Cars 3, arriving six years after its forebear and eleven years after its originator*2, follows the story of Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson), a hotrod-red racing car who's beginning to realise he's past him prime as young up-and-coming contenders leave him crossing the finish-line in their wake. We meet old favourites from the previous movies, plus a slew of new characters, all animated and voiced in the inimitable Pixar style.
Nothing short of exquisitely animated (and I love that the sets and backdrops are now essentially photo-realistic), it's enthusiastically voiced and fairly solidly constructed for a target-audience of younger viewers. But ultimately, the whole thing is uninspiring, coming across as little more than a loosely-connected series of fast-cut track races. For a full on Disney/Pixar production, you know this should be more engaging on an emotional level. If anything, the most interesting thing about the film is how uninteresting a film which had seven writers can turn out to be. It's also a Disney movie which manages to have a tongue-in-cheek dig at saturation-merchandising, which is either very meta, or blissfully non-self-aware.
By no means Disney/Pixar's A-game, Cars 3 will keep your youngsters entertained for the duration of its run-time, at least. As a tale of mentoring, motivation and the inevitability and acceptance of ageing set in the sun-scorched desert, it's a bit like Logan for the under-10s.
Albeit with less claret. Obviously.
Cars. Cars 2.
Not unless your padawans are dragging you there.
Keep the franchise ticking over in a low-gear? Yes.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.
Level 1: This film's got the voice of Major Derlin in it.
*1 Although in defence of what I'm about to say in the rest of this review, beforehand I witnessed trailers for The Emoji Movie, The Nut Job 2, The My Little Pony Movie and a CGI thing where James Corden voices Peter Rabbit, all of which look fucking dreadful, so at least I wasn't sitting through one of those. [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Set around fifteen years after Rise of the Planet of the Apes*1 (and 2 after its sequel), the colony of hyper-intelligent chimps, gorillas and orangutans led by Caesar grows apace. The remnants of humanity flounder, still threatened by a previously fatal virus which has now mutated to just 'dumbing down' its victims to an animal-like state. Determined to prevent his species' extinction, a crazed military Colonel plans to lead a strike force out of his frozen base and destroy Caesar's clan, before they have a chance to relocate to warmer climes and establish a permanent settlement. Knowing the attack is imminent, Caesar sets out to hunt the Colonel and save the lives of his own people. This could be the final stand for both sides...
The Good: Damn, this film looks great. From the near-perfect 3D to the flawless transition between the human actors, practical effects and digital artistry. There were two, maybe three, moments where I watched Andy Serkis's Caesar and thought 'yeah, that looks animated', but from a 140 minute movie where the rest of it is jaw-droppingly naturalistic, it's nothing to complain about. Speaking of which, the motion-capture work of Mr Serkis as the film's lead character is superb, once again. Woody Harrelson is on fine form as his unhinged nemesis, (even though he veers towards nibbling at the edges of the scenery), and Karin Konoval is utterly enchanting as my favourite, Maurice the orangutan. It's almost a shame that Caesar speaks fluently during his time with the rest of his tribe, as the combination of grunts, sign-language and subtitles between the apes is mesmerising in itself. Michael Giacchino's score is lush, varied and fits the film perfectly (he can do it when he tries).
The Bad: So WftPotA is very, very good and there's much to love, but the amount of cinematic homage here is borderline obscene. At almost any moment it's being either Apocalypse Now*2, Spartacus or Logan. I honestly expected Amiah Miller's Nova to start popping adamantium claws at any moment (come on 20th Century Fox, do you want to expand and cross-over, or not?). And as with its predecessor, there's little in the way of fun-escapism here. It's less of the 1968 movie's pointed satire of cultural integration and more just an allegory for everybody being a twat all of the time. I read the news Matt Reeves, I know that already. On top of this, the film's final sequence feels like it's been knocked up in post-production, one of about four different endings the studio couldn't quite decide on. While the ending works narratively, the scene feels out of place with the preceding two-and-a-bit hours*3.
And really, though. Who builds a military fortress thinking "so, we just line the outer walls with ready-filled petrol tankers and other explosive materials, yeah? It'll be fine, after all we're in the lee of a snow-covered mountain which looks like it'll avalanche if someone farts in the wrong direction…"
It's almost a shame that the producers of War for The Planet Of The Apes went for the standard 12A certificate in the UK. The higher 15 would have allowed thematic exploration to become as dark as the story really requires, whilst also raising the intensity of the resulting action.
Then again, had they gone the other way and pushed for a PG rating, I'm sure they could have got a pretty freakin' sweet promotional tie-in deal with a certain tea producer...
Well, the Planet Of The Apes movies, to be fair.
For the quality of the visuals and audio, yes.
It does, indeed.
This will be a high-watermark on everyone's CV for some time to come.
Probably not, but it'll depend on why.
I didn't hear one.
And the opening battle has a shedload of arrows being fired and people falling off horses, so there really is no excuse.
*1 Seriously, is it just me who thinks they've titled the first two movies the wrong way around, though? Why would you call your first movie Rise when it shows the dawn of the mutation, then call the second one Dawn since that's when the apes rise against humanity? Who the hell's in charge over there?[ BACK ]
*2 I swear to God the only reason the military-base sewer graffiti of 'Ape-ocalypse Now!' exists in the film is to annoy writers into thinking of another witty tagline for their reviews. Fair play... [ BACK ]
*3 Plus, there's not even any banana trees there. I mean basics mate, yeah? [ BACK ]
*4 Placed strategically in an attempt to introduce some humour and cuteness to the proceedings, in a screenplay which neither wants nor needs it. In fairness, the Harry Potter-lite act only really lasts for the first half of the film, after which the character becomes more like Jar Jar Chimps; all stumbling, doe-eyed comedy gurning and "Oh noes! Meesa no goin' back to da soldjer base! Daysa be ALL bombad, dare!". And I say this as someone who actually likes Jar Jar... [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
So, no double-bill, no midnight-screening, no cup-toppers or popcorn bucket tie-in merch? This is a suspiciously low-key release from Marvel Studios, particularly considering the friendly neighbourhood webslinger is practically royalty as far as their back-catalogue goes. Did Marvel/Sony perhaps become wary of audience reboot-fatigue? Did they even think were sitting on their first dud? Had the studios viewed the final edits after committing to a release date and wished they could quietly slip the film out to minimise the reputational damage?
6:27pm on the 5th July was to be the moment of truth.
And I say all this as someone who was, if not outright cautious, definitely reserved in my excitement about the project, despite being a fervent armirer of Marvel Studios' output. The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the natural home for Spider-Man of course, but since Sony currently own the film-rights to the character and his immediate co-stars (it's a long story), the cross-functional team-up felt to me a little like an abandonment of an already blossoming franchise. The re-cast Peter Parker took his first steps into Marvel's larger sandpit in last year's Civil War, and while he was a perfectly acceptable addition, there wasn't really enough screentime there for me to be relieved by that point.
But Spider-Man: Homecoming is nothing short of outstanding. Perfect MCU.
The first act feels a little uneven, like breaking in a new pair of shoes. The film opens with the Sony ident and a muted reworking of the Marvel-fanfare playing under it*1; but then we get the Marvel Studios ident in due course, this time with a more familiar accompaniment. And all throughout the first third of the film - despite a liberal dosing of MCU continuity tie-in - this feels very much like a Sony Spider-Man™ flick. And there's nothing wrong with that, but it's not really why the audience are sitting watching. Once key characters and plot-points are established, the film almost instantly feels like part of the wider Marvel universe. It has the wit, humour and heart of the best of Iron Man and Guardians of the Galaxy. And unlike Parker's debut movie appearance last year, there are relatively few established characters on-hand to wave hello to the audience. Homecoming marks its territory quietly and effectively.
And it's not blatant-reboot territory, either. Peter's actual origin story is hinted at but left largely off to one side, and there are a couple of very deft visual homages to both the Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield movies*2. Nothing glaring, they're just there at the right moment. This retooling of the hero isn't as faithful to the spirit of the comics as Sony's 2014 outing, but it's the version of Spidey which the MCU needs. Tom Holland is fantastic as both Parker and Spider-Man, still coming to terms with his powers and his new suit. Opposite him, Michael Keaton is perfectly cast as his nemesis - one of the few MCU villains who has actual character from the beginning. The supporting characters are admittedly less fleshed-out, then again it's not their story (oh and Marvel: "chunky Asian comedy sidekick" worked well with Benedict Wong in Doctor Strange, and Jacob Batalon pulls it off in fine style here, but enough now, yeah?).
Despite the assured success of this particular studio cross-over, I can't see the X-Men making the transition to the MCU any time soon. Deadpool on the other hand, will probably be the subject of some frantic Hollywood phone conversations in the very near future*3.
But it's still sinking in at the moment. I'm sure I'll have more to say after I've watched it again. Soon. In the meanwhile, go and see this film.
The title has it dead-on: Spidey's home…
And the business-end:
• Is there a Wilhelm Scream? I think so.
• Is there a Stan Lee cameo? Yes.
• Is there a mid-credits scene? Yes.
• Is there a post-credits scene? Yes.
Tonally, the film's very Iron Man, and not just because there's fair amount of Tony Stark in it.
Yes.
More than.
It's a high-watermark for the central cast, for sure.
Depends why, but probably.
Pretty sure I heard one in 'the ferry scene'.
A second-pass should confirm either way.
Level 1: As well as some on-screen Lego Death Star and vintage Kenner X-Wing love, the young-and-upcoming Lando Calrissian is in this.
*1 Michael Giacchino's back on scoring-duties, and while he works in themes and motifs from previous Marvel composers (namely Jackman, Tyler, Elfman), there's a notable amount of Rogue One's styling in there as well. I swear it's like he has to have two projects on at the same time… [ BACK ]
*2 There's also a superb callback/reference to The First Avenger, but this spoiler-free review prevents me from going any further. I grinned like an idiot, anyway. And fair play to them for inserting that jibe about an invisible jet, coming a month after Wonder Woman's big-screen debut… [ BACK ]
*3 We've also not yet gotten full confirmation if the recently announced Venom project starring Tom Hardy will take place in the MCU or Sony's own Sinister Six timeline. Personally I'm hoping for the latter because as much as I loved Homecoming, I want to see Andrew Garfield back in the suit at some point, too. [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
Despicable Me 3 (2D)
Cert: U / 90 mins / Dir. Pierre Coffin, Kyle Balda & Eric Guillon / Trailer
Maybe Illumination have already peaked this year with the critically lauded Sing*1? Maybe the marketplace for family-friendly animated adventure is finally becoming too densely populated to sustain its own hype? Maybe the Despicable Me storyline should have bowed out after its second installment to just let the little guys take over full-time? Because one thing's for sure: Despicable Me 3 is coasting, and coasting hard…
Now that's probably far too harsh an opening gambit while talking about a film I actually quite enjoyed, but as much as I smiled and occasionally chuckled my way through the film, it didn't make me well-up like the first movie and it didn't make me guffaw out loud like the third. And I only mention this because it's a bar the series has set for itself. The new feature is an amusing, if perfunctory, amble through the continuing life of Gru, Lucy and the girls Margo, Edith and Agnes. Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell return in their established roles, with the latter doubling up as his own twin brother Dru*2, this time fighting a former child-actor turned 1980s-obsessed megalomaniac named Balthazar Bratt. It makes for a metric ton of Rubik's Cube, moonwalking and shell-suit references, as well as the sort of greatest-hits soundtrack you'd expect from a film in 2017.
Illumination Studios turn out their best visually, and everything on offer looks as smooth, colourful and richly textured as we've come to expect*3. But the scope of the story is that of a straight-to-DVD sequel which just happens to be showing in your local cinema, punctually clocking in at exactly 90 minutes and with no bells, whistles or end-of-credits sting. The over-arching story splits off into several threads leaving the film feeling disjointed - a quality no doubt enhanced by having two writers and three directors onboard (even if they've all worked with the property on previous occasions). The best parts are the segments (and they are largely separate altogether) featuring the Minions. Which makes you wonder why we're still hanging around so much with Old Man Gru…
But Despicable Me 3 is charming and enjoyable in a thoroughly disposable sort of way. Your padawans will love it, which is the important thing, right?
I just know that Illumination are capable of better.
Where is Minions 2, please?
For the most part, the Despicable Me movies, although the film shares a curious symmetry with Julian Barratt's Mindhorn, as well.
Only if you have little ones dragging you along by the sleeve.
Keep the franchise ticking over and act as an extended advert for Minions merchandise? Yep.
*1 A film I refused to watch as the trailers made it look like a collection of soulless, twee, shrieking awfulness which epitomises everything I detest about Saturday night television while it pisses into the open grave of The Age of Light Entertainment. [ BACK ]
*2 All I'm saying is, when a sitcom gets to 'lead-actor playing own long-lost twin' territory, it's usually on its arse… [ BACK ]
*3 And bonus points are awarded here for a copyright-baiting reference to Carbonite™, as well as fleeting visual nods to Finding Nemo, The Grinch and Futurama. [ BACK ]
DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.
