Wednesday 29 August 2018

Review: The Darkest Minds





The Darkest Minds
Cert: 12A / 104 mins / Dir. Jennifer Yuh Nelson / Trailer



Disclaimer #1: I'm going to try and write about The Darkest Minds without comparing it to the X-Men franchise in every single paragraph, although you can rest assured that this would be an accurate representation of how it feels to watch the film.

So, in a move which can best be described as intriguing, 20th Century Fox appear to be releasing a cinematic rendition of The Darkest Minds as a way of ripping off 20th Century Fox's X-Men: The New Mutants before it's even landed. Perhaps they're hoping to get a new franchise off the ground before the Marvel property is wrested from their grasp? This film has been adapted from a pre-existing young-adult novel of course, but the point still stands. Perhaps even more firmly considering it was originally intended for a different medium.

With the Hunger Games and Maze Runner series having run their course (and Divergent not even reaching the finish line), I thought the whole "you're special because you're a teenager" sub-genre of movies had petered out. I guess there are some stragglers which were still in pre-production when the market reached saturation point. Because that's definitely a more palatable thought than another wave of these coming through. You know a movie is aimed at the aspirational adolescent demographic when it's partially soundtracked by actual songs, whose bland, breathy lyrics are laid directly over scenes with character dialogue. Apparently, The Youth don't mind this, since it happens so fucking often that there must have been some manner of research or testing to support its repeated occurrence.

Anyway, the plot: Something something, mysterious virus. Something something, only affects teenagers and any which are left alive develop extraordinary powers. Something something, totalitarian government of The Nasty Adults then proceeds to lock up teenagers as a precaution. Something something, but one of them might just be the special one who can turn this crazy bus around! Despite being assembled from cast-offs of all other YA-inclined cinema (indeed, assembled from former cast members in places), The Darkest Minds owes so much to the X-Men that it's had to take out a loan from the Jedi Council just to keep up the repayments*1.

The film is simultaneously over-scripted and under-written, racing to its finish-line with poorly introduced characters (who are then abandoned with equal carelessness) and feeling like it's three movies edited down to one. Demographically, it's good to see that that the protagonist is a black female teenager, and Amandla Stenberg certainly does the best with what she's given. But a performer who's clearly this capable deserves better. The whole cast do. Hopefully The Darkest Minds will sit on their collective CVs as a springboard rather than a paperweight.

And then the final moments of the movie have the utter fucking gall to nod towards a sequel which, given the absolute self-indulgence of what we've not even finished watching yet, could charitably be described as "optimistic".

Five years ago, The Darkest Minds would have disappeared into the crowd as a forgettable, formulaic, teen adventure. In 2018, it stands out by feeling like a very dated version of the same thing…



So, what sort of thing is it similar to?
Hahahahahaha, you are funny.


Is it worth paying cinema-prices to see?
No.


Is it worth hunting out on DVD, Blu-ray or streaming, though?
Whatever.


Is this the best work of the cast or director?
Without having seen most of the cast elsewhere before, I'm going to say no.
This shouldn't be anybody's best work
.


Will we disagree about this film in a pub?
Unlikely, given the film's general reception.


Is there a Wilhelm Scream in it?
There isn't.


Yeah but what's the Star Wars connection?
Level 1: Well, early on there's a hospital called "New Hope", but Captain Phasma's in this.


And if I HAD to put a number on it…


*1 Let's take a quick look through the infringement charge-sheet…

1) A girl too scared to touch the person she cares about in case her uncontrollable power hurts them (Rogue from X-Men)

2) Another girl who wears rubber gloves so that her power doesn't accidentally spang anything-or-one she touches (also Rogue from X-Men)

3) Legally-backed persecution and institutionalised research / euthanisation of gifted youngsters headed by a government official who's terrified of his own mutant son (Stryker from X2, Worthington from X3: The Last Stand)

4) The instruction from a psychic to her pursuer that they should turn around and 'walk, keep walking and do not stop, ever' (Silver Fox to Stryker from Origins: Wolverine)

5) Teenagers are being rounded up since any who weren't killed by the outbreak were left with scary powers, so it really is The Evil Adults against misunderstood kids (pretty much any YA-fiction you'd care to name)

6) Our heroes in Act III fending off a squadron of orange-glowing psychopaths, brainwashed to be battlefield beserkers by the authorities trying to control the mutation for their own ends (the Extremis soldiers from Iron Man 3)

7) Ruby's main Force, err… Mutant, err enhanced power is mind-manipulation, ie extreme suggestibility. At one point she tells an armed guard who's stopped the car that he's not looking for them and they should be allowed to leave. He replies with an affirmative "…move along" in a way which suggests that the screenwriters thought this would be a "subtle" Mos Eisley reference rather than a straight photocopy.

8) The bad guys have a black-clad boss who walks around barking orders and kills his own subordinates as a reward for substandard performance. He's not the main, top-level boss though, just a powerful underling. Luckily, this version doesn't need a respirator.

9) Oh, and at one point Ruby and her dramatic counterpart start discussing the character-structure of the Harry Potter series, somehow unaware that Ruby had inadvertently done the 'forgetticus' spell on her own parents. Remember, like Hermione did in Harry Potter (albeit deliberately but still with the same level of post-trauma). But that's not the aspect of Harry Potter which is referenced in the characters' conversation. I mean for fuck's sake, which way do they want it? She'd remember the Hermione thing as soon as 'Harry Potter' plopped out of her mouth, wouldn't she? Has she read the books or not? I haven't even read them and I know about it.

10) And let's not even mention the Infinity-War-disintegration thing they've got going on with the poster, there. It's used fleetingly in the film too, but it's not a super-power, more a dramatic device. But still.

The Darkest Minds is like watching a bad covers-band play a greatest hits set of pop culture references from the last 40 years, to an audience they hope aren't recognising the tunes... [ BACK ]

OTHER (regular) DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
• Yen's blog contains harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Reader discretion is advised.
• This is a personal blog. The views and opinions expressed here represent my own thoughts (at the time of writing) and not those of the people, institutions or organisations that I may or may not be related with unless stated explicitly.

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