Celine Song proves herself to be the master of 'the awkward moment'. In fact this one lasts for an hour and three quarters.

On the plus-side, Shabier Kirchner's cinematography is gorgeous; colour palettes have rarely looked so expressive and the use of light and shadow is sublime. Keith Fraase's diting is delicate and the overall pacing is deliberately languid, reflective of the protagonists' reluctance to grow. We spend a massive amount of time watching the non-relationship between Na Young and Hae Sung, and then comparatively none with her actual husband Arthur, so that when the marriage begins to show serious cracks there's little at stake for the audience other than imagining Arthur as the This Is Fine dog.


SAVER


That said, the premise and performances here are strong enough that the Past Lives could easily have been 20 minutes shorter with no detrimental effect to the story. And fair play to Song, it could easily have been a more mawkish, uplifting and chocolate-box take, but she's chosen to show life at its needlessly complicated worst. Thanks, mate. The fact that I didn't particularly enjoy myself doesn't mean the film doesn't work, of course; it's supposed to be imperfect. Arguably, me disliking just about every speaking character onscreen means that it's doing precisely what it's supposed to. Well done, I guess*1.


Oh, and repeatedly throwing in ancient folklore about the titular 'past lives' doesn't mean anything if your main character debunks that the very first time it's mentioned. Also by her. Then again Nora's wrong about literally everything else here, so...



And if I HAD to put a number on it…




*1 For clarity, me disliking Past Lives was not a foregone conclusion. The trailer looks great and I was genuinely worried it was going to leave me sobbing in the auditorium. So perhaps the subsequent relief and surprise of me loving the performances and just despising the characters themselves was a good thing? Yeah, I don't think so either. [ BACK ]

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Sunday, 27 August 2023

Review: Haunted Mansion


Haunted Mansion
Cert: 12A / 123 mins / Dir. Justin Simien / Trailer

And so to the House Of Mouse's second-stab at adapting their Haunted Mansion theme park attraction for the big screen. It's an ensemble tale of apparitions and adventure, of chills and chuckles, of ghoulish gags and of grief. The last of these is the cornerstone of Katie Dippold's screenplay, although it never really slows down enough to properly explore the emotions to which it refers (and for Disney that's a criminally-missed opportunity).

All of the central cast here are superbly likeable and perfectly matched to their roles, with particular standout performances from LaKeith Stanfield and Rosario Dawson. The antagonists they're up against, however, don't balance this out with any sense of credible threat. In fact we only really meet one - Jared Leto's 'Hatbox' - a supernatural villain who looks like Tim Burton has re-tooled The Grinch and sounds like a half-arsed impersonation of Darth Vader. Screen-time with this character is all but wasted, then again Leto has proved on more than one occasion that he can easily take an average movie and make it feel far worse. Although the playfully creepy visual effects are every bit as accomplished as you'd expect (given that this is catering to a family audience), the film never manages to evoke the eerie otherworldliness that even Pirates Of The Caribbean managed in its darker moments. Because of this we're never convinced that this is anything other than a ride.

The comedy is executed with more skill than the horror, even if there are plenty of chuckles but no real belly laughs. The scares aim for 'traditional' but still fall short at cliché much of the time. Justin Simien never quite matches the kookiness of Beetlejuice, the adrenaline of Goosebumps or the emotional rawness of Ghostbusters Afterlife. And that's a shame because Haunted Mansion feels like 80% of a great movie, but with its unfulfilled potential and capacity to be something more meaningful the end result is, sadly, forgettable...

And if I HAD to put a number on it…





DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Friday, 25 August 2023

Review: Blue Beetle


Blue Beetle
Cert: 12A / 127 mins / Dir. Ángel Manuel Soto / Trailer

Next up in DC's pantheon of semi-discarded continuity is Ángel Manuel Soto's treatment of The Hero's Journey, Blue Beetle. Xolo Maridueña comfortably handles the title role as restless law-graduate Jamie Reyes, Bruna Marquezine looks blank a lot as The Girl One and Susan Sarandon is so wooden as the villain she was treated on-set as a fire hazard. The film's branding and colour palette are gorgeous, although that's definitely offset by the pervasive layer of Beige™ emanating from the storyline. Tropes, platitudes and galactic levels of exposition clump along in a solid if basic script - delivered by a spirited cast with almost enough enthusiasm to paper over the cracks. The setup is basically that Peter Parker becomes Robocop with a suit that looks and acts like a pound shop Iron Man. In fact, by the time you factor in the corporate baddie looking to manufacture similar suits for their own capitalist-megalomaniac ends, our hero needing to be morally worthy of his cosmic assistance and his humble suburban family of hidden warriors and socially unconventional tech genii, Blue Beetle soon feels like watching all of the Marvel Phase 1 films at the same time. It never goes so far as to be boring, but little happens of any real interest. On a sincere note, it's genuinely great to see Latino representation on this scale that doesn't get too bogged down in cliché, it's just a shame it's in a movie so utterly featureless. More disposable than anyone at DC originally intended, this will probably be fine for an undemanding audience, although good luck finding one of those over the age of 12 in this day and age...

And if I HAD to put a number on it…





DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Tuesday, 22 August 2023

Review: Theater Camp


Theater Camp
Cert: 12A / 93 mins / Dir. Molly Gordon & Nick Lieberman / Trailer

Well, the trailer for this made me want to gouge my own brain out with pins, but I went to watch Theater Camp anyway because I'm a sucker for giving a film an even break (look, if I don't watch it then how can I tell anyone who'll listen how awful it is?). Theater Camp is awful. Proving that if there's one thing worse than needy actors it's needy actors playing needy actors, at some point this was pitched as an underdog comedy, then someone forget to write in likeable characters. Or comedy. Instead we get mawkish, cack-handed, overly earnest yet cripplingly insincere tosh like some early 80s Hallmark daytime-movie which has made its way onto BBC2 during the summer holidays when you were hoping for Fast Times At Ridgemont High but you asked your nan for the television especially and she's in the room so now you've got to watch it and pretend you're interested. As plot-devices go, "we've got to save the theatre by putting on a show!!" is so hackneyed that the literal Muppets were sending it up as a cliché over a decade ago. For reasons I can't fathom this is presented as a low-budget documentary (the kind that's constantly filmed on four separate cameras), even though it's filled with actors you clearly recognise from other films and TV shows. And hey that's okay, Spinal Tap was presented as a documentary too, except that leaned into the comedic ridiculousness of the docu-format whereas Theater Camp plays it entirely straight. Perhaps the weirdest surprise is that although the film is filled with kids, they are in no way the annoying factor(s) here, that honour is owned fully and shamelessly by the atrocious adult cast who are doing it all on purpose. Who is this for? Theatre people are going to see the movie as condescending or insulting, while non-theatre people are going to see it as the reason they don't go to the theatre. So who's winning here? Not the audience, that's for sure. I think the last time I took against a film as vehemently as this was Bodies Bodies Bodies, and at least with that there was the threat of imminent lethal violence. Here, I was just praying for that...

Best line, show-runner Amos (Ben Platt):
"I apologise... waiting for entertainment that's expected is painful."

Well, quite.



And if I HAD to put a number on it…
Correct: zero stars.





DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Review: Strays


Strays
Cert: 15 / 89 mins / Dir. Josh Greenbaum / Trailer

So if 2023 has brought you to the place where you need The Incredible Journey meets The Secret Life Of Pets meets Ted, then director Josh Greenbaum has got you covered. This R-Rated pup comedy does exactly what it says on the tin, in a movie where the dogs saying fuck is the primary joke for an hour and half. It works well enough as a concept, and there are frequent chuckles from Dan Perrault's script but no real guffaws. If that's all you want for an hour and a half, knock yourself out.

In all fairness, the central quartet of characters voiced by Will Ferrell, Jamie Foxx, Isla Fisher and Randall Park is well balanced and reasonably fleshed out. The mix of live-action and CGI is nicely accomplished and the voice-cast is enthusiastic, but at its core the film is tired before it's properly begun. This is third studio-comedy in as many months which feels like a Judd Apatow script that's been found in a drawer after fifteen years and put into production because there was nothing else on the board.

Dick-jokes aside (so many dick-jokes), this movie is actually about the innocence of abandoned dogs, loss, companionship, trust and rising above abusive relationships, so it periodically tries to pull on the heart strings. But Greenbaum doesn't have the sincerity or courage of his convictions to do that properly*1, and the only real enthusiasm here comes from the shrieking profanity on display in the trailer. Strays just isn't smart enough for the message it thinks it wants to convey and has little to emotionally justify its existence. But the dogs are (largely) real *2 here, so it's already head and shoulders above The Meg.


Oh, but I'm taking points off for that accelerated greatest-hits montage of the most Outrageous™ gags just before the finale. If you need to tell your jokes twice to assure an audience they've enjoyed themselves, those weren't good enough the first time...



And if I HAD to put a number on it…




*1 And rest assured, I am Dog-People™ and susceptible as fuck to all that. Strays just doesn't have it. [ BACK ]

*2 The main dog is very cool, though. Not Will Ferrell who voices Reggie (obviously) but Sophie, the border terrier who plays him. [ BACK ]

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Monday, 21 August 2023

Review: The Meg 2 - The Trench


The Meg 2: The Trench
Cert: 12A / 111 mins / Dir. Ben Wheatley / Trailer

It may seem naïve to hope a prehistoric shark action-er might do something unexpected, so fair play to director Ben Wheatley and his team of three screenwriters*1 ~ about half of The Meg 2: The Trench isn’t actually about the megalodon, and about half of it isn’t set anywhere near the trench. This is impressive, in its own way. Although it's the only thing that is.

The film is somehow not quite as excruciating as expected, but it is every bit as lazy, patronising and formulaic. Murky visuals and monosyllabic scripting bloat out a plot structure that resembles a trope-showreel assembled by AI. This is basically Jurassic Park, then it’s Jaws, The Abyss, Pacific Rim, a bit Predator, Piranha 3DD, back to Jurassic Park and then Godzilla vs. Kong*2, threaded together by Jason Statham playing his Jason Statham Character™ while no one else is introduced properly because most of them will cark it 20 minutes after their first appearance anyway. The Meg 2 promises little and delivers less. You have never seen $129 million feel so cheap. Still, it's something to tide The Dads over until Expendfourbles comes out.

I haven’t seen a movie this dumb since Plane.
And do remember, I sat through Fast X...



And if I HAD to put a number on it…




*1 I'll put my hands up and admit that it was only in assembling this review that I learned the movie is based on a novel. As in, an actual work of printed literature that you could probably find in a proper library near real books. And it's based on a novel because the previous movie was based on the previous novel. There's a commercial appetite for this shit but without the pictures? By extension, this means there's going to be at least one more of these. At least. God help us all... [ BACK ]

*2 You see, I'm very aware I've accused this movie of lifting wholesale from at least seven others, some of which were produced after the 1999 novel upon which it's based. But given the historical nature of the disaster movie format and the additional number of inferior rip-offs which already exist, plus the fact that The Meg 2 was still made by a perfectly competent director in this form in 2023 with all of that shit pre-existing, the point still stands. Ben Wheatley, though. Actual Ben Actual Wheatley. Fucking hell. [ BACK ]

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

Sunday, 20 August 2023

Review: The Blackening


The Blackening
Cert: 15 / 97 mins / Dir. Tim Story / Trailer

In Tim Story's*1 satirical horror/comedy mashup, eight black American friends arrange a Juneteenth party in a remote AirBnB in the rural backwoods, doubling as a ten-year reunion get-together. Their jollity is interrupted as they learn a killer is targeting the house and forcing them to play the most inappropriate game...

After the ads, trailers and BBFC card, an ominous fade-in red-on-black caption reads "The following is based on true events...", a preposition joined a few seconds later by the words "...that never happened". That's the level we're at, here. That's the film setting out its stall. That's how this opens.

So. The Blackening only has one real joke: that the token black character in a slasher movie always dies first*2, so what happens when the slasher movie is filled with those? That joke, incidentally, is written out on the poster in a point-size larger than the fim's title, so you already know it before the lights go down. You can imagine how this drags out across 97 minutes. After a scene-setting pretitle sequence involving a couple of casualties, the friends arrive at the customary cabin in the woods and the plot thickens. To the point of stagnation. The key thing in slasher movies is that the players are picked of one-by-one, ebbing the protagonists' ability to fight back, narrowing the identity of the killer, raising the tension and giving the whole thing a pyramidal structure. Without going into too many spoilers, not here. So the whole thing drags its heels while nothing actually happens. Oh, except for a third-act reveal which may be one of the most repeatedly telegraphed progressions in cinematic history.

The core problem is that Story's movie isn't thoughtful enough to be a satire, gruesome enough to be a horror or funny enough for a comedy. So... well done, Tim? And it’s not that horror-comedy is difficult to do right, it’s just very easy to get wrong. This is a shining example of that which isn't trying to be so bad it's good, it's just an astoundingly painful waste of a neat idea and an otherwise solid cast. The Blackening feels like a reboot of the Scary movie franchise which foregoes the parody set-pieces and moves straight to shrieking, falling over and shit scripted gags.

Horrifying for all the wrong reasons.



And if I HAD to put a number on it…




*1 Yes, that Tim Story. The one who directed the first two widely condemned Fantastic Four movies for 20th Century Fox, hopped over to Universal to make Ride Along and then after a period of sombre reflection still went on to make Ride Along 2.
[ BACK ]

*2 Note: While there are certainly other factors in play, they don't always die first. But why let statistics get in the way of a good generalising trope, especially if your movie is depending on it? [ BACK ]

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.