193: Creativity Drive - Day Zero

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.


I'm off work this week. I'm not going anywhere, but I've promised myself that I'll get rid of some brainworms by shoving them onto you lot. They're not anything major, just small graphical projects that have been circling around in my head, and I haven't had time to commit to making them. Until now.

So, I'll start a day earlier than planned with this...


Click for a bigger version (1467*2075px, 729kb). Opens in a new window.

You'd think of all the tie-in marketing possibilities for the Captain America movie, this would have been top of the list, wouldn't you?

---

Thanks are due to this week's B3TA Image Challenge for inspiring me to get it made.
More stuff tomorrow.
Thanks.


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

192: U is for Unique

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



Because sometimes... just sometimes... the almost infinite sprawl of Star Wars merchandising isn't *quite* enough.
Back in the days when there were less than 100 SW figures in total, some enterprising souls took it upon themselves to create 'customs'; Unique toys that they'd made themselves which could sit side by side with the official ones. Using existing SW figures (or other 3¾" scale figures, made popular by the rush on the SW ones), a handy crafter could mix, match and sculpt the plastic, apply layers of paint, and bingo: Wuher the barman or Grand Moff Tarkin are joining your regulars in the diorama you've set up.

It's important I make the distinction now between customs and bootlegs. Bootlegs are the shoddy goods that have been (mostly) half-arsedly cobbled together, to circumvent buying official licensing. Some become collectable by how laughably bad they are, but for the most part they exude the air of half-arsedness. Bootlegs, by their very nature, are a product of greed. Customs on the other hand, come from a place of love and respect. The idea with a custom is to complement and enhance the original work, not replace it. Why would anyone spend hours of their own time, plus money on tools, source-figures and paint, just to avoid spending £6-8 on a figure? Customs are the figures that the fans would buy, if they were available.

Using the internet as an avenue of sharing their work, there are many communities of customisers now. Some customs look great, some not so great, and some look absolutely perfect. Mine? So-so. If I'd tried it back in the days when I used to paint Warhammer figures, I'm sure they'd have looked better than the ones I've made in recent years. Of course, being a designer/print-geek, I get more fun out of making the custom cards than I do the figures themselves. It's certainly an area where I can be more precise in what I want.

So without further ado, here are some of my customs:

Reedtrooper
This is probably the first custom I made, for my BFF's birthday while we were flatmates. The figure is a PotF2 Stormtrooper Luke, and the hair is plasticine and orange paint. The card is a scaled up vintage, customised to suit. Very basic, but he loves it.

---

Imperial Crix Madine
Before serving the Rebel Alliance and being instrumental in the Battle of Endor, Madine was an Imperial officer. This is pretty much a straight head-swap (the easiest type of custom). The body is a PotF2 Tarkin, the head is a Saga Madine. Boil the figures to make the plastic soft, then pop the heads out with a pair of tongs. Sorted.
The card-style is a one I created based on a mashup between the PotF2 line, and a Dark Forces theme, as that's where we're introduced to Madine as an Imperial. I'm quite happy with this one.

---

Jaden Korr
A student of Kyle Katarn at Luke's Jedi Praxeum on Yavin IV, Jaden was introduced in the game Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy. There are several levels set on Echo Base, Hoth, where Jaden is wearing an approximation of Luke Skywalker's Hoth gear from tESB. The character in the game was species (and sex)-selectable. Two of the available options were Rodian and Kel-Dor, so that's what I chose to make these two. The body was PotF2 Hoth Luke, the heads and hands were PotF2 Greedo and AotC-Arena Plo Koon. Limitations of the figures meant that the heads had to be glued in place, but that's no biggie for me.
Again, the card is a customised PotF2 theme, with the back panel showing other (actually existing) figures that would be promoted in Hoth wave.

---

Yun (The Dark Youth)
Yeah, my custom figures are mainly game-based. Unlike some comics, you get a decent all-round view of the character so you can source the source-fodder more easily. Yun was a dark Jedi (not a Sith) who appeared in the first Jedi Knight game.
The head was from a PotJ Bespin Guard, the body from a PotF2 Jedi Luke, and the loincloth from AotC-Arena Eeth Koth. If I did this again, I'd probably use a more action-posed body, but I'm generally happy with it.
The card is based on The 30th Anniversary Collection waves from 2007.

---

Top Trumps: Expanded Universe
This is the piece de resistance, to me. There are several sets of Star Wars Top Trumps available, but my favourite two are 2004's Original Trilogy set and 2005's Prequel Trilogy set, purely because they both use the same sets of stats. Because of this, you can put the decks together and play with a set of 60 cards instead of 30, spanning all six Star Wars films. What could be better?
Hmm, well how about an extra 30 cards, using the same stats and scope, covering the Star Wars games, comics and novels? Yes, that'd be lovely, thanks.



The cards are balanced, so that characters who score highly in one section also score low in others, with a mix of male, female, human, alien, droid, goodie, baddie etc. You can play the deck on its own, or as part of a Mega-Trumps 90 card game. Printed onto card stock to match the existing sets, corners rounded, and the card backs are printed uniformly so there are no 'marked' cards.



At present, only two sets of these exist, gold-foil pesonalised for myself and my nephew, but you can have one, too. The whole set is contained in a PDF file, ready for printing onto card. There's even a sheet of printer-friendly cardbacks if the main one's too "inky" for you. That's how considerate I am.

Please read the disclaimer in the PDF. This set is a custom, not a bootleg, and NO copyright over the format or content is either claimed on implied by me. This is an addition to your Top Trumps, not a replacement. Winning Moves and Lucasfilm deserve your money, go buy some Top Trumps, okay?

---

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

191: Review - Captain America (3D)

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.




Captain America (3D)
29 July 2011. Location: Cinema

This review is relatively spoiler-free, but you kind of know how the plot is going to play out anyway, don't you? Yeah? Good. Read on…

Marvel keep up their excellent form this year with Captain America: The First Avenger, the pre-cursor to next year's Avengers team-up movie, which has been steadily building momentum since Sam Jackson appeared at the end of 2008's Iron Man*¹.

To take us directly into 2012's superhero supergroup, we travel back to 1942. The Second World War is in full swing, and the inadvertent rise of a second megalomaniac paves the way for a new type of all-American hero…


The Good: Pretty much everything. It's structured exactly as you'd expect, but given the nature of the origins-tale, it works very, very well. The plot's fairly clearly defined, Steve Rogers is an aspirational model for geek-boys everywhere, the Red Skull's face is revealed teasingly, and there's a semi-macguffin in the form of the Cosmic Cube. Considering that the film is set in the Second World War, and the Nazis (and indeed Hitler) are alluded to frequently, I was also impressed that there are only two swastikas appearing (that I counted). That was always going to be awkward to get around, bearing in mind the movie was to be distributed in Europe.
It's a little hooray for the good guys, boo for the bad guys, but they're likeable/despicable enough to carry this off. Also worth mentioning, the 3D's pretty good in this. Well executed and very effective in places. A welcome surprise, that.
When Marvel get this stuff right, it's like this. Their whole Avengers-canon has been pretty much on fire, and Captain America is no exception.

The Bad: I was a little unsure of some of the geography used in the film. We get title-cards for Norway and New York, but there are very few after that. I'm assuming the scenes with the Red Skull take place in Norway/Germany? The frequent journey-time between America and Europe seems very short. And I couldn't work out where that pub they're drinking in is located. It looks like a traditional English pub, but it might have been in Brooklyn and just given that theme by the owners. But then it gets bombed, so you think it might have been in the East End of London after all?
Oh, and can someone explain to me how Captain America is flying the Red Skull's jet, on a pre-programmed course from (somewhere in) Europe to New York, he decides that crashing is the only solution, and ends up in the arctic circle? That's a hell of a detour.

The Ugly: Hugo Weaving's German accent. How difficult can it be? He's great in every other aspect except the voice (unless it turns out, of course, that he had grandparents who lived in Germany, and that's exactly how they spoke, and if anything it'd be insulting to do the stereotypical accent we've heard in the media for the last sixy-odd years, and did you ever think about that eh?).
Whatever, his accent's awful.

After the Credits: A short scene with Steve Rogers and Nick Fury slides into a teaser for The Avengers movie. That's worth hanging around for.

All in all: Sure, it's two hours of pro-American propaganda, but if you don't expect that from a film called Captain America then you haven't really been paying attention.
This is a great movie. Solidly entertaining from start to finish.

And who knew that the kid out of Mamma Mia! was Iron Man's dad, eh?



A very respectable 6.


*¹ …so the Fantastic Four aren't going to figure in the Avengers movie at all, then? I didn't think they were, necessarily, but it'd be embarrassing for Iron Man to be asking why Captain America and The Human Torch look like twins. No matter.


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

190: Gig Report: Phill Jupitus

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

Phill Jupitus
Cornerstone Arts Centre, Didcot
26 July 2011

A low-key warm-up gig. It was advertised ahead of time, but tickets only went on sale ten days before the show. The cynic in me suspects this was to create more demand, but the 350 capacity venue sold out, so it worked either way.

Like Sunday, this was a warm-up show for the imminent Edinburgh Festival, and knowing how performers need to time their acts precisely, I wasn't expecting a long gig. Phill's standup set is an hour, but he also gave us half an hour of poetry at the start as his own support act.

I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed poetry generally, and some of Jupitus' poems are better than others. But the dry humour of many of them works well, and I did geek out over 'I've eaten things you wouldn't believe'. Keeping in mind that first half was unadvertised and unexpected, I enjoyed it. The concept seemed to throw a lot of the audience off for 10 minutes or so, but once everyone had acclimatised it rolled along nicely. So after 30 minutes of verse and chit-chat, there was time for an interval, a beer, and a visit to the little boys' room.



Phill's second half (or more properly, a second two thirds) was a lot more animated, even though his style strays towards deadpan. There were one or two awkward silences where I suspect bigger laughs were expected, and a few more where he was transitioning between routines. But that said, there were a lot of full-on laughs consistently through the set. I was also pleasantly surprised to find a very sturdy impersonation of Eddie Izzard tucked away in there, all the better for not being exaggerated or over-done.

Other high points included the tweets of a Welsh pornstar, the crisis of middle-age, and a massive tirade against Coldplay. I found the last segment particularly amusing because I could almost hear around half of a fairly mainstream audience thinking '...but I like Coldplay. Now I don't know what to think.', while the other half guffawed heartily*¹.

Which brings me to the only disconcerting part of the show; for the whole hour, Phill Jupitus seems to veer wildy between fairly pedestrian observational material, and much sharper routines which you wouldn't see on BBC1 on a Saturday evening. I'm fine with both, but it's an odd mix for a show. The latter got bigger laughs, but from less of the crowd. It wasn't offensive as such, but it was closer to the kind of comedy I usually consume (Richard Herring, Michael Legge). For example, the teenage boy in the row in front of us was mortified when Phill pointed out that everyone in the auditorium knows exactly what he's doing in his room :p

At his best when he's being open and self-deprecating, Phill Jupitus has a solid show here. I could probably have lived without the opening poetry segment*², but it worked well in context. I'd like to see him again in a similar sized venue next time he's doing the rounds.

---

*¹ Very heartily. I've got nothing against Coldplay. I don't particularly like them, and sure they're a bit bland, but there's no crime in that. Most people are a bit bland. The fact that Coldplay are successful reflects more on the people buying their records than on the band. Nevertheless, Phill's Coldplay routine is a good one.
*² It was still infinitely better than a support-act who makes you want to sneak out to the bar without being seen. But you can't sneak out when you're sitting in the front row. That's happened before. At this venue, no less.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

189: Gig Report: Michael Legge & Rich Fulcher

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

Michael Legge & Rich Fulcher
The Phoenix, Cavendish Sq, W1G 0PP.
July 24th, 2011.

So, as it goes, it's been a year since I was last at The Phoenix for the Precious Little party. The time has flown by, and Michael Legge has drawn me back to the venue once again. I meant to return earlier, but it wasn't to be. Hey, ho.

---

'Curse Sir Walter Raleigh'
Michael Legge's show centres around good manners, their importance, and people's frequent lack of them in this modern society. If that sounds a bit serious, it's not. Michael recounts the time his father lied to him as a child over a plastic drainpipe, the time he was rescued by Hunter out of Gladiators, and the time he demanded the shoe of a youth on a train.
If you're familiar with Michael's blog or podcast, you'll know that he spends a disproportionate amount of time arguing with people on trains. You'll also know that they bloody deserve it, and he has far more patience than the rest of us when it comes to the public.
The show is around an hour long (with a target time of 55 minutes), and absolutely zips by. I've seen Michael performing some of the stories live before, and heard/read others, but because the show's anecdotal rather than a series of gags, the entertainment comes in the delivery as much as the content. In short, it doesn't matter if you've heard the tale, it's still great.
"Give me your shoe!" never gets old.


'Tiny Acts of Rebellion'
Rich Fulcher's set acts in many ways as a counterpoint to '...Raleigh', given that it's about finding small ways to throw a spanner in the works. It's not about being rude, just about stopping people in their tracks, often out of absolute confusion.
I'd seen Rich live as part of The Mighty Boosh, but wasn't familiar with his solo work. For a large part of the show, he reads from a sheaf of paper in a faux-stilted delivery, which I suspect might only be a half affectation. It works very well though. His persona of naive, nervous bluster, goes nicely with the mild, petty anarchy of the subject.

Rich selects people from the audience to join him on-stage at several points, all of it good natured. First up was me*¹, and Rich and I ate gazpacho soup then chocolate cake. With our hands. No, we didn't wipe our hands in between courses. Apparently Mr Fulcher was surprised that I joined him in dessert, as not many of his guests do. Odd, that.


Photo courtesy of Neal 55 who, thanks to an impromptu sing-song which he was too good-mannered to stop, now has two birthdays. His actual one, and his official one on July 24th.

Rich Fulcher performed the final half of his hour-long set with chocolate cake smeared around his mouth.
My hands smelled of soup for the next 18 hours.

---

All in all: An excellent day. It was hugely convenient for me that the show started at 3pm, as it makes the journey to/from London way more viable. And who can argue with two hours of quality standup for £5? No-one, that's who.

Further shout-outs go to Andy McH, Gordy, Wendy, Simon, MushyBees Simon, and Laura, who I can recommend following if you're on that Twitter thing.
If not, get the hell on that Twitter thing. It's like Facebook, only neater and with less bullshit.

---

Michael Legge is on Twitter here, and you can buy tickets for his CSWR show at Edinburgh here.

Rich Fulcher is also on Twitter, and you can buy tickets for TAoR here.


*¹ I should point out that I didn't volunteer for this, I was selected. But when Rich Fulcher asks you to join him for dinner, you say yes.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

188: Unashamed Consumer Whore

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

At your local Saisbury's, right now.



• An 18-pack of Stella, £13 down from £18.
• Includes a voucher-code for a free DVD.
• I also had a voucher for double Nectar points.

Yeah, I'm a sucker for a front-of-store special offer.
But since I have a proven love of tramp-deals and free movies, what of it?*


* To be fair, I suppose it's only great if a) you like Stella, and b) you still watch DVDs in this hi-def age. Fuck it, I fit that bracket.

---

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

------------------------------

187: Review - Horrible Bosses

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



Horrible Bosses
22 July 2011. Location: Cinema

Horrible Bosses plays and expands on the fear of a large percentage of working men steadily approaching middle age in a dead-end job: being sexually harassed by Jennifer Aniston.

The Plot: Three buddies decide to kill their a-hole bosses. The trailer sums it up as neatly as the title:

---

So. This film seems to have been named and marketed by an 11yr old. Hiding behind an awful, awful title is a very passable (if by-the-numbers) buddy-com/farce. As is usual with this type of b-list mancom, I went in with low expectations; as is rare, I was pleasantly surprised.

It's got him that you know out of Arrested Development and Paul, him whose name you can't quite remember out of Hall Pass, and another one you haven't seen before but does a high voice and that's quite funny. It's also got Jennifer Aniston starring in the kind of role that men people have been praying for for about 15 years.

Clichés aside, this is a good film. It's consistently funny with no slow patches, and the (infrequent) swearing all works in context. On that basis, it's already better than most comedies I've seen this year. In all honesty, there's very little else to say. The film does dip seriously into farce-territory, but that's one of its strengths, particularly from an American production. The deadpan performances from Jason Bateman, Jason Sudekis and Kevin Spacey all complement this excellently. Jamie Foxx is also on great form as an opportunist murder consultant film geek (which appealed to me greatly).

Nothing in the film feels hugely different or outstanding, and it's not a must-see in the cinematic sense; but with some friends and a few drinks, this is a solidly entertaining film. Way better than many this year. If you're a fan of Jason Bateman or Jennifer Aniston, you'll want to see this.



Watch it with some mates and some beer, and you won't go far wrong.


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

186: T is for Trauma

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



Pine Street, Langley Park, Co. Durham, UK.



See that spot there? That's the street I spent the first seven years of my life. That's where one of my early Star Wars related traumas took place. I say "one of", I don't have that many. And I say "trauma", it's not like I've become a crazed killer, stalking seedy bars with a Greedo mask and a gun, determined to shoot first. And in all honesty, it's only marginally Star Wars related, it could have happened anyway without SW's involvement.

Look, I still remember it 32 years later. It's got to count for something, right?

The year was '78 or '79. It was summer because the ice cream van was coming round (if I recall correctly, it was Citrone's of Langley Park, although if this ever goes to court, I may retract that as a definite statement. I know that Citrone's was the regular company based in Langley Park with an actual shop as well as a van, but there may have been other interlopers, vying for business). I asked my mam if I could have some Star Wars bubblegum from the ice cream man (because of those awesome Topps trading cards that came with them). She said yes, and gave me some money to go and get it. I went to get it.



Now, given that I was either 5 or 6, I can't remember the conversation exactly (which will also make this case fall down in court), but here's the general gist of it:

Me: Can I have some Star Wars bubbly, please?
Man: Oh, you don't want bubbly, wouldn't you rather have an ice cream instead?
Me: No, I'd like some Star Wars bubbly.
Man: Here, I'll do you an ice cream...

*the man proceeds to hand a confused child an ice cream and take the money from his meek, trembling hand*

Me: Do I get any change?
Man: No, the money was right for the ice cream.
Me: ...

You're probably thinking one of two things. Firstly, that I've made that more melodramatic than it actually was, or secondly, that the ice cream man was an absolute bastard. If you're thinking the first one, you're pretty much wrong. That's essentially what happened.
If you're thinking the second one, then you should consider a career in carpentry, dear reader, because you've hit the nail right on the head, there.

---

I seem to recall there were tears when I went back home with an ice cream I didn't want and no change. Not because I was told off, just because I wanted some Star Wars bubbly and I'd been swindled by a van driving bastard. I don't recall what the resolution was. I think my mam had a go at him the next time he came round, but I can't be sure. I also don't recall if I ever attempted to get Star Wars bubbly from the van again (or even if I was enthusiastic about getting anything from him, after that). One thing I do know, is that I never had a substantial collection of Star Wars trading cards. Maybe that guy nipped it in the bud? Maybe that swerved me over to action figure collecting? Maybe I should be thanking him? (although I doubt that.)
We moved house in 1980, and had a different ice cream man then. When The Empire Strikes Back came around, there was a sticker album set to promote it. The local newsagent sold the stickers, and I got them from there (and completed the album, no less). At no point did the newsagent attempt to sell me anything other than what I'd asked for.


...What kind of a-hole does this? Is it any wonder that I covet my collection so much? Having been denied the objects of my desire at that formative age, a grim determination set in. No way was I going to be told what I can and can't collect by a man who sells ice cream for a living. When I grow up, not only will I have a career which is viable in the Winter months as well as the Summer, but I'll use the disposable income to buy all the trading cards I like. I may not even swap my doubles! I may actually collect two full sets!. One for upstairs, one for downstairs. I might use the chewed bubblegum to build an effigy of an ice cream salesman and use it for target practice in the hot summer months, and cool down by eating some delicious frozen youghurt that I've bought from a supermarket (truth? I don't do any of those).

Maybe he was collecting the cards himself? He didn't seem the type (he had to be in his 50's even then), but as we all know, fandom has no boundaries, that's one of its great strengths. I honestly hope that if the ice cream van driver is still alive, he's sitting in a comfy armchair, a clock gently ticking on the mantle. As he thinks back over his life, a slight regret colouring his memories, I want his eyes to come to rest on the massive frame on the opposite wall. In that frame, I want there to be a complete set of Topps 1977 Star Wars trading cards.

I want him to look upon those cards and think to himself "...that makes it all worthwhile. My terrible deeds; denying children trading cards; stealing them from their bags in the playground; that time I broke into the wholesalers to get a box and had to kill that security guard... all vindicated over that beautiful framed set of vintage Star Wars trading cards. In fact, the only thing I've traded for them... is my very soul".

I hope that's the case. Because if that old man doesn't have a full set, then nothing good will have come out of this sorry mess.


...Actually, I retract my statement at the start, this might be a trauma after all.




DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

185: Gig Report: Ross Noble & Friends

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

Ross Noble & Friends
Reading, South Street.
July 6th, 2011.

I wasn't going to post about this, but given that this month seems to have become Jovial July, I may as well (also, because it was an excellent night).



Ross Noble is one of the three live acts that I'll buy tickets for the day they go on sale, without a second thought (the other two being Bowling for Soup and Electric Six). And yet, when I read the bumph about Ross doing a series of warm-up shows for Laughs in the Park, featuring un-named guests, I have to say I did hesitate.

The prospect of seeing one of my favourite comedians doing compere work wasn't a problem (although obviously that means shorter, separate sets), it was more that I generally avoid comedy-club environments. Although I 'like comedy', I'm aware that there's a lot of stuff out there that I'm not a fan of. As I found out last year, there are few things more tedious than sitting in the front row of a venue, wanting to see the comedian whose name is on the ticket, and watching time slow down as the support act fails completely to engage with you (or vice versa, to be fair), and trying to keep that polite 'no, go on. I am interested' look on your face. Worse still, you could end up with some old-school arsehole whose act comprises of ripping the piss out of the audience. I've never had that happen to me, but I can't imagine I'd take it in good humour.

Anyway, in the end I bought tickets from Reading South Street over the phone (due to their non-functioning online store), and thanks to the general ineffectiveness of First Great Western, the choice of sitting in the front row was taken out of our hands. We still had a great view, about five rows from the front, and South Street is a small venue anyway, so it promised to be 'an intimate show' as billed...

---

As is normal in the comedy world, Ross introduced himself from off-stage, putting on a booming voice. As is not normal, Reading South Street has no back stage area behind the stage, so Ross had to walk through the auditorium and past the audience whilst doing it. Distracted by a malfunctioning microphone, the first fifteen minutes of the show took place in the dark as everyone's eyes gradually adjusted to the gloom and Ross became more hesitant about putting the lights back on.

All I can say about Ross' set is that he was brilliant as usual (which I'm aware is completely subjective). There were aspects of material that he was trying out for LitP (pissing on a squirrel), plus plenty of material which was inpired on the night (schoolgirl's jodphurs). I think my favourite was the concept of U2's Bono, on a rooftop, firing his AIDS-gun at Nelson Mandela (in a benevolent way). Also amusing was a loudmouth in the audience who didn't know the difference between Jon Bon Jovi and Joey Tempest, and spent five minutes drunkenly arguing that Mr Bon Jovi wasn't American. These five minutes were spent with the rest of the audience laughing at what a tit he was, as Noble confused him further. In the hands of a lesser comedian that might have soured the night, but it's a testament to Ross Noble's good nature that he can get the guy to shut up without pissing anyone off.





So after about 35-40 minutes, Ross introduced Joe Lycett to the stage. It was the first time I'd seen him (okay, the first time I'd heard of him too), and I enjoyed his set very much. He specialises in a sort of light whimsy, and being bitchy without being vindicive. That's not as camp as it sounds, by the way. There were many guffaw moments in Joe's set, including his previous life working (as 'staff') in a theatre.
He did about 20 minutes, and seemed to get quite nervous about half way through for some reason. From my point of view, his material was strong and his delivery was connecting with the audience, so I'm not sure why the nerves crept in, unless it's part of the show? He really did seem to have a 'oh my god, they all hate me' fluster, and from where I was sitting, that wasn't the case at all. I'd have quite happily watched more from Joe, but with his set over he gave the stage back to Ross for another 25 minutes.





Our headline act for the evening was Sarah Kendall, and thanks Ross' intervention when an audience member thought-out-loud that she may have seen her on the TV before, a running gag in Sarah's set was Arable Farming. For an idea that had originated on the night, it worked well, and if anything I found the rest of her set to be weaker, somehow. Sarah's style and delivery make up for it a lot, but it seemed like 20 minutes of constant amusement rather than setups and payoffs. It maybe didn't help that some of the jokes she had in her set, I'd already seen her perform on Russell Howard's BBC show, well over a year ago. I don't expect brand new material from every comedian at every performance, but I've been spoiled by Ross Noble in that regard. I did enjoy sarah's set, but I get the impression she can be much better (that's not meant to be damning with faint praise, honest).

And so, Mr Noble came back to the stage to wrap up the evening's procedings with another 10-15 minutes of banter. All in all, we got around an hour and a quarter of Ross Noble that evening, plus sets from two comedians that I'd like to see again. Well worth the £15, and the trip-out.

Unfortunately, the combination of working the next day, catching the late train, and a growing distrust of First Great Western meant that I didn't have time to hang around and hassle Ross for a photo. A lucky escape for him, that time.

All in all: A great night.
I still don't fancy doing the comedy clubs, though.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

184: Review - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (3D)
20th July 2011. Location: Cinema

I think I enjoyed this immensely. I say 'think' because this is how I felt, believe it or not, when I left the cinema after seeing Revenge of the Sith for the first time. Like RotS, this is the final chapter in a sprawling multi-year mythical saga, and there's a lot to take in and even more to wrap up at the end.

I've enjoyed the Harry Potter series from a purely civilian standpoint. I haven't read the books*¹, and I've only seen most of the movies the once. I've seen each one in the cinema, so there's usually an 18-month wait between chapters, and I spend the first twenty minutes or so playing mental catch-up.

Since Deathly Hallows 2 continues directly from part one, my brain was scrambling more than usual this time, as there's no cosy establishing segment at the start. This is my own fault, of course, for not cramming the DVDs in recent weeks, or going to Cineworld's screenings of parts 1-7 which took place last week. As you can see from this month's blog-list, I haven't had much cinema-time recently. No matter. I'm aware that a large percentage of the cinema audience are in the same position as me, and it makes for an interesting experience.

Anyhow, on to the film...

The Good: The performances from core characters, (most of) the script, and Harry and Voldemort's battle scenes. The exposition wasn't laid on too thickly, but Gambon, Rickman, Radcliffe and Fiennes impressed me very much here. The 3D was lovely in the battles, although I noticed a fair amount of ghosting at the far left-and-right of the screen during the darker scenes. As I said above, I can't speak for the purists, but the post climax wrap-up finished things off neatly enough for me.

The Bad: I was suffering a little with Return of the King Syndrome during the final assault on Hogwarts. Which is to say that I've seen so much of the emo-teachers facing down the prissy-teachers, I just don't care any more. I've seen this before, and I only want to know what happens with Harry and Voldemort.
I could also have done without the (scarce) moments of humour. Although they didn't cheapen the action so much as the tittering of the audience...

The Ugly: Little to report, really. The CGI snape in the flashback sequence is a bit ropey looking, but it's a short scene and serves its purpose well enough. Helena Bonham-Carter has been paid once more for turning up, tilting her head and going boggly-eyed, and Rupert Grint has pulled a similar stunt for rolling his eyes and saying 'bloody hell, Harry'. Again.


All in all: As I was watched this without elevated expectations or baggage, I enjoyed it very much. It's been a good ride which has gotten greater along the way.



If figure it's a 6, if you've enjoyed the others (even on a civilian level).


*¹ - There's no agenda behind that, I just haven't. Wizardy-books not my thing, I'm afraid.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

183: Review: Transformers: Dark of the Moon (Second Pass)

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.




Transformers: Dark of the Moon (3D) - WITH Spoilers.
19 July 2011. Location: Cinema

The third Transformers film is also the third movie this year to get me back in the cinema for a second run. You can read my first, spoiler-free, review here. It pretty much sums up what I thought of the film, and another viewing didn't alter how much I loved it.

As I said in my previous post:

"There are also a couple of '…that wouldn't happen' moments, but then I remembered I was watching a film featuring 40ft high robots knocking the shit out of each other…"

With that in mind, here some some of those moments...

• John F Kennedy: The recycled vintage-footage is a nice touch, only completely spoiled by the one or two 'real' shots they've put in, featuring an actor (possibly CGI enhanced?) who looks roughly nothing like the JFK that was on screen only seconds earlier. Nice going.

• The war on Cybertron: I have no problem believing that a civilisation of sentient robots has developed elsewhere in the universe, that they can transform at will and have developed interplanetary travel. But when you see the battle raging on Cybertron, they're all firing projectile weapons at each other. Are you telling me, Bay, that they're in such an advanced state that they're still relying on slugthrowers? If anything, you'd think they'd be using EMP grenades or similar. But I'll take your word for it...

• The crashed Ark on the moon: When the astronaut puts his hand on the moon-sand at the crash site, it crumbles away to reveal the Autobot's face. Surely in the much weaker gravity, something as light as sand/dust wouldn't react in that way? The gravity barely holds the astronauts down with their weighted suits on. Shouldn't his actions should cause a mini dust-cloud?

• 'Gentlemen, you are dark on the rock': NASA control says these words to the Apollo 11 crew, and I understood the implication was that the Ark had crashed on the 'dark side' of the moon, namely the side that is never seen from the Earth? But when we see a wide-shot of the Ark, the Earth is visible in the sky above it. If this was the case, then wouldn't even amateur astronomers have been able to see the ship for the last fifty years, completely negating the conspiracy theory that was built around it?

• Illegal nuclear sites: Leaving aside the fact that in protecting humanity from themselves, the Autobots seem to have taken sides with the USA, is it wise for anybody to be firing missiles and tearing shit up, in what is going to be a even-more-fragile-than-normal nuclear environment?

• Ken Jeong rules: That is all.

• Robots in Disguise: I know that Laserbeak was about to turn into a photocopier and trash the main office, but was it entirely "low key" to be fighting with Jerry Wang in his glass-walled office? I guess the Decepticons were tired of dicking around by then, eh?

• Leave no droid behind: The Autobots said that only Sentinel Prime had a faint signal when they rescued him from the Ark, but then it's explained that the Matrix of Leadership can re-animate the Transformers. Does that mean the ones left behind on the moon were saveable? Seems a bit harsh to just leave them there. Still, Prime still hasn't brought Jazz back, so I suppose not.

• Hiding in plain sight: You know how the motorbike-Autobots have those holographic riders? So they don't freak people the hell out when they're riding around? Why don't the open-top cars have them, too?

• Ironhide! You killed Ironhide! You absolute bastard!

• Accentuated language: Again, why would the Autobots have different accents? Once I got past the varying accents/dialects of our heroes, I was genuinely puzzled to be reminded, once again, that there seem to be certain phrases that our American cousins just don't 'get'. The Autobot Roadbuster not only says "wankers" in this 12A movie, but exclaims the phrase: "Nazi Wankers!" for some (largely unexplained) reason. Not even Inglourious Basterds had that. I'll be honest, I'm impressed.

• Wardrobe Malfunction: Carly. Not only is she wearing the most impractical heels for the last hour of the film, which seem to be made of sturdier material than most of the buildings in Chicago, but she also has a suit-jacket with almost God-like "stay white" powers. She survives the destruction of the city looking absolutely immaculate, when everyone else is essentially wearing rags by the end. Well done, her.

• Made to measure: Speaking of Carly, when she and Sam escape the building in a Decepticon gunship (made for robots to pilot), why does she climb out of a human-sized hatch on the top, afterwards? Why was that there?

• Target acquired: The Decepticons can destroy un-manned jet-powered armoured drones as soon as they enter the local airspace, so your plan is to drop 16 troops into the area in lightweight wingsuits? Relying on the easily calculable staples of gravity and airflow? Still, they got through, so what does that tell you?

• Hide and seek: In the tilting skyscraper, when the Decepticon enters through the lower window and is searching for our keepy-still heroes? Can't they see heat signatures, then? If I was going to build a 40ft high war machine, I'd make sure it could function in the dark, and therefore be able to see sweaty people behind walls six feet away.

• The gravity of the situation: I know not all of Cybertron is teleported to Earth at the end of the film, but given the larger-than-Earth size of the section that is, and given that it's close enough to see through the Earth's daylight atmosphere (and yet doesn't block out the sun, somehow, even though it's not sunrise or sunset), surely the gravitational mass of such an object would fuck the Earth right up? Look at what something the density of the moon does to the seas. If you pull something the size of the Cybertron segment that close to our planet, bad things will happen at both ends. But in the movie, it didn't. So I guess it wouldn't. Because Mr Bay's writers would have thought of that.

+++

But like I said, those points don't change the fact that TF3 is thoroughly entertaining. Bravo!




DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

182: S is for Shoulder Pads

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



Remember when smoldering looks and massive shoulder-pads were all the rage? You're thinking of 1984, aren't you? I'm talking about 1996. Shoulders of the, erm, Shadows of the Empire.



The early 1990's had seen a resurgence in popularity for Star Wars. Timothy Zahn's 'Heir to the Empire' had been published in 1991, the saga had been re-released on VHS, and in 1994, Hasbro had started a new line of 3¾" action figures. Now I'm guessing they'd looked at the old Kenner range, and someone in the office had suggested the new line be a bit more buff. 'Buff' is what they got...



So obviously, movie-accuracy not a huge issue at this point. They're still clearly SW characters, but they're almost cartoon-like in their proportions. Anyway, this hyper-real attitude also spilled into the character design for the Shadows of the Empire project, hence the principal players looked as if a train carrying Star Wars folks had crashed directly into the Dynasty studio...

---

So, what was this?
Shadows of the Empire is a story which fits directly between the events of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. There's about a year (in-universe) between the films, which had remained previously sparse in EU material. The narrative follows Luke, Leia, Lando and Chewie as they pursue the bounty hunter Boba Fett, who's still carrying the carbon-frozen Han Solo. Now the easiest thing to have done, would be to get a novel in the shops and leave it at that, but you know those folks at Lucasfilm don't like to skimp on things that way.

'Shadows' was the first major SW "multimedia project". As Star Wars had previously proved, you can move a lot of merchandise surrounding a film release, and a lot of this can complement the source, rather than just being bolt-on fluff (although SW has always had plenty of bolt-on fluff, too). So, Shadows of the Empire was released with the following:

• A fullsize hardback novel, telling the story from the perspective of the Rebellion's heroes
• A 144 page graphic novel, telling the story from the perspective of the bounty hunters (plus separate Prequel and Sequel comics)
• A PC/N64 video game, telling the story from the perspective of a mercenary hired to work with the Rebels
• A full soundtrack CD of originally scored music, performed with a full orchestra
• A making-of book
• A range of action figures, complete with deluxe 2-packs and vehicles
• A set of 100 trading cards




The idea was to release "everything but the movie". There are some movies (even in 2011) that don't get all of that treatment.

---

Two of the most successful elements were Prince Xizor and Dash Rendar. Created especially for the project, they're both 'wild cards'. Since the events of Shadows take place before Return of the Jedi, we already know that the central characters (Rebellion and Empire alike) can't die, so unknown quantities have to be inserted. Xizor is the Falleen Prince, head of a shipping corporation that's a front for the largest crime-syndicate in the galaxy, while Dash Rendar is the cynical mercenary hired to help track Boba Fett for the Rebels. Neither paricularly likes the Rebellion, and both hate the Empire more. Oh, and if Dash sounds a bit like Han Solo, that's because he essentially is him. With Solo in carbonite for the whole story, the writers felt that someone should take on that brash anti-hero role.



Shadows of the Empire is still Expanded Universe, of course. The mid-nineties were a much more innocent time for the EU. You could fit the continuity timeline on a single page, and a new novel was quite the event (these days there's a new novel every couple of months). Because the prequel films were still in production, that area of the timeline was off-limits to writers, so the majority of the material was either interweaving with the OT films, or expanding out after Return of the Jedi. The 'price of entry' was arguably much lower back then, although the books are still in print now, so it's not too difficult to play catch-up (although it will still be time consuming).

So, did it Work?
Obviously this is me being purely subjective, but 'yes'. The variety of ways in which the audience can experience the story almost makes up for not having a movie. This is the trump-card which few areas of the EU currently have. In terms of canonical legitimacy, it's up there with the best of them. A frequent bugbear of fans of the EU is that as the GFFA grows larger, is that stories overlap and characters are in two places at the same time (or; worst case scenario: characters who survived in one part of the timeline are killed earlier, but in a later-published story) throwing things out of whack a little. While there's a lot of effort within Lucasfilm to stick to established continuity, some storylines do take precedence over others (with the movies being at the top of the pile). So much was put into Shadows of the Empire's creation by Lucasfilm, that it's above the line of things that will get retconned in the future (...probably).

And what next?
It's a shame that not much has been done with the Dash Rendar character since '96, but once Han's back in the picture, he's kind of not needed. And odd as it is to call spoilers on a 16yr old story, Xizor dies at the end of SotE (there, I said it). But because of the way the EU is constantly... well, expanding, we haven't seen the last of the reptillian Prince. Stories occuring before SotE have featured Xizor in a similar antagonistic role, and a sequel comic series 'SotE: Evolution' featured Dash Rendar and Xizor's assassin, Guri.


So that's this week's slice of Star Wars history for y'all. One of my faves outside of the movies, and still well worth checking out if you're an OT (or shoulder pad) fan.

---

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

181: Gesundheit!

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

First things first, I've got no problem with politeness. If anything, there's not enough of it around these days. But I'm not here to go into that, and Michael Legge is already doing sterling work in that field.

But is there such a thing as being too polite? Y'know, just 'politeness for the sake of it'? Misguided politeness?



Scenario 1
What if, for example, someone in the same room as you sneezed? If there's just you and that person, you'd probably say "bless you". And if that person is also polite, they'd say "thank you" for you doing that. I doubt very much that you'd then reply "you're welcome", because that would just be taking it too far, wouldn't it?

Scenario 2
But what if there's a group of you in the room? What if person A sneezes, then B & C say "bless you"? If you (D) and E don't say anything, are you both being rude? A has already received two blessings for an involuntary bodily act, isn't that enough?

Scenario 3
What if A sneezes and no-one says anything? B, C, D & E seem quite rude, but D and E are only acting as they did in Scenario 2, and it was okay then wasn't it?

Scenario 4
What if A sneezes around six times a day, in a very self-indulgent way*¹? The first time, B and C will say "bless you", but after that, he's generally ignored. Upon being ignored, A does a little disapproving affectation, as if by ignoring his nasal outburst, we've all collectively broken into his house and rubbed poo onto his family photos*².

---

Now, can you guess which one of those four scenarios has prompted me to write this?

It's not that I don't see the point in politeness, I do. But this 'bless you' malarky is essentially an empty acknowledgement of a sneeze. Unless you're in the clergy, you're not actually blessing someone. You could exclaim 'why, curse you!' and it'd have the same practical outcome (apart from perhaps shocking sneezer-A into shutting the hell up*³). It's not like polite society offers similar sentiments for coughing, burping or farting, no matter how dramatic the outburst. They're all essentially projecting germs into the air, and if anything are rather frowned upon.

So obviously, there are some religious overtones to this remark, but where does it come from? From what I understand there are two origins:

Firstly, back in the middle ages, it was believed (although I don't know how universally) that when you sneezed, it was an evil spirit exiting your body. You'd be acknowledged with a 'bless you' to help pardon your sins and cleanse your soul. Bear in mind, the spirit has just left your body; if anything, the 'bless you' should have been used as an invocation to sneeze. Saying it afterwards is like saying 'get well soon' after someone's had their final all-clear scan.

Secondly, it was used at the time of the Black Death. The idea was that if a person sneezed, it was an indicator that they could well be infected with Bubonic Plague, and the 'bless you' was a pre-cursor to their eventual demise. It's used more logically in this sense, but let's face it: if you're in a room with someone who has the plague and is sneezing, you're pretty fucked too. In which case, 'bless me' or 'cheers, you absolute bastard' would be more appropriate.

---

So what do you think the chances are that the office-sneezer has a case of either a) evil spirits or b) bubonic plague?
Yeah, me neither. It's more likely to be a low-level dust allergy. I don't think you need to be blessed for a low-level dust allergy, although I may well be wrong there...

Scenario 5

'A': What's this? The last thing I remember, I was crossing the road, I saw a bus, and now I'm surrounded by clouds and that! And a big man with a beard in a huge throne! Does this mean..?

God: Yes, you're sort of dead I'm afraid.

'A': Crikey. Still, it looks like I've come to the right place though, eh?

God: Erm, yeah. Don't make yourself too comfortable. This is just your 'interview'.

'A': My interview? ...but I've lived a good life. I've been kind to others, charitable and non-judgemental, and tried to live in service of You at every opportunity...

God: Well yes, and that is appreciated-

'A': And what about that time I saved that little boy from drowning? He grew up to be a lifeguard, so he could save the lives of others! I need an interview after that?

God: Of course, but I've got to look at all the paperwork, and-

'A': And you're remembering the time that I walked from Lands End to John O'Groats to raise money for missionaries to go to the Third World and give out vaccines?

God: Yes, yes. Listen, do you remember that office you worked in during 2011?

'A': Oh yes, I think I was allergic to the carpet or something. I sneezed quite a lot in there.

God: Bingo. Now usually, you were given a post-sneeze-blessing, or 'PSB' as we call them here...

'A': Of course, they were a polite bunch.

God: We-e-e-ell..., there was one Monday afternoon when you were alone in the office with that Geordie bloke. You sneezed, several times, and he didn't bless you.

'A': ...well he had his iPod on, he probably didn't hear me.

God: Oh, he heard you. He just didn't issue you with a PSB.

'A': Well maybe he didn't want to interrupt the entertaining podcast he was listening to, or-

God: Let's be honest, I think it's more likely that he doesn't see the value in what he considers to be, at best, an outdated superstition masquerading as common courtesy.

'A': Well it's a good thing we know the truth, eh?

God: Yeah. About that. Under the system we're running, the absence of a blessing actually counts as a negative-mark. And as you know, I only allow the best in here. So I'm afraid you, erm, can't come in.

'A': ...is this a joke? I can't come into Heaven because of someone else's rudeness?

God: Yeah. It's kind a bug in the system. We're looking to fix it in the next upgrade, but until then...

'A': I can't, like, do some kind of penance or Purgatory thing to clear it?

God: Afraid not. Under the current system, you're only allowed to work off your own sins. What you're thinking of would be classified as apologising for things other people have done. And then we'd be getting all sorts of unrepentant buggers through the gates, all 'excused' by others. That'd be ridiculous, wouldn't it? Ha-haa...

'A': So can I come in once the bug's fixed?

God: It doesn't really work like that.

'A': So what now? I go to Hell? Actual Hell?

God: Pretty much. Look on the bright side though, lot of flames - there are going to be some some great barbecues. I hear the peppered steak's amazing.

'A': Peppered..? I... you... [skulks off in the direction of Hades]

God: [rolls eyes incredulously] What did I say..?

---

So, as God correctly surmised, when someone sneezes and you say "bless you", you're not just being polite, you're also perpetuating an outdated superstition. But I suppose if you want to prevent your family, friends and colleagues going to Hell, you'd better carry on doing it.

You're very, very welcome.



*¹ I can't really explain it, it just is.
*² We haven't, but if it'd put a stop to this, I'd consider it.
*³ ...I might try that one.

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

180: R is for Reaction Time

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



Yep, Reaction Time. As in ‘who shot first?’
Let’s go there.

It’s the topic that never dies, and you’d probably hoped I wasn’t going to bring it up. When the trolls begin their regularly scheduled Lucas-bashing, one of the straw-men that’s wheeled out of the cupboard is Greedo-shooting-first. Traditionally, in the Cantina scene, Han Solo killed Greedo before he got a shot off. Then for the 1997 Special Edition, this was changed so that Greedo misfires a shot into the wall, giving Solo the chance he needs to shoot him and take his leave.

Now, the CGI used in the 1997 version wasn’t as smooth as it should have been, admittedly. This was the first, and justified, bone of contention. For the 2004 DVD release, the CGI was improved, and the gap between Greedo’s and Han’s shots was shortened. The issue still isn’t resolved though, as many aren’t happy with what this implies for Han Solo.

“This cheapens the character!”, the nay-sayers cry. “How are we supposed to believe he’s a badass mercenary if he only shoots in self-defence once he’s been attacked?”.
So is Greedo shooting first really a game changer? Let’s have a look at the different versions:



Scenario A (1977):
Han Solo, the deadpan, cynical smuggler is faced with brash young Greedo, a Rodian bounty hunter who’s heard that Han has a price on his head, and figures that he can always collect the lower bounty for bringing him in dead. Greedo corners Solo in a bar, holding him at gunpoint, and suggesting that he gives the money he owes to Greedo. Solo refuses, claiming he doesn’t have the money on him, knowing that even if he hands it over, Greedo will kill him and collect the dead-bounty. The longer the conversation continues, the more that Solo realizes Greedo won’t let him leave the bar alive. Sensing that the Rodian is about to make his kill, Solo strikes first, shooting him from underneath the table.
As Greedo’s lifeless body slumps forward, Solo casually tosses a handful of credits to Wuher, the bartender, to cover the inconvenience of clearing away the body, and to buy his silence when inquiries are made as to Greedo’s fate.
From the audience’s perspective, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.

Scenario B (1997):
As above, Solo and Greedo are facing each other down in a seedy bar, with the Rodian laying down unsubtle hints as to what’s about to happen. With the increasing Imperial presence on Tatooine, Solo knows better than to shoot at the first sign of trouble, though. Questions will be asked, and Solo’s main line of business requires him to be anonymous in the eyes of the Empire. Then, through all his talk and bluster, Solo senses that Greedo’s about to actually move for the kill. It’s not in his interests financially, but Solo knows that Greedo will take his body to Jabba the Hutt and try and secure a bounty for delivering his corpse. Having a gun pointed at him, Solo has already unholstered his own under the table, and when a nervous Greedo fires off a shot (luckily wide of its mark), Han responds in kind, shooting the Rodian in the gut and killing him. As he has off-world business to attend to, the smuggler tosses a handful of credits to the bartender, to cover the inconvenience, buy his silence, and ensure he can come back here again someday.
For the second time, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.

Scenario C (2004):
Once again, the human and the Rodian are squaring up in a grimy bar in downtown Mos Eisley. Solo’s been in this situation enough times to know what’s about to happen, and he lines up a shot under the table, out of sight. Greedo knows Han won’t come quietly, and won’t hand over the money he owes Jabba. The only sensible way is to kill Han and collect the bounty for him dead. A microsecond after he lets off a shot, Solo returns the favour and slots Greedo in the stomach. The reaction wasn’t to the Rodian’s shot, it was to the look in his eyes that said he was about to nervously move for the kill. As the smoking alien slumps over the table, Solo leaves to go and meet the old man and the boy he’s just taken a job from, anxious to get off-world while he still can.
Once again, Solo is a killer. He’s clearly has deals and debts with the wrong crowd, and is prepared to kill any being pointed a charged weapon at him.

---

The way I see it, the only difference in each version is the reaction time. When you shoot a known-killer pointing a loaded weapon at you, it becomes irrelevant whether they shoot first or not. All that matters is that you get out of there and they don’t. With each version of events, Solo is still a killer. His overall character-arc remains unaffected. He’s still the cynic at his introduction who’ll smuggle people and goods to make money to pay off his debts. He’s still arm-twisted into rescuing the princess when the plans go awry, concerned only with the money he’s been promised. And he still comes back to help Luke destroy the Death Star, realising that loyalty and friendship can be a bigger motivator.

Who shoots first in the cantina is irrelevant. Han is still Han, Greedo is still dead. Your perception of the character doesn’t affect the validity of their actions. Get over it.



If anything, the presence of a young Force-ghost Anakin at the end of Jedi has huge implications as to the nature of Vader’s accountability for his actions over the past twenty years. That’s what you should be debating…



DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• Photos and videos appearing in this blog post are for informational and reference purposes only, and no ownership of copyright is claimed or implied by me. The intellectual and physical copyright of such material belongs to its creators and owners.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

179: The Source of My Excitement

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

PART ONE:

I haven't had any coffee for five days.

I've had some caffeine, admittedly, but not a lot. Basically a can of Diet Pepsi at lunchtime and that's been it. It's been in a vain*¹ bid to improve the condition of my skin. It's not like I'm The Singing Detective or anything, but as I've previously noticed, it's caffeine that gives me spots etc, despite being in my late thirties. As I've also previously noticed, caffeine is quite difficult to give up if you use it to be 'on fire' at work*². I enjoy being on fire at work, as it makes other people in the office look a bit shit by comparison.

So, as coincidence would have it, my jar of Douwe Egberts ran out last Friday, and I thought I'd give a caffeine-free environment a go. I can't drink that shit from the machine in the canteen, largely because it's not coffee*³, so there'd be no temptation to get pumped on a slow morning. So in place of the coffee? Water. That's got to do me some good, right? I mean sure, I'll be at the toilet every twenty minutes *⁴, but that's the H²O doing its thing. It's all good, yeah?

Yeah?

Apparently not. After five days of drinking a moderate to large amount of water, I'm far more intimately acquainted with the office-toilets, and I have the skin-tone of a fucking fourteen year old. It's actually worse than it was last weekend. The lack of supplementary energy has also resulted in me spending Monday to Wednesday having the reaction-time and general sluggishness of a teenager, too. There's only one thing for it. Abstinence can fuck right off.

---

PART TWO:

I'm having my first coffee for five days.

And, in a follow-up to my previous post on coffee, I've popped my Starbucks cherry.



In the same situation as before, I found myself at St. Pancras International, with twenty five minutes to kill before my train. It had been a long day so far, and I'd already come to the conclusion that the lack of caffeine was doing me no good. Now would be a good time to break this ridiculous charade. Looking at the Departures board, I could see the faux-quaint, ethically conscious Sourced beneath, with three or four people queued up (a slight number given the busy rush hour people-traffic). Behind me, the multinational behemoth that is Starbucks, with a queue of folks snaking back and outside their premises. Which one should I go for?

Well, remembering how long it took me to get served last time, I went to Starbucks. It was pretty much exactly how I like my retail transactions to be. I give them money, they give me stuff, no-one gives each other shit. Lovely. £2.40 has got me a Fucking Massive*⁵ Americano with an extra shot, and I can't tell which is going faster: this train, or my brain. Parts of my psyche are waking up like Ash at the end of Army of Darkness, and wondering exactly how long I've been asleep.

You remember that bit in 1978's Superman where he's discovering his powers and ends up running alongside that train? That'll be me when I get this finished, mind.

You can tell I'm back on the coffee, I've made three screen-references in one blogpost. This week's Star Wars A-Z post will be up on Sunday or Monday, by the way. I've got to put together a video for it, and between having a busy week and no fucking energy, I haven't been able to get round to it. Sorry, like. Although I doubt you were on the edge of your seat for it anyway ;)

Going to go and read comics, now. Ciao.


*¹ vain, in every sense of the word, apparently.
*² Not literally "on fire". Obviously.
*³ It's brown, hot and comes out of a coffee machine. The similarity ends there.
*⁴ And I was. Every twenty bastard minutes.
*⁵ That's right, fact-fans. 'Venti' is Italian for 'Fucking massive'.

---

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

178: CubeArt 1.0 - The Italian Plumber

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.


I made this.



It came out like this.


^^ 1000x1166px, 184kb.

Why? ...Why not?

I'll probably do some more when I get the time.

---

DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

177: Review - Kung Fu Panda 2

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.



Kung Fu Panda 2 (3D)
03 July 2011. Location: Cinema

This was a change of gear after watching five Resident Evil movies in a row...

So: Kung Fu Panda 2. A worthy sequel to a solid original, or the chance to tell another basic fable and stick a 2 on the end? Mostly the first one, but there are shades of the second, to be sure.

The core of the story, identity and self-belief, is on firm enough ground and it's a great thing to have in a kids movie. The film opens addressing this, with hints of the backstory surrounding Po, the titular Panda. Then, it seems to lose its way for half an hour or so. It's difficult to put my finger on how exactly, as it's not like any sub-plots really take over, but maybe the whole thing could do with tightening up? It's not really until Po and The Furious Five begin to track and face-off with Gary Oldman's Lord Shen that it really picks up the pace. After this begins, KFP2 is on form with its predecessor.

There seem to be less gags this time round; at least the majority of the ones that are there are visual and in-the-moment, so that there isn't really any build-up or pay-off to them, it's largely just chuckling because Po's fallen over etc.

...if it seems like I'm judging it harshly, I'm not, it's just definitely a movie for the youngsters. There's enough thematically for the grown-ups, but they'll get more out of something like Despicable Me.

I should also point out that the visuals in Kung Fu Panda 2 are stunning, and I include the 3D in that (although the best 3D seems to be in CGI movies, when you can stretch the boundaries of the action to match the spectacle of three dimensions).

All in all: If you liked the first movie you'll enjoy this, although it's not quite the ride that its counterpart was. On its own merit? Lots of fun. It won't be the first time that the kids have heard the be-yourself message, but it's no bad thing to remind them again.



DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organizations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

176: Umbrella season!

CAUTION: Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.

UMBRELLA SEASON!


Ho ho! No silly, I don't mean the combination of the British Summer weather and Wimbledon fortnight! I'm talking about The Umbrella Corporation, and the healthier pastime of locking yourself indoors, drawing the curtains and watching five bio-weapon zombie movies over three days.

This is Steve's fault. I asked on Twitter which movie I should watch, and because of him, I settled on 2002's RESIDENT EVIL, the movie spin-off from the video/computer game franchise. But me being me, I can't leave it at that. Not when I've got the other movies sitting on the shelf next to it.

As usual, each of these are also listed separately over on my Facebook album which records all the movies I watch this year. As these are micro reviews, I'm not going into the plot (although I rarely do in a review anyway), and they're essentially aimed at people who've seen some of the movies listed. If you want to know more about each one, click on the poster to go to the appropriate Rotten Tomatoes page.

So without further ado, let the carnage commence…

---

Resident Evil
30 Jun 2011. Location: Home

I don't care what people say, I love this film.
Then again, I've never played any of the games, so I'm going in without any baggage.

Hot chicks, big guns, bio-weapons and zombies. What's not to love?

---

Resident Evil: Apocalypse
30 Jun 2011. Location: Home

I still can't quite get into this one as much as the first, even though I know (or maybe because I know) there are more game-references to be had in here.

The scope seems smaller, somehow; the film's more claustrophobic. Normally I'd say that it's because most of the action takes place at night or in darkened complexes, but the first one was no different in that respect.

I think ultimately it's because the character of Jill Valentine was introduced so badly, with no unfolding back-story (because not all of us have played the games), and I just found it hard to relate to her.

No matter, it's still a competent enough addition to the canon, but it's my least favourite of the franchise.

---

Resident Evil: Extinction
01 July 2011. Location: Home

I think this is my favourite. There's less of the future-noir look, and more of the earthy dryness of the Nevada Desert, which gives the whole movie a lot more of a 'warm' feel.
It also seems like the creators are trying to reference the games less in this one; there are character names and archetypes etc, but it feels more comfortable in its own skin than the previous two movies.

My favourite part is the zombies, though. With less focus on the mutated-monster aspect, RE3 comes off more like a slick zombie film than a sci-fi mashup, and (for me at least), it's way more watchable because of it.

Only cons? There are a hell of a lot of body-shots in this film, when you consider that every character with a gun knows by now that you stop the undead with head-shots. Ho-hum.

Also interesting to see the makers trying to bridge the gap between fresh-faced RE1 Alice, and the frankly harder-faced RE3 Alice. Don't get me wrong, Jovovich is still stunning, but it looks like she's spent a lot of time scowling since the 2002 Resident Evil...

Anyhow:

I love it.

---

Resident Evil: Afterlife
01 July 2011. Location: Home

Leaving aside some pretty large flaws (guns that work after being submerged in water, the amount of time people can hold their breath under the same water, walking away from a plane crash AFTER losing your superpowers, and the bizarre tardis-like inner dimensions of the ship Arcadia), this is another VERY slick zombie movie.

Some of the photography on show here is breathtaking (and I don't just mean Ali Larter lingering under the sprinkler system), with sequences originally designed for 3D looking almost as impressive in two dimensions. There are a few nods to The Matrix in the fight scenes, but they're few and far enough between to not over-do it.

Not quite as good as Extinction, but a very worthy entry to the series.

---

Resident Evil: Degeneration
02 July 2011. Location: Home

Onto a slightly different tack here, and the first fully animated Resident Evil film from 2008. It takes place in the universe of the games, so is more closely related in terms of timeline and plot-points etc (I say that, but as previously mentioned, I haven't played the games, so I wouldn't really know).

It's interesting that as gorgeous as the animation is in RE:D, it already looks a little dated, due to everything being 'real' as opposed to stylised. This level of CGI animation, that used to be the preserve of movies and in-game cut-scenes, is now being rendered live in many games. Because of this, it does feel a little like watching an extended cut-scene, but in many ways I suppose that's intentional.

It's great for what it is, but it doesn't hook me in as much as (the majority of) the live-action movies.

---

All in all: It's still a standard that it's difficult to make a great game>movie conversion, and while the Resident Evil films have their detractors, the fact remains that there aren't many series in that genre who are currently working on their fifth installment, and still getting cinema releases for each one.

The Resident Evil movies will probably never win any awards, but they're a constant source of 'competent' entertainment, and I think that's an undervalued property considering a lot of the shit that gets released these days.

2012 will see the release of the live-action Resident Evil: Retribution and the animated Resident Evil: Damnation.

I'm looking forward to both of them :D



DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.

• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.