Review: The Hustle

The Hustle
Cert: 12A / 94 mins / Dir. Chris Addison / Trailer



The art of the con is as old as the first interactions between humans, when one hunter or gatherer saw a rival's horde and realised there was an easier way to get all that without the hard work. Now it's one thing to fool the gullible or the easily distracted, but to pull off a job under the noses of people already on their guard, knowing someone's trying to get one over on them? That's where the real skill lies, my friend. That's the con.

And it turns out that Chris Addison is an absolute master at this*¹. You know that The Hustle is going to be not worth watching. Chris Addison knows that you know. You know that Chris Addison knows you know. But there's only one way to sate that morbid curiosity. To find out how right you are. To prove your critical and intellectual superiority against your opponent and your natural instincts. And with that, the trap is sprung.

Because you've given Chris Addison 93 minutes of your life and you ain't getting those back.
Well played, Addison. Well played.

CAPER

The Hustle is not good. A minimalist, animated title sequence evokes the feel of 1960s caper-comedies, with an air of wit and wry faux-sophistication that's wholly missing from every other aspect of the film. Imagine a gross-out comedy but with a 12A certificate so that it can't do the gross-out moments. Or, apparently, the comedy.

Adapted by Stanley Shapiro, Paul Henning, Dale Launer and Jac Schaeffer from 1988's well-loved Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, this Anne Hathaway / Rebel Wilson vehicle incorporates the classic farce setup and blends in elements of its namesake, the BBC TV series Hustle*². Although those elements don't include a clever, intricate plot with twists, sleight-of-hand, reveals or any actual hustle. Unless I missed an episode where Jaime Murray spends a full minute in an airplane toilet making half-hearted puns on the word 'arses' before having noisy sex with a mark for no discernible plot or character-based reason.

MASKER

You know those outtakes they put at the end of studio-comedies, where the ill-timed, missed-cue goofing around on set had the crew in stitches but was nowhere near good enough to make the final story-edit? The Hustle is like an entire movie cut together from those. It's like the cast have been allowed to ad-lib their lines but still think they're in rehearsals and the cameras aren't running yet. It's like Hathaway and Wilson have dared each other to make the worst, most cack-handed thing in their careers and this is neither of them wanting to admit defeat by pulling out first.

And while Hathaway's accent is like false nails being dragged across a blackboard for an hour and a half (which the film exacerbates by steering clear of confirming if it's meant to be deliberately bad, in-character), her performance is at positively Les Mis-levels compared to Rebel Wilson's, whose resolute lack of effort here is truly outstanding. It's not even that Wilson looks bored by the script, she actually looks visibly annoyed. Like her agent couldn't find the get-out clause in the contract and now it's too late. Still, at least the Australian comic's dignity is intact, only being employed to do a Melissa McCarthy style 'haha it's funny because the fat lady falls over!' routine four (FOUR) times in a single film.

UTILITY-BELTER

Still, at least there are no morally problematic elements like the 'blindness is hilarious' joke which was dragged out for far too long in a sketch for Anchorman 2. Oh wait, no that's right. Here it becomes an actual central plot component for the second and third acts, while the audience reason that if they suddenly lost their vision, they'd at least have half of their experience of this film removed...

The Hustle may not be as badly assembled as the Little rehash, and it may not be quite as tasteless as the C.H.i.P.s rehash, but everyone involved should know better. This is just lazy, tone-deaf and embarrassing.

You may have walked away with the money but the joke's on you, Addison.

This blog is filled with the takedowns of many a shit comedy movie, but I can't think of any other which fails this solidly in these specific ways, so I'm not going to commit to a direct, like-for-like comparison.



Nope.



Nope.



Nope.



Well, I have opinions, so…



There isn't.



Level 1: Unnamed Sheesha-Smoking Dude is in this.





*¹ Chris 'Chris Addison' Addison, though? As in Actual Chris Actual Addison? Smart, funny, erudite, widely respected within the UK comedy industry Chris Addison? I mean I know his stand-up credibility was dented when he did the insurance adverts, but he's hardly the first performer to take the obscenely over-remunerated bait offered by those shysters. I mean look at what's left of Harvey Keitel's career for fuck's sake. Still, it's money isn't it? I get that. I hate it, but I get it. In terms of a much-loved British comedian's elephant-in-the-room, The Hustle is the cinematic equivalent of It's Kevin. Yes, I went there. ^{[ BACK ]}

*² To the point where Hathaway knowingly directly references the show's tagline, "you can't cheat an honest man", in an attempt to reassure the audience that the writers, cast and crew know exactly what they're doing in insulting the audience for an hour and a half. ^{[ BACK ]}


DISCLAIMERS:
• ^^^ That's dry, British humour, and most likely sarcasm or facetiousness.
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